You Break Relationship Up - You Break Up?

                

 

You know it’s over – maybe both of you do – but how do you find the courage to break a relationship up?

As well as the worry that you’ll hurt the other person, there’s also the fear that you won’t cope with the tidal wave of emotion you imagine you’ll feel too.

Here are some tips on how to avoid the “break relationship up” blues!

First – let’s face a stark fact. When a relationship breaks up people hurt. And relationships don’t break up on their own – someone has to do it! Very rarely is it by mutual agreement, and even if both of you do agree it’s time to go, chances are one of you will be more reluctant than the other.

The truth, however, is that keeping someone in a relationship that is no longer loving is hurting them anyway. And they probably know. They may bury their head in the proverbial sand, but it’s very rare that a lover doesn’t sense something’s wrong. The sooner you find a way to mention that maybe it’s time to break the relationship up, the sooner you put them out of that misery. Things start to add up in their head and you have the satisfaction of having been honest.

Secondly, act as quickly as you can. To minimize pain for both of you don’t hang on until it’s “convenient” for you to go, and don’t back pedal by having a conversation about patching things up. Make a clean break. If there’s ever going to be hope of starting again, don’t leave jagged edges! They’re sharp and dangerous and can hurt both of you for a lot longer than a clean break.

And what about you? Being the one to break the relationship up brings not only pain but added guilt. You did it – and you have to live with yourself.

Here’s how to think of it. First, you were already hurting because you wouldn’t have been moving on if things were working, would you? Would you give a faulty or broken tool to your best friend? Of course you wouldn’t! Inflicting your unhappy self on the person who’s been closest to you in this phase of your life is equivalent to forcing faulty or tacky goods on someone when you know it’s broken and you wouldn’t have it. Get your head around this and you’ll see that you’d have more guilt staying!

Secondly, just because you were the one to break the relationship up doesn’t mean you don’t hurt too. Let yourself grieve – you’re entitled to. (For a complete self help guide on healing from heartbreak go to my website – details later)

Finally, I will pass on a thought to you that I have found very helpful over the years. Unfortunately I can’t remember where I heard or read it, so if the author is reading – thank you!

Here’s the thought: Some people come into your life for a reason, some for a season and some for a lifetime.

You are not under obligation to stay together. You are under obligation to stay happy, and that includes doing the kindest thing for your partner too. He or she has the same entitlement.

If it’s time to break the relationship up, face it and …. break the relationship up!

Trevor Emdon is a self improvement author and workshop leader based in the UK. He was a senior mental health practitioner in Britain’s National Health Service for many years, and now devotes his time to writing and teaching personal development. To sign up for his free Positive Life newsletter, visit http://www.wizardofwisdom.com

The self help program "How To Love Again When Your Heart's Been Broken" can be found at http://www.in-love-again.com

Overcoming A Break Up - Get Your Life Back

                

 

You have just split with your partner of many years. The dissolution of marriage is taking its toll—mentally, physically, financially, and emotionally. You are going through terrible moments of self-doubt, anger, and grief. You want to go back to your mother’s womb if only to get a respite from the agony of the separation. You cannot accept that your dreams have been cruelly extinguished. What’s more, you cannot hold your head up high because you blame yourself for the separation.

You may want a new look to erase the blot from your autobiography. The disintegration of a relationship has triggered a sense of adventure. You want to start all over again after learning a hard lesson or two from the experience. You want to do a lot of things like start a new diet to shed off those pounds. You want a new packaging of yourself.

But what if you cannot get over the separation? What if the separation has soured your outlook in life? What if you cannot separate the past from the present? What if you continue to wallow in grief? Would you like to watch your life go downhill because of a failed relationship? Of course not.

Everyday there is a breakup, a divorce, or other painful emotional disconnections from loved ones. Everyday many hearts are breaking. Many are losing sight of their purpose in life. They say just can’t help themselves.

There are several tips to get over a nasty breakup. Start by separating the past from the present. By doing this, you must know why you are hurting so bad. Is the hurt a familiar one? Are you smarting because of a piqued ego? Are you afraid to start all over again? Whatever, the breakup is truly devastating. People undergoing the pain of separation can get professional help.

They can go to licensed hypnotherapists for sessions or get mp3s on self-hypnosis. Clinical hypnotherapy has two techniques. The first is hypnosis, and done by the therapist; and the second can be done yourself. The second option can allow users to do self-therapy in privacy. The therapy re-programs the sub-conscious mind to react to the emotional problem positively.

The step-by-step hypnosis program will help you work towards a better frame of mind to start anew. For those who are undergoing the angst of parting, there is still life out there.

Pick up the pieces and get your life back by knowing the benefits you can get, visit this site: http://breakups.y54.com

About how to get over breakups with hypnosis. Make sure you give yourself a time limit to be upset. Using hypnosis for break-ups makes it possible to overcome a break up becomes smoother.

To Break Up Or Not To Break Up? That Is The Question

                

 

It's weird how life works. How we allow people and situations to stand in the way of our dreams. Our body tells us when a relationship is not healthy but we do not always listen. Why is that? Our intuition is so loud sometimes, yet we turn down the volume. Below you will find some of the answers I get through surveys.

The question is "Why do you stay in a bad relationship"?

 

• I don't want to be lonely.
• I want to have someone in my life.
• I don't want to do things alone.
• I don't want to be alone forever.
• How will I pay the bills on my own?

 

My question to you is - "Is it worth it"? What is healthier, being in a bad relationship or being alone (lonely)? I want you to ponder that. If you are in a bad or unhealthy relationship right now, think about it. List the pros and the cons on a sheet of paper or on your computer. If the con side far outweighs the pros, figure out why you are staying. Shouldn't you be running as fast as you can? I know it's not always easy. Sometimes there are children involved or a lot of assets. Some of you may just not want to hurt the other person so you stay in the relationship and hurt yourself instead.

Getting out of a bad relationship is the same as setting other goals. First you must start with thinking about what you do want out of life. You must set the goal. Begin taking steps, big or small, and then take action.

You now have two choices. Do you want to make this relationship work (is it worth it?) or do you want to move on? Answering that question is the first step. You must make that decision. Once you make that decision it's time to set some serious goals.

I believe in focusing on the positive. However for this list, you need to first think of some negatives so that they could be changed into positives.

Begin putting a list together of all the things you do not like about your relationship. What drives you over the deep edge? What makes you unhappy or makes you cringe? What makes you know that this relationship is not healthy?

Once you complete the Negative list, it's time for a Positive list. What makes you happy in this relationship? What does he/she do that makes you happy? What good qualities does this person possess? What good times do you have together?

This is your Pros and Cons list aka Positives and Negatives list.

 

If you plan on Staying and making it work.

Go over your negatives (cons) list and really think about everything that is on that list. Does it really matter if there is toothpaste splatter all over the sink and mirror? Is the toilet seat being kept up really a major issue? Is the fact that she hangs her pantyhose all over the bathroom a real problem? When he shaves and there are little hairs on the sink top, is that really a reason for breakup? When she asks you to do the same thing over and over again, is that really nagging or have you just not done it yet? Go within and really give thought to the issues and see if they are issues that you could live with. No one will ever be perfect. This I will guarantee you. If he or she does not cause major life issues, and I'm talking about: Is he or she verbally abusive, mean, nasty, downright rude? Are there issues that are even worse? Is there infidelity in the marriage? Are you going for counseling? I always suggest counseling first because it does help some couples. It is usually the last ditch effort and who knows where it will take you if it is a relationship worth saving. If the other person is not willing to go for counseling, I'd consider changing your mind about staying unless you know there is definite chance for improvement without it. I am not telling you to leave your partner, all I am saying is, really, really think about your situation.

Now, if you have decided I'm definitely staying, then here are some steps I would suggest that you to take.

Start by making a list of all of the positive things about this person.

Why did you fall in love with him/her?

What does he/she do that makes you smile?

Is he/she funny?

Is he/she your best friend or at least one of your friends?

What attracted you to this person?

Start writing down all of the positive things from the past and start appreciating all of those things first. This will put you in a great frame of mind for the present. I always tell my clients not to think about the past. What I mean is the negative past, but I love the positive aspects of the past so by all means think about that for this exercise. Leave the negative past right where it is, in the past. That's the only way this is going to work. Start from this moment on. A relationship filled with grudges can never succeed. The grudges get bigger and bigger as the years go on. If you really want this to work let go of the Ego, let go of Pride. Start from this moment on. Everything that your partner told you that you do not do for them or with them should change NOW! It's not too late if you both want to make it work.

I had a partner that I told many times what I needed from him, and he would not do it. First, he said it was because he couldn't do it immediately after I asked him to because it wouldn't feel like it was coming from him. Then, when it didn't happen for three weeks and I commented again, he called this nagging, he said I needed to remind him and it was my fault. I'm here to tell you right now...if you want it to work, listen to the feedback you get from your partner. Have they told you in the past that you don't appreciate all that they do? Start telling them how much you appreciate them. Have they told you how they just need a little bit of touch every now and then or a hug? Start touching and hugging them. These little things could change your entire relationship. People want to be heard, they also want to be loved. Everyone has a different way of feeling and showing love. I will share that in another article.

Next step.

Make a list of all of the things that this person does now that you are grateful for. It could be as little as throwing out the garbage or washing the dishes. Or it could be as big as providing for the family and being a great father or mother, being the best housewife or partner. Really think about what you are grateful for. This is a very important step on your journey to happiness. Add what you are grateful for to the things that you loved about your partner from the beginning. I am grateful for ___________.

