After The Break Up

                

 

Let me tell you about my major break-up and how I managed to move on from it.

My ex-husband and I tried just about our entire relationship to make it work as best we knew how. His version and mine on how to do this differed more than you might imagine - he thought cheating on me was a good idea, and I didn't. I wanted to keep the marriage going because I had my three kids with him and I didn't want them to experience a childhood without their dad as I had. Growing up without any involvement from my dad (his choice) always had me feeling I wasn't worth it.

I gave it several attempts to get past what he'd done, but I just couldn't do it. We'd split a few times only to get back together to see if this time we could make it. Not long after he would move back in, he'd go back to treating me the way he had before, and this last had to be the last time. The last time he moved out ended up being the best day of my life.

I had been in a major funk: I had no friends my that husband would allow me to see because they were guys. All but one of my best friends are men, always has been that way. No funny business ever, just friends. Anyway, I literally woke up one day thinking there had to be more to my life than feeling worthless and holding no value. My kids needed me and I needed them more. I knew I'd been slacking as a mom but I couldn't seem to help myself. The good news is that I woke up morning. There must have been something wicked in that coffee because I had a new focus: Finding me.

I went out and got my old job back and got off welfare. The kids' dad would take them on Friday's before my shift and I'd pick them up Sunday after my shift. I put in a full week of waiting tables from Friday 3 pm to Sunday 9 pm so I wouldn't have to pay a sitter. That left me Monday through Thursday to be nothing but mom.

Getting involved with someone new was not on my agenda, I was becoming known as the Freezer Queen at work. When I moved into a new place, it was a new beginning and I took full advantage of it. I made new friends and went out when the kids were at their dads. I needed to get back to me and even though my kids were my reason for the start back to life, without people my own age to converse with I was without another factor I had to have. People in your life are essential to living. You need them as much as they need you, whether you know it or not.

Your relationship may be over, but you are not. Find one thing about yourself that you can hold onto to help you pull yourself up and begin again. It can be the smallest thing but end up being your life saver

How to Get Over a Break Up - In 3 Simple Ways

                

 

Getting over a breakup can be one of the worst feelings ever on this planet. Your emotions would be all over the place you would lose control of your mind and you don't know what to do next. Seems as if life has come to a stand still and you simply can't seem to control your thoughts. Read on to discover some of the best ways to get over a breakup and achieve the desired results.

Think positive- Break up is a situation where your mind simply can't think positive at all. You get bombarded with negative thoughts from all corners and you simply can't control them. The best way to think positive after a breakup is to go for long walks. Yes long walks are known to be the best when it comes to thinking positive and taking control of your emotions.

It's past and it's over- Stop living in the past. Maybe the breakup took place for a good reason. Look out at the world and smell the roses. There is much more to life than just crying over what has gone. Think about the present and the future.

Change your music- Several times people tend to listen to sad songs after a breakup. This would only worsen your already bad condition. Stop listening to sad songs try to put up some lively number which would raise your emotions and you would feel lighter.

Keep busy- When you sit at one place for too long trying to avoid certain painful thoughts they tend to come to you even more faster. Try keeping yourself as busy as possible maybe go out for a walk, going to the gym, and hanging out with friends. The more you keep yourself busy the lesser these thoughts would come to you.

What you don't know yet- Ever tried to wonder what's in a woman's mind? What is she thinking about? Do you know that women do not always mean what they say? They might say something and mean the exact opposite. But what do women actually want? Do you know there are some secrets women don't want men to know but men absolutely must know these secrets in order to succeed with women? Read on to discover some of the most "Shocking Secrets" women don't want men to know- 9 Most Shocking Secrets Women don't want men to know

Overcoming A Break Up - Get Your Life Back

                

 

You have just split with your partner of many years. The dissolution of marriage is taking its toll—mentally, physically, financially, and emotionally. You are going through terrible moments of self-doubt, anger, and grief. You want to go back to your mother’s womb if only to get a respite from the agony of the separation. You cannot accept that your dreams have been cruelly extinguished. What’s more, you cannot hold your head up high because you blame yourself for the separation.

