Get Back With Your Ex love

Stopping A Break Up Before It Happens

2008-03-03T04:09:00.001-08:00

Couples part ways for many reasons. Many other factors come into a relationship failing, but for the purpose of stopping the break up in its tracks, we won't focus on any one reason in particular. I will say however, that if you are in a relationship where there is any kind of abuse, or your partner is addicted to alcohol or drugs, you should not be there. I am speaking from experience here. Do not shatter your self esteem one second longer by remaining in a relationship like this, especially when nothing is changing and your partner will not get help. You know there is better for you out there.

Any other problem can be solved with hard work. If you still love your partner and you cannot imagine your life without them, I would encourage you to try and save your relationship. But, "hold on" you may say. "What about infidelity?" Relationships can survive this, it just depends on whether the couple want to be together.

Firstly, you must look at the reasons behind your not wanting to end the relationship. Is it because you would feel lonely? This is not a good enough reason. You are after a companion, not a lover. Your relationship is not built on love, which is unfair to your partner. So you must do the right thing and let them go.

Secondly; what are the reasons they are giving for wanting to end the relationship? Are they blaming you for everything? Remember that it takes two to have a relationship and break it up as well. So make sure you take responsibility for what you have contributed to the break up, and if your partner is not doing the same, it is possible you won't ever see eye to eye on things.

Lastly and most importantly, keep your dignity. Do not beg your lover to stay. Show them that you love them in every way possible however; remain dignified in your actions. Put in a consistent effort to improve the relationship, show them that you are serious about working on the relationship. And most importantly be accepting of his or her feelings.

If all else fails and they walk out the door, all is not lost. You will need to be prepared to be patient and work on yourself before approaching your ex and asking to get back together. It is harder once they have left the relationship to win them back however, it is still possible.

Janelle Coulton

To read more about Stopping Your Breakup, please visit Jel's Stop Your Break-up Page

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Janelle Coulton (aka Jel) is a professional writer of articles, essays and short stories. She is passionate about writing and helping people who have questions about human relationships or have relationship troubles. Her work can be provocative, controversial and funny, she loves to encourage her readers to look at the big picture. Jel also runs a relationship group at Yahoo! YOu can vist Jel's Yahoo! Group here: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/StopBreakup/

You will find more information, articles and relationship advice at Jel's websites:

http://www.freewebs.com/jel1/index.htm

After The Break Up

2008-03-03T04:08:00.000-08:00

Let me tell you about my major break-up and how I managed to move on from it.

My ex-husband and I tried just about our entire relationship to make it work as best we knew how. His version and mine on how to do this differed more than you might imagine - he thought cheating on me was a good idea, and I didn't. I wanted to keep the marriage going because I had my three kids with him and I didn't want them to experience a childhood without their dad as I had. Growing up without any involvement from my dad (his choice) always had me feeling I wasn't worth it.

I gave it several attempts to get past what he'd done, but I just couldn't do it. We'd split a few times only to get back together to see if this time we could make it. Not long after he would move back in, he'd go back to treating me the way he had before, and this last had to be the last time. The last time he moved out ended up being the best day of my life.

I had been in a major funk: I had no friends my that husband would allow me to see because they were guys. All but one of my best friends are men, always has been that way. No funny business ever, just friends. Anyway, I literally woke up one day thinking there had to be more to my life than feeling worthless and holding no value. My kids needed me and I needed them more. I knew I'd been slacking as a mom but I couldn't seem to help myself. The good news is that I woke up morning. There must have been something wicked in that coffee because I had a new focus: Finding me.

I went out and got my old job back and got off welfare. The kids' dad would take them on Friday's before my shift and I'd pick them up Sunday after my shift. I put in a full week of waiting tables from Friday 3 pm to Sunday 9 pm so I wouldn't have to pay a sitter. That left me Monday through Thursday to be nothing but mom.

Getting involved with someone new was not on my agenda, I was becoming known as the Freezer Queen at work. When I moved into a new place, it was a new beginning and I took full advantage of it. I made new friends and went out when the kids were at their dads. I needed to get back to me and even though my kids were my reason for the start back to life, without people my own age to converse with I was without another factor I had to have. People in your life are essential to living. You need them as much as they need you, whether you know it or not.

Your relationship may be over, but you are not. Find one thing about yourself that you can hold onto to help you pull yourself up and begin again. It can be the smallest thing but end up being your life saver

Did She Break Up With You Before The Relationship Even Started

2008-03-01T04:05:00.001-08:00

Really this number should be closer to six months however as a general rule when a woman breaks up with you after less than three months of being together there was never really a relationship in the first place.

At least it is not a relationship that she is emotionally invested in enough to even consider giving you a second chance. More importantly, if she does come back it is almost guaranteed to be the type of relationship that is of the on again-off again variety. There are hundred and maybe even thousands of reasons why a woman will break up with you that early on in the relationship.

Yet, all you really need to know is that the attraction she had for you is weak or there are some serious unresolved issues that she hasn't dealt with from her past that is causing her to leave you. Either way, whatever you have imagined as the future the two of you have together isn't going to happen. The only things you can do are move on and improve yourself in ways that will make you even more attractive to the women of your future.

If she happens to come back you must make sure that her attraction level for you is much stronger than it was when the two of you first got into a relationship with each other. You can also ask if she has resolved the issues from her past that she hadn't dealt with before, although her attraction level for you might be so high now that she will say she has even if she hasn't. Ultimately you must decide if you really want to be with someone who will more than likely leave you every few months or if you already know that you deserve much more than being treated that way by any woman.

Teddy Shabba is a Dating Coach for Men who has a daily newsletter that provides you with a wealth of information on how to be more successful with women. You can sign up for the Teddy Shabba Dating Advice Newsletter for Men now.

Also with over 500 articles from a variety of dating experts just for men our Dating Advice and Seduction Article Database is the perfect place for any man.

To learn more about Getting Over A BreakUp visit our article section Breaking Up Today

After The Break Up Do You Know How Many Chances You Had To Maintain Attraction And The Relationship

2008-02-29T03:21:00.002-08:00

For the most part by the time she breaks up with you, in her mind you have been given several if not hundreds of chances to get it right. She may or may not have given you good indicators of the "problems" you needed fix; yet if you recall the weeks and days before the break up you will notice the differences in her behavior and perhaps you can clearly see when and where the end started.

As for the "problems" that led to her breaking up with you unless they were problems created right then in the moment they more than likely have to do with a loss of attraction and not the problems that she is stating or reacting to. For instance, perhaps she suddenly has become frustrated with your lack of romance even though you never were romantic to begin with.

What she really is saying is "I am losing attraction for you and now the problems in the relationship are becoming too difficult to handle!" Whereas if you got a new job or had to start traveling more and she had a problem with that it may indeed have been the problem and might be able to be fixed (although highly unlikely). All you really need to know is that when she breaks up with you it wasn't a rash decision that she made overnight and it wont be fixed overnight either.

Move on and begin taking steps to improve yourself if she comes back ready to work on the relationship you must already know the reasons for the break up and the reasons for getting back together. Failure to do so could quite possibly mean repeating the break up again only next time she might not come back.

Also with over 500 articles from a variety of dating experts just for men our Dating Advice and Seduction Article Database is the perfect place for any man.

To learn more about Getting Over A BreakUp visit our article section Breaking Up Today

Want To Know How To Get Your Ex To Break Up With New Girlfriend?

2008-02-29T03:21:00.001-08:00

Is this what you're after? If so, chances are you're going down a messy path. Winning back your Ex? It's possible. Making your ex lose interest in someone else? That's highly unlikely. Here's why...

If someone tried to make you lose interest in your ex, what chances do they have? Will they have a magic potion they'll slip into your drink that kills all your emotions for them? No.

Your goal is to change someone else's mind. In other words, your goal is set inside someone else's boundaries.

If you want to win a marathon race you train really, really hard. If you want to run a successful business you stay dedicated to it and make the right decisions. All of these are within your control.

What someone else thinks is never in your control. If you try to make your ex break up with their new girlfriend by demeaning and making her look bad, chances are you're going to come out of it looking like a complete psycho. Trust me, you'll kill your chances.

However, let's look at it another way. Can you choose to stop liking your ex? No. What is it about him? Is it his attractive body? A killer sense of humour? Maybe you can't put your finger on it, but it's there. You didn't choose to like him.

The same applies for him. He might be going out with this new girl because he wants to get over you. He dated you at some point, didn't he? That's because he found you attractive.

If you can make yourself attractive to him once again, you can win him back. If you're lucky he might even break up with his new girlfriend just to be with you again.

Even if he doesn't, you're going to make yourself feel better. You'll feel more attractive and you might even find a new man. If you want him to break up with his new girlfriend because you want pay back, dating and moving on from him is the best revenge.

Going through all this effort just to either make him unhappy or to make him available again isn't going to work, and you'll just look like an ass. I assume you want to get back into his good books again, but trying to sabotage his future relationships is going to make him avoid you at all costs.

Start dating again and get him off your mind. Keep your life busy and make yourself more attractive by showing him that you don't need him. Send him an e-mail now and then just to ask how he's doing so that he won't forget about you, but don't go beyond that.

If you keep the e-mails casual and become friends with him again, chances are he'll want to start spending time with you. If you're lucky, he might even want more. Even if he doesn't, you'll still be dating other guys and you might find one that's even better.

If you don't put all your eggs in one basket you're going to find yourself happier. By dating other guys you're going to experience and learn about new people, and you'll also have the chance to win your ex back if you keep in contact.

You might want to do anything to get your ex back, but keep it to changing yourself only. Trying to interfere with other people's lives will come back to haunt you sooner or later.

Want to learn some amazing techniques that will almost certainly win your Ex back? Or do you simply want to take control of your love life for good?

Check Out Chase's blog for a free break-up e-book and simple secrets that can win him or her back into your arms.

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Taking Responsibility for Your Part in the Break-up

2008-02-27T03:21:00.001-08:00

We have talked about the many mistakes that people will make after a breakup; especially when they are have an intention of winning their lover back. If you have read my previous articles, it is now time to put what you have learned to good use, and stop laying blame. Blaming yourself for the break up is pointless. The past is the past, is cannot be changed no matter how much we would like it changed. Blaming yourself for the mistakes you made within your relationship is pointless too, as it is over and you cannot go back and change it, you can only learn from it. So take responsibility and learn, learn, learn.

To not take responsibility and learn from your mistakes is another mistake we make after a break up. Make a promise to yourself from now on that you will take responsibility and not make any of the mistakes that I have been writing about in my articles. This is a huge opportunity to develop yourself into a healthier, more positive person. If you keep making the mistakes that have been outlined, then what do think will happen? Nothing, nothing will change until you decide that you are going to do something different, something that may work.

Take responsibility by thinking about what your role was in your relationship. Analyze how you think you may have contributed to the relationship ending and think about how you could fix these problems or behaviours. None of us are shrinking violets, we all have flaws. If we can learn from the mistakes in our relationships then we will know what to watch out for in our future relationships.

With everything in life, every decision we make. We make the choice. We need to take responsibility for the path we choose to follow. Many people will say that it was fate that broke up their last relationship, they will say that is wasn't meant to be. Is it possible that there might have been things they could have done to fix the problems in their relationship? I believe that fate has very little to do with how our life turns out. We make our own fate, we choose where our life goes. Yes, there are many things we cannot control, but we can for most part be in the driver's seat when it comes to where we want our life and relationship to end up.

A big plus here that I should mention is that the way we behave largely influences the people closest to us. Meaning if we are usually positive, happy and smiling when we are with people, they will respond in kind. If you wish your ex was a more loving person, my advice is to focus on being more loving yourself to your partner and everyone around you. Your ex may well do exactly what you want him or her to do.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/StopBreakup/

There is more information available, articles and relationship advice and tips at Jel's websites:

http://www.freewebs.com/jelbaby/

http://www.freewebs.com/jel1/index.htm

How to Get Over a Break Up - In 3 Simple Ways

2008-02-26T04:37:00.001-08:00

Getting over a breakup can be one of the worst feelings ever on this planet. Your emotions would be all over the place you would lose control of your mind and you don't know what to do next. Seems as if life has come to a stand still and you simply can't seem to control your thoughts. Read on to discover some of the best ways to get over a breakup and achieve the desired results.

Think positive- Break up is a situation where your mind simply can't think positive at all. You get bombarded with negative thoughts from all corners and you simply can't control them. The best way to think positive after a breakup is to go for long walks. Yes long walks are known to be the best when it comes to thinking positive and taking control of your emotions.

It's past and it's over- Stop living in the past. Maybe the breakup took place for a good reason. Look out at the world and smell the roses. There is much more to life than just crying over what has gone. Think about the present and the future.

Change your music- Several times people tend to listen to sad songs after a breakup. This would only worsen your already bad condition. Stop listening to sad songs try to put up some lively number which would raise your emotions and you would feel lighter.

Keep busy- When you sit at one place for too long trying to avoid certain painful thoughts they tend to come to you even more faster. Try keeping yourself as busy as possible maybe go out for a walk, going to the gym, and hanging out with friends. The more you keep yourself busy the lesser these thoughts would come to you.

What you don't know yet- Ever tried to wonder what's in a woman's mind? What is she thinking about? Do you know that women do not always mean what they say? They might say something and mean the exact opposite. But what do women actually want? Do you know there are some secrets women don't want men to know but men absolutely must know these secrets in order to succeed with women? Read on to discover some of the most "Shocking Secrets" women don't want men to know- 9 Most Shocking Secrets Women don't want men to know

How to Move on From Break Up and Find Happiness

2008-02-26T04:36:00.001-08:00

No one can make us unhappy unless we let them. It is not what happens in our life that brings unhappiness; it is how we choose to react to what happens that sets the mood for our feeling and emotions. I say this to allow you to take personal responsibility for your reaction in every situation.

Consciously choosing your reaction is very empowering, especially if you choose to react in a positive, life-supporting way. When we love unconditionally, we love because it brings us happiness and we get pleasure from giving the love we hold in our heart.

By sharing this love unconditionally, we give it without strings attached; no one has to show up in a particular way; we just express the joy we are feeling within our Self and share it with our friends or lovers.

When you love unconditionally you can open your heart fully, knowing you cannot be hurt because you are in control of your love. You are giving it out freely from an infinite source to all those you come in contact with.

When you love unconditionally you can love in many directions simultaneously. You can have many friends and share your joy, because you are creating this from within and expressing this joy to your environment through your emotions, feeling and senses.

This process puts you fully in charge. You are not waiting to receive from the other person - you are creating the situation and flowing your love outwards.

This state of giving unconditionally comes about when we relax, allow our mind to settle down, and connect with the Universal Life Force within. This has many advantages as, when we are in tune with the universe, every thought, word and deed we have is supported by the universe and easily finds fulfillment.

When our energies are strong and we have a good connection to Source, our body radiates health and balance. People are naturally drawn to us and we are happy and carefree, as we are in the mood for giving, just for the pleasure it brings.

It is easy to switch from a state of depression and lack to this state of inner fulfillment and joy, just by choosing to do so. By focusing one's energy on oneself and loving oneself, one charges oneself up with love.

This can also be achieved through various spiritual practices. On my HealerGeorge website I have created a number of Guided Meditations which connect you to your source energy and allow you to bring your energies back into balance in a natural way. You feel fully charged up and go out in the world with enthusiasm and joy.

So if you feel you have received a knock from Nature, look within and be the source of your experience. Open your heart to life and allow your love to flow out freely. Remember you are connected to the Universal Life Force, which is eternal; it contains the source energy for the whole universe and is so full it is beyond limit.

Connect yourself to this source and be a part of the New Spirituality, connected to Oneness. Everything in the Universe has its source in this Oneness and everything you give comes back to Oneness. So come out to play in this field of love; give freely and create the abundance that is the birthright of all.

By George E. Lockett SSHA, IIHHT -- HealerGeorge Tel: +44 (0)1286 882701 Visit HealerGeorge's web site to experience the power of Distant Healing or listen to HealerGeorge Radio giving Questions and Answer advice mixed with Spiritual Music. You can also enjoy many free benefits on HealerGeorge, like listening to Free Guided Meditations. Why not order HealerGeorge's Latest book entitled "A Journey into The Self - The Multi-dimensional Nature of Being Human" By George E Lockett. It is all available off the web site. HealerGeorge Web Site and New Book Description: What is this book going to do for YOU? For those who are seeking a complete energetic makeover, as you read it you will feel a stirring and awakening in the depths of your heart. For those who have questions about Shifts in Consciousness, Energy Balancing, and Healing within the body, you will find clear answers.

Top 6 Reasons Couples Break Up

2008-02-20T01:56:00.002-08:00

Each day, more relationships fall apart...it seems like the list of things that can end them is endless, but really most of the biggest killers are fairly simple. If your relationship is in danger or has already broken apart, I'm here to help you by listing off some of the main reasons people go their separate ways. Once you know what causes a breakup, you can usually fix it!

1) Unfaithfulness is a supreme destroyer of relationships...nothing really wounds a person so much as when his/her partner isn't happy enough at home that he/she decides to go looking for what's missing in other places. Cheating on your lover is probably the coldest, most hurtful thing you can do to a person and usually results in nigh-unfixable breakups...so the best way to deal with the problem is to never have it in the first place.

2) Neglecting your partner's feelings is another really hurtful thing that can cause a breakup, and in fact does a lot of the time. People have emotions, even the guys who like to act like they don't so much...and it really hurts when they're never considered by the person whom the love the most. Always listen to your partner, and be considerate of how he/she feels.

3) Fights happen in all relationships, it's almost natural, but when tempers really soar and people just can't cool off and take things with a level head it can really cause dissension. Nobody likes to be with a person who's always flying off the handle, and can't be reasoned with. Conflicts are going to happen, but how well they're dealt with separates the people who stay together from the couples that fragment and scatter.

4) Movies have made it seem like it's only ever girls who get too controlling, and in fact film has made it even seem funny, but the truth is that both guys and girls can become overly demanding and controlling of their partners...and it's no laughing matter, as anyone who's been in that kind of relationship can tell you. If you don't have trust, you don't have anything...and if you keep hounding your partner about what goes on every minute of every day, you won't have him or her either.

5) Allowing a relationship to get boring and stale is perhaps one of the most tragic ways that one can end, as it's pretty much just a case of so little going on that a person doesn't really care anymore. Lack of spontanaeity and "spice" is a relationship's enemy, although you don't have to freak out if you aren't doing something new every hour. Spend time together, and do things that are fun for both of you! It's crazy to simply let a relationship "reach its expiration date."

6) Annoying habits in small numbers can be almost endearing, but when they start to take over it can be a serious problem. Usually just having a bad habit of biting your nails or tapping your foot won't end a relationship, but when these things are a blatant constant and in larger numbers than just two or three, they can add a lot of stress that can make normally minor problems impact your partner a lot more. Everyone has a few bad habits, but in the interest of peacekeeping it's a good idea to try to ease up on the things that really drive your partner crazy.

There are a lot of things that can contribute to the "demise" of a relationship, and these are really just a few of them...but by thinking this way you should have a good shot at identifying any of the things that are really hurting your relationship...and if you're in the middle of a breakup, then addressing problems like these could really help your chances of getting through it with your partner still by your side!

Just break up? Get instant relief from break up pain and a proven plan to get your ex back. Free articles and info at http://www.getyourexbacknow.com/just_break_up.html

Why Do People Break Up And Divorce

2008-02-20T01:56:00.001-08:00

We have been pressured through a wide range of channels to believe that being in a long-term, committed relationship and eventually marrying and having a family is the right thing to do in life. Our parents, teachers at school, friends, and co-workers seem to encourage us to follow the traditional path of family life, and we can't help but want to follow all the people around us who enter into serious, romantic relationships.

As we grow older, we feel that we need to give answers to the society why we are not quite where the world wants us to be - having all the "normal" things: a home, spouse and children.

However, there is one crucially important factor that we must not overlook as humans: we are all different! While our anatomy is very similar, we are very different in so many ways - our taste and preferences in every aspect of our professional, social and personal life vary radically from one another. From food, clothing, hairstyle, to choosing a profession, friends, an area to live, and hobbies - these are just a few ways in which we are so unique and so unlike others.

This means that different things make different people happy! This, in turn, suggests that there is no reason why we all should have similar goals when it comes to dating and forming romantic relationships. That is, it's very likely that the dating situation that makes one person happy might make another feel unhappy or even miserable.

I believe, therefore, that many people are not supposed to be in a committed relationship. That must simply not be in their nature and physiology. And it's likely that they can't or even shouldn't be doing anything about it. It must be the case that that's not where their life purpose is, and any effort to "push" them in the direction that the society dictates to them but against their very essence is doomed to failure.

Thus, it's crucially important that we take all the time necessary to be completely honest and open with ourselves and have the courage to truly admit to ourselves whether a committed relationship / marriage is the arrangement we really want before we take a step in that life-changing direction.

www.PracticalHappiness.com
Revolution in Dating & Relationships Advice

How To Deal With A Break Up

2008-02-13T22:45:00.001-08:00

To learn how to deal with a break up you should first understand that it's still possible to get back together and if that doesn't work it's not the end of world anyway and there are many other great opportunities for new relationships that shouldn't be missed out just because you got stuck on this one.

But before you start trying to get back together you need to take some time off your relationship that got into dead end even if that seems as impossible task because you want it so badly and patience is not what you are looking for. Well both of you need to forget about negative emotions that come with breakup and your eagerness and impatience will be as major turnoff for your ex lover and additional reason to avoid any contact with you.

Any break up event makes the one who was dumped less confident about their self and regaining that confidence is one of most essential parts to learning how to deal with a break up because it will ensure that next time you meet your ex lover this mystery why you aren't feeling bad about breaking up will make your ex curious and think about it more and more with each encounter.

To regain your confidence simply go out and socialize with friends or family and possibly even meet new people to make this more fun and useful since you possibly could meet someone for a potentially new much better relationship. Do this even more frequently than before when you were in relationship as you now have more free time and can try even dating with someone. This will also allow you to think less of any negative emotions related to recent breakup.

Also working out is great way to work on yourself and increase your confidence since you will look better and most importantly feel better because you are increasing your energy levels as well. Once you feel that your confidence level is back on track and are ready to meet your ex try to make this encounter as occasional as possible to not trigger any assumptions that you are trying to get back together. If this happens in crowded event when you are not alone with your ex try to not push and keep it light.

Short conversation that includes only small talk about non relationship topics is advisable and then find a way to show yourself as having fun with other people. What's most important is to show that you were not damaged by that breakup and continue to live your life fully and having fun even without your ex.

With each next encounter you can start having longer conversations and slowly involving also relationship topics but try to limit those to things that were high points for both of you and only associated positive feelings. Such situations usually can be found during beginning stages of any relationship so basically try to remember what made it clinch for both of you back then and try to repeat something similar.

For more articles on this subject please visit my site at Articlepedia.org and turn your life upside down filled with positive emotions.

How to deal with a break up

Get Back Your Ex Girlfriend - Break Up Advice

2008-02-13T22:44:00.000-08:00

Whoever wrote "breaking up is hard to do" was right, you may feel terrible right now but I bet your ex girlfriend doesn't feel mush better. I know, you are thinking "so what" right now, but look at it from another point of view. What has changed so drastically that she decided to end the relationship, and don't say nothing, something must have happened or you would still be together.