If you plan on leaving.

First make sure that you are positive that this is your decision. Don't jump to any rash decisions. Weigh out all of the options. Again, the pros and cons/positives and negatives list. Do what's right for you. Start this very moment thinking about YOU. Not your spouse, partner or the kids. I know that sounds harsh but you need to take a moment to focus on you. If you don't you will feel overwhelmed and like there is no way out.

If you have any doubt about leaving, this is an exercise that I would suggest you do.

Tony Robbins did something to this effect at a seminar. It definitely had a huge impact on many attendees. We all had our eyes closed and the room was dark. You will be alone so it will be even easier for you. I thought this was a very powerful tool to see a glimpse of the future. I would like you to do something similar. After you read all of this, close your eyes or look at yourself in a mirror and imagine yourself in this relationship 5 years from now. How do you feel? How does your body feel? How is your mind? Take some time to really put yourself there. Then picture yourself in 10 years from now, 15 and 20. How do you feel? I want you to really concentrate on each time frame for more than a few minutes. Really put yourself there. How do you feel? I know that when I did this exercise a while ago, I got a knot in my stomach. I almost felt nauseous and I was crying. I felt more and more unhealthy and unhappy as the years went on in my mind. That's okay. If that is the case- ask yourself - Is this where I am supposed to be? Is this where you want to be? Do you want to feel like that in 5, 10, 15 or 20 years? Don't waste your life away if you are not in the right situation. If you feel sick to your stomach, if you are crying, if you feel like this is so wrong then you need to reevaluate where you want to be in life. This doesn't sound like the person for you. You need to make a change.

If the answer is a surefire yes, that you are leaving, then here are some steps that you will need to take.

Start setting goals.

Find a good lawyer. Find one that will make it a peaceful transition and not cause more trouble within the already unhealthy relationship. You set the ground rules by being fully aware of what you wish to keep and not to keep ahead of time. Be fair, this isn't a battle. This will help you stand your ground though, incase anyone tries to sway you. You know what you want. You need for this divorce to go the way you want it to go. If that is smoothly that is great.

Do you have enough money to leave now? If not, start saving.

Do you have somewhere to go while in transition? If not, do you know where you want to go or could afford to live? In a furnished room, apartment, townhouse, condo, house, with a relative or friend? Will you stay in your home?

Who will be leaving?

These are all very important things to think about.

Do you have children? If so, how will you handle this situation? Will they be with you ½ the time and the other parent the other ½? Do you want sole custody with visitation rights?

Think about all of these things ahead of time so that when you present this to your lawyer and partner you are totally prepared and ready for any questions and comeback. Don't leave any room open for "ifs" and "buts" and negative feedback. Let the other person see that you really planned this out and you are serious. It may be a lot of work for you to do alone but it is worth it to have a calmer break up. You may decide to seek counseling or hire a Life Coach to get you through the transition. Some people think that break ups can't be calm. My belief is it is all in the way you present it. If you're ready to fight - the other person will put on their gloves. If you take a peaceful approach this will sometimes, and I emphasize sometimes, calm the other person down. If not, at least you will be in peace within yourself. Sometimes it just takes some time for the other person to see that you are right. Some will never understand why you are leaving and blame you but that should not stop you from leaving. You may have told them about this problem 100+ times and they still don't know why you are leaving. That's okay. They may never get it. As long as you do what you need to do to take care of you.

Before leaving I would also think about what part you play in this relationship. Do you need some counseling either alone or together? Do you have past issues that interfere with your current situation? Did you pick someone who was wrong for you or is he/she totally right for you and YOU need to change? It's not always the other person. Men and women have different ways of communicating. Please be sure to look within first. Sometimes, we are the cause of a bad relationship. It's hard to accept that but it is sometimes true. Please take that into consideration. What could you change that might ultimately change the relationship? Have you tried this yet or are you just running? There are so many things to take into consideration before ending a relationship.

Good luck with your future. I hope that you either stay in a healthy relationship, make a not so good relationship good, or think about whether you want to stay or go if you are in a bad one. Just be sure to be sure! This is a big decision. Only speak to people who are going to encourage you to do the right thing and be supportive of your choices. Sometimes others will try to talk us into staying in a bad relationship. Sometimes they try to talk us out of a good one. You always want to take others advice into consideration but don't take it to heart. Review it and keep with you what resonates with you, the rest throw out.

I wish you luck on your journey!

Marion Licchiello is creator of Get Motivated with Marion, a company that helps to change people’s lives on a daily basis. She has helped numerous men and women transform their lives over the years through changing their focus, creating a new mindset, visualization, hypnosis, fitness counseling, nutrition counseling, 1-on-1 personal training, seminars, workshops, and 1-on-1 coaching. She coaches over the phone, IM or in person. She keeps in contact through emails also. Her mission in life is to help others through her own experiences. She is in the process of writing a book about self-improvement. She is interested in your stories of how you changed your negatives into positives. She practices and believes that "Whatever you focus on is what you get" whether it is good or bad. She changed her life through visualization and focus and she knows you can too!

Email Marion at getmotivatedwithmarion@yahoo.com to learn more about how you could change your life or help someone you love. Website: http://www.getmotivatedwithmarion.com

Tips on How to Deal With a Break Up and Bring Back Love into Your Life

                

 

People experience heartbreaks. This is something that we do not want. However, it is inevitable. Someone who we really love could hurt us and leave us. Being heartbroken is a difficult phase. This is why if you have just broken up with a girlfriend or a boyfriend, it is best to know how to deal with a break up and to forget your ex.

Forgetting your ex may take some time. It can also be difficult. However, it is best to keep in mind that you can learn how to deal with a break up and overcome this. You need to recover as soon as possible. There are so many things in life that you have to discover. You cannot waste your days on sulking and despairing. Here are some tips on how to deal with a break up.

1. Pour Your Heart Out. This is one way to deal with a break up. Take out all the pains that you feel. Pour out all the burdens that you carry because of the pain caused by your ex. Say everything that you can blurt out like how much you miss your ex to the bad things that you will not miss. It is possible for you to keep droning on these matters. Your friends and relatives may get tired. Still, this is an effective way to deal with a break up so you will not harbor the feelings inside.

2. Spend Time With Friends. It is very important that you call on your friends and relatives to spend time with you. They can help in cheering you up. Their company will definitely assure you that you are not alone. Remember, trying to know how to forget your ex is not that easy. Some can be very vulnerable. They are in the risk of doing something bad. Thus, being in the company of your love ones will help in keeping you stay grounded and will help you deal with a break up.

3. Indulge But Not Too Much. Eating your comfort foods will help ease out the bad feeling and help you deal with a break up. Movies show that girls who have gone through breakups eat their favorite foods like chocolate, cake or ice cream. The food can help numb your mind over the pain. Activating your taste buds can minimize the pain in your heart. This is one way of making your self feel good. Just do not undermine your health.

4. Find a New Hobby. One way that you can learn on how deal with a break up and to forget your ex is to explore a new pastime. Develop a skill or discover a productive activity. For example, playing a new sport can help you develop your physical condition. This is something that you can spend with your friends. Exhausting your body to the sport will help you deal with a break up. It can even make your body more beautiful. This will make your ex regret for having even broken up with you.

5. Find a New Love. Sometimes, people resort to seeking a rebound relationship. This is like having a new boyfriend or girlfriend after the breakup. However, this is not a good choice. You may only end up hurting the other person. This can be very unfair. If you find a new love, be sure it is because you harbor care and affection for the person. Do not use this as an escape or a way to deal with a break up. Just welcome the possibility if ever it comes along.

Finding ways on how to deal with a break up and forget your ex is possible. This is something that you can achieve to get over the bad breakup and move on. This way you will not waste time sulking around. Be the better person that your ex could never become.

In the case that you still want to patch things up and you really want to get back with your ex. There are still ways to get back with your ex. Do you want to discover how you can easily bring back the love of your life? You can bring back your love. No matter how stubborn the resistance, no matter how far this person may be from you, no matter how hopeless or difficult your situation appears. Discover a potent 4-step strategy which works visit Bring Back The Love of Your Life at All About Relationships

Gerry Restrivera writes informative articles on various subjects including Discover How Lose Pregnancy Weight. You are allowed to publish this article in its entirety provided that author’s name, bio and website links must remain intact and included with every reproduction.

Friends After Break Up - Why Won't He Return My Calls?

                

 

Why does he suddenly want to stop being friends after you break up?

Breaking up is hard on both of you. There are many reasons why he may no longer want to talk with you or to be friends.

Here are some possible reasons why some find it difficult to stay friends after a breakup...

 

1. He may need time to heal emotionally. It could be painful to see you.
2. He may be seeing someone else and fears that being friends with you may jeopardize his new relationship.
3. If the breakup was difficult, he may be angry at you and need some time to cool off.
4. Being around you may bring up emotions and feelings that he's trying to suppress.

It could be one of these or a hundred other different reasons and you'll make yourself crazy trying to guess what that reason is. In the end, the 'why' doesn't really matter because breaking up is an emotional decision, not a logical decision . When we try to identify the 'why', what we're really doing is trying to come up with a logical explanation for an emotional decision . If you stop and think about this for just a moment, you'll see why it doesn't make sense to even try. So whatever the reasons, he's decided that the two of you can't be friends and you need to face that and move forward with your life.