You may want a new look to erase the blot from your autobiography. The disintegration of a relationship has triggered a sense of adventure. You want to start all over again after learning a hard lesson or two from the experience. You want to do a lot of things like start a new diet to shed off those pounds. You want a new packaging of yourself.

But what if you cannot get over the separation? What if the separation has soured your outlook in life? What if you cannot separate the past from the present? What if you continue to wallow in grief? Would you like to watch your life go downhill because of a failed relationship? Of course not.

Everyday there is a breakup, a divorce, or other painful emotional disconnections from loved ones. Everyday many hearts are breaking. Many are losing sight of their purpose in life. They say just can’t help themselves.

There are several tips to get over a nasty breakup. Start by separating the past from the present. By doing this, you must know why you are hurting so bad. Is the hurt a familiar one? Are you smarting because of a piqued ego? Are you afraid to start all over again? Whatever, the breakup is truly devastating. People undergoing the pain of separation can get professional help.

They can go to licensed hypnotherapists for sessions or get mp3s on self-hypnosis. Clinical hypnotherapy has two techniques. The first is hypnosis, and done by the therapist; and the second can be done yourself. The second option can allow users to do self-therapy in privacy. The therapy re-programs the sub-conscious mind to react to the emotional problem positively.

The step-by-step hypnosis program will help you work towards a better frame of mind to start anew. For those who are undergoing the angst of parting, there is still life out there.

Pick up the pieces and get your life back by knowing the benefits you can get, visit this site: http://breakups.y54.com

About how to get over breakups with hypnosis. Make sure you give yourself a time limit to be upset. Using hypnosis for break-ups makes it possible to overcome a break up becomes smoother.

What to Do After a Divorce or Break Up

                

 

To lose your partner is always painful. It is a heartbreak, any way you look at it. It hurts. Your body aches and your heart feels like it is going to explode. And you are face to face with the most important decision in your life.

The choice you make at this moment determines how the rest of your life unfolds. When you are hurt by divorce or a break up or a death, you can feel the emotional pain or continue to try to avoid your hurt feelings.

If you choose to become more defended, your body becomes harder and your heart closers tighter. In your next relationship you are sure to repeat your same old “hurt pattern.” You might even think that you are attracting the same kind of person, yet again.

On the other hand, you can choose to be wise and brave. You can choose to open up to the emotional pain that is currently happening instead of running away from it. When you choose to open up to your emotional pain, your body become more relaxed and your energy flows. You resolve your “hurt pattern” so you do not have to repeat it in your next relationship.

It was a broken heart that kicked my own personal transformation into high gear. So I know that the thing you need to hear the most is that you are lovable and that you are loved. This is what you need to remind yourself of over and over again, even though it does not feel true right now.

In addition, you need to reassure yourself that you have done nothing wrong and there is nothing wrong with you. You might be thinking that if you had only done this, they wouldn’t have left or if you had only done that, they wouldn’t have died. Or you might be experiencing regret that you abandoned your partner.

Reassure yourself that you are not a terrible, bad, unlovable person. This is true and it helps to hear it and say it to yourself. A broken heart needs love, not judgment.

Of course you are not perfect. Of course you pushed love away with your controlling behaviors. Of course you acted out your unresolved emotional issues in your relationship. This is true of everyone.

Your partner was also doing the exact same thing with you. Of course you blamed them and they blamed you. This is universal relationship stuff. These emotional dynamic are exactly what you want to become more aware of so that in your next relationship you are better at loving.

Everyone has these relationships problems. No one is perfect. we do not have to be perfect to be loved. Perfect is an image and no one loves an image. We can only love our real self and the real self of others. This is what you want to get better at doing- loving your real self.

As you learn to open instead of close to your emotional pain, you are feeling your hurt and letting it move through you. You are learning to stand on your own two feet and support yourself. You are learning to take care of yourself so that your needs and desires are met.

Hurt is the first sign of life. It is like a frostbitten hand. It hurts like hell when it is warming up. When your hand is frozen and ready to die, there is no pain. You hurt when you are returning to life. So remind yourself that pain is the first sign of life.

