Top 6 Reasons Couples Break Up

                

 

Each day, more relationships fall apart...it seems like the list of things that can end them is endless, but really most of the biggest killers are fairly simple. If your relationship is in danger or has already broken apart, I'm here to help you by listing off some of the main reasons people go their separate ways. Once you know what causes a breakup, you can usually fix it!

1) Unfaithfulness is a supreme destroyer of relationships...nothing really wounds a person so much as when his/her partner isn't happy enough at home that he/she decides to go looking for what's missing in other places. Cheating on your lover is probably the coldest, most hurtful thing you can do to a person and usually results in nigh-unfixable breakups...so the best way to deal with the problem is to never have it in the first place.

2) Neglecting your partner's feelings is another really hurtful thing that can cause a breakup, and in fact does a lot of the time. People have emotions, even the guys who like to act like they don't so much...and it really hurts when they're never considered by the person whom the love the most. Always listen to your partner, and be considerate of how he/she feels.

3) Fights happen in all relationships, it's almost natural, but when tempers really soar and people just can't cool off and take things with a level head it can really cause dissension. Nobody likes to be with a person who's always flying off the handle, and can't be reasoned with. Conflicts are going to happen, but how well they're dealt with separates the people who stay together from the couples that fragment and scatter.

4) Movies have made it seem like it's only ever girls who get too controlling, and in fact film has made it even seem funny, but the truth is that both guys and girls can become overly demanding and controlling of their partners...and it's no laughing matter, as anyone who's been in that kind of relationship can tell you. If you don't have trust, you don't have anything...and if you keep hounding your partner about what goes on every minute of every day, you won't have him or her either.

5) Allowing a relationship to get boring and stale is perhaps one of the most tragic ways that one can end, as it's pretty much just a case of so little going on that a person doesn't really care anymore. Lack of spontanaeity and "spice" is a relationship's enemy, although you don't have to freak out if you aren't doing something new every hour. Spend time together, and do things that are fun for both of you! It's crazy to simply let a relationship "reach its expiration date."

6) Annoying habits in small numbers can be almost endearing, but when they start to take over it can be a serious problem. Usually just having a bad habit of biting your nails or tapping your foot won't end a relationship, but when these things are a blatant constant and in larger numbers than just two or three, they can add a lot of stress that can make normally minor problems impact your partner a lot more. Everyone has a few bad habits, but in the interest of peacekeeping it's a good idea to try to ease up on the things that really drive your partner crazy.

There are a lot of things that can contribute to the "demise" of a relationship, and these are really just a few of them...but by thinking this way you should have a good shot at identifying any of the things that are really hurting your relationship...and if you're in the middle of a breakup, then addressing problems like these could really help your chances of getting through it with your partner still by your side!

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Friends After Break Up - Why Won't He Return My Calls?

                

 

Why does he suddenly want to stop being friends after you break up?

Breaking up is hard on both of you. There are many reasons why he may no longer want to talk with you or to be friends.

Here are some possible reasons why some find it difficult to stay friends after a breakup...

 

1. He may need time to heal emotionally. It could be painful to see you.
2. He may be seeing someone else and fears that being friends with you may jeopardize his new relationship.
3. If the breakup was difficult, he may be angry at you and need some time to cool off.
4. Being around you may bring up emotions and feelings that he's trying to suppress.

It could be one of these or a hundred other different reasons and you'll make yourself crazy trying to guess what that reason is. In the end, the 'why' doesn't really matter because breaking up is an emotional decision, not a logical decision . When we try to identify the 'why', what we're really doing is trying to come up with a logical explanation for an emotional decision . If you stop and think about this for just a moment, you'll see why it doesn't make sense to even try. So whatever the reasons, he's decided that the two of you can't be friends and you need to face that and move forward with your life.

 

If you continue to try to figure it out, you'll just end up blaming and finding all kinds of faults with yourself, which will in turn make you miserable . If you keep pushing him, you could end up spoiling any chance of a future friendship.

So STOP ! Yes, right now. It's time for you to move on with your life and find happiness.

One of the best ways to get over the pain of a relationship that has ended is to get back out there and date some new people - find that connection again.

Contrary to what some people think, we don't believe it's necessary to be miserable and alone for a certain period of time after a breakup just to avoid the rebound zone . Being lonely and alone won't make you or anyone else happy. It's almost like punishing yourself for no reason.