"It's all her fault" won't bring her back. If she has had an affair and then dumped you, the best thing you can do is walk away. If you take her back after she has cheated on you, you have no guarantees that she won't do the same thing again. The next time she cheats you are going to feel even worse than you do now, because you trusted her not to do it again.

If the break up happened for reasons which you still don't understand then it's time to go back to the beginning. What attracted you both to each other? At some point during your relationship this has probably cropped up. Once you figure out the answer to that question you need to ask yourself "how have we changed?" this part can take a little longer. But this will help you to get your ex girlfriend back.

Everyone changes over time; it's just a matter of how much change there has been. As an example: If you used to go out every weekend but now you can't afford to or work commitments take priority over your personal life, these are issues which need to be addressed. I'm not saying that you should throw in your job and go out drinking every night; you can still make compromises no matter how hectic your lifestyle is.

If you have a friend who can be very discreet and keep a confidence, now is the time to have a chat with them. A friend like this can be a great sounding board, they know you well enough to be completely honest and you know them well enough that you won't fly off the handle whenever they say something which you didn't want to hear.

Once you have sounded off to your friend (confident), you have probably heard enough to actually take the first steps towards reconciliation. Things will not happen over night so don't even try to force them. You will only drive tour ex girlfriend further away if you try to hard during these early stages.

If you can want your ex girlfriend back and you are willing to work for it then you need to act fast, be a man and take control. Too many people give up on a relationship because they think it's over, many times it is far from over.

Want to know exactly what to do to win back your ex quickly and easily? Get Your Ex Back Now - take action today! Get them back.

How To Get Over A Break Up - The Secret To Avoid Losing A Woman's Attention

2008-02-12T21:43:00.002-08:00

Have you ever had a girlfriend break up with you, or just drift away, and the more you tried to hold on, the further she ran from you? And the more you tried to be a good guy and please her, the more distant she became?

So what's up with that? Why does this happen?

Here's my take, after studying this stuff for years now:

It is all too easy to become a nice, overly-accommodating, predictable, boring guy, sharing “how you feel” about girl too often, and lastly you become more and more submissive. Even though it seems logical that a woman should love to be treated like a queen at all times, but this combination usually cause the girl loses that feeling of ATTRACTION that she once had for you and she usually has no way of explaining or understanding why. It will leads to a girl leave you.

I know it sounds doesn’t make sense for most of guys. It can happens because attraction is very different for women than it is for men. Men are attracted more to looks, women are attracted more to personality and character. For women, attraction is triggered by male qualities like: Dominance, Humor, Unpredictability, Adventure, Strength, Sexual Awareness, Indifference, etc.

Being nice, accommodating and understanding is great for friendships and social relationships, but it's HORRIBLE for ATTRACTION. Women doesn’t want a guy that she can push around. She doesn’t want a guy who does what she wants him to do. She doesn’t want a little boy that she can train and raise. What woman wants is a MAN.

So, it is very important to understand how attraction works for women and how to keep the attraction going when you are with her. Besides that, you must understanding yourself, don't allow yourself to act like a wussy and become boring and turn a good thing into a bad one. Instead you do the right things to keep everything on the right track.

Here are 3 simple tips what you should do to avoid getting the horrible position of losing a woman's attention :

1. Never Become Boring

Being predictable and boring is a cardinal sin when it comes to attraction. There's nothing that will kill the sparks faster than her knowing what you're about to do or say.

2. Don’t hand over control

Women like men who make decisions and take the lead. Women don’t like men that they can control, so don’t be that one.

3. Respect yourself and keep your own interests

When a guy meets a woman he likes, he often wants to spend as much time as possible with her. This is natural, but there is a big danger here as well. If you put your life aside for a woman, you will become less interesting to her. As soon as you start acting like she's going to be around forever, she'll start feeling less and less ATTRACTION for you

Now you are ready to make a big difference in your relationship with a woman you really like by applying what you have learnt in this article. The secret key is if you know how to make a woman feel ATTRACTION for you, then you can control your destiny with women. If you DON'T know how to make a woman feel ATTRACTION for you, then you cannot control your destiny with women. GOOD LUCK!

Have you ever noticed that the really attractive women never seem to be attracted nice guys? How many times have you taken a woman out to a nice dinner, bought her gifts and flowers, and had her REJECT you for someone who did not treat her even HALF as well as you did?

Find out the answers on the 10 Most Dangerous Mistakes You Probably Make With Women – And What to Do About It and get FREE NEWSLETTER (3 Times a Week) plus FREE EBOOK by visiting http://www.freewebs.com/herm4n/whymenfailwithwomen.htm

How To Get A Woman You Want To Break Up With Her Boyfriend & Go Out With You

2008-02-12T21:43:00.001-08:00

It happens a lot - you meet a great new girl, you guys click, but there is one problem...

She has a boyfriend.

You know you should move on. But you can't get her out of your head. Don't worry, if you really want her, there is a way. It's underhanded, potentially unethical, and probably not the best course of action. Yet, I know the answer is wanted, because as a dating coach it comes up time and time again. "Kurt, how do I pick up a woman who already has a boyfriend?"

It's simple. Separate them.

Enough idle chit chat. Let's get down to business. First, you must become part of her life. Not an acquaintance, or some dude she works with. You must enter stealth mode. Find something you have in common, and establish a connection with her, with some underlying flirtation involved. This flirting must be subtle, not direct. Think of this as planting the seed.

Next, slowly begin to bring your conversation with her toward her relationship problems. You must work around the edges, slowly, until she reveals her problems to you. And she will reveal problems, because no relationship is problem free.

Typically these problems revolve around money, sex, work and house work. These are the areas you want to bring up in conversation to see what she reveals. Often, when she brings up a minor problem, it's really the surface of a deeper, touchier issue. For example, a small gripe about housework may actually be rooted in her problem that she feels her boyfriend is controlling the relationship.

What to do now? Blast her boyfriend? Not quite. First, slyly keep bringing these issues to the surface. This will constantly remind her of how unhappy she is. While you're doing this, you must also keep flirting with her indirectly. Otherwise you'll be her friend. Not wanted. Soon, she'll start to openly complain about every bad aspect of her relationship. This is where you can really screw it up if you don't know what you're doing.

If you're too agreeable with her, you'll be thought of as a wussy in her eyes. It'll be obvious you're trying too hard to win her affection. And if you attack him, you'll find she is likely to defend him, and this makes her concentrate on his good qualities.

Here's a better way: give her scenarios justifying her partner's actions while making it clear you don't behave the same way. For example, "While it's not common for guys to do that, maybe he does it because...". Usually, humans want to win arguments. You are setting up an argument with her, and for her to win it, she will have to convince you that her boyfriend is no good for her. This will also convince her, too.

So, let her win. After a good debate, agree that she is right. You've argued for her boyfriend's qualities, and lost. She's right and you're wrong. And because you were arguing for her boyfriend, he is also wrong. Get it?

This works on another level, too. It allows you to stay undercover. No one will suspect you sabotaged the relationship. After all, you were sticking up for him. Diabolical. From talking with her about her relationship, you'll know what she really wants. And you've created a void from what she wants and what she currently has. It's time to fill that void. Slowly, start acting like the man she wants to have. If her boyfriend never gives her anything, casually give her gifts. If she is sexually frustrated, increase your flirting with her.

While this is happening, you also need to start making her jealous of you. For example, jealous of other women in your life. You must date other women, and make sure she knows about it. Even better -- date women you know she doesn't like. This does two things. First, it makes her wonder why you go out with women she dislikes, instead of women like her. That's good. Second, it demonstrates you have attractive qualities, because other woman find you attractive.

What else? If you can manage it, get her friends to help. Only do this if you're sure you won't get caught. This works two ways: have them think highly of you, and lowly of her boyfriend, and that she should date men of your quality, and not his.

This process takes time, is fraught with peril, and is ethically questionable. Actually, it is much easier to forget about that girl and spend your time on women who are single. That's nice in theory. However, in the real world I meet guys every day who know this is true, but still can't get the "magical woman who has a boyfriend" out of their head. If you really want to go down this road, I have given you the map.

Use it at your own risk!

Kurt Dight has created a free 5 day mini course on "how to seduce almost any woman". It is available for instant access for a limited time at http://www.dating-secrets2.com/

How To Break UP

2008-02-11T00:24:00.000-08:00

Breaking up is never easy. But if you feel like you are not getting anywhere in your relationship, you may need to do it. When you break up with someone, it is important to do it maturely without deliberate pain. Follow these tips to break up with someone.

•Be Honest: It is important to be honest to yourself and your partner. Talk to him/her why both of you need to move on.

•Never Break Up On The Phone: Even though you probably do not want to face the other person when you break up with him/her, it is just rude to break up over the phone. But if the ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend has the history of violence, it might be o.k.

•Pick A Private Place: you want to pick a place that you can really talk, and you don’t want other people to listen to your conversation. Breaking up can be very emotional.

•Figure Out What You What To Say: Before you talk to your ex lover, you think about the all reasons for breaking up. Give your partner closure.

•Don’t Ask Friend To Break Up For You: A lot of people are terrified of breaking up. They just don’t want to face it. So they use their friend to deliver the bad news. It is just plain rude, and it is probably one of the worst things that you can do. Don’t do it.

•Never Break Up During A Fight: When you break up with someone, you want to be rational. It should not be done, because you have emotional fight.

Pauline Go is a professional writer for many website like happysoulmates.com. She also writes other great articles like French Kissing Techniques, French Kissing Techniques, How To Get Fashion Cheap Knockoff Handbags,

How To Quickly Recover From a Break Up

2008-02-11T00:23:00.000-08:00

It's hard to get over a breakup. The main reason is because most men cling to a small hope of getting back with the woman who just broke their heart.

This is a tough cycle. First, you feel the pain of the break up itself. Then you add gut wrenching hope that she will one day realize she made a mistake, fill regretful for breaking up with you, and come back to you again. And the last pain is felt: the realization she is out of your life for good.

Fortunately there is a way to make a breakup less painful and be able to recover from it quickly. I will discuss exactly how to do that in this article.

In a relationship, there are things you can control and things you can't control. Once a woman has decided to leave you, you cannot prevent her from doing so. However you can control how you respond to her leaving. Most men respond by making the situation a lot harder to go through than it has to be. Their behavior typically is along these lines: they mope around for a while, looking at photographs taken of them and their lover, and generally get trapped in thinking about how things were.

Danger: this path to breakup recovery is fraught with peril. What you are doing is intensify your emotions of grief, compounding your loneliness by revisiting what once was that will never be again. This is typically how most men handle a breakup.

There is a better way. I'll be the first to admit that breaking up is hard. But to lessen the sting, you mustn't dwell on your negative emotions. Instead of thinking about the past, think about the future.

I think it's important for you to understand that a breakup is typically harder for a man than a woman. Why? Because a key aspect of recovering from a break up is by going out with new people. Men in general have a tougher time with going out with new women than women do with men. Women can simply go to any social situation and have men approach her. A distraught, grief stricken man not only has to deal with his emotions, but he must also prepare for approaching a new woman and feel the pain of being rejected again.

To make matters worse, he must approach her in a diminished capacity, still carrying around his sadness for his recent breakup.

So how does a man recover from a breakup quickly? First, you must snap out of your "victim mentally". You only start to recover from a break up when you stop feeling sorry for yourself. Repeat to yourself: "Life will go on." It always does.

Next, you must avoid living in the past and revisiting those painful emotions. Sometimes you have to amputate a limb before the disease can spread to the body. It's painful, but it's quick and better than the alternative. You must have the same approach with old love letters, mementos and photos. Burn them or throw them away. If you find this too difficult to do, it means you are still stuck hoping she will come back to you and you are in a desperate situation.

By destroying these mementos though, you will give yourself permission to move on. this is very important.

It's also important to surround yourself with others who DO care about you. Close friends and family. Now is a perfect time to strengthen those relationships. Chances are you have probably neglected a few of them because of all the time you were spending with your now ex-girlfriend. Also, use this time to do something for yourself to increase your self esteem. Learn something new, improve your skills, or start getting in better shape.

Finally, don't let her control your life anymore. Make a commitment to get back out in the dating world and find someone who is of even higher quality than her. If you want to talk about increasing your self esteem, nothing is better for this than finding someone even more desirable and attractive than the person who broke up with you.

Doing so will actually make you thank her for breaking up with you in the first place.

Kurt Dight has created a free 5 day mini course on "how to seduce almost any woman". It is available for instant access for a limited time at http://www.dating-secrets2.com/

Dating Advices - How to Get Over A Break Up for Guys

2008-02-09T00:55:00.001-08:00

Rejection hurts; there is no doubt about that. If you are into dating, break up will be part and parcel of life, there is no escape. When a guy cannot get over a break up, it will affect the way he lives which will lead to unimaginable consequences.

When a woman broke off with you, find out what are the reasons behind it. If the reasons show that both of you are just not compatible, move on. It is a sign from the top which tells you that she is not for you. Do NOT stay on and cling to the woman, you are just making the whole thing worse. Keep your pride and move on.

The few days after the break up will be hard to take for most people, especially if you have been together with the woman for a few years. Try not to stay at home. Look for your best friends and have a good heart to heart talk.

My advice is to take some days off right after the break up to really think through it. Get a grip of yourself and assure yourself that you will find a better girl that is more suitable for you out there.

There will be cases when you will meet your ex outside or on the Internet through messenger. If you are having a very hard time to get over her, what I suggest is to really prevent yourself from talking to her if necessary. I have seen a lot of my friends who are doing quite well getting over their ex, but just because they talk to them online, and they are back into the “trapping spiral” again.

Have minimal contact with her. Once you are sure that you have fully gotten over her, it is never too late to talk again.

Crid Lee provides information on Why Women Play Hard To Get and How You Can Counter them Using the Right Technique. Visit his website now. Link -> WhyWomenPlayHardToGet.com

Crid Lee is also the webmaster of TheKamaSutraOnline.com Download your FREE report here -> The 15 Best Techniques In KamaSutra

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4 Important Steps To Get Over A Break Up

2008-02-07T22:17:00.001-08:00

Breaking up is never easy. It doesn't matter if you are the one doing the breaking up or if you are on the receiving end. Break ups are painful even if it is only because of the other person's pain or just the discomfort of a major change. Suddenly you may feel that you are ALONE. There is no lonelier feeling than suddenly being alone and feeling that you will be that way forever. While break ups can be painful, there are some ways to ease the pain and get on with your life. The world does not stop, that is true, but you can take some time out for yourself. These steps will help you recover.

Patience

Patience is a key step in break up recovery. You have to be patient with your own feelings, your grief and your pain. So, go ahead and cry, scream, do whatever you need to do, but be patient that these feelings will eventually pass. At some point you will realize that you no longer hurt, you are no longer angry and you can face the world with no baggage. Don't rush into another relationship right away. Use your patience to wait a while before becoming exclusive with someone new.

Flexibility

Give yourself some flexibility. You may plan on going out on Friday. All week long you are planning and talking about it, but when Friday rolls around you just aren't up to it. Don't carve plans in stone right away. Make flexible plans that can be modified or canceled at a moment's notice. You may plan to go out at 7 pm on Friday, but at the last minute you don't feel up to it until 9 pm or even not at all. Move at your own pace and listen to what your body and emotions are telling you. When you are ready, you will get back out into the world. Until then, do some therapeutic exercises such as writing to help you deal with your feelings.

Time

Give yourself time to grieve the break up. You may have some friends telling you to go right back out there and get back on the horse. You should not rush anything, especially getting into another relationship. Take it easy, don't rush, cry, be sad, be angry and give yourself time to feel these things and work them out. However, if your depression and funky mood don't pass in 2 weeks you should talk to your doctor because you may be experiencing a more major form of depression. Counseling can work wonders too. Don't rule it out.

Faith

You won't feel like this forever. At the time of the break up you may think that the feelings of sadness, hopelessness and anger will never go away, but eventually you will smile again. Eventually you will find someone who will make you forget all about whatshisname or whatshername. All you have to do is have faith that it will happen. Just believe.

How To Deal With A Break Up is an online portal with expert break up articles and reviews. Visit http://www.howtodealwithabreakup.com for free relationship advice and tips

Practical Advice To Get Over Your Break Up And Emerge Stronger

2008-02-06T21:24:00.001-08:00

Break ups can be hard and there is no disputing that they are very painful. When you are going through a break up you may feel that you won't ever find another person like the one who broke your heart (someday you may be thankful for that) and you may even feel that you will be alone forever. Well, break ups are hard, you will survive, you'll be fine and you will emerge a stronger, smarter, better person because of it. In the meantime, follow these "break up guidelines" to help get you thorough.

Cry

Go ahead, it's OK to cry, get mad, throw stuff. Don't hold in your feelings, just let it all out. Yell, scream, do whatever makes you feel better. You may not want to post anything to the world wide web just yet, though, give yourself some time before you start blasting the person who ripped your bloody, beating heart from your body on your blog. Go ahead and put your pain on paper, but don't put it on the web right away. Things may look different in a week or so. Just chill for a while, but feel free to cry, scream and be mad as much as you want.

Take a Weekend to Regroup

Take a weekend, a week, as long as you need to regroup. Eat ice cream/oreos/pizza, cry, watch soppy movies, do whatever makes you feel better. Get some friends to come over and hang with you if that makes you feel better. This is your official time to wallow, feel sorry for yourself and maybe even hate a little. This is an important time to relax and let your feelings rise to the surface. Allow yourself to hurt, allow yourself to be angry. This is your time.

Write a Song

Writing can be very cleansing. Write a song, write a poem, write a bunch of random words, it will make you feel better. But if you are thinking about posting your writing to your blog or online journal, you might want to hold off. The knee-jerk emotional reaction can cause you to post things in public that you may regret later. However, if you are writing on paper, knock yourself out! Write a song about how you feel. The song "I'm Sorry You're Ugly" by Ligeia and similar verses probably started out just this way.

Get Back on the Horse

After you take some time, go ahead and get back on that horse. Go out and have fun. This is really not the best time to start a new relationship, but it is a good time to play the field. If you do meet someone who is interesting to you, someone you think you would like to have a relationship with, take it slow. You do not want to go with someone on the rebound and wind up getting hurt again. Keep your heart to yourself for a while and give it time to heal before you put it out there again.

Relationship - Tips To Survive after Break-Up

2008-02-05T21:52:00.001-08:00

Surviving after a love break-up is tough. Speaking about relationships, relationships connect us in this world with each other. We have many kinds of relationships-parental, sibling, friends, professional and love. We go through many phases in all these relationships. Ups and downs are part of our life and our relationships. Most of us can bear break down in most of the above relationships except those of love. Why? Who will survive a breakdown in romantic relationship and how? Let us find out.

I was speaking to somebody who will be breaking up soon. The statement went something like this- I did everything possible to save our relationship. I gave in a lot, but I could not save. We will be breaking-up soon. That has already broken my heart. This relationship was made brick by brick over so many years. What all we did not do to make it last? But alas, we are breaking -up. I asked the person- how to you propose to go on in life now? There was no answer except a blank stare. This happens to most of us.

The immediate effect of the break-up is pain. The pain goes away slowly over a number of years, but the initial impact is high. It is the initial period during which one has to gather all the energy and tolerate the pain.

The second effect is bitterness and blame. There is recap of all the arguments and fights and there is a large amount of self-talk about how one were ditched. That is not pleasant. Try the following to overcome this phase.

Spend quality time with friends, involving you in new activities, and keep yourself busy.

Refocus yourself to your career. Make some very exciting plans and meet some intelligent and successful people. Begin talking to them about what you should do to enhance your potential. Find out what can be done best by you and how will you reach the top. Write down all these goals and focus on them.

Yourromanceguide.com offers hundreds of articles and tips on relationships , dating and love. Myspace users, click for myspace comments such as compliments, cool comments, love, flirty, birthday, holidays, religion, funny, cute, etc. If you love trying Quizzes and tests, visit funquizcards.

The Five Ways Relationships End And How To Avoid That Relationship Break Up

2008-02-04T21:28:00.000-08:00

To the many of us who have been married or have been in a long term Relationship there comes a time when you have to question whether or not that marriage or Long Term Relationship is worth the trouble anymore. When trouble comes knocking on your door, which can came in many forms. Here is a list of issues that you will more then likely deal with in your Relationship.

1) Money This is where most people especially young couples have major issues. This issue can destroy even the strongest marriages.

Suggestion- Set budget and perhaps Credit Counseling and work towards a common goal and stick to it.

2) Trust- This is another big issues that cannot be skirted or ignored and perhaps the most important or the five issue we will discuss in this article.

Suggestion- Communication is the single most important issue a relationship can have. Without good communication a marriage or relationship will have little chance of surviving. Counselling is also advise for issue that cannot be resolve with you and your mate. Other trust issues can regarding money and how to spend it. Or one of you is spending without telling your partner. As always open honest communication is the key to a lasting Relationship. I would suggest taking 5 minutes a day with you mate and discuss any issues that is bothering you. The longer you hold it in, the more difficult if will become to correct the situation.

3)Sex- Well you knew this is going to be a major issue. The issues are typically things like how many times should we have sex? My partner does not want to please me. I don not get enough sex to satisfy my needs and various other personal issues pertaining to sex.

Suggestion- As silly as it may seem if timing and quantity is a issue communicate to your partner what makes you feel good, and make sure you have your partners feelings in mind as you communicate your needs and of course it must be a two way street as perhaps you may not be doing what she would like also.

Women want more cuddling and foreplay as most men are all about getting physical satisfaction. My saying is men want to have sex to feel better, women want to feel better before having sex. We are wired different and these difference must be acknowledge for the relationship to thrive.

4) Kids- This is another possible Relationship Killer, this issue plays deeper then the others because it involves our kids, its one thing to destroy or give up on a Relationship that does not involve kids, but when the innocent kids have to pay for our actions it makes it the most difficult aspect of Breaking up.

Suggestion. What ever you do and at all cost avoid any destructive behavior in front of the kids, each negative action these kids see is another scar they will likely take with them into adulthood. As adults we need to be able to communicate without the kids being involved. Family meeting every week for 10 minutes is another great way to communicate the issues facing your family. And also a great time for the kids to give their thoughts, concerns or questions. Kids want to heard as well as seen.

5) Religion. This one can be dealt with much easier and quicker then the other four.

Suggestion. Make sure religion is not going to be a issue to Break Up over, when you start getting to know someone make sure you mention your religion preferences and also make sure you possible new partner does not have any mandatory religion beliefs you can not deal with or believe in.

Well there is the big five Relationship Killers, of course there is many more issues we face on a daily basis that can also contribute to Ending that Relationship.

With any issue you may be facing. communication will be the key to moving past these issues we will face. its how we react and handle these situations that will ultimately decide if our Relationship will last or get stronger and thrive.

Tough times and coming out of it can build more trust and a stronger relationship. But remember one thing if you do not truly love your partner you will never be able to get through these issues, love is the key and love can conquer all but good communication is the key.