 

If you continue to try to figure it out, you'll just end up blaming and finding all kinds of faults with yourself, which will in turn make you miserable . If you keep pushing him, you could end up spoiling any chance of a future friendship.

So STOP ! Yes, right now. It's time for you to move on with your life and find happiness.

One of the best ways to get over the pain of a relationship that has ended is to get back out there and date some new people - find that connection again.

Contrary to what some people think, we don't believe it's necessary to be miserable and alone for a certain period of time after a breakup just to avoid the rebound zone . Being lonely and alone won't make you or anyone else happy. It's almost like punishing yourself for no reason.

But don't people warn you to stay away from rebound relationships?

Well, yes and no. Just be aware that when you break up with someone it's very common to find someone that's the exact opposite of the last person you were with. More specifically, the exact opposite of whatever you think didn't like about your previous partner. This is good and bad. It's good because experiencing many different types of people and relationships allows you to better identify the exact type of person who is really right for you. It's bad because, this new 'opposite' person may also be opposite in all of the things that you actually liked about your previous partner. Just keep this in mind as you find yourself attracted to new people. Stop and ask yourself what it is that you like about him or her and make sure that it's not just that they are 'not' like your previous partner.

By the way, if you do prefer to be alone for a while that's OK too. It's your life; you make the rules. Do what feels right in your heart.

Trying to figure out why your last relationship ended isn't going to help you, it's only going to make you miserable. So, keep an open mind, call up some friends, and go meet some new people . Listen to the advice of those you trust most and then always, always follow your heart even if it goes against their advice. You are in control of your destiny and what's right for them may not be what's right for you.

Wait. Get more great articles like this one at AskDanAndJennifer.com. Ask Dan and Jennifer your most pressing questions on Dating, Relationships, Love, and Sex, and take a sneak peak at what others are asking.

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Tips on Getting Back Together After Break Up

                

 

There are many reasons why people break up. There are many reasons why people stay broken up, just as there are many reasons why people get back together.

What are your reasons for getting back together after a break up?

If you are afraid to be lonely or that you won’t meet anyone else – stop and rethink your decision, because you are doing it for the wrong reasons. Sometimes our ex partner or our family tries to “manipulate” us into giving the relationship a second chance. I can tell you only one thing - if the love is over, pity or material advantages are not a strong base, where new relationship can be built.

However, if you still love and care a lot about your ex boyfriend/girlfriend, it is absolutely normal to try to save this relationship.

You should start by apologizing for mistakes you have done in the past. Do not promise to change or never to repeat those mistakes again. It sounds unrealistic and unconvincing. Prove that you mean it by your actions! Make something unexpected to get your ex’s attention back. For example, you can surprise the person that you love with an original gift. If you have troubles coming up with any ideas for the gift, there is always Internet to help you.

Even if you are the one to blame for the breakup do not forget about your dignity. Do not humiliate yourself by begging, whining or threatening. This makes you look miserable and weak in the eyes of your ex. Weakness and misery are not appealing, on the contrary, they are repulsive.

Show your beloved one that you are trying to make yourself feel better by staying busy, doing sports, meeting friends or reading motivational books. Try to change things that your former boyfriend/girlfriend complained about. By doing that you will prove with your actions that you are willing to change and putting extra effort in saving this relationship already.

If you feel that a person you want to get back with wouldn’t mind to go out with you, call him/her and offer to drink a cup of coffee. Do not discuss any of the serious topics. Keep the conversation neutral. Make your ex feel comfortable and relaxed. Pay attention to his/her words and body language. Make sure that the person you want to win back is having fun in your company. If you will be able to achieve that, consider half work done. Everything else depends on your persistence and desire to get back together. Don’t screw it up!

For proven step-by-step system how to get back together with your ex visit: http://www.win-back-your-love.com

How to Deal With a Break Up

                

 

How to deal with a break up? Ending a relationship is the hardest thing to do. You are looking for answers but you see none and you keep crying and getting depressed. You keep asking yourself how to deal with a break up and start to feel alone and dumped. Breaking up or getting dumped is the most painful thing you could experience in a relationship. A mutual attraction that bloomed into a joyful and lovely relationship is hard to end when one or both became uncomfortable due to a lot of reasons. It hurts and it’s hard to accept that the person you love is no longer with you now and you need to learn how to deal with a break up.

At this stage when the break up is new you have to learn how to deal with a break up. Cry if you have to, it’s alright. Allow yourself to grieve; it’s the first step of healing. For men, it’s okay to cry, you are a human being who is deeply hurt. Cry if you need too, but of course you have to be discreet and don’t just cry anywhere because people might think you are getting crazy. You are hurt but you still have the responsibility to keep your sanity and keep your self in tact.

Break ups doesn’t always mean its permanent, sometimes it does mean you and your partner need space to think things over. Getting back together after a break up needs time. Use the time and space you both have to think things over. You and your partner can think clearly and may realize the importance of getting back together.

While you have your space to find out how to deal with a break up, there are things you can do to feel better. One thing is talk to people close to you or share your feeling with someone. You will feel better if you talk about your feeling to people close to you and cry on the shoulder of a friend or a family member.

Discovering how to deal with a break up includes loving yourself more. Do not blame yourself if the relationship needs to end. It’s not your fault, relationships are complicated and most people go through rough times when it comes to relationships. If you start to blame yourself, you will get depressed and even lonelier. Think of the good qualities you have and be in the company of your friends who will always remind you of your good qualities. To know how to deal with a break up is to realize that you need to love yourself more. You need this to get through the loneliness of break ups. Take care of yourself and don’t appear too depressed and sad. To deal with a break up with positive attitude will attract positive things and you will feel better if you will only think of positive things.

While you figure out how to deal with a break up, this is also the time to enjoy and do things you want to do. If you enjoy going to the gym with your friends then do it. If you love to teach children or be involved in community work, now you have all the time to do it. You may discover new things or rediscover yourself. Give yourself time to heal and think things over. This is good for you and your partner and when you finally see each other again you may see things differently and with new perspective.

Did you know that there are couples who have worked things out and get back together for good? You can mend your broken heart and bring back your lover. If you seriously, seriously want to bring back the love of your life visit Love and Relationships.

Gerry Restrivera writes informative articles on various subjects including how to deal with a break up.

What to Do After a Divorce or Break Up

                

 

To lose your partner is always painful. It is a heartbreak, any way you look at it. It hurts. Your body aches and your heart feels like it is going to explode. And you are face to face with the most important decision in your life.

The choice you make at this moment determines how the rest of your life unfolds. When you are hurt by divorce or a break up or a death, you can feel the emotional pain or continue to try to avoid your hurt feelings.

If you choose to become more defended, your body becomes harder and your heart closers tighter. In your next relationship you are sure to repeat your same old “hurt pattern.” You might even think that you are attracting the same kind of person, yet again.

On the other hand, you can choose to be wise and brave. You can choose to open up to the emotional pain that is currently happening instead of running away from it. When you choose to open up to your emotional pain, your body become more relaxed and your energy flows. You resolve your “hurt pattern” so you do not have to repeat it in your next relationship.

It was a broken heart that kicked my own personal transformation into high gear. So I know that the thing you need to hear the most is that you are lovable and that you are loved. This is what you need to remind yourself of over and over again, even though it does not feel true right now.

In addition, you need to reassure yourself that you have done nothing wrong and there is nothing wrong with you. You might be thinking that if you had only done this, they wouldn’t have left or if you had only done that, they wouldn’t have died. Or you might be experiencing regret that you abandoned your partner.

Reassure yourself that you are not a terrible, bad, unlovable person. This is true and it helps to hear it and say it to yourself. A broken heart needs love, not judgment.

Of course you are not perfect. Of course you pushed love away with your controlling behaviors. Of course you acted out your unresolved emotional issues in your relationship. This is true of everyone.

Your partner was also doing the exact same thing with you. Of course you blamed them and they blamed you. This is universal relationship stuff. These emotional dynamic are exactly what you want to become more aware of so that in your next relationship you are better at loving.

Everyone has these relationships problems. No one is perfect. we do not have to be perfect to be loved. Perfect is an image and no one loves an image. We can only love our real self and the real self of others. This is what you want to get better at doing- loving your real self.

As you learn to open instead of close to your emotional pain, you are feeling your hurt and letting it move through you. You are learning to stand on your own two feet and support yourself. You are learning to take care of yourself so that your needs and desires are met.

Hurt is the first sign of life. It is like a frostbitten hand. It hurts like hell when it is warming up. When your hand is frozen and ready to die, there is no pain. You hurt when you are returning to life. So remind yourself that pain is the first sign of life.

You need courage and support to stay in the hurt and feel it. A Natural Process for Opening the Heart, as tapes, CD’s or written material, was made to comfort you and lead you though the process of letting go of past hurts once and for all so that you do not repeat them. The three tape in the series is called, "When You're Hurting..." Order at www.drjeanette.com/tapes.html

I know it is hard and painful when you are in the middle of hurt feelings. So remind yourself that It is a powerful turning point in your life. You are learning to stay with yourself though life’s natural processes, breath by breath.

There is a wonderful, delightful magic that happens when you feel your hurt feelings. You let go of them, they disappear. The area where your hurt was frozen in your body opens and becomes soft so you can receive love. Open Hearts attract real, true love.

