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Monday, February 11, 2008

How To Quickly Recover From a Break Up

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It's hard to get over a breakup. The main reason is because most men cling to a small hope of getting back with the woman who just broke their heart.

This is a tough cycle. First, you feel the pain of the break up itself. Then you add gut wrenching hope that she will one day realize she made a mistake, fill regretful for breaking up with you, and come back to you again. And the last pain is felt: the realization she is out of your life for good.

Fortunately there is a way to make a breakup less painful and be able to recover from it quickly. I will discuss exactly how to do that in this article.

In a relationship, there are things you can control and things you can't control. Once a woman has decided to leave you, you cannot prevent her from doing so. However you can control how you respond to her leaving. Most men respond by making the situation a lot harder to go through than it has to be. Their behavior typically is along these lines: they mope around for a while, looking at photographs taken of them and their lover, and generally get trapped in thinking about how things were.

Danger: this path to breakup recovery is fraught with peril. What you are doing is intensify your emotions of grief, compounding your loneliness by revisiting what once was that will never be again. This is typically how most men handle a breakup.

There is a better way. I'll be the first to admit that breaking up is hard. But to lessen the sting, you mustn't dwell on your negative emotions. Instead of thinking about the past, think about the future.

I think it's important for you to understand that a breakup is typically harder for a man than a woman. Why? Because a key aspect of recovering from a break up is by going out with new people. Men in general have a tougher time with going out with new women than women do with men. Women can simply go to any social situation and have men approach her. A distraught, grief stricken man not only has to deal with his emotions, but he must also prepare for approaching a new woman and feel the pain of being rejected again.

To make matters worse, he must approach her in a diminished capacity, still carrying around his sadness for his recent breakup.

So how does a man recover from a breakup quickly? First, you must snap out of your "victim mentally". You only start to recover from a break up when you stop feeling sorry for yourself. Repeat to yourself: "Life will go on." It always does.

Next, you must avoid living in the past and revisiting those painful emotions. Sometimes you have to amputate a limb before the disease can spread to the body. It's painful, but it's quick and better than the alternative. You must have the same approach with old love letters, mementos and photos. Burn them or throw them away. If you find this too difficult to do, it means you are still stuck hoping she will come back to you and you are in a desperate situation.

By destroying these mementos though, you will give yourself permission to move on. this is very important.

It's also important to surround yourself with others who DO care about you. Close friends and family. Now is a perfect time to strengthen those relationships. Chances are you have probably neglected a few of them because of all the time you were spending with your now ex-girlfriend. Also, use this time to do something for yourself to increase your self esteem. Learn something new, improve your skills, or start getting in better shape.

Finally, don't let her control your life anymore. Make a commitment to get back out in the dating world and find someone who is of even higher quality than her. If you want to talk about increasing your self esteem, nothing is better for this than finding someone even more desirable and attractive than the person who broke up with you.

Doing so will actually make you thank her for breaking up with you in the first place.

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