Claude Cote is the creator of http://www.RelationshipOver.com a site that helps out individuals with insightful articles, and options in ending that bad relationship or making sure your spouse is indeed being true and faithful to you. This was created with the broken heated in mind to help solidify your relationship or to cleanse yourself of bad relationship. Either way you will have the satisfaction of knowing where you stand.

3 Ways to Begin Healing After a Relationship Break Up or Divorce

2008-02-03T21:44:00.000-08:00

Breaking up can be a very traumatic event and almost always causes huge changes in a person's life. Moving on after a relationship break up can be very difficult. You can feel stuck for a very long time and it might even be difficult to go through normal activities.

Healing a broken heart and moving on after a breakup or divorce is something that can take time but time is not the only factor in the healing process. There are some other things that you can do to help yourself recover and move on with your life.

If you have recently suffered a break up and it's been difficult for you, here are 3 ways to heal you heal and get your life back...

1. Give yourself the space and the time to grieve the relationship without drowning in your grief. When there has been a relationship breakup or divorce, it’s often tempting to do things that keep your grief alive. You might be tempted to play music that was special to you and your partner, to visit places where you went together as a couple, and to constantly think and worry about your ex. If you find yourself doing this and it is causing you pain, stop doing it. If you need to, set aside time to cry everyday, but don't keep yourself stuck in your past.

2. Start looking at "what is" instead of focusing on "what was" or "what might have been." One of the biggest ways people keep themselves from moving on after a break up or divorce is that they live in a fantasy world about what the relationship was or could have been. If you truly want to heal from this relationship, take a realistic look at what is and was actually true about this relationship and accept this truth, instead of conjuring up stories that have no basis of truth.

3. Take some time to figure out what you learned from this relationship and what you want in a new relationship before you start dating again. Your friends may give you relationship advice that urges you to start dating as soon as possible. Before you do, it's important to take the time and space to heal your heart and to discover what you want in your life. While it's normal to dwell in the past after a break up, looking toward what you want will help you to heal.

We suggest that today you begin your healing process and start shaping your life the way you want it to be.

Susie and Otto Collins are Relationship Coaches and authors who help people create lives that are filled with more passion, love and connection. For more tips and a free mini-course on how to move on after a relationship break-up or divorce, visit http://www.HowToHealYourBrokenHeart.com/indexminicoursesignup.html

Did She Break Up With You Because She Is Used To You And How To Get Her Back

2008-02-01T22:16:00.000-08:00

Sometimes a woman might breakup with you because she has simply gotten used to everything that you do for her.

In her own life she has become bored and is ready to leave all that behind (you) in the hopes of finding something better.

No, there is nothing you can do to change her mind as in her mind you are a representation of everything she does not want.

If you weren't that representation she would have made changes in other areas of her life and not in her relationship with you.

Any attempt you make at getting her back, in her eyes, will only be seen as a representation of everything she doesn't want wrapped up in a brand new box; and she already knows that she doesn't want it.

What you must do is move on and not allow her to be able to attach any of those negative thoughts to you.

In time, she might come to realize that what she thought wasn't right about the relationship had little or nothing to do with you or she might discover like so many others have that the grass isn't greener on the other side of the road.

Only then will you have a chance at getting her back into your life.

Of course, given that you too have already moved on but in a more constructive way with much better resources of support.

When she does come running back to you the wonderful place that you will find yourself at in life might not be a place that you want her in as well.

Even though knowing that you have choices in life which you always have had is a great place to be now.

Also with over 500 articles from a variety of dating experts just for men our Dating Advice and Seduction Article Database is the perfect place for any man.

To learn more about Getting Over A BreakUp visit our article section Breaking Up Today

You Break Relationship Up - You Break Up?

2008-01-31T21:49:00.001-08:00

You know it’s over – maybe both of you do – but how do you find the courage to break a relationship up?

As well as the worry that you’ll hurt the other person, there’s also the fear that you won’t cope with the tidal wave of emotion you imagine you’ll feel too.

Here are some tips on how to avoid the “break relationship up” blues!

First – let’s face a stark fact. When a relationship breaks up people hurt. And relationships don’t break up on their own – someone has to do it! Very rarely is it by mutual agreement, and even if both of you do agree it’s time to go, chances are one of you will be more reluctant than the other.

The truth, however, is that keeping someone in a relationship that is no longer loving is hurting them anyway. And they probably know. They may bury their head in the proverbial sand, but it’s very rare that a lover doesn’t sense something’s wrong. The sooner you find a way to mention that maybe it’s time to break the relationship up, the sooner you put them out of that misery. Things start to add up in their head and you have the satisfaction of having been honest.

Secondly, act as quickly as you can. To minimize pain for both of you don’t hang on until it’s “convenient” for you to go, and don’t back pedal by having a conversation about patching things up. Make a clean break. If there’s ever going to be hope of starting again, don’t leave jagged edges! They’re sharp and dangerous and can hurt both of you for a lot longer than a clean break.

And what about you? Being the one to break the relationship up brings not only pain but added guilt. You did it – and you have to live with yourself.

Here’s how to think of it. First, you were already hurting because you wouldn’t have been moving on if things were working, would you? Would you give a faulty or broken tool to your best friend? Of course you wouldn’t! Inflicting your unhappy self on the person who’s been closest to you in this phase of your life is equivalent to forcing faulty or tacky goods on someone when you know it’s broken and you wouldn’t have it. Get your head around this and you’ll see that you’d have more guilt staying!

Secondly, just because you were the one to break the relationship up doesn’t mean you don’t hurt too. Let yourself grieve – you’re entitled to. (For a complete self help guide on healing from heartbreak go to my website – details later)

Finally, I will pass on a thought to you that I have found very helpful over the years. Unfortunately I can’t remember where I heard or read it, so if the author is reading – thank you!

Here’s the thought: Some people come into your life for a reason, some for a season and some for a lifetime.

You are not under obligation to stay together. You are under obligation to stay happy, and that includes doing the kindest thing for your partner too. He or she has the same entitlement.

If it’s time to break the relationship up, face it and …. break the relationship up!

Trevor Emdon is a self improvement author and workshop leader based in the UK. He was a senior mental health practitioner in Britain’s National Health Service for many years, and now devotes his time to writing and teaching personal development. To sign up for his free Positive Life newsletter, visit http://www.wizardofwisdom.com

The self help program "How To Love Again When Your Heart's Been Broken" can be found at http://www.in-love-again.com

Overcoming A Break Up - Get Your Life Back

2008-01-31T21:48:00.000-08:00

You have just split with your partner of many years. The dissolution of marriage is taking its toll—mentally, physically, financially, and emotionally. You are going through terrible moments of self-doubt, anger, and grief. You want to go back to your mother’s womb if only to get a respite from the agony of the separation. You cannot accept that your dreams have been cruelly extinguished. What’s more, you cannot hold your head up high because you blame yourself for the separation.

You may want a new look to erase the blot from your autobiography. The disintegration of a relationship has triggered a sense of adventure. You want to start all over again after learning a hard lesson or two from the experience. You want to do a lot of things like start a new diet to shed off those pounds. You want a new packaging of yourself.

But what if you cannot get over the separation? What if the separation has soured your outlook in life? What if you cannot separate the past from the present? What if you continue to wallow in grief? Would you like to watch your life go downhill because of a failed relationship? Of course not.

Everyday there is a breakup, a divorce, or other painful emotional disconnections from loved ones. Everyday many hearts are breaking. Many are losing sight of their purpose in life. They say just can’t help themselves.

There are several tips to get over a nasty breakup. Start by separating the past from the present. By doing this, you must know why you are hurting so bad. Is the hurt a familiar one? Are you smarting because of a piqued ego? Are you afraid to start all over again? Whatever, the breakup is truly devastating. People undergoing the pain of separation can get professional help.

They can go to licensed hypnotherapists for sessions or get mp3s on self-hypnosis. Clinical hypnotherapy has two techniques. The first is hypnosis, and done by the therapist; and the second can be done yourself. The second option can allow users to do self-therapy in privacy. The therapy re-programs the sub-conscious mind to react to the emotional problem positively.

The step-by-step hypnosis program will help you work towards a better frame of mind to start anew. For those who are undergoing the angst of parting, there is still life out there.

Pick up the pieces and get your life back by knowing the benefits you can get, visit this site: http://breakups.y54.com

About how to get over breakups with hypnosis. Make sure you give yourself a time limit to be upset. Using hypnosis for break-ups makes it possible to overcome a break up becomes smoother.

To Break Up Or Not To Break Up? That Is The Question

2008-01-30T21:53:00.001-08:00

It's weird how life works. How we allow people and situations to stand in the way of our dreams. Our body tells us when a relationship is not healthy but we do not always listen. Why is that? Our intuition is so loud sometimes, yet we turn down the volume. Below you will find some of the answers I get through surveys.

The question is "Why do you stay in a bad relationship"?

I don't want to be lonely.
I want to have someone in my life.
I don't want to do things alone.
I don't want to be alone forever.
How will I pay the bills on my own?

My question to you is - "Is it worth it"? What is healthier, being in a bad relationship or being alone (lonely)? I want you to ponder that. If you are in a bad or unhealthy relationship right now, think about it. List the pros and the cons on a sheet of paper or on your computer. If the con side far outweighs the pros, figure out why you are staying. Shouldn't you be running as fast as you can? I know it's not always easy. Sometimes there are children involved or a lot of assets. Some of you may just not want to hurt the other person so you stay in the relationship and hurt yourself instead.

Getting out of a bad relationship is the same as setting other goals. First you must start with thinking about what you do want out of life. You must set the goal. Begin taking steps, big or small, and then take action.

You now have two choices. Do you want to make this relationship work (is it worth it?) or do you want to move on? Answering that question is the first step. You must make that decision. Once you make that decision it's time to set some serious goals.

I believe in focusing on the positive. However for this list, you need to first think of some negatives so that they could be changed into positives.

Begin putting a list together of all the things you do not like about your relationship. What drives you over the deep edge? What makes you unhappy or makes you cringe? What makes you know that this relationship is not healthy?

Once you complete the Negative list, it's time for a Positive list. What makes you happy in this relationship? What does he/she do that makes you happy? What good qualities does this person possess? What good times do you have together?

This is your Pros and Cons list aka Positives and Negatives list.

If you plan on Staying and making it work.

Go over your negatives (cons) list and really think about everything that is on that list. Does it really matter if there is toothpaste splatter all over the sink and mirror? Is the toilet seat being kept up really a major issue? Is the fact that she hangs her pantyhose all over the bathroom a real problem? When he shaves and there are little hairs on the sink top, is that really a reason for breakup? When she asks you to do the same thing over and over again, is that really nagging or have you just not done it yet? Go within and really give thought to the issues and see if they are issues that you could live with. No one will ever be perfect. This I will guarantee you. If he or she does not cause major life issues, and I'm talking about: Is he or she verbally abusive, mean, nasty, downright rude? Are there issues that are even worse? Is there infidelity in the marriage? Are you going for counseling? I always suggest counseling first because it does help some couples. It is usually the last ditch effort and who knows where it will take you if it is a relationship worth saving. If the other person is not willing to go for counseling, I'd consider changing your mind about staying unless you know there is definite chance for improvement without it. I am not telling you to leave your partner, all I am saying is, really, really think about your situation.

Now, if you have decided I'm definitely staying, then here are some steps I would suggest that you to take.

Start by making a list of all of the positive things about this person.

Why did you fall in love with him/her?

What does he/she do that makes you smile?

Is he/she funny?

Is he/she your best friend or at least one of your friends?

What attracted you to this person?

Start writing down all of the positive things from the past and start appreciating all of those things first. This will put you in a great frame of mind for the present. I always tell my clients not to think about the past. What I mean is the negative past, but I love the positive aspects of the past so by all means think about that for this exercise. Leave the negative past right where it is, in the past. That's the only way this is going to work. Start from this moment on. A relationship filled with grudges can never succeed. The grudges get bigger and bigger as the years go on. If you really want this to work let go of the Ego, let go of Pride. Start from this moment on. Everything that your partner told you that you do not do for them or with them should change NOW! It's not too late if you both want to make it work.

I had a partner that I told many times what I needed from him, and he would not do it. First, he said it was because he couldn't do it immediately after I asked him to because it wouldn't feel like it was coming from him. Then, when it didn't happen for three weeks and I commented again, he called this nagging, he said I needed to remind him and it was my fault. I'm here to tell you right now...if you want it to work, listen to the feedback you get from your partner. Have they told you in the past that you don't appreciate all that they do? Start telling them how much you appreciate them. Have they told you how they just need a little bit of touch every now and then or a hug? Start touching and hugging them. These little things could change your entire relationship. People want to be heard, they also want to be loved. Everyone has a different way of feeling and showing love. I will share that in another article.

Next step.

Make a list of all of the things that this person does now that you are grateful for. It could be as little as throwing out the garbage or washing the dishes. Or it could be as big as providing for the family and being a great father or mother, being the best housewife or partner. Really think about what you are grateful for. This is a very important step on your journey to happiness. Add what you are grateful for to the things that you loved about your partner from the beginning. I am grateful for ___________.

If you plan on leaving.

First make sure that you are positive that this is your decision. Don't jump to any rash decisions. Weigh out all of the options. Again, the pros and cons/positives and negatives list. Do what's right for you. Start this very moment thinking about YOU. Not your spouse, partner or the kids. I know that sounds harsh but you need to take a moment to focus on you. If you don't you will feel overwhelmed and like there is no way out.

If you have any doubt about leaving, this is an exercise that I would suggest you do.

Tony Robbins did something to this effect at a seminar. It definitely had a huge impact on many attendees. We all had our eyes closed and the room was dark. You will be alone so it will be even easier for you. I thought this was a very powerful tool to see a glimpse of the future. I would like you to do something similar. After you read all of this, close your eyes or look at yourself in a mirror and imagine yourself in this relationship 5 years from now. How do you feel? How does your body feel? How is your mind? Take some time to really put yourself there. Then picture yourself in 10 years from now, 15 and 20. How do you feel? I want you to really concentrate on each time frame for more than a few minutes. Really put yourself there. How do you feel? I know that when I did this exercise a while ago, I got a knot in my stomach. I almost felt nauseous and I was crying. I felt more and more unhealthy and unhappy as the years went on in my mind. That's okay. If that is the case- ask yourself - Is this where I am supposed to be? Is this where you want to be? Do you want to feel like that in 5, 10, 15 or 20 years? Don't waste your life away if you are not in the right situation. If you feel sick to your stomach, if you are crying, if you feel like this is so wrong then you need to reevaluate where you want to be in life. This doesn't sound like the person for you. You need to make a change.

If the answer is a surefire yes, that you are leaving, then here are some steps that you will need to take.

Start setting goals.

Find a good lawyer. Find one that will make it a peaceful transition and not cause more trouble within the already unhealthy relationship. You set the ground rules by being fully aware of what you wish to keep and not to keep ahead of time. Be fair, this isn't a battle. This will help you stand your ground though, incase anyone tries to sway you. You know what you want. You need for this divorce to go the way you want it to go. If that is smoothly that is great.

Do you have enough money to leave now? If not, start saving.

Do you have somewhere to go while in transition? If not, do you know where you want to go or could afford to live? In a furnished room, apartment, townhouse, condo, house, with a relative or friend? Will you stay in your home?

Who will be leaving?

These are all very important things to think about.

Do you have children? If so, how will you handle this situation? Will they be with you ½ the time and the other parent the other ½? Do you want sole custody with visitation rights?

Think about all of these things ahead of time so that when you present this to your lawyer and partner you are totally prepared and ready for any questions and comeback. Don't leave any room open for "ifs" and "buts" and negative feedback. Let the other person see that you really planned this out and you are serious. It may be a lot of work for you to do alone but it is worth it to have a calmer break up. You may decide to seek counseling or hire a Life Coach to get you through the transition. Some people think that break ups can't be calm. My belief is it is all in the way you present it. If you're ready to fight - the other person will put on their gloves. If you take a peaceful approach this will sometimes, and I emphasize sometimes, calm the other person down. If not, at least you will be in peace within yourself. Sometimes it just takes some time for the other person to see that you are right. Some will never understand why you are leaving and blame you but that should not stop you from leaving. You may have told them about this problem 100+ times and they still don't know why you are leaving. That's okay. They may never get it. As long as you do what you need to do to take care of you.

Before leaving I would also think about what part you play in this relationship. Do you need some counseling either alone or together? Do you have past issues that interfere with your current situation? Did you pick someone who was wrong for you or is he/she totally right for you and YOU need to change? It's not always the other person. Men and women have different ways of communicating. Please be sure to look within first. Sometimes, we are the cause of a bad relationship. It's hard to accept that but it is sometimes true. Please take that into consideration. What could you change that might ultimately change the relationship? Have you tried this yet or are you just running? There are so many things to take into consideration before ending a relationship.

Good luck with your future. I hope that you either stay in a healthy relationship, make a not so good relationship good, or think about whether you want to stay or go if you are in a bad one. Just be sure to be sure! This is a big decision. Only speak to people who are going to encourage you to do the right thing and be supportive of your choices. Sometimes others will try to talk us into staying in a bad relationship. Sometimes they try to talk us out of a good one. You always want to take others advice into consideration but don't take it to heart. Review it and keep with you what resonates with you, the rest throw out.

I wish you luck on your journey!

Marion Licchiello is creator of Get Motivated with Marion, a company that helps to change people’s lives on a daily basis. She has helped numerous men and women transform their lives over the years through changing their focus, creating a new mindset, visualization, hypnosis, fitness counseling, nutrition counseling, 1-on-1 personal training, seminars, workshops, and 1-on-1 coaching. She coaches over the phone, IM or in person. She keeps in contact through emails also. Her mission in life is to help others through her own experiences. She is in the process of writing a book about self-improvement. She is interested in your stories of how you changed your negatives into positives. She practices and believes that "Whatever you focus on is what you get" whether it is good or bad. She changed her life through visualization and focus and she knows you can too!

Email Marion at getmotivatedwithmarion@yahoo.com to learn more about how you could change your life or help someone you love. Website: http://www.getmotivatedwithmarion.com

Tips on How to Deal With a Break Up and Bring Back Love into Your Life

2008-01-30T21:51:00.000-08:00

People experience heartbreaks. This is something that we do not want. However, it is inevitable. Someone who we really love could hurt us and leave us. Being heartbroken is a difficult phase. This is why if you have just broken up with a girlfriend or a boyfriend, it is best to know how to deal with a break up and to forget your ex.

Forgetting your ex may take some time. It can also be difficult. However, it is best to keep in mind that you can learn how to deal with a break up and overcome this. You need to recover as soon as possible. There are so many things in life that you have to discover. You cannot waste your days on sulking and despairing. Here are some tips on how to deal with a break up.

1. Pour Your Heart Out. This is one way to deal with a break up. Take out all the pains that you feel. Pour out all the burdens that you carry because of the pain caused by your ex. Say everything that you can blurt out like how much you miss your ex to the bad things that you will not miss. It is possible for you to keep droning on these matters. Your friends and relatives may get tired. Still, this is an effective way to deal with a break up so you will not harbor the feelings inside.

2. Spend Time With Friends. It is very important that you call on your friends and relatives to spend time with you. They can help in cheering you up. Their company will definitely assure you that you are not alone. Remember, trying to know how to forget your ex is not that easy. Some can be very vulnerable. They are in the risk of doing something bad. Thus, being in the company of your love ones will help in keeping you stay grounded and will help you deal with a break up.

3. Indulge But Not Too Much. Eating your comfort foods will help ease out the bad feeling and help you deal with a break up. Movies show that girls who have gone through breakups eat their favorite foods like chocolate, cake or ice cream. The food can help numb your mind over the pain. Activating your taste buds can minimize the pain in your heart. This is one way of making your self feel good. Just do not undermine your health.

4. Find a New Hobby. One way that you can learn on how deal with a break up and to forget your ex is to explore a new pastime. Develop a skill or discover a productive activity. For example, playing a new sport can help you develop your physical condition. This is something that you can spend with your friends. Exhausting your body to the sport will help you deal with a break up. It can even make your body more beautiful. This will make your ex regret for having even broken up with you.

5. Find a New Love. Sometimes, people resort to seeking a rebound relationship. This is like having a new boyfriend or girlfriend after the breakup. However, this is not a good choice. You may only end up hurting the other person. This can be very unfair. If you find a new love, be sure it is because you harbor care and affection for the person. Do not use this as an escape or a way to deal with a break up. Just welcome the possibility if ever it comes along.

Finding ways on how to deal with a break up and forget your ex is possible. This is something that you can achieve to get over the bad breakup and move on. This way you will not waste time sulking around. Be the better person that your ex could never become.

In the case that you still want to patch things up and you really want to get back with your ex. There are still ways to get back with your ex. Do you want to discover how you can easily bring back the love of your life? You can bring back your love. No matter how stubborn the resistance, no matter how far this person may be from you, no matter how hopeless or difficult your situation appears. Discover a potent 4-step strategy which works visit Bring Back The Love of Your Life at All About Relationships

Gerry Restrivera writes informative articles on various subjects including Discover How Lose Pregnancy Weight. You are allowed to publish this article in its entirety provided that author’s name, bio and website links must remain intact and included with every reproduction.

Friends After Break Up - Why Won't He Return My Calls?

2008-01-29T21:44:00.000-08:00

Why does he suddenly want to stop being friends after you break up?

Breaking up is hard on both of you. There are many reasons why he may no longer want to talk with you or to be friends.

Here are some possible reasons why some find it difficult to stay friends after a breakup...

He may need time to heal emotionally. It could be painful to see you.
He may be seeing someone else and fears that being friends with you may jeopardize his new relationship.
If the breakup was difficult, he may be angry at you and need some time to cool off.
Being around you may bring up emotions and feelings that he's trying to suppress.

It could be one of these or a hundred other different reasons and you'll make yourself crazy trying to guess what that reason is. In the end, the 'why' doesn't really matter because breaking up is an emotional decision, not a logical decision . When we try to identify the 'why', what we're really doing is trying to come up with a logical explanation for an emotional decision . If you stop and think about this for just a moment, you'll see why it doesn't make sense to even try. So whatever the reasons, he's decided that the two of you can't be friends and you need to face that and move forward with your life.

If you continue to try to figure it out, you'll just end up blaming and finding all kinds of faults with yourself, which will in turn make you miserable . If you keep pushing him, you could end up spoiling any chance of a future friendship.

So STOP ! Yes, right now. It's time for you to move on with your life and find happiness.

One of the best ways to get over the pain of a relationship that has ended is to get back out there and date some new people - find that connection again.

Contrary to what some people think, we don't believe it's necessary to be miserable and alone for a certain period of time after a breakup just to avoid the rebound zone . Being lonely and alone won't make you or anyone else happy. It's almost like punishing yourself for no reason.

But don't people warn you to stay away from rebound relationships?