Your heart becomes strong and healthy, allowing love to flow in and out of it with great vitality. You can learn to enjoy each moment in the process of becoming more of who you really are- even the painful ones.

Doris Jeanette, licensed psychologist, expert with Modernsage.com, radio show host with newvocies.com and author of "A Natural Process for Opening the Heart - Your Emotional Guide to Self Esteem", Ebook, tapes, CDs guide you though emotions, feelings so you become strong, loving and happy. Order at http://www.drjeanette.com/tapes.html Free newsletter at http://www.drjeanette.com

How To Break Up With Your Girlfriend

                

 

So you started a relationship with a cute, sweet girl who turned out to be an emotional wreck and possibly mentally insane. No problem, the hardest part is breaking up...err, actually it might be staying broke up, but first things first. Realize that any relationship you are in should improve both people's lives, and in this case focus on how your life currently is compared to how you would like it to be. If your life is not going the way you want it to, then follow these seven steps to break up with your girlfriend:

1. Take a break from each other - Tell your girlfriend you're taking some time alone (and give her a definite day when you will be done). Keep it to about a week or two at the most, since at this point in the relationship things are probably rocky and you don't want to draw out the pain too long. It is crucial that you not see her or speak to her at all (or as little as possible). The reason you want to be completely away from her is so that your mind and body can clear the emotions which are clouding your reasoning and judgment. She will probably fight with you about this saying that 'she really needs you right now', or try to put some other guilt trip on you, but you must be firm and stand your ground.

2. Make a decision - Once your head is cleared and you've taken a step back from your situation, figure out what is best for you. Decide who and what you believe and be brutally honest with what kind of person your girlfriend really is. Does she lie? Have you suspected her of cheating? Can you trust her? Are you counting on her to change even though she has given you signs that she doesn't want to? Do you see a future with this woman and even the possibility that she could be the mother of your kids? Are you counting on the future to be different than what it is now (even though it will most likely be more of the same). Do you have ulterior motives for keeping this relationship alive (such as satisfying your family or friends, you don't think you will be able to find anyone else, etc)? Ask yourself, how would a real man act in this situation? Don't stay in a relationship just because you have 'history', it may be bad history and you want to end that as soon as possible.

3. Make a plan - If you've decided to end it, then you must figure out the implications when you break the news. Does she have possession of anything of yours that is valuable such as expensive electronics, memorabilia etc? Are the both of you in any joint contracts or ownership agreements such as real estate loans, car payments, credit cards, etc? Figure out a way that you can get out of any agreements and get your stuff back safely in case she flips out and goes on a rampage (such as having a mutual friend get your stuff while she is gone, etc).

4. Tell her your decision - Communicate to her in person exactly how you feel and what you've decided. Remember, the decision is over so do not ask, beg, or plead but tell her in a mature manner that is not spiteful, immature, or childish. Be prepared for threats against you or herself. Do not cave under the pressure; she will probably try to get you to reconsider any way possible. Expect tears. If she is seriously suicidal (and not just trying to manipulate you), then you should arrange for her friends to be nearby when you break the news and possibly some medical help as well.

5. Hold your ground - Forever. Do not doubt yourself or be swayed, the decision is final. Realize that people can change, but the chances are very small and any changes she may make in the future are most likely just surface changes not personal transformation.

6. Avoid her completely - Do not email, speak, or see her until you are comfortable with the idea of her having sex with someone else, then you can talk to her again (but with extreme caution and very limited). Remember, after you break up, it is crucial for your emotional connections to be severed completely so you can be truly free from her (this can take months or sometimes even years).

7. Be a man about it - If you decide to be ‘friends’ with her, be cordial and mature about it. Don't bring up old issues but treat her as a new guy friend. Don't be needy or go out of your way to help her, and especially don’t fall into mind games. If she tries to make you jealous, hit on you, or bring up old issues, stop her immediately and remind her you are only friends and if she keeps it up you are outta there!

Coming soon: How to get over your ex and stay broken up.

Ryan Randolph is the author the blog "Yang Town: The Path of Masculine Power" where he dives into psychology, genetics, social conditioning, spirituality, belief systems and other aspects of male-female interactions. The blog is found at www.yangtown.com

How to Break Up With a Toxic Friend

                

 

You are stuck in a dead-end relationship and you really want out. You do not want to hurt this person’s feelings, because regardless of how bad things are, you care. How do you go about telling her that you would rather not be friends anymore? Should you just do a disappearing act and hope he will get the point? Is it a good idea to just withdraw until you drift apart?

Just like breaking up with a lover, ending a relationship with a friend is not an easy thing to do. In fact, it is so complicated that most people prefer to continue being involved with somebody they cannot stand simply to avoid the messiness of telling them good-bye. I have heard of people pretending not to be home to keep from spending time with a person they did not like. Sometimes, though, separation is not necessary. A lot of problems can be solved with an honest conversation.

Here is what I suggest:

1. Have a sincere talk with your friend. Suddenly falling out of the picture is not a good idea, because your friend might never know what he did wrong and will not be able to learn from the experience. And that would not be fair.

2. During your heart to heart conversation, observe this person. Is she paying attention or is she just waiting for you to shut up so she can answer back? Is he denying everything you say and twisting around your words to make you feel guilty? Or is she trying to work things out with you with an open mind? If your friend’s reaction is one of complete denial, then I guess it is clear indication that you need to move on.

3. After your talk, allow yourself some time and space to assimilate what happened. If there is hope, figure out what steps need to be taken to keep the friendship on the right track. Do not allow your friend to manipulate you into staying together because it will only produce more resentment on your part, and a relationship founded on pity is hardly ever a good idea.

4. If you still feel that you need to end it, be nice. Remember that what goes around comes around. After you have had the opportunity to think things through, tell your friend that you would prefer not to spend time with him anymore. Assure him that you will always be there for him, but that for now it is best to go your separate ways. Say this as directly as possible. Do not beat around the bush as that would only lead to confusion. And by all means void accusing, offensive remarks.

But what happens if you are on the receiving end of the break-up? What if you are the friend that everybody is trying to ditch? Take the time to seriously and honestly evaluate your attitude. Maybe you need to work on some unattractive aspect of your personality or maybe you just have the bad habit of surrounding yourself with people that do not really appreciate you.

Dinorah Blackman-Williams' books may be previewed and purchased at http://www.lulu.com/blackman

The Best Way to Break Up

                

 

There are ways to go about breaking up that will give you the best chance for a smoother trip through one of life's most difficult passages. This is an exceedingly sensitive time when it doesn't take much to stir things up. Fortunately, because we go through this with other couples a few thousand times a year, we know exactly what you can do, and the kinds of things you must avoid, to make breaking up as smooth as possible.

Whether you are a married couple, or have been living together in a long-term committed relationship, breaking up is almost always painful, but the essential thing is to avoid unnecessary pain and cost, much of which can be avoided or minimized if you are careful. It is essential to avoid words and actions that escalate from hurt, fear, and anger to hostility, lawyers, courts, and huge expenses. That would be very hard on you, on your kids if you have any, and devastating to your pocketbook.

For couples who are not married, breaking up presents many of the same challenges. In this discussion, if you replace divorce with breakup and spouse with partner, it will work the same for you.

If you decide to separate, don't do one more thing or say one more word to your spouse until you understand the rest of this article, and have read the other articles listed at the end. The way you announce the decision, or respond to it, will make a huge difference in the way things unwind.

The most common cause of conflict in separation and divorce is lack of mutuality in the decision—in other words, both spouses haven't accepted the idea that you're breaking up. Ideally, the decision would be arrived at together, but in most cases one spouse decides alone after taking time to think about it, get advice from friends or professionals, process emotions and make plans.

Once the decision is made, it is presented to the other spouse as a done deal and the sooner the better. Opportunities to solve problems and possibly save the relationship have been lost. What's worse, a long, hard divorce is more likely because the first spouse is ready to break up right away while the other spouse is upset and still working through denial and resistance. This person hasn't had time to process the reality and will be in some kind of emotional upset, in no way ready to discuss details or work out accommodations.

This is not a good time to push along on the breakup, even though the first spouse is ready and highly motivated to do so. Moving along too quickly at this point is the root cause of a lot more trouble to follow. If you are the first to decide, you are in a unique and powerful position to affect the future tone of the divorce. By being abrupt and insensitive, you can almost guarantee a bitter, expensive divorce.

If you want to encourage a sane resolution of divorce issues, be patient, be sensitive, but most of all, slow down. Give your spouse time to process the changes. Stay positive and as close to your spouse as possible. You can express caring and concern while being firm in your decision. Work with your spouse until you can both accept the fact that going your separate ways is inevitable, and you can both focus on moving forward. This is the best way to break up, and will lead to the best result.

