After The Break Up

                

 

Let me tell you about my major break-up and how I managed to move on from it.

My ex-husband and I tried just about our entire relationship to make it work as best we knew how. His version and mine on how to do this differed more than you might imagine - he thought cheating on me was a good idea, and I didn't. I wanted to keep the marriage going because I had my three kids with him and I didn't want them to experience a childhood without their dad as I had. Growing up without any involvement from my dad (his choice) always had me feeling I wasn't worth it.

I gave it several attempts to get past what he'd done, but I just couldn't do it. We'd split a few times only to get back together to see if this time we could make it. Not long after he would move back in, he'd go back to treating me the way he had before, and this last had to be the last time. The last time he moved out ended up being the best day of my life.

I had been in a major funk: I had no friends my that husband would allow me to see because they were guys. All but one of my best friends are men, always has been that way. No funny business ever, just friends. Anyway, I literally woke up one day thinking there had to be more to my life than feeling worthless and holding no value. My kids needed me and I needed them more. I knew I'd been slacking as a mom but I couldn't seem to help myself. The good news is that I woke up morning. There must have been something wicked in that coffee because I had a new focus: Finding me.

I went out and got my old job back and got off welfare. The kids' dad would take them on Friday's before my shift and I'd pick them up Sunday after my shift. I put in a full week of waiting tables from Friday 3 pm to Sunday 9 pm so I wouldn't have to pay a sitter. That left me Monday through Thursday to be nothing but mom.

Getting involved with someone new was not on my agenda, I was becoming known as the Freezer Queen at work. When I moved into a new place, it was a new beginning and I took full advantage of it. I made new friends and went out when the kids were at their dads. I needed to get back to me and even though my kids were my reason for the start back to life, without people my own age to converse with I was without another factor I had to have. People in your life are essential to living. You need them as much as they need you, whether you know it or not.

Your relationship may be over, but you are not. Find one thing about yourself that you can hold onto to help you pull yourself up and begin again. It can be the smallest thing but end up being your life saver

How To Deal With A Break Up

                

 

To learn how to deal with a break up you should first understand that it's still possible to get back together and if that doesn't work it's not the end of world anyway and there are many other great opportunities for new relationships that shouldn't be missed out just because you got stuck on this one.

But before you start trying to get back together you need to take some time off your relationship that got into dead end even if that seems as impossible task because you want it so badly and patience is not what you are looking for. Well both of you need to forget about negative emotions that come with breakup and your eagerness and impatience will be as major turnoff for your ex lover and additional reason to avoid any contact with you.

Any break up event makes the one who was dumped less confident about their self and regaining that confidence is one of most essential parts to learning how to deal with a break up because it will ensure that next time you meet your ex lover this mystery why you aren't feeling bad about breaking up will make your ex curious and think about it more and more with each encounter.

To regain your confidence simply go out and socialize with friends or family and possibly even meet new people to make this more fun and useful since you possibly could meet someone for a potentially new much better relationship. Do this even more frequently than before when you were in relationship as you now have more free time and can try even dating with someone. This will also allow you to think less of any negative emotions related to recent breakup.

Also working out is great way to work on yourself and increase your confidence since you will look better and most importantly feel better because you are increasing your energy levels as well. Once you feel that your confidence level is back on track and are ready to meet your ex try to make this encounter as occasional as possible to not trigger any assumptions that you are trying to get back together. If this happens in crowded event when you are not alone with your ex try to not push and keep it light.

Short conversation that includes only small talk about non relationship topics is advisable and then find a way to show yourself as having fun with other people. What's most important is to show that you were not damaged by that breakup and continue to live your life fully and having fun even without your ex.

With each next encounter you can start having longer conversations and slowly involving also relationship topics but try to limit those to things that were high points for both of you and only associated positive feelings. Such situations usually can be found during beginning stages of any relationship so basically try to remember what made it clinch for both of you back then and try to repeat something similar.

For more articles on this subject please visit my site at Articlepedia.org and turn your life upside down filled with positive emotions.

How to deal with a break up

How To Quickly Recover From a Break Up

                

 

It's hard to get over a breakup. The main reason is because most men cling to a small hope of getting back with the woman who just broke their heart.

This is a tough cycle. First, you feel the pain of the break up itself. Then you add gut wrenching hope that she will one day realize she made a mistake, fill regretful for breaking up with you, and come back to you again. And the last pain is felt: the realization she is out of your life for good.

Fortunately there is a way to make a breakup less painful and be able to recover from it quickly. I will discuss exactly how to do that in this article.

In a relationship, there are things you can control and things you can't control. Once a woman has decided to leave you, you cannot prevent her from doing so. However you can control how you respond to her leaving. Most men respond by making the situation a lot harder to go through than it has to be. Their behavior typically is along these lines: they mope around for a while, looking at photographs taken of them and their lover, and generally get trapped in thinking about how things were.