Well, yes and no. Just be aware that when you break up with someone it's very common to find someone that's the exact opposite of the last person you were with. More specifically, the exact opposite of whatever you think didn't like about your previous partner. This is good and bad. It's good because experiencing many different types of people and relationships allows you to better identify the exact type of person who is really right for you. It's bad because, this new 'opposite' person may also be opposite in all of the things that you actually liked about your previous partner. Just keep this in mind as you find yourself attracted to new people. Stop and ask yourself what it is that you like about him or her and make sure that it's not just that they are 'not' like your previous partner.

By the way, if you do prefer to be alone for a while that's OK too. It's your life; you make the rules. Do what feels right in your heart.

Trying to figure out why your last relationship ended isn't going to help you, it's only going to make you miserable. So, keep an open mind, call up some friends, and go meet some new people . Listen to the advice of those you trust most and then always, always follow your heart even if it goes against their advice. You are in control of your destiny and what's right for them may not be what's right for you.

Wait. Get more great articles like this one at AskDanAndJennifer.com. Ask Dan and Jennifer your most pressing questions on Dating, Relationships, Love, and Sex, and take a sneak peak at what others are asking.

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Tips on Getting Back Together After Break Up

2008-01-28T21:54:00.001-08:00

There are many reasons why people break up. There are many reasons why people stay broken up, just as there are many reasons why people get back together.

What are your reasons for getting back together after a break up?

If you are afraid to be lonely or that you won’t meet anyone else – stop and rethink your decision, because you are doing it for the wrong reasons. Sometimes our ex partner or our family tries to “manipulate” us into giving the relationship a second chance. I can tell you only one thing - if the love is over, pity or material advantages are not a strong base, where new relationship can be built.

However, if you still love and care a lot about your ex boyfriend/girlfriend, it is absolutely normal to try to save this relationship.

You should start by apologizing for mistakes you have done in the past. Do not promise to change or never to repeat those mistakes again. It sounds unrealistic and unconvincing. Prove that you mean it by your actions! Make something unexpected to get your ex’s attention back. For example, you can surprise the person that you love with an original gift. If you have troubles coming up with any ideas for the gift, there is always Internet to help you.

Even if you are the one to blame for the breakup do not forget about your dignity. Do not humiliate yourself by begging, whining or threatening. This makes you look miserable and weak in the eyes of your ex. Weakness and misery are not appealing, on the contrary, they are repulsive.

Show your beloved one that you are trying to make yourself feel better by staying busy, doing sports, meeting friends or reading motivational books. Try to change things that your former boyfriend/girlfriend complained about. By doing that you will prove with your actions that you are willing to change and putting extra effort in saving this relationship already.

If you feel that a person you want to get back with wouldn’t mind to go out with you, call him/her and offer to drink a cup of coffee. Do not discuss any of the serious topics. Keep the conversation neutral. Make your ex feel comfortable and relaxed. Pay attention to his/her words and body language. Make sure that the person you want to win back is having fun in your company. If you will be able to achieve that, consider half work done. Everything else depends on your persistence and desire to get back together. Don’t screw it up!

For proven step-by-step system how to get back together with your ex visit: http://www.win-back-your-love.com

How to Deal With a Break Up

2008-01-28T21:53:00.000-08:00

How to deal with a break up? Ending a relationship is the hardest thing to do. You are looking for answers but you see none and you keep crying and getting depressed. You keep asking yourself how to deal with a break up and start to feel alone and dumped. Breaking up or getting dumped is the most painful thing you could experience in a relationship. A mutual attraction that bloomed into a joyful and lovely relationship is hard to end when one or both became uncomfortable due to a lot of reasons. It hurts and it’s hard to accept that the person you love is no longer with you now and you need to learn how to deal with a break up.

At this stage when the break up is new you have to learn how to deal with a break up. Cry if you have to, it’s alright. Allow yourself to grieve; it’s the first step of healing. For men, it’s okay to cry, you are a human being who is deeply hurt. Cry if you need too, but of course you have to be discreet and don’t just cry anywhere because people might think you are getting crazy. You are hurt but you still have the responsibility to keep your sanity and keep your self in tact.

Break ups doesn’t always mean its permanent, sometimes it does mean you and your partner need space to think things over. Getting back together after a break up needs time. Use the time and space you both have to think things over. You and your partner can think clearly and may realize the importance of getting back together.

While you have your space to find out how to deal with a break up, there are things you can do to feel better. One thing is talk to people close to you or share your feeling with someone. You will feel better if you talk about your feeling to people close to you and cry on the shoulder of a friend or a family member.

Discovering how to deal with a break up includes loving yourself more. Do not blame yourself if the relationship needs to end. It’s not your fault, relationships are complicated and most people go through rough times when it comes to relationships. If you start to blame yourself, you will get depressed and even lonelier. Think of the good qualities you have and be in the company of your friends who will always remind you of your good qualities. To know how to deal with a break up is to realize that you need to love yourself more. You need this to get through the loneliness of break ups. Take care of yourself and don’t appear too depressed and sad. To deal with a break up with positive attitude will attract positive things and you will feel better if you will only think of positive things.

While you figure out how to deal with a break up, this is also the time to enjoy and do things you want to do. If you enjoy going to the gym with your friends then do it. If you love to teach children or be involved in community work, now you have all the time to do it. You may discover new things or rediscover yourself. Give yourself time to heal and think things over. This is good for you and your partner and when you finally see each other again you may see things differently and with new perspective.

Did you know that there are couples who have worked things out and get back together for good? You can mend your broken heart and bring back your lover. If you seriously, seriously want to bring back the love of your life visit Love and Relationships.

Gerry Restrivera writes informative articles on various subjects including how to deal with a break up.

What to Do After a Divorce or Break Up

2008-01-27T22:07:00.000-08:00

To lose your partner is always painful. It is a heartbreak, any way you look at it. It hurts. Your body aches and your heart feels like it is going to explode. And you are face to face with the most important decision in your life.

The choice you make at this moment determines how the rest of your life unfolds. When you are hurt by divorce or a break up or a death, you can feel the emotional pain or continue to try to avoid your hurt feelings.

If you choose to become more defended, your body becomes harder and your heart closers tighter. In your next relationship you are sure to repeat your same old “hurt pattern.” You might even think that you are attracting the same kind of person, yet again.

On the other hand, you can choose to be wise and brave. You can choose to open up to the emotional pain that is currently happening instead of running away from it. When you choose to open up to your emotional pain, your body become more relaxed and your energy flows. You resolve your “hurt pattern” so you do not have to repeat it in your next relationship.

It was a broken heart that kicked my own personal transformation into high gear. So I know that the thing you need to hear the most is that you are lovable and that you are loved. This is what you need to remind yourself of over and over again, even though it does not feel true right now.

In addition, you need to reassure yourself that you have done nothing wrong and there is nothing wrong with you. You might be thinking that if you had only done this, they wouldn’t have left or if you had only done that, they wouldn’t have died. Or you might be experiencing regret that you abandoned your partner.

Reassure yourself that you are not a terrible, bad, unlovable person. This is true and it helps to hear it and say it to yourself. A broken heart needs love, not judgment.

Of course you are not perfect. Of course you pushed love away with your controlling behaviors. Of course you acted out your unresolved emotional issues in your relationship. This is true of everyone.

Your partner was also doing the exact same thing with you. Of course you blamed them and they blamed you. This is universal relationship stuff. These emotional dynamic are exactly what you want to become more aware of so that in your next relationship you are better at loving.

Everyone has these relationships problems. No one is perfect. we do not have to be perfect to be loved. Perfect is an image and no one loves an image. We can only love our real self and the real self of others. This is what you want to get better at doing- loving your real self.

As you learn to open instead of close to your emotional pain, you are feeling your hurt and letting it move through you. You are learning to stand on your own two feet and support yourself. You are learning to take care of yourself so that your needs and desires are met.

Hurt is the first sign of life. It is like a frostbitten hand. It hurts like hell when it is warming up. When your hand is frozen and ready to die, there is no pain. You hurt when you are returning to life. So remind yourself that pain is the first sign of life.

You need courage and support to stay in the hurt and feel it. A Natural Process for Opening the Heart, as tapes, CD’s or written material, was made to comfort you and lead you though the process of letting go of past hurts once and for all so that you do not repeat them. The three tape in the series is called, "When You're Hurting..." Order at www.drjeanette.com/tapes.html

I know it is hard and painful when you are in the middle of hurt feelings. So remind yourself that It is a powerful turning point in your life. You are learning to stay with yourself though life’s natural processes, breath by breath.

There is a wonderful, delightful magic that happens when you feel your hurt feelings. You let go of them, they disappear. The area where your hurt was frozen in your body opens and becomes soft so you can receive love. Open Hearts attract real, true love.

Your heart becomes strong and healthy, allowing love to flow in and out of it with great vitality. You can learn to enjoy each moment in the process of becoming more of who you really are- even the painful ones.

Doris Jeanette, licensed psychologist, expert with Modernsage.com, radio show host with newvocies.com and author of "A Natural Process for Opening the Heart - Your Emotional Guide to Self Esteem", Ebook, tapes, CDs guide you though emotions, feelings so you become strong, loving and happy. Order at http://www.drjeanette.com/tapes.html Free newsletter at http://www.drjeanette.com

How To Break Up With Your Girlfriend

2008-01-27T22:06:00.000-08:00

So you started a relationship with a cute, sweet girl who turned out to be an emotional wreck and possibly mentally insane. No problem, the hardest part is breaking up...err, actually it might be staying broke up, but first things first. Realize that any relationship you are in should improve both people's lives, and in this case focus on how your life currently is compared to how you would like it to be. If your life is not going the way you want it to, then follow these seven steps to break up with your girlfriend:

1. Take a break from each other - Tell your girlfriend you're taking some time alone (and give her a definite day when you will be done). Keep it to about a week or two at the most, since at this point in the relationship things are probably rocky and you don't want to draw out the pain too long. It is crucial that you not see her or speak to her at all (or as little as possible). The reason you want to be completely away from her is so that your mind and body can clear the emotions which are clouding your reasoning and judgment. She will probably fight with you about this saying that 'she really needs you right now', or try to put some other guilt trip on you, but you must be firm and stand your ground.

2. Make a decision - Once your head is cleared and you've taken a step back from your situation, figure out what is best for you. Decide who and what you believe and be brutally honest with what kind of person your girlfriend really is. Does she lie? Have you suspected her of cheating? Can you trust her? Are you counting on her to change even though she has given you signs that she doesn't want to? Do you see a future with this woman and even the possibility that she could be the mother of your kids? Are you counting on the future to be different than what it is now (even though it will most likely be more of the same). Do you have ulterior motives for keeping this relationship alive (such as satisfying your family or friends, you don't think you will be able to find anyone else, etc)? Ask yourself, how would a real man act in this situation? Don't stay in a relationship just because you have 'history', it may be bad history and you want to end that as soon as possible.

3. Make a plan - If you've decided to end it, then you must figure out the implications when you break the news. Does she have possession of anything of yours that is valuable such as expensive electronics, memorabilia etc? Are the both of you in any joint contracts or ownership agreements such as real estate loans, car payments, credit cards, etc? Figure out a way that you can get out of any agreements and get your stuff back safely in case she flips out and goes on a rampage (such as having a mutual friend get your stuff while she is gone, etc).

4. Tell her your decision - Communicate to her in person exactly how you feel and what you've decided. Remember, the decision is over so do not ask, beg, or plead but tell her in a mature manner that is not spiteful, immature, or childish. Be prepared for threats against you or herself. Do not cave under the pressure; she will probably try to get you to reconsider any way possible. Expect tears. If she is seriously suicidal (and not just trying to manipulate you), then you should arrange for her friends to be nearby when you break the news and possibly some medical help as well.

5. Hold your ground - Forever. Do not doubt yourself or be swayed, the decision is final. Realize that people can change, but the chances are very small and any changes she may make in the future are most likely just surface changes not personal transformation.

6. Avoid her completely - Do not email, speak, or see her until you are comfortable with the idea of her having sex with someone else, then you can talk to her again (but with extreme caution and very limited). Remember, after you break up, it is crucial for your emotional connections to be severed completely so you can be truly free from her (this can take months or sometimes even years).

7. Be a man about it - If you decide to be ‘friends’ with her, be cordial and mature about it. Don't bring up old issues but treat her as a new guy friend. Don't be needy or go out of your way to help her, and especially don’t fall into mind games. If she tries to make you jealous, hit on you, or bring up old issues, stop her immediately and remind her you are only friends and if she keeps it up you are outta there!

Coming soon: How to get over your ex and stay broken up.

Ryan Randolph is the author the blog "Yang Town: The Path of Masculine Power" where he dives into psychology, genetics, social conditioning, spirituality, belief systems and other aspects of male-female interactions. The blog is found at www.yangtown.com

How to Break Up With a Toxic Friend

2008-01-24T22:12:00.001-08:00

You are stuck in a dead-end relationship and you really want out. You do not want to hurt this person’s feelings, because regardless of how bad things are, you care. How do you go about telling her that you would rather not be friends anymore? Should you just do a disappearing act and hope he will get the point? Is it a good idea to just withdraw until you drift apart?

Just like breaking up with a lover, ending a relationship with a friend is not an easy thing to do. In fact, it is so complicated that most people prefer to continue being involved with somebody they cannot stand simply to avoid the messiness of telling them good-bye. I have heard of people pretending not to be home to keep from spending time with a person they did not like. Sometimes, though, separation is not necessary. A lot of problems can be solved with an honest conversation.

Here is what I suggest:

1. Have a sincere talk with your friend. Suddenly falling out of the picture is not a good idea, because your friend might never know what he did wrong and will not be able to learn from the experience. And that would not be fair.

2. During your heart to heart conversation, observe this person. Is she paying attention or is she just waiting for you to shut up so she can answer back? Is he denying everything you say and twisting around your words to make you feel guilty? Or is she trying to work things out with you with an open mind? If your friend’s reaction is one of complete denial, then I guess it is clear indication that you need to move on.

3. After your talk, allow yourself some time and space to assimilate what happened. If there is hope, figure out what steps need to be taken to keep the friendship on the right track. Do not allow your friend to manipulate you into staying together because it will only produce more resentment on your part, and a relationship founded on pity is hardly ever a good idea.

4. If you still feel that you need to end it, be nice. Remember that what goes around comes around. After you have had the opportunity to think things through, tell your friend that you would prefer not to spend time with him anymore. Assure him that you will always be there for him, but that for now it is best to go your separate ways. Say this as directly as possible. Do not beat around the bush as that would only lead to confusion. And by all means void accusing, offensive remarks.

But what happens if you are on the receiving end of the break-up? What if you are the friend that everybody is trying to ditch? Take the time to seriously and honestly evaluate your attitude. Maybe you need to work on some unattractive aspect of your personality or maybe you just have the bad habit of surrounding yourself with people that do not really appreciate you.

Dinorah Blackman-Williams' books may be previewed and purchased at http://www.lulu.com/blackman

The Best Way to Break Up

2008-01-24T22:11:00.000-08:00

There are ways to go about breaking up that will give you the best chance for a smoother trip through one of life's most difficult passages. This is an exceedingly sensitive time when it doesn't take much to stir things up. Fortunately, because we go through this with other couples a few thousand times a year, we know exactly what you can do, and the kinds of things you must avoid, to make breaking up as smooth as possible.

Whether you are a married couple, or have been living together in a long-term committed relationship, breaking up is almost always painful, but the essential thing is to avoid unnecessary pain and cost, much of which can be avoided or minimized if you are careful. It is essential to avoid words and actions that escalate from hurt, fear, and anger to hostility, lawyers, courts, and huge expenses. That would be very hard on you, on your kids if you have any, and devastating to your pocketbook.

For couples who are not married, breaking up presents many of the same challenges. In this discussion, if you replace divorce with breakup and spouse with partner, it will work the same for you.

If you decide to separate, don't do one more thing or say one more word to your spouse until you understand the rest of this article, and have read the other articles listed at the end. The way you announce the decision, or respond to it, will make a huge difference in the way things unwind.

The most common cause of conflict in separation and divorce is lack of mutuality in the decision—in other words, both spouses haven't accepted the idea that you're breaking up. Ideally, the decision would be arrived at together, but in most cases one spouse decides alone after taking time to think about it, get advice from friends or professionals, process emotions and make plans.

Once the decision is made, it is presented to the other spouse as a done deal and the sooner the better. Opportunities to solve problems and possibly save the relationship have been lost. What's worse, a long, hard divorce is more likely because the first spouse is ready to break up right away while the other spouse is upset and still working through denial and resistance. This person hasn't had time to process the reality and will be in some kind of emotional upset, in no way ready to discuss details or work out accommodations.

This is not a good time to push along on the breakup, even though the first spouse is ready and highly motivated to do so. Moving along too quickly at this point is the root cause of a lot more trouble to follow. If you are the first to decide, you are in a unique and powerful position to affect the future tone of the divorce. By being abrupt and insensitive, you can almost guarantee a bitter, expensive divorce.

If you want to encourage a sane resolution of divorce issues, be patient, be sensitive, but most of all, slow down. Give your spouse time to process the changes. Stay positive and as close to your spouse as possible. You can express caring and concern while being firm in your decision. Work with your spouse until you can both accept the fact that going your separate ways is inevitable, and you can both focus on moving forward. This is the best way to break up, and will lead to the best result.

To further prepare yourself before letting your spouse know you want to break up, read my other articles posted at this site:

What Divorce is Really About

Divorce--Obstacles to Agreement

Divorce--Overcoming Obstacles to Agreement

Divorce--Negotiating Agreement

Divorce--Ten Ways to Divide Property Without a Fight

Divorce--When the Date of Separation Matters

Divorce--How to Protect Your Children

Divorce--The Best and Worst Kinds of Help

Ed Sherman is a family law attorney, divorce expert, and founder of Nolo Press and Divorce Helpline. He started the self-help law movement in 1971 when he published the first edition of How to Do Your Own Divorce, and founded the paralegal industry in 1973. Ed has saved the public billions of dollars in legal fees while making divorce go more smoothly and easily for millions of readers. You can order his books from http://www.nolodivorce.com or by calling (800) 464-

Don't Let The Fine Line Cause A Break Up Or Divorce

2008-01-23T22:38:00.000-08:00

There is a fine line between love and hate. No more is this seen than in the aftermath of a complicated break up or divorce. And if you have ever been unfortunate enough to have experienced this, you will understand exactly what I mean. It seems that when relationship troubles start to surface we try our hardest to make things work. This in actual fact can be catastrophic if the relationship has issues that are being ignored and for want of a better phrase ‘swept under the carpet’ in the quest for superficial happiness. This type of ‘first aid’ seems good for the short term, however if the original issues are not dealt with then this can cause an explosive end to the relationship.

If you are going through a break up at the moment, then use this time as an opportunity. Think about how you can make your future relationships better, who knows you may even wish to try and rekindle your old one. One way that you can solve many past and present issues is by using Hypnotherapy. Hypnosis is great for working on issues like this as it deals directly with the area of you mind that makes you – YOU! For years Hypnosis has been widely considered one of the best ways to do things like Stop Smoking, Lose Weight and Manage Stress; however it can now be applied to many Relationships issues, such as Jealousy, Anger Management and Infidelity. Hypnosis can also be used successfully on sexual issues including Impotent, Premature Ejaculation, Improved Female Orgasm and Frigidity including others.

In Hypnosis you will become very relaxed, but will remain completely aware of what is going on around you. A lot of people have some very misguided opinions of Hypnosis, which makes life interesting for me to say the least. The biggest question that I get asked is ‘Does it work?’. This one always makes me laugh! Hypnosis is a science. As a hypnotherapist I spend my life researching what makes people do what they do and also why they feel the way that they feel. I then work with them to find away to change this so that that can do what the WANT to do and feel the way that they WANT to feel.

So if you are experiencing troubles in your relationship or you need some help getting over a break up or divorce, then you should seriously consider using Hypnosis. The technique is so mainstream now that you can even get instant downloads from the internet to help you with a whole host of issues.

Richard MacKenzie is a Pro when it comes to helping people trough Breaks Ups he also have a successful Break Ups Hypnosis Download

Break Up Doesn't Have To Mean Break Down

2008-01-22T22:15:00.001-08:00

Fact: Break Ups and Divorce are on the increase worldwide. There are many reasons for this and it was even reported last week that biggest growing issue is infidelity. It is also one of the harshest reasons to cause a slit. The reason for this is that most of the time the affair is kept from the other partner, thus resulting in an explosion of emotions when it finally comes out.

In some cases the pain caused by this type of break up can lead to the individual feeling that life is meaningless and empty, especially with all of the emotional pain that has been inflicted on them. The worrying news that ‘linked’ suicide rates are on the increase too, is also not encouraging.

Every week in my clinic I come across cases like this, but I noticed that with a little help and perseverance, this negative situation can be turned around quickly and in most cases to the great benefit of the individual that I am treating. If you are going through a break up or divorce at the moment you will understand how amazing it would feel if all of the pain and anguish ‘just disappear’ allowing you to rebuild your life.

Hypnosis is one of the best ways, if not the best way to get you to a point of feeling good again about yourself. Just imagine that in just a few days you could not only feel good, but also ready to move on or ready to win your loved one back if you wanted them.

Hypnosis can boast to this success, because it deals specifically with the part of the brain (mind) that is creating all of the confusion and unhappiness. It builds you up allowing you to feel strong and able to move on when nothing else seems to help. It allows you to have a ‘level’ head in a situation where you may have a lot of decisions to make.

Hypnosis to help you through your time of need is now also available online through the format of MP3 downloads. I myself have spent months putting everything that I know about this area into a powerful, but simple step-by-step program that empowers the individual to not only feel ‘OK’, but feel GREAT!

So if you are suffering at the hands of a messy break up – what are you waiting for? Use Hypnosis and start rebuilding your life today – And get the life of your dreams.

Richard MacKenzie is a Pro when it comes to helping people trough Breaks Ups he also have a successful Break Ups Hypnosis Download

How to Handle a Break Up - Things You Should Do to Protect Yourself

2008-01-22T22:13:00.001-08:00

Break ups are seldom easy and rarely happy occasions. In the beginning, it may seem very difficult to get over but you definitely will find the time and the reason. To help you handle a break up and lessen the pain and possible negative repercussions, here are some things you can do:

A good way to handle a break up is to keep things amicable. Break ups don’t have to be made up of nasty fights, harsh words and revenge plots. If you came into a relationship in a good way, you can try to get out of it nicely. Don’t rub salt into an already bad wound. Wouldn’t it be better to lose a lover and win a friend than lose everything?

Don’t play the blame game; this is not a good way to handle a break up. Blaming each other will create negative feelings and even make you regret a lot of things that you shouldn’t have in the first place. Take responsibility for the part you played on the relationship, both for its success and for its failure, but don’t be too harsh on yourself or on your soon-to-be ex. By keeping your self-esteem intact, you don’t leave room for bitterness and you will learn ho handle a break up nicely.

Another way to handle a break up is avoid seeing only the hole in the doughnut. Relationships end for many reasons and when yours does, don’t just focus only on the bad things. Remember the things that made your relationship great and be thankful you were once a part of it. Just don’t dwell on it, this way you can handle a break up more easily.

To handle a break up don’t do or say anything that you will regret later on. When emotions are high, it's a lot easier to let slip certain words or statements that may make you feel better about the break up. Unfortunately, this feeling doesn’t last long and you may realize later you shouldn’t have even bothered.