To further prepare yourself before letting your spouse know you want to break up, read my other articles posted at this site:

What Divorce is Really About

Divorce--Obstacles to Agreement

Divorce--Overcoming Obstacles to Agreement

Divorce--Negotiating Agreement

Divorce--Ten Ways to Divide Property Without a Fight

Divorce--When the Date of Separation Matters

Divorce--How to Protect Your Children

Divorce--The Best and Worst Kinds of Help

Ed Sherman is a family law attorney, divorce expert, and founder of Nolo Press and Divorce Helpline. He started the self-help law movement in 1971 when he published the first edition of How to Do Your Own Divorce, and founded the paralegal industry in 1973. Ed has saved the public billions of dollars in legal fees while making divorce go more smoothly and easily for millions of readers. You can order his books from http://www.nolodivorce.com or by calling (800) 464-

Don't Let The Fine Line Cause A Break Up Or Divorce

                

 

There is a fine line between love and hate. No more is this seen than in the aftermath of a complicated break up or divorce. And if you have ever been unfortunate enough to have experienced this, you will understand exactly what I mean. It seems that when relationship troubles start to surface we try our hardest to make things work. This in actual fact can be catastrophic if the relationship has issues that are being ignored and for want of a better phrase ‘swept under the carpet’ in the quest for superficial happiness. This type of ‘first aid’ seems good for the short term, however if the original issues are not dealt with then this can cause an explosive end to the relationship.

If you are going through a break up at the moment, then use this time as an opportunity. Think about how you can make your future relationships better, who knows you may even wish to try and rekindle your old one. One way that you can solve many past and present issues is by using Hypnotherapy. Hypnosis is great for working on issues like this as it deals directly with the area of you mind that makes you – YOU! For years Hypnosis has been widely considered one of the best ways to do things like Stop Smoking, Lose Weight and Manage Stress; however it can now be applied to many Relationships issues, such as Jealousy, Anger Management and Infidelity. Hypnosis can also be used successfully on sexual issues including Impotent, Premature Ejaculation, Improved Female Orgasm and Frigidity including others.

In Hypnosis you will become very relaxed, but will remain completely aware of what is going on around you. A lot of people have some very misguided opinions of Hypnosis, which makes life interesting for me to say the least. The biggest question that I get asked is ‘Does it work?’. This one always makes me laugh! Hypnosis is a science. As a hypnotherapist I spend my life researching what makes people do what they do and also why they feel the way that they feel. I then work with them to find away to change this so that that can do what the WANT to do and feel the way that they WANT to feel.

So if you are experiencing troubles in your relationship or you need some help getting over a break up or divorce, then you should seriously consider using Hypnosis. The technique is so mainstream now that you can even get instant downloads from the internet to help you with a whole host of issues.

Richard MacKenzie is a Pro when it comes to helping people trough Breaks Ups he also have a successful Break Ups Hypnosis Download

Break Up Doesn't Have To Mean Break Down

                

 

Fact: Break Ups and Divorce are on the increase worldwide. There are many reasons for this and it was even reported last week that biggest growing issue is infidelity. It is also one of the harshest reasons to cause a slit. The reason for this is that most of the time the affair is kept from the other partner, thus resulting in an explosion of emotions when it finally comes out.

In some cases the pain caused by this type of break up can lead to the individual feeling that life is meaningless and empty, especially with all of the emotional pain that has been inflicted on them. The worrying news that ‘linked’ suicide rates are on the increase too, is also not encouraging.

Every week in my clinic I come across cases like this, but I noticed that with a little help and perseverance, this negative situation can be turned around quickly and in most cases to the great benefit of the individual that I am treating. If you are going through a break up or divorce at the moment you will understand how amazing it would feel if all of the pain and anguish ‘just disappear’ allowing you to rebuild your life.

Hypnosis is one of the best ways, if not the best way to get you to a point of feeling good again about yourself. Just imagine that in just a few days you could not only feel good, but also ready to move on or ready to win your loved one back if you wanted them.

Hypnosis can boast to this success, because it deals specifically with the part of the brain (mind) that is creating all of the confusion and unhappiness. It builds you up allowing you to feel strong and able to move on when nothing else seems to help. It allows you to have a ‘level’ head in a situation where you may have a lot of decisions to make.

Hypnosis to help you through your time of need is now also available online through the format of MP3 downloads. I myself have spent months putting everything that I know about this area into a powerful, but simple step-by-step program that empowers the individual to not only feel ‘OK’, but feel GREAT!

So if you are suffering at the hands of a messy break up – what are you waiting for? Use Hypnosis and start rebuilding your life today – And get the life of your dreams.

Richard MacKenzie is a Pro when it comes to helping people trough Breaks Ups he also have a successful Break Ups Hypnosis Download

How to Handle a Break Up - Things You Should Do to Protect Yourself

                

 

Break ups are seldom easy and rarely happy occasions. In the beginning, it may seem very difficult to get over but you definitely will find the time and the reason. To help you handle a break up and lessen the pain and possible negative repercussions, here are some things you can do:

A good way to handle a break up is to keep things amicable. Break ups don’t have to be made up of nasty fights, harsh words and revenge plots. If you came into a relationship in a good way, you can try to get out of it nicely. Don’t rub salt into an already bad wound. Wouldn’t it be better to lose a lover and win a friend than lose everything?

Don’t play the blame game; this is not a good way to handle a break up. Blaming each other will create negative feelings and even make you regret a lot of things that you shouldn’t have in the first place. Take responsibility for the part you played on the relationship, both for its success and for its failure, but don’t be too harsh on yourself or on your soon-to-be ex. By keeping your self-esteem intact, you don’t leave room for bitterness and you will learn ho handle a break up nicely.

Another way to handle a break up is avoid seeing only the hole in the doughnut. Relationships end for many reasons and when yours does, don’t just focus only on the bad things. Remember the things that made your relationship great and be thankful you were once a part of it. Just don’t dwell on it, this way you can handle a break up more easily.

To handle a break up don’t do or say anything that you will regret later on. When emotions are high, it's a lot easier to let slip certain words or statements that may make you feel better about the break up. Unfortunately, this feeling doesn’t last long and you may realize later you shouldn’t have even bothered.

Handle a break up without any violence, verbal or physical. It may seem the most logical thing to do especially if you're angry but it's best to avoid these situations. It will not only make your pain worse, there is also a possibility you might find yourself at the receiving end of criminal charges.

The best way to handle a break up is move on. Mourn your relationship if you must – that's normal and expected of you. But don’t wallow in your grief so much that you forget you still have a life to live and there are still people who love you for what you are. By moving on, you acknowledge that the relationship has ended and that you are giving yourself a chance to find happiness again.

While you are trying to handle a break up, don’t allow yourself to be too vulnerable. As you move back to a single life, you might feel a little too exposed. Feeling vulnerable is normal – all of a sudden you are back to being on your own, doing things alone. Find support from your family and friends. They will not only help you get back on your feet again, they will also help you re-enter the social scene.

Don’t force a new relationship just to feel less lonely. It's not only fair to you; it's also unfair to the other person. In-between relationships may seem like a terrific stop-gap measure and may provide you with the kind of companionship you just lost, but they will not replace your other relationship. Each relationship is unique so don’t try to find your old flame's qualities in another person. You're bound to be disappointed and you might find yourself in a relationship break up all over again.

You're life is taking on a new turn. Enjoy it! Think of the end of a relationship as a way to toss out old things and an opportunity to welcome new ones. Depending on how you treat it, change can be a good thing and it's really up to you to take this new direction and turn it to your advantage. Handle a break up nicely, learn from your past relationship and take a step forward.

If you’ve tried to handle a break up nicely and still you want to win your ex back, you know you haven’t done anything that you will regret later. If you really, really want to win your ex back you have to put effort in it. Did you know that you can bring back a lost love no matter how hopeless your situation appears? Discover how you can easily bring back the love of your life visit Love, Dating and Weddings

Gerry Restrivera writes informative articles on various subjects including How to Handle a Break Up: Things You Should Do to Protect Yourself.

How to Break Up - Successfully

                

 

I remember my first break up, where I was the one doing the breaking up... it was tough, in fact, it took me a whole year of really figuring out what and how I was going to do it! I was young and the relationship was such that I was very dependant on my partner, and I found it very difficult to leave him.

In the end, it got to the point where enough was enough. By nature, I am a very strong person and to have been in a relationship for nearly 4 years where I was submissive had finally worn out its welcome!

It took me a week to get things organised. My partner was self employed and I did all his bookwork for him, so I arranged for someone to take over that and also informed his boss that I was going to be leaving him! Possibily not the smartest thing to do, but I was so worried about how he was going to take it, that I wanted to make sure that there was someone that would look out for him... as I still cared about him and didn't want to hurt him.

The day came and I had written a letter, because I knew, that at the tender age of 23 I would not be able to utter the words... I got home from work, handed him the letter and waited. We spent the next 2 hours crying and talking and I ended up packing a bag and heading to my parents.

It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but in the end it was the best. After a few weeks, I began to see just how destructive the relationship had been and how he just was not right for me. Within in 4 months, I had met someone new and was very happy.

Is there any right way to break up with someone? I don't believe there is, but there are definitely some wrong ways!! Avoid these when breaking up with someone:

1. Do not break up with someone via a text, it shows you have no respect for that person and that you placed no value on the relationship at all.

2. Do not break up with someone over the phone. This is just about as bad via text!

3. Keep it clean. If the reason you are breaking up is soley because of that person, then the best way to phrase it is to say something along the lines that you have grown and changed and that you just don't feel the same way about that person that you once did. Attacking someone is never an option.

4. Do not break up with someone in front of their family or friends! Can you imagine the embarrasment and humiliation they will feel? This can lead to the person dumped doing drastic things!

5. Do not have an affair while you are still with someone! This is one of the worst ways to break up with someone and it hurts the other person immensely. If you feel the pull to someone else and think you are going to act on it, then is it not fair to end the relationship you are in? Because if you are having feelings for someone else, you are already gone...