You need courage and support to stay in the hurt and feel it. A Natural Process for Opening the Heart, as tapes, CD’s or written material, was made to comfort you and lead you though the process of letting go of past hurts once and for all so that you do not repeat them. The three tape in the series is called, "When You're Hurting..." Order at www.drjeanette.com/tapes.html

I know it is hard and painful when you are in the middle of hurt feelings. So remind yourself that It is a powerful turning point in your life. You are learning to stay with yourself though life’s natural processes, breath by breath.

There is a wonderful, delightful magic that happens when you feel your hurt feelings. You let go of them, they disappear. The area where your hurt was frozen in your body opens and becomes soft so you can receive love. Open Hearts attract real, true love.

Your heart becomes strong and healthy, allowing love to flow in and out of it with great vitality. You can learn to enjoy each moment in the process of becoming more of who you really are- even the painful ones.

Doris Jeanette, licensed psychologist, expert with Modernsage.com, radio show host with newvocies.com and author of "A Natural Process for Opening the Heart - Your Emotional Guide to Self Esteem", Ebook, tapes, CDs guide you though emotions, feelings so you become strong, loving and happy. Order at http://www.drjeanette.com/tapes.html Free newsletter at http://www.drjeanette.com

Relationship Advice: 10 Ways to Survive a Break Up

                

 

Break ups are never easy. You are a bundle of jealous, hurt, angry, resentful emotions. Your mood can swing from depression to bitter anger. The only thing you seem to think about is what went wrong, can I get him/her back or I’ll show him/her. The main theme in your life is ‘How can I feel better right NOW?’ Here are some suggestions that I hope will help.

 

1. Friends and Family. I know this may seem obvious but lean on your friends and family. Spend time doing things together, not just talking and thinking about the break up. If this isn’t enough, you may consider a support group or counseling.
2. Resist the urge to beg. You want them back but not at any price. At the time it may seem the right thing to do but think about it. In the long run they will lose respect for you. This doesn’t mean don’t try to work things out. If there is a chance you can work things out, go for it. However, if your partner has made it clear that in their eyes, the relationship is over, begging will not help and may hurt the situation.
3. Make a change in your life. Find a new way to spend your time. Take a class, join a gym, adopt a pet, or volunteer. Do anything that will make you feel good about yourself. Your ego is probably feeling bruised right now. Find a way to counteract that.
4. Understand your mistakes but also realize that you are not a failure. Don’t beat yourself up. If you made mistakes, then yes, learn from them but dwelling on what might have been won’t help. It takes two to make a relationship, it also takes two to end one. You weren’t the only one who made mistakes. It may not seem useful to you now, but a lot of times the things you learned from this experience will make your next relationship stronger, as long as you make the necessary changes.
5. Start Dating. You won’t feel like it at first, but don’t stay away from other people for an extended period of time. Going out with other people can help the healing process and boast your ego.
6. Don’t fall prey to others. There will be people trying to sell you this or that, guaranteed to win back your partner. Don’t let people take advantage of you while you are vulnerable. If you do buy something, understand that while there is a chance it could help, there is also a chance that it won’t.
7. Take up a hobby. Learn something new. There is probably something you’ve always wanted to try but never had the time. You have the time, do it.
8. Don’t rush into another relationship. While starting to date can help you feel better, it’s not a good idea to rush right into another relationship. Take time to heal before making any commitments or someone will probably end up getting hurt.
9. Avoid dwelling on it. I know it’s impossible not to think about it, but, if you find yourself doing so for an extended period of time, find a way to take your mind off of it. Call a friend; go to the gym, whatever comes to mind. If nothing seems to work, try this: Make a list of reasons why you are better off now. This could include I have time to do the things I want to do. I can date anyone I want to. I can find a partner who will appreciate me the way I am and stop wasting time on a doomed relationship. Think about the things they did that drove you crazy, because there are some. Don’t look back with rose colored glasses and only remember the good things. Don’t have the idea in your head that if only we were back together I would be happy. Wrong. Wouldn’t they have a lot to answer for if you did get back together? Leaving you was probably the biggest mistake they will ever make. Let them dwell on it, you move on!
10. Build your ego. I’ve touched on this already but it is very important. Find ways to feel better about yourself. This could be anything from getting a haircut to buying some new clothes. You could take a class on self improvement. If nothing else, you should do this: Make a list of things that make you a great person. Don’t sit there and tell me you can’t think of anything. I don’t buy it. Try again. Are you kind? Patient? Intelligent? Cook like a pro? Can fix anything? There are things that make you great. WRITE them down and whenever you feel low, read your list and add to it. You are you and you are great so don’t let anyone ever make you feel that you aren’t.