Handle a break up without any violence, verbal or physical. It may seem the most logical thing to do especially if you're angry but it's best to avoid these situations. It will not only make your pain worse, there is also a possibility you might find yourself at the receiving end of criminal charges.

The best way to handle a break up is move on. Mourn your relationship if you must – that's normal and expected of you. But don’t wallow in your grief so much that you forget you still have a life to live and there are still people who love you for what you are. By moving on, you acknowledge that the relationship has ended and that you are giving yourself a chance to find happiness again.

While you are trying to handle a break up, don’t allow yourself to be too vulnerable. As you move back to a single life, you might feel a little too exposed. Feeling vulnerable is normal – all of a sudden you are back to being on your own, doing things alone. Find support from your family and friends. They will not only help you get back on your feet again, they will also help you re-enter the social scene.

Don’t force a new relationship just to feel less lonely. It's not only fair to you; it's also unfair to the other person. In-between relationships may seem like a terrific stop-gap measure and may provide you with the kind of companionship you just lost, but they will not replace your other relationship. Each relationship is unique so don’t try to find your old flame's qualities in another person. You're bound to be disappointed and you might find yourself in a relationship break up all over again.

You're life is taking on a new turn. Enjoy it! Think of the end of a relationship as a way to toss out old things and an opportunity to welcome new ones. Depending on how you treat it, change can be a good thing and it's really up to you to take this new direction and turn it to your advantage. Handle a break up nicely, learn from your past relationship and take a step forward.

If you’ve tried to handle a break up nicely and still you want to win your ex back, you know you haven’t done anything that you will regret later. If you really, really want to win your ex back you have to put effort in it. Did you know that you can bring back a lost love no matter how hopeless your situation appears? Discover how you can easily bring back the love of your life visit Love, Dating and Weddings

Gerry Restrivera writes informative articles on various subjects including How to Handle a Break Up: Things You Should Do to Protect Yourself.

How to Break Up - Successfully

2008-01-20T22:07:00.002-08:00

I remember my first break up, where I was the one doing the breaking up... it was tough, in fact, it took me a whole year of really figuring out what and how I was going to do it! I was young and the relationship was such that I was very dependant on my partner, and I found it very difficult to leave him.

In the end, it got to the point where enough was enough. By nature, I am a very strong person and to have been in a relationship for nearly 4 years where I was submissive had finally worn out its welcome!

It took me a week to get things organised. My partner was self employed and I did all his bookwork for him, so I arranged for someone to take over that and also informed his boss that I was going to be leaving him! Possibily not the smartest thing to do, but I was so worried about how he was going to take it, that I wanted to make sure that there was someone that would look out for him... as I still cared about him and didn't want to hurt him.

The day came and I had written a letter, because I knew, that at the tender age of 23 I would not be able to utter the words... I got home from work, handed him the letter and waited. We spent the next 2 hours crying and talking and I ended up packing a bag and heading to my parents.

It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but in the end it was the best. After a few weeks, I began to see just how destructive the relationship had been and how he just was not right for me. Within in 4 months, I had met someone new and was very happy.

Is there any right way to break up with someone? I don't believe there is, but there are definitely some wrong ways!! Avoid these when breaking up with someone:

1. Do not break up with someone via a text, it shows you have no respect for that person and that you placed no value on the relationship at all.

2. Do not break up with someone over the phone. This is just about as bad via text!

3. Keep it clean. If the reason you are breaking up is soley because of that person, then the best way to phrase it is to say something along the lines that you have grown and changed and that you just don't feel the same way about that person that you once did. Attacking someone is never an option.

4. Do not break up with someone in front of their family or friends! Can you imagine the embarrasment and humiliation they will feel? This can lead to the person dumped doing drastic things!

5. Do not have an affair while you are still with someone! This is one of the worst ways to break up with someone and it hurts the other person immensely. If you feel the pull to someone else and think you are going to act on it, then is it not fair to end the relationship you are in? Because if you are having feelings for someone else, you are already gone...

Breaking up is something that we all face at some point in our lives... there are a few lucky few that never have to experience this emotional rollarcoaster, like my parents! They have been together since they were 19 & 20, and it is a very long, distant memory of any of the break ups they suffered prior to then!

In the end, all you can do is look after yourself, be true to you and respect the other person enough to break up with them face to face.

Written by Lise Carter

Annelise Carter has been writing on and off for the past 10 years... mainly in her journal! It was about time that some of these entries were used to help others and that is just what she is doing. Annelise has been through a few break ups in her young life and because of this, has decided to use her experiences to help others.

Visit her blog here at http://www.handsomereturns.blogspot.com

Relationship Over? 7 Steps to Survive a Break-Up or Divorce

2008-01-20T22:07:00.001-08:00

Are you struggling with letting go of a past love? We all know how painful it can be when walking away from a relationship. You may be dealing with feelings that can be overwhelming and at times you need a bit of guidance to help keep you on track. As difficult as it may be right now, keep in mind that your feelings are normal and simply part of a process that you will get beyond. Follow these 7 steps in healing a broken heart and you will begin the process of letting go and moving on.

1. ACCEPTANCE: Until you face reality, you won't begin to let go. Accepting that your relationship is over is the first step in putting the past behind you.

2. MAKE A CLEAN BREAK: None of this on-again-off-again stuff. You will only prolong the inevitable.

3. IT'S OKAY TO GRIEVE: Don't feel bad for feeling bad. You are going through a very normal process that you will get beyond. Just give yourself some time.

4. FOCUS ON YOURSELF: Indulge yourself. Pamper yourself. Do the things that make you feel good again. You are going through a tough time right now, so be good to yourself. Loving yourself is the best gift you can give yourself.

5. IMPROVE YOURSELF: This is an opportunity to begin a journey into self-discovery. Getting your self-esteem back on track is key to your recovery. Discover what you want from life and go after it.

6. LEARN TO FORGIVE: Forgiving frees you from the chains of the past and allows you to let go of anger and resentment. If you choose not to forgive the only person you hurt is yourself.

7. MOVE ON: The end is just the beginning! Learn from your mistakes and pick up the pieces so you can move on and go after the kind of life and relationship you deserve.

The sooner you take action and do what is good for you, the sooner you will be moving toward the kind of life and relationship you really want. Find the courage to pull yourself out of this funk. Take charge of your life and you will find that there actually is life after What's-His-Name! You just have to make the decision so you can move on.

Take little steps each day and you will be amazed that you are starting to feel better. Lean on your friends and remember, time really does heal all wounds.

Read more about it at: http://www.whystay.com

Susan Russo is the President of Pinnacle Thought Inc. Publisher for books and resources which provide inspiration, self-empowerment and the tools and strategies to help move you toward personal success and fulfillment. She is editor of "You've Got Power" ezine and author of "There Is Life After What's-His-Name.

Break-up Advice for Men - Don't Leave Like a Louse!

2008-01-18T21:47:00.001-08:00

BREAK-UP ETIQUETTE FOR THE “UNENLIGHTENED” MAN

Imagine this.

Imagine that you report to your job for what would appear to be a typical work day. From all previous indications, your employer has been very satisfied with your performance. You arrive early, get to your office door, and the key won’t fit. It appears that the lock has been changed. Even worse, you notice your nameplate has been removed from the door as well. There’s no one around to ask questions. But it‘s obvious that your worst fear has been realized; you’ve been fired! And with no warning, no explanation, and no recourse!

Imagine the confusion and the many unanswered questions this scenario would cause. Imagine the anger and disappointment. Multiply it by 100 times. That’s a fraction of what it feels like to a woman you’ve mysteriously dumped!

Let’s face it. Sometimes the need to sever ties from a former partner happens. “You’ve lost that lovin’ feeling” or an old flame resurfaces to light your fire. Or perhaps it’s just irreconcilable differences. And it makes no sense to stick around and stay miserable. Right? It happens. There’s really no totally pain free way to move on.

But that doesn’t mean you should have a callous attitude, or opt for the coward’s way out. Contrary to the popular song-- there aren’t “50 ways to leave your lover!” The way you leave a relationship speaks volumes about the type of “man” you are. It also shapes a woman’s future perceptions of herself and love in general. Bitter break-ups produce bitter women!

Here’s an online blog entry from a “woman scorned” that typifies many women’s experiences: “I’m feeling so rejected, hurt and confused lately. Not a peep from the jerk. How could I have misread him so? I really thought he was a stand-up guy. I just don’t understand why every guy I have fallen for in the past 4 years has pulled practically the same thing.”

Unfortunately, cycles perpetuate. Peter pays for the sins of Paul. According to John Gray, Ph.D. and author of Mars and Venus on a Date, “Good endings create good beginnings.” As someone who has been both the dumper and the dumpee in my relationships, I can attest, there is an art to ending an affair.

Here’s the “politically correct” way to pull it off!

¨ DON’T FALL FOR THE GRASS IS GREENER FALLACY--ASSESS. Before leaving one woman to run to the arms of another, make sure that what you are risking is worth the tradeoff! Many times guys find a new love interest enticing just because of the unexplored pleasures and possibilities. The novelty. After the passage of time and getting to know the person, they find that what they bargained for is really less than what they already had. And often too late to do anything to rectify the situation.

¨ BE SENSITIVE TO HER FEELINGS- Practice the Golden Rule. Don’t take the easy way out by sending her an E-mail or leaving a message on her answering machine. It’s really uncool and unkind. Unless she has a history of violence, do it in person. Or by a phone call, or a caring, compassionate letter.

¨ IF THERE IS SOMETHING THAT CAN BE WORKED UPON, TALK IT OUT FIRST. Communication is crucial to any successful, enduring relationship.

¨ DON’T BASH HER OR BLAME HER FOR EVERYTHING THAT WENT WRONG. It takes two to make or break a relationship. ¨ HAVE A HEART- If there’s something that you can share in the way of constructive criticism that might help in the future, then do so.

¨ DON’T OFFER FRIENDSHIP- At least not right away. It’s offensive, and feels like a demotion. Unless the two of you started out as friends initially.

¨ KEEP IN MIND A BASIC LAW OF THE UNIVERSE—What goes around comes around. Karma is a killer!

¨ DON’T KISS AND TELL—It’s in poor taste, and if it gets back to her, it would only serve to deepen her pain

¨ DON’T MAKE A MOVE ON HER BEST FRIEND! For reasons that I hope are obvious.

¨ GIVE HER AN EXPLANATION THAT’S FAIR AND REASONABLE—Please don’t use the line that you need to “find yourself” it’s getting old!

¨ DON’T BEOME M.I.A. (Missing in action)—Many immature and insensitive guys choose this exit strategy. They simply stop calling or coming around “cold-turkey”, concluding that a woman will eventually “figure it out”. The terrible thing about this way of operating, is that it is the worse of all. It never allows a lover to bring closure to the relationship and heal properly.

Keep in mind that these are general guidelines. Each situation should be evaluated on an individual basis. For example, if there is concern that a woman has the potential to become a “fatal attraction,” you may want to just change your address, go into seclusion for a while, and forget the above steps! Good luck with that.

HERE’S HOPING FOR SMOOTHER TRANSITIONS AND LASTING LOVE!

Jennifer Brown Banks is a veteran freelance writer, and writes a weekly relationship column for Online Dating Magazine. She is the author of "A Paradox in Pink."

6 Tips To A Smooth Break - Up

2008-01-18T21:46:00.000-08:00

Ending a relationship, for whatever reason, can be a difficult time. This article contains simple things that you can do to make it a smoother time for you and your ex partner.

1. Do not break up by phone, text or email.
If you are the person ending the relationship and you care for the other person, give them the respect they deserve and do not use the phone, email or text to end the relationship. Have the courage to arrange to meet up with them and face them in person.

2. Keep it private.
While you were dating, you were privilidged to information about the other person's personal life, their family, their job situation, their finances and I'm sure much more. When the relationship is over, do not feel it gives you the right to tell everyone all you know about the private life of your ex partner. If you want to maintain a good friendship with them in the future, this will only show you are immature and trying to hurt them.

3. Do not send wrong signals.
If the relationship is over, do not keep sending contrary signals. By this I mean, don't keep emailing them regularly, texting them everyday, calling over to their house whenever you feel like it. This is telling the other party that in your eyes it is not really over and you would be willing to start dating again. If this is not the message you want to send, be very clear in your words and also your actions following the break up.

4. Do not isolate yourself.
Involve your friends and family. Talk to them about how you are feeling, especially if you begin to feel depressed or it is effecting your work or study life.

5. Do not rebound with your ex partner's best friend!
If you want to maintain a healthy friendship with your ex partner in the future, do not start dating their best friend straight after you have broken up. Its just not the done thing!

6. Focus on the good.
Even though the relationship has ended, there were good times that both of you enjoyed. If you only focus on the bad times, you can become bitter and angry at either yourself or the other person. Don't hold onto anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and will prevent you from moving on.

Is there greatness on the inside of you but you don't know how to achieve it? Jason has just completed his brand new 7 part e-course, 'Find Your Greatness'

Get it free when you subscribe at: Find Your Greatness

Jason and Rebecca Osborn have dedicated themselves to changing thousands of lives by helping people find their greatness and true potential through their Find Your Greatness Newsletter.

Also log onto http://livingword.ie for more inspirational messages.

How to Break Up with a Girlfriend in 5 Painless Steps

2008-01-17T21:54:00.001-08:00

"Breaking up is hard to do!"

As that old song goes, breaking up with a girlfriend is something which can be quite challenging. You want to end the relationship, but you don't want to her hurt her feelings.

So how can you break up with a girlfriend without hurting her feelings?

Well you can't!

No matter what happens, break ups tend to cause at least SOME hurt feelings. However there is right AND wrong way to do it. If you know how to handle a break up with a girl, then you'll give her the least amount of pain.

Here is your 5 step plan for accomplishing this:

Step 1- Be prepared for a little drama

Nobody likes being told that they're "not good enough" for a relationship- especially women. When you break up with your girlfriend, you should expect a wide range of emotions. This can include tears, anger or even happiness.

This means you should be prepared to handle whatever reaction she has to the break up. Just remain calm and don't react to her different emotions.

Step 2- Let her be the first one to know

To save her feelings much as possible, she should be the first one to know about the breakup. Don't make the mistake of telling other people before you talk to her.

The reasoning behind is to save her future pain. If finds out later on that other people knew before she did, then she will be upset.

Step 3- Find a neutral and secluded spot

One of the worst places to break up with a woman is at a house or in a public place like a restaurant. As I've mentioned before, there might be a little drama during the break-up, so you want to select a place that is neutral and provides a bit of privacy.

Your best bet is to break up with her in a secluded spot like a park or a beach. By picking an area like this, you'll have time and privacy to ease the pain of the breakup.

Step 4- Keep it short and simple

When you break up with your girlfriend, don't give her a laundry list of everything that she does wrong. Just remember that she could make another guy really happy with her particular personality. So don't give her any "emotional baggage" by listing all her faults.

All you have to is let her know you're not happy with the relationship and that it's not going to work. Furthermore you should a show level of sadness about the end of the relationship.

Step 5- Be strong

As I mentioned before, you'll probably be faced with a wide range of emotions. It's human nature to try to comfort people when they're upset. This is especially true when you see a woman in pain.

But you have to remember there are concrete reasons why you're breaking up with this girl. So you have to remain strong and resolute in your decision to end things.

No matter what happens, you must stand by your decision.

As you know by now breaking up is hard to do. But if you follow this 5 step plan of action, you'll be able to do in the least painless manner. Then you both can move on with your lives and start dating other people.

Want to learn 50 different ways for meeting, approaching and attracting women? If so, take a look at Scott Patterson's Free eBook which provides 50 tips for instant dating success

It's A Great Relationship, But Is It Time to Break Up?

2008-01-17T21:53:00.000-08:00

You’ve found a new guy and the two of you have been dating for a few months now. He’s handsome, funny, and charming, and yet something about the relationship doesn’t feel quite right. You so much want this to work, as it has been some time since you’ve dated anyone this long with the prospect of a permanent commitment. But you still have some important unanswered questions.

1. Where does he go on the weekends? You’ve noticed from the beginning of your dating relationship that your guy doesn’t hang around on Saturday or Sunday. In fact, you don’t see him too often on Friday nights, either. You have to wonder if he has a family out there somewhere, or some kind of commitment elsewhere that is bound to interfere with yours at some point. In fact, it already is interfering. When you ask him why he can’t come around over the weekend, he stutters and stammers, but so far, no good excuses.

2. What about his family? After five months, you still haven’t met his parents, sister, or even his dog. He’s given you a dozen reasons why you can’t visit his apartment, none of them valid. You would love to meet his family—if he has one, that is. Moreover, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to be introduced to his coworkers, neighbors, or friends. But so far, none of that is happening. There was one buddy from college who was passing through town and took the two of you out for dinner, but that was it.

3. Does he really have a job? Even though he has vaguely mentioned having a job somewhere, he doesn’t say much about the work, the company, or his boss. You don’t actually know what he does or how much he makes. In fact, he’s often broke, which is why the two of you hang out at your place for pizza and television rather than go to the movies or dinner.

4. Will he ever get serious? This guy takes life pretty easy. He doesn’t seem to have any hassles or worries, and he’s not particularly interested in the future—with or without you. You’ve fallen into a fairly predictable and almost boring dating pattern, and you’re wondering if you could live this way the rest of your life even if things did get serious.

5. Does he meet your needs? When you need a shoulder to cry one, he withdraws a little, like he’s not very comfortable with emotion. At times when you want to dress up and go out, he’s ready to sack out on the sofa for a little snooze. He seldom shows much interest in your job, your family, or your hobbies. So what’s to love about him?

If any of these, especially in combinations of two or more, describe your relationship, maybe it’s time to move on. Unless you force a confrontation and insist on things changing, chances are they won’t. And who wants to force someone to pretend to like you, anyway? It could be time to give up and get going if your Romeo isn’t showing much enthusiasm.

For more information on today’s women’s issues and concerns, visit For a Better Her at http://www.betterher.com

Platonic Relationships: Why They Don't Work After a Break-Up

2008-01-16T23:02:00.000-08:00

Relationships with the opposite sex can be extremely complicated, especially after a break-up. Can singles be “just friends” with someone they used to date? Here's why I say the answer to that question is "no."

Q. I just broke up with a guy I had been dating for nine months. We got along well on many levels, but realized that we couldn’t be “life partners.” So much of the relationship was good, but the arguing made it bad. While I’m willing to give up the sex and the hope for a future together, I don’t want to give up our friendship. We enjoy many of the same things and I would miss sharing them with him. Can't we be “just friends” while I search for the guy who will be “Mr. Right?” Allyson

Allyson, Maintaining a platonic relationship with someone you used to date is frequently the source of confusion and frustration. So much of your energy had been invested in this person, which makes severing only some of it very tricky. But if you really want to create a life partner relationship with someone who meets all of your needs, then I suggest it is best NOT to be friends with your “ex.”

Trying to maintain a friendship with someone with whom you had been physically intimate is especially challenging. That’s because sex is like “superglue” – it’s easy to get stuck, but extremely difficult to get unstuck. Couples who had expressed their physical feelings with one another can easily succumb again to the emotional triggers that initially sparked the intimacy.

When a man and a woman, each considering the other as a potential life partner, spend a lot of time together, it’s natural that they would become emotionally attached. After a break-up, a person usually goes through a sort of grieving and mourning process. This is because when you’re dating someone, and doing so with the serious intention of seeing if s/he is going to be your life partner, you have hopes and dreams that it'll all work out. When reality tells you (and you’re actually willing to listen to reality!) that the two of you are not compatible, and should not continue being together, it can feel like a “death.” But it's not the death of the person that you have to adjust to, it’s the death of your hopes and dreams. And just like with the death of a person, the challenge before you is to re-orient yourself in the world without this person in your life, and get back into the game to find someone more suitable.

I suggest that you sever yourself from this failed relationship completely. Doing so will free up all of your energies – emotional, physical and intellectual – and allow you to explore a new relationship’s potential. Avoiding a “friendship” with your ex will prevent him (and your residual feelings for him) from distracting you from attaining your goal of attaining as gratifying relationship with the right person.

About Janice D. Bennett, Ph.D. Practicing as a psychologist for over 20 years, Janice has treated many singles looking to get married, but who had become depressed and demoralized by the dating process. She now uses her skills and experience to help healthy singles overcome the obstacles preventing them from attaining the relationships and lives they really want. Janice has been quoted in Cosmopolitan Magazine, gives dating advice on http://www.JMatch.com and other websites for singles, has a free e-newsletter and gives teleclasses, lectures and workshops. Check out her "Get Your Love Right!" blog, read other dating-related Q's&A's and articles, and sign up for a complimentary 40 minute telephone coaching session by visiting her website at http://www.DoctorLoveCoach.com

Top 5 Reasons: Why a Woman Would Break Up with YOU

2008-01-13T22:04:00.001-08:00

I've often thought about the topic of why women leave men. Especially when the woman seems happy, and the guy is such a 'nice' guy. I have recently come to the realization of why women leave men. And I'm going to share it with you, so you can prevent it.

The main all-encompassing principle is that the male stops being attractive. Let's get into some specific examples from the most common reason to the least.

Big Number 1. Clingy

The man is too obsessive. He hangs around her to much, and seeks her attention CONSTANTLY. This is a huge negative, especially for a woman that has so much offer, usually she has a life. She needs space, she also needs companionship. Make sure you supply that, and give her her independence.

Close Number 2. Approval Seeking

You're doing those things that you know you shouldn't. Like: What do you want to do tonight hunny? or I really wanted to see that movie, but I guess we can see yours... This is prime wussy behavior. STOP IT. Beautiful, interesting women will not tolerate this behavior for very long. I guarantee in 98% of situations you didn't start out that way. The David Deangelo range of materials actually talks in-depth about this topic. It was interesting to find out the ways I was ruining my chances in more ways than one which I wasn't even aware of.

Further down 3. Jealously

Don't ever be jealous. If she's with you, she’s with YOU. You would hope she is constantly being flirted with around you. She's obviously hot, good job! Control that emotion and funnel it into humor, by occasionally 'negging' (slight self-esteem hit) her. Say something after a man says, "You're so lucky to be with a woman that great...", reply by saying something like, "I know, imagine how much she had to work to get me!"

Almost to the end 4: Boring and Predictable

So many guys are boring and predictable. Don't answer you're phone 1 out of 10 times, just to have her think more about you. (It works on us doesn't it guys?) Do stuff spontaneously with her, that’s interesting and unpredictable, like go snowboarding if you've never been, or skydive one day, or if you never dress up and go to an expensive restaurant - do that!

Mix and match it up so it's interesting for both of you. Also, be different in personality, be nice some times, be a little mean other times but respectful. Try being really busy and not clingy if you're always available for her. DYD talks extensively about this.

The final 5: Not doing what worked.

In the beginning you got her! What did you do? How did you act around her? Forget what relationship books say, do what worked! Remember the old saying, "If you keep doing what you've always done, you're going to keep getting what you've always gotten!" That works for good results as well. So keep it up! Don't call her back in a second if that's not what you did originally.