Breaking up is something that we all face at some point in our lives... there are a few lucky few that never have to experience this emotional rollarcoaster, like my parents! They have been together since they were 19 & 20, and it is a very long, distant memory of any of the break ups they suffered prior to then!

In the end, all you can do is look after yourself, be true to you and respect the other person enough to break up with them face to face.

Written by Lise Carter

Annelise Carter has been writing on and off for the past 10 years... mainly in her journal! It was about time that some of these entries were used to help others and that is just what she is doing. Annelise has been through a few break ups in her young life and because of this, has decided to use her experiences to help others.

Visit her blog here at http://www.handsomereturns.blogspot.com

Relationship Over? 7 Steps to Survive a Break-Up or Divorce

                

 

Are you struggling with letting go of a past love? We all know how painful it can be when walking away from a relationship. You may be dealing with feelings that can be overwhelming and at times you need a bit of guidance to help keep you on track. As difficult as it may be right now, keep in mind that your feelings are normal and simply part of a process that you will get beyond. Follow these 7 steps in healing a broken heart and you will begin the process of letting go and moving on.

1. ACCEPTANCE: Until you face reality, you won't begin to let go. Accepting that your relationship is over is the first step in putting the past behind you.

2. MAKE A CLEAN BREAK: None of this on-again-off-again stuff. You will only prolong the inevitable.

3. IT'S OKAY TO GRIEVE: Don't feel bad for feeling bad. You are going through a very normal process that you will get beyond. Just give yourself some time.

4. FOCUS ON YOURSELF: Indulge yourself. Pamper yourself. Do the things that make you feel good again. You are going through a tough time right now, so be good to yourself. Loving yourself is the best gift you can give yourself.

5. IMPROVE YOURSELF: This is an opportunity to begin a journey into self-discovery. Getting your self-esteem back on track is key to your recovery. Discover what you want from life and go after it.

6. LEARN TO FORGIVE: Forgiving frees you from the chains of the past and allows you to let go of anger and resentment. If you choose not to forgive the only person you hurt is yourself.

7. MOVE ON: The end is just the beginning! Learn from your mistakes and pick up the pieces so you can move on and go after the kind of life and relationship you deserve.

The sooner you take action and do what is good for you, the sooner you will be moving toward the kind of life and relationship you really want. Find the courage to pull yourself out of this funk. Take charge of your life and you will find that there actually is life after What's-His-Name! You just have to make the decision so you can move on.

Take little steps each day and you will be amazed that you are starting to feel better. Lean on your friends and remember, time really does heal all wounds.

Read more about it at: http://www.whystay.com

Susan Russo is the President of Pinnacle Thought Inc. Publisher for books and resources which provide inspiration, self-empowerment and the tools and strategies to help move you toward personal success and fulfillment. She is editor of "You've Got Power" ezine and author of "There Is Life After What's-His-Name.

Break-up Advice for Men - Don't Leave Like a Louse!

                

 

BREAK-UP ETIQUETTE FOR THE “UNENLIGHTENED” MAN

Imagine this.

Imagine that you report to your job for what would appear to be a typical work day. From all previous indications, your employer has been very satisfied with your performance. You arrive early, get to your office door, and the key won’t fit. It appears that the lock has been changed. Even worse, you notice your nameplate has been removed from the door as well. There’s no one around to ask questions. But it‘s obvious that your worst fear has been realized; you’ve been fired! And with no warning, no explanation, and no recourse!

Imagine the confusion and the many unanswered questions this scenario would cause. Imagine the anger and disappointment. Multiply it by 100 times. That’s a fraction of what it feels like to a woman you’ve mysteriously dumped!

Let’s face it. Sometimes the need to sever ties from a former partner happens. “You’ve lost that lovin’ feeling” or an old flame resurfaces to light your fire. Or perhaps it’s just irreconcilable differences. And it makes no sense to stick around and stay miserable. Right? It happens. There’s really no totally pain free way to move on.

But that doesn’t mean you should have a callous attitude, or opt for the coward’s way out. Contrary to the popular song-- there aren’t “50 ways to leave your lover!” The way you leave a relationship speaks volumes about the type of “man” you are. It also shapes a woman’s future perceptions of herself and love in general. Bitter break-ups produce bitter women!

Here’s an online blog entry from a “woman scorned” that typifies many women’s experiences: “I’m feeling so rejected, hurt and confused lately. Not a peep from the jerk. How could I have misread him so? I really thought he was a stand-up guy. I just don’t understand why every guy I have fallen for in the past 4 years has pulled practically the same thing.”

Unfortunately, cycles perpetuate. Peter pays for the sins of Paul. According to John Gray, Ph.D. and author of Mars and Venus on a Date, “Good endings create good beginnings.” As someone who has been both the dumper and the dumpee in my relationships, I can attest, there is an art to ending an affair.

Here’s the “politically correct” way to pull it off!

¨ DON’T FALL FOR THE GRASS IS GREENER FALLACY--ASSESS. Before leaving one woman to run to the arms of another, make sure that what you are risking is worth the tradeoff! Many times guys find a new love interest enticing just because of the unexplored pleasures and possibilities. The novelty. After the passage of time and getting to know the person, they find that what they bargained for is really less than what they already had. And often too late to do anything to rectify the situation.

¨ BE SENSITIVE TO HER FEELINGS- Practice the Golden Rule. Don’t take the easy way out by sending her an E-mail or leaving a message on her answering machine. It’s really uncool and unkind. Unless she has a history of violence, do it in person. Or by a phone call, or a caring, compassionate letter.

¨ IF THERE IS SOMETHING THAT CAN BE WORKED UPON, TALK IT OUT FIRST. Communication is crucial to any successful, enduring relationship.

¨ DON’T BASH HER OR BLAME HER FOR EVERYTHING THAT WENT WRONG. It takes two to make or break a relationship. ¨ HAVE A HEART- If there’s something that you can share in the way of constructive criticism that might help in the future, then do so.

¨ DON’T OFFER FRIENDSHIP- At least not right away. It’s offensive, and feels like a demotion. Unless the two of you started out as friends initially.

¨ KEEP IN MIND A BASIC LAW OF THE UNIVERSE—What goes around comes around. Karma is a killer!

¨ DON’T KISS AND TELL—It’s in poor taste, and if it gets back to her, it would only serve to deepen her pain

¨ DON’T MAKE A MOVE ON HER BEST FRIEND! For reasons that I hope are obvious.

¨ GIVE HER AN EXPLANATION THAT’S FAIR AND REASONABLE—Please don’t use the line that you need to “find yourself” it’s getting old!

¨ DON’T BEOME M.I.A. (Missing in action)—Many immature and insensitive guys choose this exit strategy. They simply stop calling or coming around “cold-turkey”, concluding that a woman will eventually “figure it out”. The terrible thing about this way of operating, is that it is the worse of all. It never allows a lover to bring closure to the relationship and heal properly.

Keep in mind that these are general guidelines. Each situation should be evaluated on an individual basis. For example, if there is concern that a woman has the potential to become a “fatal attraction,” you may want to just change your address, go into seclusion for a while, and forget the above steps! Good luck with that.

HERE’S HOPING FOR SMOOTHER TRANSITIONS AND LASTING LOVE!

Jennifer Brown Banks is a veteran freelance writer, and writes a weekly relationship column for Online Dating Magazine. She is the author of "A Paradox in Pink."

6 Tips To A Smooth Break - Up

                

 

Ending a relationship, for whatever reason, can be a difficult time. This article contains simple things that you can do to make it a smoother time for you and your ex partner.

1. Do not break up by phone, text or email.
If you are the person ending the relationship and you care for the other person, give them the respect they deserve and do not use the phone, email or text to end the relationship. Have the courage to arrange to meet up with them and face them in person.

2. Keep it private.
While you were dating, you were privilidged to information about the other person's personal life, their family, their job situation, their finances and I'm sure much more. When the relationship is over, do not feel it gives you the right to tell everyone all you know about the private life of your ex partner. If you want to maintain a good friendship with them in the future, this will only show you are immature and trying to hurt them.

3. Do not send wrong signals.
If the relationship is over, do not keep sending contrary signals. By this I mean, don't keep emailing them regularly, texting them everyday, calling over to their house whenever you feel like it. This is telling the other party that in your eyes it is not really over and you would be willing to start dating again. If this is not the message you want to send, be very clear in your words and also your actions following the break up.

4. Do not isolate yourself.
Involve your friends and family. Talk to them about how you are feeling, especially if you begin to feel depressed or it is effecting your work or study life.

5. Do not rebound with your ex partner's best friend!
If you want to maintain a healthy friendship with your ex partner in the future, do not start dating their best friend straight after you have broken up. Its just not the done thing!

6. Focus on the good.
Even though the relationship has ended, there were good times that both of you enjoyed. If you only focus on the bad times, you can become bitter and angry at either yourself or the other person. Don't hold onto anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and will prevent you from moving on.

Is there greatness on the inside of you but you don't know how to achieve it? Jason has just completed his brand new 7 part e-course, 'Find Your Greatness'

Get it free when you subscribe at: Find Your Greatness

Jason and Rebecca Osborn have dedicated themselves to changing thousands of lives by helping people find their greatness and true potential through their Find Your Greatness Newsletter.

Also log onto http://livingword.ie for more inspirational messages.

How to Break Up with a Girlfriend in 5 Painless Steps

                

 

"Breaking up is hard to do!"