    Patricia Fason is a writer and poet whose main focus is relationships. For more articles on relationships visit her website dedicated to romance, Sites O Web Romances You. There you will find articles, poetry, romance tips, romantic gifts and much more.

The Best Break Up Advice

                

 

Extreme Breakup Recovery
Maximum Healing – Minimum Time

If you are going through the emotional rollercoaster of a breakup, feeling pain, anger and depression, know this: You don’t need to suffer one more day over your ex! It doesn’t matter how long you have suffered, it is time to give up the pain and open up to a life free of pain, and the best advice regarding break ups is: USE THIS BREAKUP TO YOUR BENEFIT.

After a breakup, everybody has two choices. One, leave the healing to time. Two, take charge of the recovery process. The first method will take a long time, pain and suffering before healing. It is slow and torturous. The second method, taking control, will allow anyone to accelerate the healing process, learn fast and move on, leaving space to find healthier and more fulfilling love than ever before. You may need some guidance on the steps for a fast and productive emotional healing. We have never been taught how to heal emotionally, so when we go through an emotional situation we are on our own. We need a method, a successfully proven method for emotional healing.

The Extreme F.A.S.T. method is an effective, simple and practical alternative to heal faster than you thought possible. Three facts make this method a very exciting proposition: First, it works; second, anyone can follow it and get results; third, it creates permanent change in the negative pattern of relationships. This method is the ultimate healing tool: a quick, productive, effective and confronting method to heal as fast as you can. The steps are: Face It, Accept It, See The Lessons and Take Yourself To A New Level.

The first step is Face It. The alternative to facing it, is denying it. You can accelerate your healing process by facing what you need to face. It's important to know what to face and how. This is a crucial step to start feeling better.

The second step in the Extreme F.A.S.T. breakup recovery method is Accept It. Acceptance means that we can look into ourselves for honest answers about specific issues from the relationship.

The third step in the Extreme F.A.S.T. breakup recovery method is See The Lessons. Life is always guiding us to what is best for us. Through joyful and painful experiences, you learn lessons that help you grow. The key is to know where to look for the lessons, and how to make sense of the experiences. As you see the particular lessons you prepare for fulfilling and healthy relationships.

The fourth and last step in the Extreme F.A.S.T. breakup recovery method is Take Yourself To A New Level. This means to get to a new level in your life where you can start living in a more fulfilling way.This step also includes specific strategies to increase your self-esteem.

By going through these steps, the Extreme F.A.S.T. breakup recovery method can really help you accelerate your healing and get ready for a new love. To find more information about each step and how to do it yourself read the EXTREME BREAKUP RECOVERY book and follow the worksheets and exercises designed for Maximum Healing in Minimum Time. Your true partner is already on the way; the more you suffer and prolong your healing, the more you will delay his or her arrival.

 Adapted from the book "Extreme Breakup Recovery: Maximum Healing Minimum Time," by Jeanette Castelli, M.S. Featuring the Extreme F.A.S.T. breakup recovery method and packed with advice, exercises, worksheets and affirmations. Available online at the website http://ExtremeBreakupRecovery.com , Amazon.com , other online retailers and bookstores. For more information, go to http://ExtremeBreakupRecovery.com

Jeanette Castelli is an expert breakup recovery and relationship coach, international author and speaker. She is an expert in recovery and healing processes, including divorce, breakups, and emotional trauma. To read more about Jeanette Castelli her books and coaching, visit http://JeanetteCastelli.com/