Ok, you get the point of this post. I'm passionate about these things, because I know they MATTER. They really EFFECT how a relationship works.

Women have a HUGE amount of options, don't give her the chance to consider them when she's already got the best one.

You need a lot more information about dating, and attracting the type of woman you want! Donovan has setup a blog called The Attraction Chronicles, it has loads of free articles helping men achieve dramatic success with women.

Relationship Advice: After the Break Up - Creating an Exit Door in Your Heart

2008-01-13T22:03:00.001-08:00

Q. It's been over a year since the guy I thought I would be married to broke up with me. He said he was just scared to make the commitment. I felt like I tried really hard and did the best I could in this one. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday. I can't seem to get over this no matter how hard I try. I'm afraid that there will never be anyone else that I can get that close to or who will understand me. I keep trying to figure out where I went wrong.

A. A year is a long time to feel bad, and usually much longer than is necessary.

I'm going to guess about a few things that might be going on here.

Reliving the relationship

Many times when a person is still feeling as bad as you do more than a year later, it's because you've spent the last year reliving the relationship. This comes in the form of trying to figure out exactly what went wrong, fueled by the inaccurate belief that if you could just figure out exactly what went wrong, then you could let go.

The reality is that spending so much time trying to figure out what went wrong keeps you attached to the relationship and prevents you from moving on.

Relationships are messy things, and many times we can never really know exactly what went wrong.

Our brains are very obedient at times. If you keep asking your brain to figure out what you did wrong, it's going to search for all kinds of reasons, and you are going to wind up feeling like a failure.

My guess is while the relationship failed, you did not.

If you are with someone who is just not ready to commit, you cannot fail.

This is because when there is no possibility of success, you simply cannot fail.

Differences between men and women

I'm about to speak in general about the differences between men and women, which is always a dangerous thing. But here goes: In general, men have two doors to their hearts, one marked enter and one marked exit. Women don't have an exit door to their hearts, which makes getting over someone much more difficult.

Creating an exit door

You need to create an exit door in your heart and then show this guy, and the pain and hurt, right out the door.

Relationships end.

If the desired outcome and measure of success is a committed marriage, then all the other relationships before marriage are failed relationships.

But if you handled yourself well, feel good about your behavior and choices, and even used what you learned in other relationships in this one, then you were successful.

Consider what you learned in this relationship that you can use to make the next one(s) better.

If you learned what a commitment-challenged guy looks like and that these relationships don't work out, then it was time well spent.

Make a list of all the things you learned from this one that will help you in the future.

Since this guy was too scared to commit, then he did you a favor by breaking up with you. Marriage to a commitment-challenged person is a disaster and a divorce looking for a place to happen.

Here's a fun little trick to help show this guy out the exit door of your heart:

Imagine a picture of the relationship in your mind. It feels like it's right out in front of you, a few inches from your face, and difficult to see past. Take that picture and imagine moving it off to the side of you, out of view. Feels better, doesn't it?

Practice this and you will be able to show him the exit door to your heart, and soon, you will picture it behind you altogether.

And then you will be ready to move on.

Leading relationship expert Jeff Herring is a Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Nationally Syndicated Relationship columnist.

You can read more practical tips, common sense relationship advice and occasional humor at his website SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

Relationship Tune Up - 7 Key Points to Avoid a Break Up or Break Down

2008-01-12T01:31:00.001-08:00

"Every three months or 3,000 miles."

That's how the sticker in the left upper corner of my windshield reads.

It's a matter of common knowledge that we are supposed to maintain, service, and tune up our cars if we want them to run well and last.

In my experience, it rarely occurs to us to do the same thing with our love relationships.

More and more of the couples I see are not in need of long term therapy, they are more in need of a short term relationship tune up.

7 Key Points

What first attracted you to each other? - This is the first question I ask most couples because it helps to be reminded that your partner has some great qualities that led you to want to be in this relationship.

What are some of the strengths of your relationship? - Instead of all the things that are wrong with your relationship, what I want to know is what are some of the strengths of the relationship upon which we can build in order to solve the problems with which they are struggling.

When have you been the closest? - One of the easiest ways to tune up your relationship is to do the things you were doing when you were the closest.

You may have noticed that the first 3 questions were all focused on positives in the relationship.

This is done on purpose. One of the dangers of traditional marriage counseling is a focus on what is wrong or defective with an individual or the relationship. One of the many benefits of relationship coaching is a focus on using the strengths in the relationship to build up the areas where the relationship is weak.

What are your partner's emotional needs and what are your own? - If you do not know, hear are the two crucial questions to ask:

1) In order to feel loved by me, what do you need to feel in our relationship?

2) What are some ways I can meet those needs?

What is your partner's love language and what is yours? - Some folks need to hear it, some folks need to see it, and some folks need to feel it.

How do the two of you "do conflict?" - Conflict in a relationship is inevitable. Fighting is optional.

What is your vision for your relationship? - Without a vision, a relationship can perish. Here are a few questions most couples never take the time to even think about, much less ask:

1) If we could design our relationship any way we wanted, how would we like it to be?

2) What goals do we have for our relationship?

3) What do we want to give, and what do we want to get in our relationship?

For more immediately useable tips and tools for your relationship, visit relationship coach Jeff Herring's interactive website at SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

Relationship Advice: 10 Ways to Prevent a Break Up

2008-01-10T22:17:00.001-08:00

The question I am asked most often is: I think he/she is getting ready to leave me. What do I do? There isn't an easy answer for this or there wouldn’t be any break ups. Every situation is different and sometimes breakups are inevitable. However this is not always the case and there are things you can do before you reach the breaking point that will help.

Here are the 10 most important things:

Communicate. Communication is important. If you find that when you try to communicate your feelings to your partner it always leads to an argument, try writing your feelings down. Read through what you’ve written. If you find things that are just petty problems with no real validity, eliminate them. Try to find the sources behind your words. For example, jealousy, are you jealous because you know he/she is cheating, or does it go deeper? Did someone cheat on you in the past and now you don’t trust anyone? Is your partner giving you what you need to feel secure? Once you realize where the feelings are coming from, you can address fixing the problem.
Resist making accusations. Approach your partner calmly, without being defensive. Tell him/her the problem. Don’t be accusing or they will become defensive and yes, you will end up in an argument. If you find it’s easier to write it in a letter, then do so. Leave while they read it so you aren’t hovering over them, waiting for their reaction. Let them process what you have said. Again, do not be accusing. Tell them you want to make your relationship better. Have suggestions for BOTH of you, not just them. Be sure you know the core problem and aren’t just mentioning a symptom.
Refrain from insulting your partner during arguments. Fighting dirty can quickly become a habit and eventually someone will say something that the other person cannot forget, or worse, forgive.
Take time to tell your partner why you love him/her. Not once, but often. This can be something as small as a compliment on how they look. Your partner needs to know you appreciate them. Don’t just assume they know. Everyone likes to be reminded they are loved.
Be supportive and look for ways to give your partner the things they need the most. Even if they don’t tell you what they need, you can figure it out if you pay attention. Some people have a hard time telling you what they need but there are clues. If you’re not sure, ask.
Don’t neglect yourself. If your needs aren’t being met, find a way to let your partner know. If you are unhappy, you will eventually blame your partner. It’s much easier to let them know, in a positive way, the things you need.
Never try to solve a problem when you are angry. Take time to cool down. I know this can seem impossible at times but think about it. Is anything ever really solved when you are yelling at each other?
Set aside some time for just the two of you. If not once a week, then at least once a month. This should be quality, alone time, however you two choose to spend it. You might try arranging a specific day each week and take turns planning what you will do.
Discuss decisions that affect the both of you and try to find a solution that will keep you both happy. Never make an important decision that affects you both without talking to your partner.
Don’t Lie! Everyone lies occasionally. It’s in our nature. This isn’t an excuse to lie to your partner. Every time you are caught in a lie, a little more trust is taken away. A healthy relationship requires trust. Never ever lie about things important to the relationship. You’re better off facing the music if you’ve done something wrong then being caught in a lie.
This won’t keep you together but it is important to mention. Know when it’s time to leave and make the break. Don’t let anyone use you or abuse you. Most problems can be worked out if both people in the relationship make an effort to improve things. There are some exceptions. It’s time to leave if the relationship becomes abusive. Do not hope things will get better because he/she says they will change. Leave! If at some future time they actually do change, you can consider getting back together then. Another deal breaker is infidelity. If your partner cheats on you, there is a good chance that even if you do stay together, the trust that keeps a relationship alive will be gone. I’m not saying you can’t survive it, but it will take a great deal of effort from both people and your partner will have to stop. Never give them more than one chance to do so or you will be setting yourself up for a very destructive emotional roller coaster. If your partner sees that it’s possible to cheat and you will keep forgiving, why would they change?

Patricia Fason is a writer and poet whose main focus is relationships. For more articles on relationships visit her website dedicated to romance, Sites O Web Romances You. There you will find articles, poetry, romance tips, romantic gifts and much more.

Relationship Advice: 10 Ways to Survive a Break Up

2008-01-10T22:16:00.000-08:00

Break ups are never easy. You are a bundle of jealous, hurt, angry, resentful emotions. Your mood can swing from depression to bitter anger. The only thing you seem to think about is what went wrong, can I get him/her back or I’ll show him/her. The main theme in your life is ‘How can I feel better right NOW?’ Here are some suggestions that I hope will help.

Friends and Family. I know this may seem obvious but lean on your friends and family. Spend time doing things together, not just talking and thinking about the break up. If this isn’t enough, you may consider a support group or counseling.
Resist the urge to beg. You want them back but not at any price. At the time it may seem the right thing to do but think about it. In the long run they will lose respect for you. This doesn’t mean don’t try to work things out. If there is a chance you can work things out, go for it. However, if your partner has made it clear that in their eyes, the relationship is over, begging will not help and may hurt the situation.
Make a change in your life. Find a new way to spend your time. Take a class, join a gym, adopt a pet, or volunteer. Do anything that will make you feel good about yourself. Your ego is probably feeling bruised right now. Find a way to counteract that.
Understand your mistakes but also realize that you are not a failure. Don’t beat yourself up. If you made mistakes, then yes, learn from them but dwelling on what might have been won’t help. It takes two to make a relationship, it also takes two to end one. You weren’t the only one who made mistakes. It may not seem useful to you now, but a lot of times the things you learned from this experience will make your next relationship stronger, as long as you make the necessary changes.
Start Dating. You won’t feel like it at first, but don’t stay away from other people for an extended period of time. Going out with other people can help the healing process and boast your ego.
Don’t fall prey to others. There will be people trying to sell you this or that, guaranteed to win back your partner. Don’t let people take advantage of you while you are vulnerable. If you do buy something, understand that while there is a chance it could help, there is also a chance that it won’t.
Take up a hobby. Learn something new. There is probably something you’ve always wanted to try but never had the time. You have the time, do it.
Don’t rush into another relationship. While starting to date can help you feel better, it’s not a good idea to rush right into another relationship. Take time to heal before making any commitments or someone will probably end up getting hurt.
Avoid dwelling on it. I know it’s impossible not to think about it, but, if you find yourself doing so for an extended period of time, find a way to take your mind off of it. Call a friend; go to the gym, whatever comes to mind. If nothing seems to work, try this: Make a list of reasons why you are better off now. This could include I have time to do the things I want to do. I can date anyone I want to. I can find a partner who will appreciate me the way I am and stop wasting time on a doomed relationship. Think about the things they did that drove you crazy, because there are some. Don’t look back with rose colored glasses and only remember the good things. Don’t have the idea in your head that if only we were back together I would be happy. Wrong. Wouldn’t they have a lot to answer for if you did get back together? Leaving you was probably the biggest mistake they will ever make. Let them dwell on it, you move on!
Build your ego. I’ve touched on this already but it is very important. Find ways to feel better about yourself. This could be anything from getting a haircut to buying some new clothes. You could take a class on self improvement. If nothing else, you should do this: Make a list of things that make you a great person. Don’t sit there and tell me you can’t think of anything. I don’t buy it. Try again. Are you kind? Patient? Intelligent? Cook like a pro? Can fix anything? There are things that make you great. WRITE them down and whenever you feel low, read your list and add to it. You are you and you are great so don’t let anyone ever make you feel that you aren’t.
Patricia Fason is a writer and poet whose main focus is relationships. For more articles on relationships visit her website dedicated to romance, Sites O Web Romances You. There you will find articles, poetry, romance tips, romantic gifts and much more.

You Don't Have to Break Down, When You Break Up!

2008-01-10T02:50:00.001-08:00

Very few people would argue with the fact that creating successful relationships is often one of the biggest challenges we face as human beings. The strange thing is that life can become even more challenging when they end. But is it really necessary to break down when you break up?

Below are three simple ideas that will help guide you to re-build your life on your own.

1. Become firmly grounded in the present moment.

If you find yourself on the other side of a relationship, it is important that you have a deep awareness of what you are feeling in the present moment. Continually check in with yourself. Notice what is going on with you if you are experiencing emotional upset. Your body is always in the present, but where is your mind?

It may be very tempting for you to delve into your past replaying events over and over again in your head. The reality is, you can't change your past, so trying to do so is futile. Just accept everything as it is. Find peace around the thought that both of you were operating to the best of your ability, given the circumstances, at any moment in time.

Equally futile is casting your mind into the future, wondering what life could have, would have, should have been like had you stayed with your partner. The truth is that your future is going to look somewhat different to what you may have previously anticipated. Do your best to accept it.

If you manage to stay in the present moment, most of the pain you will experience will be growing pains. You are transforming from one state of being to another. It's not going to be easy. Whether your new state of being is a good one largely comes down to the choices you make. If you take responsibility for where you are right now you will slowly begin to see you life unfold as it should.

2. Breaking up with someone is a creative as well as a destructive process.

It was Pablo Picasso that stated that 'every act of creation is necessarily an act of destruction'.

Whether you like it or not, breaking up with girlfriend, boyfriend, husband or wife is a creative process as much as it is a destructive process. What you are in fact doing is deconstructing your life with your partner and re-creating your life where your partner takes on a different role to the one they had previously. In extreme cases, you may even decide that your partner will have no future role in your life.

This creative process can be turbulent and it can also be profoundly enjoyable and exciting. What you have is an opportunity to start over. If it feels right for you, completely immerse yourself into the creative process. Take the opportunity to try as many new things as you possibly can. You may well astound yourself with what you are capable of doing on your own.

3. Allow yourself to regenerate.

If you are going through a break up allow yourself plenty of time to regenerate. Focus on the things that you can control. Make sure that you exercise regularly, eat properly and get plenty of rest. Read, spend time with family and close friends and spend plenty of time in nature.

Take things slowly, look after yourself and create the time and space in your life necessary to allow yourself to start growing again.

Remember two things.

However you choose to adapt to this change process, it is of critical importance that you remember two things;

i) be kind to yourself and
ii) be kind to your ex-partner.

Whether your break-up was hard fought or amicable, extending compassion to your old friend will help you both immensely in the healing process. Remember that you are both beautifully human, doing the best you can to navigate through this world.

Damien Senn is a Life and Business Coach as well as a fully qualified Chartered Accountant. He helps people create compelling futures.

He is the author of the 'Senn-Sational Success Journal' and has developed his own coaching model called the 'Senn-Sational Success System'.

For your free download '101 things to do before you die' please click the following link:

http://www.senn-sational.com/freeresources.htm

Tips On How To Get Back Together After A Break-Up

2008-01-10T02:49:00.000-08:00

Break-ups occur for various reasons, and some couples are able to move on while the others are still very emotionally attached to their past relationships. For those who are still very emotionally attached, they may want to consider getting back together with their ex.

If you are one of them who decides that you want to win your ex back, you will first need to ask yourself what are the reasons behind your decision.

If loneliness and the fear of not meeting someone new that you will love are the reasons that caused you to make the decision, my sincere advice to you is to stop doing anything and rethink about your decision.

If the above reasons stand true, then your relationship with her is not build strongly out of love. In this case, you just need a companion, which I think it is not a strong enough reason for you to get back together with your ex.

If the reason is that you just need a companion, go out there and find a new one. The relationship with your ex is in the past, you should trust yourself to find a better someone out there.

On the other hand, if the reason of wanting to get back with your ex is because that you still love him or her a lot, then it is worth giving yourself another try. You must ask yourself what are the reasons that caused the both of you to break up, and are willing to fix the problems if you are given a chance to get back together with your ex.

One important thing to note is if you are the one who should be blamed for the break-up, do not belittle yourself and beg for forgiveness. You must still keep your dignity and not be seen as weak in the eyes of your lover.

Put in consistent effort to show him or her that you are serious in salvaging the relationship. By being persistent and patience, you will be able to win your ex back in the near future.

Do you know that for most of the times, the reason for a man who failed to get his ex back is because he does not know how to actually talk to her and rekindle the attraction that she used to have for him? Do not make this mistake now, visit the website below to get more tips on successfully get the girl you want:Sure-Fire Tips To Get the Girl You Want Here...

Please feel free to republish this article on your website, or distribute it to your friends or clients, as long as you leave the above resource box intact.

The Best Break Up Advice

2008-01-09T02:51:00.001-08:00

Extreme Breakup Recovery
Maximum Healing – Minimum Time

If you are going through the emotional rollercoaster of a breakup, feeling pain, anger and depression, know this: You don’t need to suffer one more day over your ex! It doesn’t matter how long you have suffered, it is time to give up the pain and open up to a life free of pain, and the best advice regarding break ups is: USE THIS BREAKUP TO YOUR BENEFIT.

After a breakup, everybody has two choices. One, leave the healing to time. Two, take charge of the recovery process. The first method will take a long time, pain and suffering before healing. It is slow and torturous. The second method, taking control, will allow anyone to accelerate the healing process, learn fast and move on, leaving space to find healthier and more fulfilling love than ever before. You may need some guidance on the steps for a fast and productive emotional healing. We have never been taught how to heal emotionally, so when we go through an emotional situation we are on our own. We need a method, a successfully proven method for emotional healing.

The Extreme F.A.S.T. method is an effective, simple and practical alternative to heal faster than you thought possible. Three facts make this method a very exciting proposition: First, it works; second, anyone can follow it and get results; third, it creates permanent change in the negative pattern of relationships. This method is the ultimate healing tool: a quick, productive, effective and confronting method to heal as fast as you can. The steps are: Face It, Accept It, See The Lessons and Take Yourself To A New Level.

The first step is Face It. The alternative to facing it, is denying it. You can accelerate your healing process by facing what you need to face. It's important to know what to face and how. This is a crucial step to start feeling better.

The second step in the Extreme F.A.S.T. breakup recovery method is Accept It. Acceptance means that we can look into ourselves for honest answers about specific issues from the relationship.

The third step in the Extreme F.A.S.T. breakup recovery method is See The Lessons. Life is always guiding us to what is best for us. Through joyful and painful experiences, you learn lessons that help you grow. The key is to know where to look for the lessons, and how to make sense of the experiences. As you see the particular lessons you prepare for fulfilling and healthy relationships.

The fourth and last step in the Extreme F.A.S.T. breakup recovery method is Take Yourself To A New Level. This means to get to a new level in your life where you can start living in a more fulfilling way.This step also includes specific strategies to increase your self-esteem.

By going through these steps, the Extreme F.A.S.T. breakup recovery method can really help you accelerate your healing and get ready for a new love. To find more information about each step and how to do it yourself read the EXTREME BREAKUP RECOVERY book and follow the worksheets and exercises designed for Maximum Healing in Minimum Time. Your true partner is already on the way; the more you suffer and prolong your healing, the more you will delay his or her arrival.

Adapted from the book "Extreme Breakup Recovery: Maximum Healing Minimum Time," by Jeanette Castelli, M.S. Featuring the Extreme F.A.S.T. breakup recovery method and packed with advice, exercises, worksheets and affirmations. Available online at the website http://ExtremeBreakupRecovery.com , Amazon.com , other online retailers and bookstores. For more information, go to http://ExtremeBreakupRecovery.com

Jeanette Castelli is an expert breakup recovery and relationship coach, international author and speaker. She is an expert in recovery and healing processes, including divorce, breakups, and emotional trauma. To read more about Jeanette Castelli her books and coaching, visit http://JeanetteCastelli.com/

Getting an Exciting Life After a Break Up

2008-01-09T02:50:00.000-08:00

Breaking up.

The End. The journey is over. You feel rejected. Hopeless. You don’t want to go back in the jungle again. You may even have that dread feeling of failure.

Suddenly, all the love songs at the radio seemed to have been written for you. You want to stay in bed. Shut all the doors and the windows. Bring the kids to your relatives for a while. You don’t feel like talking to anybody now. You swear to yourself that you will never get involved with someone again, half believing it.

Life is much more exciting than that. Besides, you are not the last and only person experiencing a separation. And, it might not be your last breakup either. With the proper mental tools, break ups could be less painful.

Breaking up, I prefer to call it an opportunity for a change of habits. It’s like having an addiction and you need to cut yourself from it. It’s painful but necessary. The good news about it is that it doesn’t need to be Hell on Earth. There are effective ways to go through this process with smooth sailing.

First, you absolutely need to stop thinking of the great moments that you had together. Chances are that those moments happened a long time ago, not to mention, not that often either. Keep in mind the reasons of your break up, until your mind is in sync with your heart. And don’t keep in touch with that person for now, if you can. Or reduce the frequency of contacts at its bare minimum.

Write a letter

You need to let the emotions out. Write everything that frustrates you, made you angry, sad, etc… You don’t necessarily need to send it to your previous partner but at least, this is a proven healing process for you to calm the storm inside. You can choose to keep it somewhere to read for yourself later, when the healing process will be over. You might discover some strength that you are not aware about you.

Make new friends.

You need to socialize more the ever. How do you do that? Go to fairs, reading clubs, sports clubs, art clubs, etc… ask questions, make conversations, and exchange phone numbers with people to do activities and keep in touch. Offer to help with something. Friends come fast like that. Don’t jump into another relationship to avoid facing your feelings of emptiness. Chances are that there will be other disappointments. You need to finish the process of unblocking all of your emotions to freely open your heart again to someone else, and increase the chances of success.

Pamper yourself.

Treat yourself. Take naps in the Sun. Get a pedicure. A great massage. Read the bible. Read inspiring texts that will give you strength ( Like the book “Chicken soup for Soul”). Go jogging. Do someYoga. Listen to Jazz music. Eat well. Go pick apples with the kids. You know what I mean; do all the activities that help put your soul to calm.

Stay away from unsupportive people

Neutralized your mind and heart from some comments of your family and friends. I am sure that they really want your good. But they maybe are a little bit …. “clumsy” in the way they express their caring for you “ When are you going the get married? You can’t go from people to people like that! You are getting old, you know?” or “ There are other people you know; 1 lost, 10 found!” (I hate that one). Hang out with people who are taking your mind off things, who understands and gives you the support that you need. I remember reading this about hardships that “ It is not only time that heals the heart, but also all the warmth and love around us.”

Get a Pet

When I broke up with my last boyfriend, I got a cat. He was so tiny and requested so much of my attention that it fulfilled my need to feel wanted. A pet doesn’t replace the love and attention that a boyfriend or girlfriend can give, but, it’s all part of the process of having a full life. So get a dog, a cat, a turtle, whatever provides that added value in your life.