As that old song goes, breaking up with a girlfriend is something which can be quite challenging. You want to end the relationship, but you don't want to her hurt her feelings.

So how can you break up with a girlfriend without hurting her feelings?

Well you can't!

No matter what happens, break ups tend to cause at least SOME hurt feelings. However there is right AND wrong way to do it. If you know how to handle a break up with a girl, then you'll give her the least amount of pain.

Here is your 5 step plan for accomplishing this:

Step 1- Be prepared for a little drama

Nobody likes being told that they're "not good enough" for a relationship- especially women. When you break up with your girlfriend, you should expect a wide range of emotions. This can include tears, anger or even happiness.

This means you should be prepared to handle whatever reaction she has to the break up. Just remain calm and don't react to her different emotions.

Step 2- Let her be the first one to know

To save her feelings much as possible, she should be the first one to know about the breakup. Don't make the mistake of telling other people before you talk to her.

The reasoning behind is to save her future pain. If finds out later on that other people knew before she did, then she will be upset.

Step 3- Find a neutral and secluded spot

One of the worst places to break up with a woman is at a house or in a public place like a restaurant. As I've mentioned before, there might be a little drama during the break-up, so you want to select a place that is neutral and provides a bit of privacy.

Your best bet is to break up with her in a secluded spot like a park or a beach. By picking an area like this, you'll have time and privacy to ease the pain of the breakup.

Step 4- Keep it short and simple

When you break up with your girlfriend, don't give her a laundry list of everything that she does wrong. Just remember that she could make another guy really happy with her particular personality. So don't give her any "emotional baggage" by listing all her faults.

All you have to is let her know you're not happy with the relationship and that it's not going to work. Furthermore you should a show level of sadness about the end of the relationship.

Step 5- Be strong

As I mentioned before, you'll probably be faced with a wide range of emotions. It's human nature to try to comfort people when they're upset. This is especially true when you see a woman in pain.

But you have to remember there are concrete reasons why you're breaking up with this girl. So you have to remain strong and resolute in your decision to end things.

No matter what happens, you must stand by your decision.

As you know by now breaking up is hard to do. But if you follow this 5 step plan of action, you'll be able to do in the least painless manner. Then you both can move on with your lives and start dating other people.

Want to learn 50 different ways for meeting, approaching and attracting women? If so, take a look at Scott Patterson's Free eBook which provides 50 tips for instant dating success

It's A Great Relationship, But Is It Time to Break Up?

                

 

You’ve found a new guy and the two of you have been dating for a few months now. He’s handsome, funny, and charming, and yet something about the relationship doesn’t feel quite right. You so much want this to work, as it has been some time since you’ve dated anyone this long with the prospect of a permanent commitment. But you still have some important unanswered questions.

1. Where does he go on the weekends? You’ve noticed from the beginning of your dating relationship that your guy doesn’t hang around on Saturday or Sunday. In fact, you don’t see him too often on Friday nights, either. You have to wonder if he has a family out there somewhere, or some kind of commitment elsewhere that is bound to interfere with yours at some point. In fact, it already is interfering. When you ask him why he can’t come around over the weekend, he stutters and stammers, but so far, no good excuses.

2. What about his family? After five months, you still haven’t met his parents, sister, or even his dog. He’s given you a dozen reasons why you can’t visit his apartment, none of them valid. You would love to meet his family—if he has one, that is. Moreover, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to be introduced to his coworkers, neighbors, or friends. But so far, none of that is happening. There was one buddy from college who was passing through town and took the two of you out for dinner, but that was it.

3. Does he really have a job? Even though he has vaguely mentioned having a job somewhere, he doesn’t say much about the work, the company, or his boss. You don’t actually know what he does or how much he makes. In fact, he’s often broke, which is why the two of you hang out at your place for pizza and television rather than go to the movies or dinner.

4. Will he ever get serious? This guy takes life pretty easy. He doesn’t seem to have any hassles or worries, and he’s not particularly interested in the future—with or without you. You’ve fallen into a fairly predictable and almost boring dating pattern, and you’re wondering if you could live this way the rest of your life even if things did get serious.

5. Does he meet your needs? When you need a shoulder to cry one, he withdraws a little, like he’s not very comfortable with emotion. At times when you want to dress up and go out, he’s ready to sack out on the sofa for a little snooze. He seldom shows much interest in your job, your family, or your hobbies. So what’s to love about him?

If any of these, especially in combinations of two or more, describe your relationship, maybe it’s time to move on. Unless you force a confrontation and insist on things changing, chances are they won’t. And who wants to force someone to pretend to like you, anyway? It could be time to give up and get going if your Romeo isn’t showing much enthusiasm.

For more information on today’s women’s issues and concerns, visit For a Better Her at http://www.betterher.com

Platonic Relationships: Why They Don't Work After a Break-Up

                

 

Relationships with the opposite sex can be extremely complicated, especially after a break-up. Can singles be “just friends” with someone they used to date? Here's why I say the answer to that question is "no."

Q. I just broke up with a guy I had been dating for nine months. We got along well on many levels, but realized that we couldn’t be “life partners.” So much of the relationship was good, but the arguing made it bad. While I’m willing to give up the sex and the hope for a future together, I don’t want to give up our friendship. We enjoy many of the same things and I would miss sharing them with him. Can't we be “just friends” while I search for the guy who will be “Mr. Right?” Allyson

Allyson, Maintaining a platonic relationship with someone you used to date is frequently the source of confusion and frustration. So much of your energy had been invested in this person, which makes severing only some of it very tricky. But if you really want to create a life partner relationship with someone who meets all of your needs, then I suggest it is best NOT to be friends with your “ex.”

Trying to maintain a friendship with someone with whom you had been physically intimate is especially challenging. That’s because sex is like “superglue” – it’s easy to get stuck, but extremely difficult to get unstuck. Couples who had expressed their physical feelings with one another can easily succumb again to the emotional triggers that initially sparked the intimacy.

When a man and a woman, each considering the other as a potential life partner, spend a lot of time together, it’s natural that they would become emotionally attached. After a break-up, a person usually goes through a sort of grieving and mourning process. This is because when you’re dating someone, and doing so with the serious intention of seeing if s/he is going to be your life partner, you have hopes and dreams that it'll all work out. When reality tells you (and you’re actually willing to listen to reality!) that the two of you are not compatible, and should not continue being together, it can feel like a “death.” But it's not the death of the person that you have to adjust to, it’s the death of your hopes and dreams. And just like with the death of a person, the challenge before you is to re-orient yourself in the world without this person in your life, and get back into the game to find someone more suitable.

I suggest that you sever yourself from this failed relationship completely. Doing so will free up all of your energies – emotional, physical and intellectual – and allow you to explore a new relationship’s potential. Avoiding a “friendship” with your ex will prevent him (and your residual feelings for him) from distracting you from attaining your goal of attaining as gratifying relationship with the right person.

About Janice D. Bennett, Ph.D. Practicing as a psychologist for over 20 years, Janice has treated many singles looking to get married, but who had become depressed and demoralized by the dating process. She now uses her skills and experience to help healthy singles overcome the obstacles preventing them from attaining the relationships and lives they really want. Janice has been quoted in Cosmopolitan Magazine, gives dating advice on http://www.JMatch.com and other websites for singles, has a free e-newsletter and gives teleclasses, lectures and workshops. Check out her "Get Your Love Right!" blog, read other dating-related Q's&A's and articles, and sign up for a complimentary 40 minute telephone coaching session by visiting her website at http://www.DoctorLoveCoach.com

Top 5 Reasons: Why a Woman Would Break Up with YOU

                

 

I've often thought about the topic of why women leave men. Especially when the woman seems happy, and the guy is such a 'nice' guy. I have recently come to the realization of why women leave men. And I'm going to share it with you, so you can prevent it.

The main all-encompassing principle is that the male stops being attractive. Let's get into some specific examples from the most common reason to the least.

Big Number 1. Clingy

The man is too obsessive. He hangs around her to much, and seeks her attention CONSTANTLY. This is a huge negative, especially for a woman that has so much offer, usually she has a life. She needs space, she also needs companionship. Make sure you supply that, and give her her independence.

Close Number 2. Approval Seeking

You're doing those things that you know you shouldn't. Like: What do you want to do tonight hunny? or I really wanted to see that movie, but I guess we can see yours... This is prime wussy behavior. STOP IT. Beautiful, interesting women will not tolerate this behavior for very long. I guarantee in 98% of situations you didn't start out that way. The David Deangelo range of materials actually talks in-depth about this topic. It was interesting to find out the ways I was ruining my chances in more ways than one which I wasn't even aware of.

Further down 3. Jealously

Don't ever be jealous. If she's with you, she’s with YOU. You would hope she is constantly being flirted with around you. She's obviously hot, good job! Control that emotion and funnel it into humor, by occasionally 'negging' (slight self-esteem hit) her. Say something after a man says, "You're so lucky to be with a woman that great...", reply by saying something like, "I know, imagine how much she had to work to get me!"

Almost to the end 4: Boring and Predictable

So many guys are boring and predictable. Don't answer you're phone 1 out of 10 times, just to have her think more about you. (It works on us doesn't it guys?) Do stuff spontaneously with her, that’s interesting and unpredictable, like go snowboarding if you've never been, or skydive one day, or if you never dress up and go to an expensive restaurant - do that!