Danger: this path to breakup recovery is fraught with peril. What you are doing is intensify your emotions of grief, compounding your loneliness by revisiting what once was that will never be again. This is typically how most men handle a breakup.

There is a better way. I'll be the first to admit that breaking up is hard. But to lessen the sting, you mustn't dwell on your negative emotions. Instead of thinking about the past, think about the future.

I think it's important for you to understand that a breakup is typically harder for a man than a woman. Why? Because a key aspect of recovering from a break up is by going out with new people. Men in general have a tougher time with going out with new women than women do with men. Women can simply go to any social situation and have men approach her. A distraught, grief stricken man not only has to deal with his emotions, but he must also prepare for approaching a new woman and feel the pain of being rejected again.

To make matters worse, he must approach her in a diminished capacity, still carrying around his sadness for his recent breakup.

So how does a man recover from a breakup quickly? First, you must snap out of your "victim mentally". You only start to recover from a break up when you stop feeling sorry for yourself. Repeat to yourself: "Life will go on." It always does.

Next, you must avoid living in the past and revisiting those painful emotions. Sometimes you have to amputate a limb before the disease can spread to the body. It's painful, but it's quick and better than the alternative. You must have the same approach with old love letters, mementos and photos. Burn them or throw them away. If you find this too difficult to do, it means you are still stuck hoping she will come back to you and you are in a desperate situation.

By destroying these mementos though, you will give yourself permission to move on. this is very important.

It's also important to surround yourself with others who DO care about you. Close friends and family. Now is a perfect time to strengthen those relationships. Chances are you have probably neglected a few of them because of all the time you were spending with your now ex-girlfriend. Also, use this time to do something for yourself to increase your self esteem. Learn something new, improve your skills, or start getting in better shape.

Finally, don't let her control your life anymore. Make a commitment to get back out in the dating world and find someone who is of even higher quality than her. If you want to talk about increasing your self esteem, nothing is better for this than finding someone even more desirable and attractive than the person who broke up with you.

Doing so will actually make you thank her for breaking up with you in the first place.

Kurt Dight has created a free 5 day mini course on "how to seduce almost any woman". It is available for instant access for a limited time at http://www.dating-secrets2.com/

3 Ways to Begin Healing After a Relationship Break Up or Divorce

                

 

Breaking up can be a very traumatic event and almost always causes huge changes in a person's life. Moving on after a relationship break up can be very difficult. You can feel stuck for a very long time and it might even be difficult to go through normal activities.

Healing a broken heart and moving on after a breakup or divorce is something that can take time but time is not the only factor in the healing process. There are some other things that you can do to help yourself recover and move on with your life.

If you have recently suffered a break up and it's been difficult for you, here are 3 ways to heal you heal and get your life back...

1. Give yourself the space and the time to grieve the relationship without drowning in your grief. When there has been a relationship breakup or divorce, it’s often tempting to do things that keep your grief alive. You might be tempted to play music that was special to you and your partner, to visit places where you went together as a couple, and to constantly think and worry about your ex. If you find yourself doing this and it is causing you pain, stop doing it. If you need to, set aside time to cry everyday, but don't keep yourself stuck in your past.

2. Start looking at "what is" instead of focusing on "what was" or "what might have been." One of the biggest ways people keep themselves from moving on after a break up or divorce is that they live in a fantasy world about what the relationship was or could have been. If you truly want to heal from this relationship, take a realistic look at what is and was actually true about this relationship and accept this truth, instead of conjuring up stories that have no basis of truth.

3. Take some time to figure out what you learned from this relationship and what you want in a new relationship before you start dating again. Your friends may give you relationship advice that urges you to start dating as soon as possible. Before you do, it's important to take the time and space to heal your heart and to discover what you want in your life. While it's normal to dwell in the past after a break up, looking toward what you want will help you to heal.

We suggest that today you begin your healing process and start shaping your life the way you want it to be.

Susie and Otto Collins are Relationship Coaches and authors who help people create lives that are filled with more passion, love and connection. For more tips and a free mini-course on how to move on after a relationship break-up or divorce, visit http://www.HowToHealYourBrokenHeart.com/indexminicoursesignup.html

Break-up Advice for Men - Don't Leave Like a Louse!

                

 

BREAK-UP ETIQUETTE FOR THE “UNENLIGHTENED” MAN

Imagine this.

Imagine that you report to your job for what would appear to be a typical work day. From all previous indications, your employer has been very satisfied with your performance. You arrive early, get to your office door, and the key won’t fit. It appears that the lock has been changed. Even worse, you notice your nameplate has been removed from the door as well. There’s no one around to ask questions. But it‘s obvious that your worst fear has been realized; you’ve been fired! And with no warning, no explanation, and no recourse!

Imagine the confusion and the many unanswered questions this scenario would cause. Imagine the anger and disappointment. Multiply it by 100 times. That’s a fraction of what it feels like to a woman you’ve mysteriously dumped!