Find at least 3 Passions

You will need to get all the strength that you can possibly have to open your heart to fun. Fill your life to the fullest with different passions.

Take cooking lessons, join travel single groups to Hawaii resorts, try other sports, and try painting, other arts, and hobbies of some kind. Learning a new thing will keep your mind busy, you will have a new skill and will feel good about yourself and, you will be more interesting for a future mate.

One of my friends was single for at least 2 years. She decided to join a badminton club. The first semester, nobody was really interesting for her. In the second semester, there was still no new blood coming. But she still subscribed because she enjoyed the activity so much. The third semester, this dark handsome policeman join the league and it didn’t take long before they hooked up. And today, they share, among other things, this passion. It’s an opportunity to have fun together and to be together.

Date Again.

Yes! You read right! Date again! Jump right back on the Horse again! You need to rebuild your self-esteem and being in situations where people from the opposite sex find you interesting will prevent that you go down into that whole. You don’t need to get deeply emotionally involved. Date to have fun. Keep the relationships light and simple. Where do you find those people? Go on dating sites, classifieds, friends, and acquaintances. Since you are not out to find a husband and wife yet, you won’t be threatening.

Get to the stage of feeling great being single

Take the time to Truly feel fulfilled in a single life. This is a powerful way to find true love because if you are having a great life alone, you will be willing give up your exciting single lifestyle for the person that is really worth it.

Be and Feel Successful

And if you are out for revenge the greatest revenge of all is Success. Take this opportunity to develop your personality even more. Your children, if you have, will be proud of you and people around you will admire your strength and more opportunities will occur.

If you were to consider coming back with your partner, start considering it not before 6 months to a year after the break up. This has given time to you and your partner to reflect on your mutual faults and strengths, and to heal.

Experiencing loss is a difficult moment of our life to pass. But you can take this opportunity to prove to yourself, once again, how much of a winner you are; take this opportunity to transform yourself even more. If you transform your life while you are not in a relationship, with a partner, you will collect the fruits of these initiatives.

The most important thing: laugh, laugh, and laugh. Laugh at every opportunity that life gives you. Feel good and be happy.

Wishing you great success in finding happiness again.

Who is Caroline? She is a growing expert on love, relationship, romance because she is reading extensively on the subject. She is gladly sharing her knowledge and experience. To continue receiving tips on how to get the love life that you want, you can subscribe free to her newsletter at http://www.everydaybetterliving.com

The Best Break Up Advice

2008-01-08T01:33:00.001-08:00

Extreme Breakup Recovery
Maximum Healing – Minimum Time

The second step in the Extreme F.A.S.T. breakup recovery method is Accept It. Acceptance means that we can look into ourselves for honest answers about specific issues from the relationship.

Getting an Exciting Life After a Break Up

2008-01-08T01:32:00.000-08:00

Breaking up.

The End. The journey is over. You feel rejected. Hopeless. You don’t want to go back in the jungle again. You may even have that dread feeling of failure.

Write a letter

Make new friends.

Pamper yourself.

Stay away from unsupportive people

Get a Pet

Find at least 3 Passions

You will need to get all the strength that you can possibly have to open your heart to fun. Fill your life to the fullest with different passions.

Date Again.

Get to the stage of feeling great being single

Be and Feel Successful

The most important thing: laugh, laugh, and laugh. Laugh at every opportunity that life gives you. Feel good and be happy.

Wishing you great success in finding happiness again.

Surviving the Stress of a Relationship Break-Up

2008-01-07T03:52:00.000-08:00

We are all too familiar with this scenario: you have been dating him for quite a while, even though you both know it is not working. Or maybe you have just started dating this hunk and your physical attraction towards him is somehow blinding your ability to think rationally. Whatever situation you are in, the truth is that if something is not right, you need move on. Sometimes, the signs are too obvious for you to see them. They are all over in your partner?s behavior or in yours, in his actions, and in the way you feel about yourself and the relationship at the end of each day. Whatever it is, chances are if you don?t take immediate action, you will regret it.

1. Stop and think. Try to determine what doesn?t feel right and what is the best way to end the relationship. If you cannot find answers for yourself, ask for help. Perhaps a friend can give you a bit more perspective on your situation and help you decide on the best course of action. The key is to understand that you may be in danger at the very worst or, at the very least, that you deserve better.

2. Pay attention to the red flags. You can pretty much tell from the beginning of a relationship if someone is all talk and nothing more. Someone who is a bigot, a controlling freak or a chauvinist may try to hide some of the traits of his character at first, but sooner rather than later, these character traits will begin to surface. Beware, for example, of a man who wants to know your every move at every waking hour or who wants to tell you what to say, what to wear. At the beginning you may think it is cute and romantic that he is ?attentive,? but you may be misinterpreting this behavior. A controlling guy or one that does not understand boundaries is completely out of line and must be dumped at once.

3. Listen to your friends. So many of us have been part of the following scenario: your friend comes over and tells you that he/she is skeptical about your new boyfriend?s behavior. You know you should give your trusted friend the benefit of the doubt over some jerk you just met. Instead, though, you think they are jealous or simply do not know what is really going on. Don?t do this to yourself. If your friend points out some red flags, at least listen and beware. Chances are your loving and trusted friends have your own interests at heart, not your mate?s.

4. Use your female intuition. It is there but most of us never use it in the right context. If you are nervous around this individual, even if you cannot explain it, run. Even if your attraction is stronger than your common sense, get away from this person. Take some time to assess the situation. Perhaps it is only normal jitters because you are so excited about him, but if it still does not feel right after a date or two, get out. There will be others.

5. Once you have made up your mind and are certain you need to move on, make a plan and stick with it. If your mate does not want to end the relationship, most likely you will be put in this situation. You know your circumstances better than anybody else. If you have given this relationship all the chances it deserves and have come to the conclusion that it is best for you to end it, be true to yourself.

6. Stay safe ? both physically and emotionally. This applies to those in long-term relationships as well as those on the dating scene. Your body is your temple, and your spirit is the seed from which all growth stems. They are all you have and must be preserved as unique and precious. Experts agree that most young women that engage in some kind of risky behavior with a partner do it because of feelings of vulnerability or to ?fit in?.

7. Take time to recharge. Even those with the highest self-esteem could get involved in a nasty situation. This will invariably leave you feeling down and sorry for yourself. To help you regain your self-esteem and move on gracefully, refer to my sections on getting over a breakup and building your self-esteem. The advice is simple, sensitive, and very helpful.

Jovanka Ciares is a life coach, motivational speaker and author who teaches women the attitudes, behaviors and skills that they need in order to reach their fullest potential by using the unlimited power that lies within each of them. She participates in conferences and conferences all over the United States and Latin America. She?s the author of ?Don?t Blame Eve? and offers tons of free advice on her website at http://www.selfimprovementwoman.com.

Love Quiz - Will you Break-Up Soon?

2008-01-07T03:50:00.000-08:00

Love and break-up are two sides of the same coin. It is invariably break-up after love.

For most of us it seems inevitable now a days. The question is only of time. Some couples break-up after many years, while some break-up after few months. What about you? Are you nearing a break-up? Quiz yourself and find out if your relationship of love is on brink now. Quiz and find out if the symptoms are already appearing?

How to find out if the break-up is due anytime now? Earlier you enjoyed being with your partner. Is it the same now, or you want to have more of personal space and want to be more with your friends? Quiz your buying habits for your partner. Earlier you gave lot of thought and money was not the only consideration to buy anything for your partner. Are you calculating money now a days? Do you let some occasion go without making a present? Quiz yourself about your talking habits. Earlier you never uttered a word that could hurt your partner. What about now? Are you as careful in selecting your words?

These are small indicators that will tell you the subtle changes that are taking place in your relationship. Watch for these changes and find out if you are sliding down towards an inevitable break-up?

Quiz yourself about your love, your care, your relationships and your desire for each other. Small quizzes will give you hints about large changes. Quiz is a great tool to find out about your life.

CDMohatta writes for ecards, greeting cards and online cards. If you are looking for Free ecards in flash on topics with matching music, on all topics such as love, birthday, congratulations, holidays etc. please click here for Free eCards. If you love solving quizzes, please click here for quizzes on all topics including love, relationship and dating- Love Quiz. To download free desktop wallpapers and animated screensavers on all possible topics, please click on http://www.screene.com.

Break-Ups Are Never Easy, But You Could Make Them Easier!

2008-01-07T03:49:00.000-08:00

This issue is bigger than you think, with thousands every year having to struggle through all of the emotional as well as the practical quagmire. And the unfortunate news is that this type of devastation is on the increase both in Europe and the United States.

Not only the weak and dependent suffer extreme heartache and anxiety when break-ups and separations occur. For some people it can almost feel like the end of the world, and it may seem that no one understands or is able to heal the pain.

Not surprisingly Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy are very helpful in these situations, because they quickly deal with the negative emotions that seem to dwell in us at such traumatic times, such as anger, disappointment, resentment, low self-confidence, self-blame and many more. It then helps us to prepare for a strong and happy future, so that eventually we can return to feeling the way that we want to feel and get back to having some comfort and even enjoyment back in our lives.

You may feel that this is too big to get over and that nothing will take your pain away, however this is because you have issues and other things to resolve. These issues tend to look bigger than they actually are, especially with all of the associated negative emotions that you will currently be experiencing. During session of Hypnotherapy, you will be helped to deal with the emotions and the stress that you are feeling.

This will help you to be able to look into the future with clarity and even find you security. When this happens you will then work on putting your life back together and increasing your motivation to work on goals that you wish to achieve in the future as to ensure that you get out of life exactly what you want!

Hypnotherapy deals with the part of your mind that decides whether you feel sad or happy, it also deals with the part of you mind that creates you perceptions about things. This is why you will be amazed just how quickly you will see the benefits!

One day I was driving down a highway close to my home in Oxfordshire, when another car over took and nearly pushed me off the road. Instantly I felt rage and negative emotions beginning to build ? almost automatically, as though this was the normal thing to happen. This happened while I was on my way to the airport and if it were not for my friend who was with me, then I would have been in this rage until I rose off that tarmac at the Standstead Airport. My friend said something very wise to me that allowed me to instantly look at the scenario from a different perspective, which in turn allowed me to enjoy the rest of my journey. What she said was simple ? ?Maybe his wife has had an accident or his son or daughter is ill?. See what I mean? After looking at it in another way I felt completely different.

In therapy we call this ?re-framing? and even though it is a very small part of the process you can see just how effective it is.
Hypnotherapist, Richard MacKenzie has a page dedicated to using hypnotherapy for break-ups and also has some great Hypnosis Downloads

Quiz Yourself - Will You Survive Break-Up?

2008-01-07T03:48:00.000-08:00

I did everything possible to save our relationship. I gave in a lot, but I could not save. We will be breaking-up soon. That has already broken my heart. This relationship was made brick by brick over so many years. What all we did not do to make it last? But alas, we are breaking -up. This is a typical statement from a person facing break-up. How to survive after a break-up? Will you survive a break-up? Why not quiz yourself about it?

The immediate effect of the break-up would be pain. Will you be able to take the pain? The pain would go away slowly over a number of years, but the initial impact will be high. You will have to gather all your energy and tolerate the pain.

The second effect would be bitterness and blame. You will non stop think about the behavior of your ex partner and fix blame everywhere. You will recap all the arguments and fights and there will be a large amount of self-talk about how you were ditched. That will not be a pleasant experience. You will have to find way out of all this by spending quality time with friends, involving you in new activities, and keep yourself busy. Are you ready for that?

The major effect would be the temptation to join immediately with anew partner. This can work both the ways. Some people never wish to form a relationship again after undergoing the trauma, while some want to form a relationship as soon as possible to forget the earlier one. Both of theses choices carry danger. The best alternative is to wait for sometime and when you find your stability and self esteem back, try and form another relationship. Are you ready for this?

The author, C.D.Mohatta writes for screensavers and wallpapers. He also writes text for ecards and quizzes. You can view and enjoy his work in screensavers and wallpapers. Also send free ecards and enjoy solving fun quiz cards

Break-Ups And Guilt

2008-01-05T04:17:00.001-08:00

How many break-ups also result in feelings of guilt amongst partners? Please take care of guilt before you break-up. Guilt can be a very damaging feeling and can make any life hell. Those who are full of guilt undergo lot of pain asking for forgiveness everywhere, but fail to forgive themselves.

Why guilt? Guilt comes if you have done any wrong that has not been corrected. If you have done wrongs with your partner and refuse to acknowledge them before break-up that will be very painful afterwards. Let me tell you something. Most of us never believe that we have done any wrong. As time passes we realize our wrongs and by that time all is lost. The feelings of guilt therefore take over after that and make life impossible.

Remedy - If you have decided to break-up, please go ahead. Please do what I suggest before you break up. Please ask your partner about what all he/she feels what done wrongly by you. Ask them to tell you about everything, not missing even the smallest detail. Without any arguments, please say sorry for all that. Do not argue. I know that you would not agree with most of the accusations and get angry and protest furiously. But refrain doing that. Say sorry, and apologize profusely and after that try to forget everything. Forgive yourself and continue with your life. This way you will be saving yourself from tremendous amount of guilt that may come afterwards. Act in time before breaking up.

CD Mohatta writes for ecards, screensavers and wallpapers. The topics of his writings include love, inspiration, holidays, birthdays etc. You can view free screensavers, free egreetings and solve fun quzzies on relationship.

Break-Ups And Doubts

2008-01-05T04:16:00.001-08:00

Shall I break-up? Am I right? Or my thinking is wrong somewhere? What if I hurt my partner with the break-up? What if I cannot live normally after break-up? Shall I recover from it? Should I break-up? I am having doubts about the reasons. I am doubtful about the consequences. I am confused. What shall I do?

After life reaches a stage where living together becomes very painful, one begins thinking of break-up. But the doubts can be overwhelming sometimes. They can mar the judgment. They confuse the thinking. This makes life further trouble some. What is the way out?

The first step should be giving your mind little rest. A tense mind tends to lose the way. Relax and let go of these thoughts for few days. Involve yourself in other activities. Relaxing your mind will give you some peace and help you think well. After you begin feeling peaceful, begin writing down your reasons for breaking up. Don't miss anything. Write down all the reasons clearly and write explanations wherever needed. This will give you further insight into why you want to break-up.

Pluses and Minuses - write down both pluses and minuses of the break-up. Read them carefully and weigh them. If necessary, consult a close friend. After you become sure that you must break-up and that will be in your interest and in the interest of your partner, go ahead.

The author, C.D.Mohatta writes for screen savers and desktop wallpapers and fun quizzes and fun tests. The author also writes articles, advice and ideas on break-ups.

How To Stop Your Break-ups And Retrieve Your Lost Lover The Easy Way

2008-01-04T01:15:00.001-08:00

I have often been asked by my friends whether one should keep emphasizing to their partners that he/she has been making small changes and improvements in their life as a result of learning relationship mastery, and whether this would speed up the process of them retrieving their lovers. In fact, some people have been trying so hard to make or even force their partners see the changes in themselves that more often than not, it only push their mates further and further away.

Here are some tips and a simple persuasion technique which you should consider:

1) People need to feel a sense of power. When you are attempting to save your relationship or marriage, make it clear to your partner that they have the ultimate power to decide and that you won't attempt to take that away from them. Forcing a person to make a choice or even to do things undesirable from his point of view will generate resistance.

Here is one simple persuasion technique as taught by Kevin Hogan and which I have been using for a long time without failure: "When someone asks you to do something and you perceive that person to have your best interests in mind, and you would like him to have your best interests in mind, you are strongly motivated to fulfill the request."

I often keep this in mind whenever I want my mate to do things my way. I will try to reflect whether the other person will perceive me to have his/her best interests in mind. More often than not, after using this, my mate would galdly comply my wishes.

2) Have you watched the movie "Fearless"? If not, catch the movie some day. It teaches a very important principle, your greatest enemy is not your mate, not the people around you, but yourself! In anything you do or any conversation you have had with your loved one, constantly reflect and ask yourself: Am I letting my ego take over? Why do I keep wanting to ask him (her) whether he (she) saw the changes I have been trying so hard to make in my life?"

Your mate may tell you that if he or she feels ready for a relationship it will, most likely, not be with you. Always remember that, when an individual announces a position on any issue or point of view, he or she will strongly tend to defend that belief regardless of its accuracy. You would face some resistance from your partner as what you have in mind would not be perceived in the same manner by the other person given his present state of mind or beliefs.

So, do you have to try so hard to show him/her that you have indeed make any changes in your life or on yourself?

Your purpose is not to care too much about showing your mate that you are different, or that you have done things differently now. In fact, you should keep improving yourself, developing yourself spiritually through self cultivation, re-building your confidence and keep enriching your life, for your own sake. You do not need anyone's approval to do this. In this way, your own light will naturally shine through.

3) One of my readers recently wrote me: "If I lose myself and my identity in the process of being with someone, then I have no marriage, no self." This is insightful.

If you are trying to save your relationship or even rebuilding your marriage, you do the best you can be and continue to improve yourself by learning relationship mastery from the resources we are providing you here. Whatever you do or say in your daily life, your approach should not be such that "hey, I want you to return to my side. Come and want me!"

Let me let you into one harsh reality in relationships and marriages, the more desparate you are in wanting to save your relationship, the more frustrated you get in your attempt to save your marriage, the harder you try, the quicker you want to push it to happen, the more you are going to push the one you are trying to retrieve further and further away.

In short, make your desire to retrieve your lover, looks less like wanting to retrieve your lover.

Cucan Pemo is the Best Selling Author for her unconventional Relationship Ebooks at http://www.RetrieveALover.com/home.htm Discover the best and most effective strategies to finding a true love, keeping a true love or even bringing back a lost lover or spouse! FREE MP3 training programs also available at one of her Best family site at http://www.FamilyAndRelationships.com

Break-Up Fake-Out, or Move Out Without the Lout?

2008-01-04T01:13:00.002-08:00

Dear Dr. Neder,

I was reading your article on 10 Signs Its Time to Break Up, so I decided to write. I just broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years (on and off) for various reasons. I broke up with him 2 weeks ago, and now I feel like I made a big mistake.

One of the reasons I broke up with him is because he would sometimes go for days without calling me because he was in one of his "moods". Even though I told him repeatedly how horrible this made me feel, he continued to do it. Another reason was that I always seemed to be giving and never receiving anything.

For instance, he just got a new apartment, so I furnished his bathroom, but a month down the road, he forgot my birthday and then when I reminded him, he still didn't get me anything. Other than that, we had a really good relationship and he said he realized I deserved better and was going to do better.

Do you think I should give him more time to "work on himself" or was breaking up the best for both of us? I would really appreciate your input. Thanks!!

Hello!

You have to answer two questions; one of them is simple and the other more complex.

The first question is this: did you break up with him to punish him? Many people (particularly women) will do this. It's both a threat and a reaction to anger. In other words, you may have just broken up with him to "get him back" for hurting your feelings. Obviously, this isn't a good idea. If you decide this is the case, then you should definitely rethink this action. If you decide it was a mistake, don't just go back and hook up again. You need to get this problem fixed inside of you. Relationships are fragile things. If you continue this type of behavior, you're liable to permanently damage it beyond repair.

The second question will take some time, and is simply this: does this man meet your goals? Of course, you actually have to have relationship goals and very few people do. When you set these goals, you need to really evaluate what you want in your life; how your life will be when you find it and consider every aspect. Be complete and specific, but understand that this may take you many hours. You also need to write this information down somewhere - don't waste your time and just ponder it. That won't get you anywhere. Also, don't focus on "who" at this point, just focus on the "what" and "why".

Once you're done with this project, simply compare this man to your goals. How does he fit and in the areas where he doesn't, are you willing to live with that? If you are, fine. If not, can these things be corrected?

After this exercise, you'll be much better able to determine whether you need to go back to him or not.

Finally, it's entirely reasonable to expect that he'll be involved with special events in your life just like you are with him. If he doesn't seem able to do this, you might want to ask yourself why this is so. Is he so self-centered as to not be able to get involved with anyone else or is he simply so forgetful that you need to get him a calendar?

Best regards...

Dr. Neder, known around the world as a tough, but fair relationship expert, deals with all sorts of dating, sex and relationship issues from a man's perspective. Having written 3 books ("Being a Man in a Woman's World?" series) and is working on others, hundreds of articles, been on hundreds of radio and TV shows, he is funny, direct and intuitive. Vist http://beingaman.com for more!

Break-ups: How To Survive Them

2008-01-04T01:13:00.001-08:00

The loss of a relationship can be incredibly hard - you can feel so much pain. There's not only the grief from losing someone important in your life, but the pain of seeing your hopes and dreams of a future life together disappear as well. Sometimes this is the hardest part - having to totally readjust your view of how you saw your life unfolding in the next 5 to10 years. Suddenly, you can't see into the future and it's scary.

Feeling Like You're Starting Over

You may feel like you're starting over - that you've lost everything that was important to you and you're not sure what to do anymore. It may be hard for you to imagine your life without your partner - your lives have been so intertwined.

Let yourself know that you will get through this.

Having Difficulty Trusting Again

You may find yourself questioning who you can trust, including your own judgement since you may not have expected the break-up. You may wonder if you were wrong to have trusted your partner. You may begin to question how real your relationship was because if it was real how could it be over?

Your ability to trust may feel shaky. You probably trusted your partner, and expected your relationship to last. You may feel alone and abandoned, even if you're the one who decided to leave.

While it takes time, you can re-build trust in yourself and others again. Even though this relationship is over that doesn't mean that you were wrong to trust her/him, and even if you were that doesn't mean that you'll make that mistake again. You can learn from this.

Having an Identity Crisis

You may experience an identity crisis, not knowing who you are any more without your partner. Not necessarily because you didn't have your own identity while in the relationship, but that your relationship had become part of that identity.

This too will change and you will feel more secure in yourself again.

Feeling Triggered

Break-ups can hurt immensely and shake us to our very core. They can throw us right back to the feelings we had in our first relationships - the ones we had with our parents.

If as a child, your relationship with your parents were loving and supportive, you may find yourself wanting to be with them, even wanting to be a child again when it felt safer and easier.

If your relationship with your parents was difficult, lacking, or abusive you may feel some of the feelings that you felt with them (even if you weren't aware of them as a child.) You may feel as though you are drowning in grief and feelings of abandonment. If you feel as though you are being punished or that the break-up means that you are unloveable, or unworthy of love, you are probably triggered - those are messages, beliefs or feelings that usually originate in childhood.

At times of loss, it is very common for feelings, beliefs and memories from past hurts, traumas, and losses to come up. Not only are you dealing with the present loss, but your past losses as well. No wonder, it hurts so much! And, there are ways to cope with triggers.

How To Survive The Triggers

It is really important that you try to separate out which of your feelings, beliefs and responses belong to the present situation and which ones belong to the past. This is hard to do when you're feeling overwhelmed but it can also help you to feel less overwhelmed. Separating past and present feelings will help you to attach less of your pain to the break-up and can help you to feel more hopeful about getting over this break-up, because maybe you are not as upset about the break-up as you thought. You're still just as upset but it can be helpful to know that it's not all about the break up, that some is also coming from the past.