Mix and match it up so it's interesting for both of you. Also, be different in personality, be nice some times, be a little mean other times but respectful. Try being really busy and not clingy if you're always available for her. DYD talks extensively about this.

The final 5: Not doing what worked.

In the beginning you got her! What did you do? How did you act around her? Forget what relationship books say, do what worked! Remember the old saying, "If you keep doing what you've always done, you're going to keep getting what you've always gotten!" That works for good results as well. So keep it up! Don't call her back in a second if that's not what you did originally.

Ok, you get the point of this post. I'm passionate about these things, because I know they MATTER. They really EFFECT how a relationship works.

Women have a HUGE amount of options, don't give her the chance to consider them when she's already got the best one.

You need a lot more information about dating, and attracting the type of woman you want! Donovan has setup a blog called The Attraction Chronicles, it has loads of free articles helping men achieve dramatic success with women.

Relationship Advice: After the Break Up - Creating an Exit Door in Your Heart

                

 

Q. It's been over a year since the guy I thought I would be married to broke up with me. He said he was just scared to make the commitment. I felt like I tried really hard and did the best I could in this one. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday. I can't seem to get over this no matter how hard I try. I'm afraid that there will never be anyone else that I can get that close to or who will understand me. I keep trying to figure out where I went wrong.

A. A year is a long time to feel bad, and usually much longer than is necessary.

I'm going to guess about a few things that might be going on here.

Reliving the relationship

Many times when a person is still feeling as bad as you do more than a year later, it's because you've spent the last year reliving the relationship. This comes in the form of trying to figure out exactly what went wrong, fueled by the inaccurate belief that if you could just figure out exactly what went wrong, then you could let go.

The reality is that spending so much time trying to figure out what went wrong keeps you attached to the relationship and prevents you from moving on.

Relationships are messy things, and many times we can never really know exactly what went wrong.

Our brains are very obedient at times. If you keep asking your brain to figure out what you did wrong, it's going to search for all kinds of reasons, and you are going to wind up feeling like a failure.

My guess is while the relationship failed, you did not.

If you are with someone who is just not ready to commit, you cannot fail.

This is because when there is no possibility of success, you simply cannot fail.

Differences between men and women

I'm about to speak in general about the differences between men and women, which is always a dangerous thing. But here goes: In general, men have two doors to their hearts, one marked enter and one marked exit. Women don't have an exit door to their hearts, which makes getting over someone much more difficult.

Creating an exit door

You need to create an exit door in your heart and then show this guy, and the pain and hurt, right out the door.

Relationships end.

If the desired outcome and measure of success is a committed marriage, then all the other relationships before marriage are failed relationships.

But if you handled yourself well, feel good about your behavior and choices, and even used what you learned in other relationships in this one, then you were successful.

Consider what you learned in this relationship that you can use to make the next one(s) better.

If you learned what a commitment-challenged guy looks like and that these relationships don't work out, then it was time well spent.

Make a list of all the things you learned from this one that will help you in the future.

Since this guy was too scared to commit, then he did you a favor by breaking up with you. Marriage to a commitment-challenged person is a disaster and a divorce looking for a place to happen.

Here's a fun little trick to help show this guy out the exit door of your heart:

Imagine a picture of the relationship in your mind. It feels like it's right out in front of you, a few inches from your face, and difficult to see past. Take that picture and imagine moving it off to the side of you, out of view. Feels better, doesn't it?

Practice this and you will be able to show him the exit door to your heart, and soon, you will picture it behind you altogether.

And then you will be ready to move on.

Leading relationship expert Jeff Herring is a Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Nationally Syndicated Relationship columnist.

You can read more practical tips, common sense relationship advice and occasional humor at his website SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

Relationship Tune Up - 7 Key Points to Avoid a Break Up or Break Down

                

 

"Every three months or 3,000 miles."

That's how the sticker in the left upper corner of my windshield reads.

It's a matter of common knowledge that we are supposed to maintain, service, and tune up our cars if we want them to run well and last.

In my experience, it rarely occurs to us to do the same thing with our love relationships.

More and more of the couples I see are not in need of long term therapy, they are more in need of a short term relationship tune up.

7 Key Points

What first attracted you to each other? - This is the first question I ask most couples because it helps to be reminded that your partner has some great qualities that led you to want to be in this relationship.

What are some of the strengths of your relationship? - Instead of all the things that are wrong with your relationship, what I want to know is what are some of the strengths of the relationship upon which we can build in order to solve the problems with which they are struggling.

When have you been the closest? - One of the easiest ways to tune up your relationship is to do the things you were doing when you were the closest.

You may have noticed that the first 3 questions were all focused on positives in the relationship.

This is done on purpose. One of the dangers of traditional marriage counseling is a focus on what is wrong or defective with an individual or the relationship. One of the many benefits of relationship coaching is a focus on using the strengths in the relationship to build up the areas where the relationship is weak.

What are your partner's emotional needs and what are your own? - If you do not know, hear are the two crucial questions to ask:

1) In order to feel loved by me, what do you need to feel in our relationship?

2) What are some ways I can meet those needs?

What is your partner's love language and what is yours? - Some folks need to hear it, some folks need to see it, and some folks need to feel it.

How do the two of you "do conflict?" - Conflict in a relationship is inevitable. Fighting is optional.

What is your vision for your relationship? - Without a vision, a relationship can perish. Here are a few questions most couples never take the time to even think about, much less ask:

1) If we could design our relationship any way we wanted, how would we like it to be?

2) What goals do we have for our relationship?

3) What do we want to give, and what do we want to get in our relationship?

For more immediately useable tips and tools for your relationship, visit relationship coach Jeff Herring's interactive website at SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

Relationship Advice: 10 Ways to Prevent a Break Up

                

 

The question I am asked most often is: I think he/she is getting ready to leave me. What do I do? There isn't an easy answer for this or there wouldn’t be any break ups. Every situation is different and sometimes breakups are inevitable. However this is not always the case and there are things you can do before you reach the breaking point that will help.

Here are the 10 most important things:

1. Communicate. Communication is important. If you find that when you try to communicate your feelings to your partner it always leads to an argument, try writing your feelings down. Read through what you’ve written. If you find things that are just petty problems with no real validity, eliminate them. Try to find the sources behind your words. For example, jealousy, are you jealous because you know he/she is cheating, or does it go deeper? Did someone cheat on you in the past and now you don’t trust anyone? Is your partner giving you what you need to feel secure? Once you realize where the feelings are coming from, you can address fixing the problem.
2. Resist making accusations. Approach your partner calmly, without being defensive. Tell him/her the problem. Don’t be accusing or they will become defensive and yes, you will end up in an argument. If you find it’s easier to write it in a letter, then do so. Leave while they read it so you aren’t hovering over them, waiting for their reaction. Let them process what you have said. Again, do not be accusing. Tell them you want to make your relationship better. Have suggestions for BOTH of you, not just them. Be sure you know the core problem and aren’t just mentioning a symptom.
3. Refrain from insulting your partner during arguments. Fighting dirty can quickly become a habit and eventually someone will say something that the other person cannot forget, or worse, forgive.
4. Take time to tell your partner why you love him/her. Not once, but often. This can be something as small as a compliment on how they look. Your partner needs to know you appreciate them. Don’t just assume they know. Everyone likes to be reminded they are loved.
5. Be supportive and look for ways to give your partner the things they need the most. Even if they don’t tell you what they need, you can figure it out if you pay attention. Some people have a hard time telling you what they need but there are clues. If you’re not sure, ask.
6. Don’t neglect yourself. If your needs aren’t being met, find a way to let your partner know. If you are unhappy, you will eventually blame your partner. It’s much easier to let them know, in a positive way, the things you need.
7. Never try to solve a problem when you are angry. Take time to cool down. I know this can seem impossible at times but think about it. Is anything ever really solved when you are yelling at each other?
8. Set aside some time for just the two of you. If not once a week, then at least once a month. This should be quality, alone time, however you two choose to spend it. You might try arranging a specific day each week and take turns planning what you will do.
9. Discuss decisions that affect the both of you and try to find a solution that will keep you both happy. Never make an important decision that affects you both without talking to your partner.
10. Don’t Lie! Everyone lies occasionally. It’s in our nature. This isn’t an excuse to lie to your partner. Every time you are caught in a lie, a little more trust is taken away. A healthy relationship requires trust. Never ever lie about things important to the relationship. You’re better off facing the music if you’ve done something wrong then being caught in a lie.
11. This won’t keep you together but it is important to mention. Know when it’s time to leave and make the break. Don’t let anyone use you or abuse you. Most problems can be worked out if both people in the relationship make an effort to improve things. There are some exceptions. It’s time to leave if the relationship becomes abusive. Do not hope things will get better because he/she says they will change. Leave! If at some future time they actually do change, you can consider getting back together then. Another deal breaker is infidelity. If your partner cheats on you, there is a good chance that even if you do stay together, the trust that keeps a relationship alive will be gone. I’m not saying you can’t survive it, but it will take a great deal of effort from both people and your partner will have to stop. Never give them more than one chance to do so or you will be setting yourself up for a very destructive emotional roller coaster. If your partner sees that it’s possible to cheat and you will keep forgiving, why would they change?

Patricia Fason is a writer and poet whose main focus is relationships. For more articles on relationships visit her website dedicated to romance, Sites O Web Romances You. There you will find articles, poetry, romance tips, romantic gifts and much more.