Let’s face it. Sometimes the need to sever ties from a former partner happens. “You’ve lost that lovin’ feeling” or an old flame resurfaces to light your fire. Or perhaps it’s just irreconcilable differences. And it makes no sense to stick around and stay miserable. Right? It happens. There’s really no totally pain free way to move on.

But that doesn’t mean you should have a callous attitude, or opt for the coward’s way out. Contrary to the popular song-- there aren’t “50 ways to leave your lover!” The way you leave a relationship speaks volumes about the type of “man” you are. It also shapes a woman’s future perceptions of herself and love in general. Bitter break-ups produce bitter women!

Here’s an online blog entry from a “woman scorned” that typifies many women’s experiences: “I’m feeling so rejected, hurt and confused lately. Not a peep from the jerk. How could I have misread him so? I really thought he was a stand-up guy. I just don’t understand why every guy I have fallen for in the past 4 years has pulled practically the same thing.”

Unfortunately, cycles perpetuate. Peter pays for the sins of Paul. According to John Gray, Ph.D. and author of Mars and Venus on a Date, “Good endings create good beginnings.” As someone who has been both the dumper and the dumpee in my relationships, I can attest, there is an art to ending an affair.

Here’s the “politically correct” way to pull it off!

¨ DON’T FALL FOR THE GRASS IS GREENER FALLACY--ASSESS. Before leaving one woman to run to the arms of another, make sure that what you are risking is worth the tradeoff! Many times guys find a new love interest enticing just because of the unexplored pleasures and possibilities. The novelty. After the passage of time and getting to know the person, they find that what they bargained for is really less than what they already had. And often too late to do anything to rectify the situation.

¨ BE SENSITIVE TO HER FEELINGS- Practice the Golden Rule. Don’t take the easy way out by sending her an E-mail or leaving a message on her answering machine. It’s really uncool and unkind. Unless she has a history of violence, do it in person. Or by a phone call, or a caring, compassionate letter.

¨ IF THERE IS SOMETHING THAT CAN BE WORKED UPON, TALK IT OUT FIRST. Communication is crucial to any successful, enduring relationship.

¨ DON’T BASH HER OR BLAME HER FOR EVERYTHING THAT WENT WRONG. It takes two to make or break a relationship. ¨ HAVE A HEART- If there’s something that you can share in the way of constructive criticism that might help in the future, then do so.

¨ DON’T OFFER FRIENDSHIP- At least not right away. It’s offensive, and feels like a demotion. Unless the two of you started out as friends initially.

¨ KEEP IN MIND A BASIC LAW OF THE UNIVERSE—What goes around comes around. Karma is a killer!

¨ DON’T KISS AND TELL—It’s in poor taste, and if it gets back to her, it would only serve to deepen her pain

¨ DON’T MAKE A MOVE ON HER BEST FRIEND! For reasons that I hope are obvious.

¨ GIVE HER AN EXPLANATION THAT’S FAIR AND REASONABLE—Please don’t use the line that you need to “find yourself” it’s getting old!

¨ DON’T BEOME M.I.A. (Missing in action)—Many immature and insensitive guys choose this exit strategy. They simply stop calling or coming around “cold-turkey”, concluding that a woman will eventually “figure it out”. The terrible thing about this way of operating, is that it is the worse of all. It never allows a lover to bring closure to the relationship and heal properly.

Keep in mind that these are general guidelines. Each situation should be evaluated on an individual basis. For example, if there is concern that a woman has the potential to become a “fatal attraction,” you may want to just change your address, go into seclusion for a while, and forget the above steps! Good luck with that.

HERE’S HOPING FOR SMOOTHER TRANSITIONS AND LASTING LOVE!

Jennifer Brown Banks is a veteran freelance writer, and writes a weekly relationship column for Online Dating Magazine. She is the author of "A Paradox in Pink."

Break-Ups And Doubts

                

 

Shall I break-up? Am I right? Or my thinking is wrong somewhere? What if I hurt my partner with the break-up? What if I cannot live normally after break-up? Shall I recover from it? Should I break-up? I am having doubts about the reasons. I am doubtful about the consequences. I am confused. What shall I do?

After life reaches a stage where living together becomes very painful, one begins thinking of break-up. But the doubts can be overwhelming sometimes. They can mar the judgment. They confuse the thinking. This makes life further trouble some. What is the way out?

The first step should be giving your mind little rest. A tense mind tends to lose the way. Relax and let go of these thoughts for few days. Involve yourself in other activities. Relaxing your mind will give you some peace and help you think well. After you begin feeling peaceful, begin writing down your reasons for breaking up. Don't miss anything. Write down all the reasons clearly and write explanations wherever needed. This will give you further insight into why you want to break-up.

Pluses and Minuses - write down both pluses and minuses of the break-up. Read them carefully and weigh them. If necessary, consult a close friend. After you become sure that you must break-up and that will be in your interest and in the interest of your partner, go ahead.

The author, C.D.Mohatta writes for screen savers and desktop wallpapers and fun quizzes and fun tests. The author also writes articles, advice and ideas on break-ups.