When you know that you are triggered (past feelings and issues are coming to the surface) you can find ways to comfort or reassure yourself, or to deal with those issues in other ways. The first step though is to separate the past from the present.

Ways of separating the past from the present include:

Ask yourself where your feelings are coming from, and notice what you become aware of, including later on in the day.

Notice whether your feelings are familiar to you - whether you've felt this way before - and if so remind yourself that some of your feelings are probably coming from the past.

Spend time being aware of the past origins of your feelings if you know, and if that's not too overwhelming for you.

Let yourself know that even if you don't know where all of your feelings are coming from, it's likely that some of how you are feeling is from the past.

Stages of Grief

You will get through this, even if it doesn't feel like that right now. Grief moves in stages - it has a beginning, middle, and an end phase. It might help to know where you are in the process.

In the beginning, you may feel in shock, denial, or numb. It may be hard for you to believe what has happened. It may be hard to make sense of it all. You may find yourself expecting to come home to your partner or for her/him to call at a regular time only to discover that's not the case any longer. It may take awhile for you to fully comprehend that the relationship is over.

During this phase many people operate as if the relationship is still on even as they grieve the loss. For example, even though you may be really upset, you may not have fully accepted that the relationship is over. Deep down you may be waiting for her/him to come back. (People do this even after a death, it's normal.) This period of disbelief or shock is the body's natural protection against pain.

You may try to get back together even when you know it's over. You may go over and over in your mind and with everyone you talk to what you think led to the break up or what might have made a difference and resulted in a different outcome. This is the "if only" stage - "if only I had...or, if only I hadn't..." we might still be together. If you are doing this, you are likely trying to make sense of what has happened, trying to understand and take it in, and trying to change it too. It's hard to take in that a break up is permanent. You'll need time to fully absorb this reality.

At this stage, you may have trouble remembering things, focusing, and feeling a sense of purpose or direction in their lives - you may feel as though you are drifting through the day. This is a natural initial reaction to loss.

The Second Stage of Grief

The second stage involves feeling fear, anger and depression. This stage often lasts the longest and can be filled with feelings of insecurity, panic, worry, crying, anger, and feelings of depression. Some people don't allow themselves to feel, while others have trouble letting go of how they are feeling. Both are essential - feeling and eventually letting go.

Some people worry that if they let themselves feel that they'll be overcome with emotion and never come out of it - they'll drown in their feelings and not be able to function. Others feel their feelings but can't seem to let go of them even after a lot of time has passed. Either way, it's important to give yourself permission to feel and at some point to let go so that you can move on.

In the beginning, you may think that you will always feel this way, but you won't. Your feelings will pass. You'll discover that the time between down periods increases. Too often with break-ups we don't feel that we have the right to feel upset much longer than a few weeks when the truth is it usually takes longer. I have found that grief tends to run a cycle of at least one year unless of course the relationship wasn't very important, was short-term, or you were grieving before you actually left her/him. But, if you spent a number of years together, and the person was important to you, even if you're the one doing the breaking up you can still be grieving for approximately one year. Of course with very long term relationships, it can take even longer to feel back on your feet but it is still possible to recover.

The Third Stage of Grief

This is the stage where you begin to accept that the relationship is over, and that you're going to be okay. You realize that you haven't thought about your ex-partner in awhile, and that without realizing it you are moving on. You've gained back some of your zest for life, and are beginning to see a future ahead of you.

Sometimes the process involves a little movement forward and a little back. This is okay and perfectly normal, afterall you need to get used to your forward steps and occasionally may need the comfort of what you were feeling before. Try not to be hard on yourself, change is not a linear path. It's full of up's and down's. It's okay to feel good and then feel hurt and angry again, especially if you see her/him in the community or dating someone else.

In the acceptance stage, you've done a lot of thinking about the relationship and the break-up and you realize things that you hadn't before. You understand yourself better, and you aren't as angry or hurt. You find yourself laughing more, and feeling hopeful. You begin to notice that you're feeling better and that you are ready to trust again, or at least to try.

Try not to lose faith if you fall back into a funk - each time that you feel better will have an accumulative effect. Grief comes in waves - up and down.

Sometimes letting go just happens after you've let yourself grieve and rage and whatever else you need to do. Other times, people have to deliberately and consciously focus on letting go. It is tempting to hold on, and scary to let go. Saying to yourself that you are letting go of your ex-partner can be helpful. Interrupting yourself when you get stuck thinking or talking about her/him and redirecting your focus onto something else is all part of letting go.

Filling your life with activities that you enjoy - creative, playful, sociable, soulful activities - are all ways to nurture yourself back to health.

Breaking-up can feel unbearably hard and so permanent. Let yourself know that you won't always feel this way and in the meantime let yourself grieve your losses fully. You will feel stronger and lighter for having done so.

Kali Munro, 2001

Feeling Like You're Starting Over

You may feel like you're starting over - that you've lost everything that was important to you and you're not sure what to do anymore. It may be hard for you to imagine your life without your partner - your lives have been so intertwined.

Let yourself know that you will get through this.

Having Difficulty Trusting Again

You may find yourself questioning who you can trust, including your own judgement since you may not have expected the break-up. You may wonder if you were wrong to have trusted your partner. You may begin to question how real your relationship was because if it was real how could it be over?

Your ability to trust may feel shaky. You probably trusted your partner, and expected your relationship to last. You may feel alone and abandoned, even if you're the one who decided to leave.

While it takes time, you can re-build trust in yourself and others again. Even though this relationship is over that doesn't mean that you were wrong to trust her/him, and even if you were that doesn't mean that you'll make that mistake again. You can learn from this.

Having an Identity Crisis

You may experience an identity crisis, not knowing who you are any more without your partner. Not necessarily because you didn't have your own identity while in the relationship, but that your relationship had become part of that identity.

This too will change and you will feel more secure in yourself again.

Feeling Triggered

Break-ups can hurt immensely and shake us to our very core. They can throw us right back to the feelings we had in our first relationships - the ones we had with our parents.

If as a child, your relationship with your parents were loving and supportive, you may find yourself wanting to be with them, even wanting to be a child again when it felt safer and easier.

If your relationship with your parents was difficult, lacking, or abusive you may feel some of the feelings that you felt with them (even if you weren't aware of them as a child.) You may feel as though you are drowning in grief and feelings of abandonment. If you feel as though you are being punished or that the break-up means that you are unloveable, or unworthy of love, you are probably triggered - those are messages, beliefs or feelings that usually originate in childhood.

At times of loss, it is very common for feelings, beliefs and memories from past hurts, traumas, and losses to come up. Not only are you dealing with the present loss, but your past losses as well. No wonder, it hurts so much! And, there are ways to cope with triggers.

How To Survive The Triggers

It is really important that you try to separate out which of your feelings, beliefs and responses belong to the present situation and which ones belong to the past. This is hard to do when you're feeling overwhelmed but it can also help you to feel less overwhelmed. Separating past and present feelings will help you to attach less of your pain to the break-up and can help you to feel more hopeful about getting over this break-up, because maybe you are not as upset about the break-up as you thought. You're still just as upset but it can be helpful to know that it's not all about the break up, that some is also coming from the past.

When you know that you are triggered (past feelings and issues are coming to the surface) you can find ways to comfort or reassure yourself, or to deal with those issues in other ways. The first step though is to separate the past from the present.

Ways of separating the past from the present include:

Ask yourself where your feelings are coming from, and notice what you become aware of, including later on in the day.

Notice whether your feelings are familiar to you - whether you've felt this way before - and if so remind yourself that some of your feelings are probably coming from the past.

Spend time being aware of the past origins of your feelings if you know, and if that's not too overwhelming for you.

Let yourself know that even if you don't know where all of your feelings are coming from, it's likely that some of how you are feeling is from the past.

Stages of Grief

You will get through this, even if it doesn't feel like that right now. Grief moves in stages - it has a beginning, middle, and an end phase. It might help to know where you are in the process.

In the beginning, you may feel in shock, denial, or numb. It may be hard for you to believe what has happened. It may be hard to make sense of it all. You may find yourself expecting to come home to your partner or for her/him to call at a regular time only to discover that's not the case any longer. It may take awhile for you to fully comprehend that the relationship is over.

During this phase many people operate as if the relationship is still on even as they grieve the loss. For example, even though you may be really upset, you may not have fully accepted that the relationship is over. Deep down you may be waiting for her/him to come back. (People do this even after a death, it's normal.) This period of disbelief or shock is the body's natural protection against pain.

You may try to get back together even when you know it's over. You may go over and over in your mind and with everyone you talk to what you think led to the break up or what might have made a difference and resulted in a different outcome. This is the "if only" stage - "if only I had...or, if only I hadn't..." we might still be together. If you are doing this, you are likely trying to make sense of what has happened, trying to understand and take it in, and trying to change it too. It's hard to take in that a break up is permanent. You'll need time to fully absorb this reality.

At this stage, you may have trouble remembering things, focusing, and feeling a sense of purpose or direction in their lives - you may feel as though you are drifting through the day. This is a natural initial reaction to loss.

The Second Stage of Grief

The second stage involves feeling fear, anger and depression. This stage often lasts the longest and can be filled with feelings of insecurity, panic, worry, crying, anger, and feelings of depression. Some people don't allow themselves to feel, while others have trouble letting go of how they are feeling. Both are essential - feeling and eventually letting go.

Some people worry that if they let themselves feel that they'll be overcome with emotion and never come out of it - they'll drown in their feelings and not be able to function. Others feel their feelings but can't seem to let go of them even after a lot of time has passed. Either way, it's important to give yourself permission to feel and at some point to let go so that you can move on.

In the beginning, you may think that you will always feel this way, but you won't. Your feelings will pass. You'll discover that the time between down periods increases. Too often with break-ups we don't feel that we have the right to feel upset much longer than a few weeks when the truth is it usually takes longer. I have found that grief tends to run a cycle of at least one year unless of course the relationship wasn't very important, was short-term, or you were grieving before you actually left her/him. But, if you spent a number of years together, and the person was important to you, even if you're the one doing the breaking up you can still be grieving for approximately one year. Of course with very long term relationships, it can take even longer to feel back on your feet but it is still possible to recover.

The Third Stage of Grief

This is the stage where you begin to accept that the relationship is over, and that you're going to be okay. You realize that you haven't thought about your ex-partner in awhile, and that without realizing it you are moving on. You've gained back some of your zest for life, and are beginning to see a future ahead of you.

Sometimes the process involves a little movement forward and a little back. This is okay and perfectly normal, afterall you need to get used to your forward steps and occasionally may need the comfort of what you were feeling before. Try not to be hard on yourself, change is not a linear path. It's full of up's and down's. It's okay to feel good and then feel hurt and angry again, especially if you see her/him in the community or dating someone else.

In the acceptance stage, you've done a lot of thinking about the relationship and the break-up and you realize things that you hadn't before. You understand yourself better, and you aren't as angry or hurt. You find yourself laughing more, and feeling hopeful. You begin to notice that you're feeling better and that you are ready to trust again, or at least to try.

Try not to lose faith if you fall back into a funk - each time that you feel better will have an accumulative effect. Grief comes in waves - up and down.

Sometimes letting go just happens after you've let yourself grieve and rage and whatever else you need to do. Other times, people have to deliberately and consciously focus on letting go. It is tempting to hold on, and scary to let go. Saying to yourself that you are letting go of your ex-partner can be helpful. Interrupting yourself when you get stuck thinking or talking about her/him and redirecting your focus onto something else is all part of letting go.

Filling your life with activities that you enjoy - creative, playful, sociable, soulful activities - are all ways to nurture yourself back to health.

Breaking-up can feel unbearably hard and so permanent. Let yourself know that you won't always feel this way and in the meantime let yourself grieve your losses fully. You will feel stronger and lighter for having done so.

Kali Munro, 2001

Kali Munro, M.Ed., is a psychotherapist in private practice with twenty years experience. She offers free healing resources at her site, KaliMunro.com

Ten Easy, Yet Powerful way to get in the spirit to date again after a break-up or time-out

2008-01-04T01:12:00.001-08:00

Ten Easy, yet Powerful ways to get in the spirit to date again after a break-up or time-out
Divorce and relationship break-up are devastating to most people. Most have learned that jumping from the frying pan into the fire is not a good thing. However, we can get ourselves into a deep rut and have difficulty looking out again for a relationship. Here are some ways to get the energy moving to see over the top of the valley!

.
1. Smile at the world. Have fun. Look for positive in everyone you meet. Increase your awareness. Like attracts like. You never know who you meet when you smile.

2. Look at your surroundings . Are there negative “leftovers" from former relationship/s? Remove what no longer is positive for you. Surround yourself with things that bring you joy. You may want to consider the feng shui of your environment.

3.Make changes to what you hear . What music puts you in a romantic mood? Spend some time each day listening to your special music. Avoid listening to news that is negative or anything that puts you in a negative mindset.

4.Consider your sniffer! : Is it time to consider new cologne, aromatherapy? Again, explore what smells great to you. Burn some scented candles, place some scented oil at your desk, by your bed.

5.Look in the mirror! Wear clothing that makes you feel good about yourself. Time for a new hair style or other changes?

6.Those taste buds! Eat food that is light and gives you uplifting energy and that you enjoy.

7.Read singles ads in newspaper or internet: Start to consider the qualities that you would love to have in another person in your life.

9.Consider how your spend your time: . Know that if finding a relationship is valuable to you, consider what time will you create for this new adventure.

10. When you are ready, Affirm to the Universe your worthiness and intention to date again.
We have all heard the clich, you get what you ask for. We know that clarity about what we want
Increases exponentially the chances of receiving it.

Jennifer Wright is an Occupational Therapist and Personal Singles Coach. Internationally, she has co-created with singles iver 40 to find the love of their lives. Find out more at www.wrightdirection.com.

Ten Easy, yet Powerful ways to get in the spirit to date again after a break-up

2008-01-04T01:11:00.001-08:00

Ten easy ways that can change your attitude and get you out of a rut and move int direction of dating again.
Divorce and relationship break-up are devastating to most people. Most have learned that jumping from the frying pan into the fire is not a good thing. However, we can get ourselves into a deep rut and have difficulty looking out again for a relationship. Here are some ways to get the energy moving and get un-stuck!

1. Smile at the world. Have fun. Look for positive in everyone you meet. Increase your awareness. Like attracts like. You never know who you meet when you smile.

2. Look at your physical environment . Are there negative leftovers from former relationship/s? Pictures, gifts? Remove what no longer is positive for you. Surround yourself with things that bring you joy. You may want to consider the feng shui of your environment.

3. Make changes to what you hear . What music puts you in a romantic mood? Spend some time each day listening to your special tunes. Avoid listening to news that is negative or anything that puts you in a negative mindset.

4. Consider your sniffer! Is it time to consider new cologne, aromatherapy? Again, explore what smells great to you. Burn some scented candles, place some scented oil at your desk, by your bed.

5. Look in the mirror! Wear clothing that makes you feel good about yourself. Time for a new hair style?

6. Thosewonderful taste buds! Eat food that is light and gives you uplifting energy!

7. Read singles ads in newspaper or on internet Start to consider the qualities that you would love to have in another person in your life.

8. Do the inner work. Clear the closets of your mind/emotions/ and spirit of negative ideas about dating and relationships. This is a big one and may take time and energy if you have not attended to this earlier on. 9. Consider how your spend your time: . Know that if finding a relationship is valuable to you, consider what time will you create for this new adventure.

10. When you are ready, Affirm to the Universe your worthiness and intention to date again. We have all heard the clich, you get what you ask for. We know that clarity about what we want increases exponentially the chances of receiving it.

Jennifer is teacher, author, public speaker, occupational therapist and international email and telephone personal and career coach. She co-creates, with great women over the age of 40,the vision and actualization of a life of choice, spirit, and integrity.

Break-ups: How To Survive Them

2008-01-04T01:09:00.000-08:00

Feeling Like You're Starting Over

You may feel like you're starting over - that you've lost everything that was important to you and you're not sure what to do anymore. It may be hard for you to imagine your life without your partner - your lives have been so intertwined.

Let yourself know that you will get through this.

Having Difficulty Trusting Again

You may find yourself questioning who you can trust, including your own judgement since you may not have expected the break-up. You may wonder if you were wrong to have trusted your partner. You may begin to question how real your relationship was because if it was real how could it be over?

Your ability to trust may feel shaky. You probably trusted your partner, and expected your relationship to last. You may feel alone and abandoned, even if you're the one who decided to leave.

While it takes time, you can re-build trust in yourself and others again. Even though this relationship is over that doesn't mean that you were wrong to trust her/him, and even if you were that doesn't mean that you'll make that mistake again. You can learn from this.

Having an Identity Crisis

You may experience an identity crisis, not knowing who you are any more without your partner. Not necessarily because you didn't have your own identity while in the relationship, but that your relationship had become part of that identity.

This too will change and you will feel more secure in yourself again.

Feeling Triggered

Break-ups can hurt immensely and shake us to our very core. They can throw us right back to the feelings we had in our first relationships - the ones we had with our parents.

If as a child, your relationship with your parents were loving and supportive, you may find yourself wanting to be with them, even wanting to be a child again when it felt safer and easier.

If your relationship with your parents was difficult, lacking, or abusive you may feel some of the feelings that you felt with them (even if you weren't aware of them as a child.) You may feel as though you are drowning in grief and feelings of abandonment. If you feel as though you are being punished or that the break-up means that you are unloveable, or unworthy of love, you are probably triggered - those are messages, beliefs or feelings that usually originate in childhood.

At times of loss, it is very common for feelings, beliefs and memories from past hurts, traumas, and losses to come up. Not only are you dealing with the present loss, but your past losses as well. No wonder, it hurts so much! And, there are ways to cope with triggers.

How To Survive The Triggers

It is really important that you try to separate out which of your feelings, beliefs and responses belong to the present situation and which ones belong to the past. This is hard to do when you're feeling overwhelmed but it can also help you to feel less overwhelmed. Separating past and present feelings will help you to attach less of your pain to the break-up and can help you to feel more hopeful about getting over this break-up, because maybe you are not as upset about the break-up as you thought. You're still just as upset but it can be helpful to know that it's not all about the break up, that some is also coming from the past.

When you know that you are triggered (past feelings and issues are coming to the surface) you can find ways to comfort or reassure yourself, or to deal with those issues in other ways. The first step though is to separate the past from the present.

Ways of separating the past from the present include:

Ask yourself where your feelings are coming from, and notice what you become aware of, including later on in the day.

Notice whether your feelings are familiar to you - whether you've felt this way before - and if so remind yourself that some of your feelings are probably coming from the past.

Spend time being aware of the past origins of your feelings if you know, and if that's not too overwhelming for you.

Let yourself know that even if you don't know where all of your feelings are coming from, it's likely that some of how you are feeling is from the past.

Stages of Grief

You will get through this, even if it doesn't feel like that right now. Grief moves in stages - it has a beginning, middle, and an end phase. It might help to know where you are in the process.

In the beginning, you may feel in shock, denial, or numb. It may be hard for you to believe what has happened. It may be hard to make sense of it all. You may find yourself expecting to come home to your partner or for her/him to call at a regular time only to discover that's not the case any longer. It may take awhile for you to fully comprehend that the relationship is over.

During this phase many people operate as if the relationship is still on even as they grieve the loss. For example, even though you may be really upset, you may not have fully accepted that the relationship is over. Deep down you may be waiting for her/him to come back. (People do this even after a death, it's normal.) This period of disbelief or shock is the body's natural protection against pain.

You may try to get back together even when you know it's over. You may go over and over in your mind and with everyone you talk to what you think led to the break up or what might have made a difference and resulted in a different outcome. This is the "if only" stage - "if only I had...or, if only I hadn't..." we might still be together. If you are doing this, you are likely trying to make sense of what has happened, trying to understand and take it in, and trying to change it too. It's hard to take in that a break up is permanent. You'll need time to fully absorb this reality.

At this stage, you may have trouble remembering things, focusing, and feeling a sense of purpose or direction in their lives - you may feel as though you are drifting through the day. This is a natural initial reaction to loss.

The Second Stage of Grief

The second stage involves feeling fear, anger and depression. This stage often lasts the longest and can be filled with feelings of insecurity, panic, worry, crying, anger, and feelings of depression. Some people don't allow themselves to feel, while others have trouble letting go of how they are feeling. Both are essential - feeling and eventually letting go.

Some people worry that if they let themselves feel that they'll be overcome with emotion and never come out of it - they'll drown in their feelings and not be able to function. Others feel their feelings but can't seem to let go of them even after a lot of time has passed. Either way, it's important to give yourself permission to feel and at some point to let go so that you can move on.

In the beginning, you may think that you will always feel this way, but you won't. Your feelings will pass. You'll discover that the time between down periods increases. Too often with break-ups we don't feel that we have the right to feel upset much longer than a few weeks when the truth is it usually takes longer. I have found that grief tends to run a cycle of at least one year unless of course the relationship wasn't very important, was short-term, or you were grieving before you actually left her/him. But, if you spent a number of years together, and the person was important to you, even if you're the one doing the breaking up you can still be grieving for approximately one year. Of course with very long term relationships, it can take even longer to feel back on your feet but it is still possible to recover.

The Third Stage of Grief

This is the stage where you begin to accept that the relationship is over, and that you're going to be okay. You realize that you haven't thought about your ex-partner in awhile, and that without realizing it you are moving on. You've gained back some of your zest for life, and are beginning to see a future ahead of you.

Sometimes the process involves a little movement forward and a little back. This is okay and perfectly normal, afterall you need to get used to your forward steps and occasionally may need the comfort of what you were feeling before. Try not to be hard on yourself, change is not a linear path. It's full of up's and down's. It's okay to feel good and then feel hurt and angry again, especially if you see her/him in the community or dating someone else.

In the acceptance stage, you've done a lot of thinking about the relationship and the break-up and you realize things that you hadn't before. You understand yourself better, and you aren't as angry or hurt. You find yourself laughing more, and feeling hopeful. You begin to notice that you're feeling better and that you are ready to trust again, or at least to try.

Try not to lose faith if you fall back into a funk - each time that you feel better will have an accumulative effect. Grief comes in waves - up and down.

Sometimes letting go just happens after you've let yourself grieve and rage and whatever else you need to do. Other times, people have to deliberately and consciously focus on letting go. It is tempting to hold on, and scary to let go. Saying to yourself that you are letting go of your ex-partner can be helpful. Interrupting yourself when you get stuck thinking or talking about her/him and redirecting your focus onto something else is all part of letting go.

Filling your life with activities that you enjoy - creative, playful, sociable, soulful activities - are all ways to nurture yourself back to health.

Breaking-up can feel unbearably hard and so permanent. Let yourself know that you won't always feel this way and in the meantime let yourself grieve your losses fully. You will feel stronger and lighter for having done so.

Kali Munro, 2001

Kali Munro, M.Ed., is a psychotherapist in private practice with twenty years experience. She offers free healing resources at her site, KaliMunro.com