But don't people warn you to stay away from rebound relationships?

Well, yes and no. Just be aware that when you break up with someone it's very common to find someone that's the exact opposite of the last person you were with. More specifically, the exact opposite of whatever you think didn't like about your previous partner. This is good and bad. It's good because experiencing many different types of people and relationships allows you to better identify the exact type of person who is really right for you. It's bad because, this new 'opposite' person may also be opposite in all of the things that you actually liked about your previous partner. Just keep this in mind as you find yourself attracted to new people. Stop and ask yourself what it is that you like about him or her and make sure that it's not just that they are 'not' like your previous partner.

By the way, if you do prefer to be alone for a while that's OK too. It's your life; you make the rules. Do what feels right in your heart.

Trying to figure out why your last relationship ended isn't going to help you, it's only going to make you miserable. So, keep an open mind, call up some friends, and go meet some new people . Listen to the advice of those you trust most and then always, always follow your heart even if it goes against their advice. You are in control of your destiny and what's right for them may not be what's right for you.

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Surviving the Stress of a Relationship Break-Up

                

 

We are all too familiar with this scenario: you have been dating him for quite a while, even though you both know it is not working. Or maybe you have just started dating this hunk and your physical attraction towards him is somehow blinding your ability to think rationally. Whatever situation you are in, the truth is that if something is not right, you need move on. Sometimes, the signs are too obvious for you to see them. They are all over in your partner?s behavior or in yours, in his actions, and in the way you feel about yourself and the relationship at the end of each day. Whatever it is, chances are if you don?t take immediate action, you will regret it.

1. Stop and think. Try to determine what doesn?t feel right and what is the best way to end the relationship. If you cannot find answers for yourself, ask for help. Perhaps a friend can give you a bit more perspective on your situation and help you decide on the best course of action. The key is to understand that you may be in danger at the very worst or, at the very least, that you deserve better.

2. Pay attention to the red flags. You can pretty much tell from the beginning of a relationship if someone is all talk and nothing more. Someone who is a bigot, a controlling freak or a chauvinist may try to hide some of the traits of his character at first, but sooner rather than later, these character traits will begin to surface. Beware, for example, of a man who wants to know your every move at every waking hour or who wants to tell you what to say, what to wear. At the beginning you may think it is cute and romantic that he is ?attentive,? but you may be misinterpreting this behavior. A controlling guy or one that does not understand boundaries is completely out of line and must be dumped at once.

3. Listen to your friends. So many of us have been part of the following scenario: your friend comes over and tells you that he/she is skeptical about your new boyfriend?s behavior. You know you should give your trusted friend the benefit of the doubt over some jerk you just met. Instead, though, you think they are jealous or simply do not know what is really going on. Don?t do this to yourself. If your friend points out some red flags, at least listen and beware. Chances are your loving and trusted friends have your own interests at heart, not your mate?s.

4. Use your female intuition. It is there but most of us never use it in the right context. If you are nervous around this individual, even if you cannot explain it, run. Even if your attraction is stronger than your common sense, get away from this person. Take some time to assess the situation. Perhaps it is only normal jitters because you are so excited about him, but if it still does not feel right after a date or two, get out. There will be others.

5. Once you have made up your mind and are certain you need to move on, make a plan and stick with it. If your mate does not want to end the relationship, most likely you will be put in this situation. You know your circumstances better than anybody else. If you have given this relationship all the chances it deserves and have come to the conclusion that it is best for you to end it, be true to yourself.

6. Stay safe ? both physically and emotionally. This applies to those in long-term relationships as well as those on the dating scene. Your body is your temple, and your spirit is the seed from which all growth stems. They are all you have and must be preserved as unique and precious. Experts agree that most young women that engage in some kind of risky behavior with a partner do it because of feelings of vulnerability or to ?fit in?.

7. Take time to recharge. Even those with the highest self-esteem could get involved in a nasty situation. This will invariably leave you feeling down and sorry for yourself. To help you regain your self-esteem and move on gracefully, refer to my sections on getting over a breakup and building your self-esteem. The advice is simple, sensitive, and very helpful.

Jovanka Ciares is a life coach, motivational speaker and author who teaches women the attitudes, behaviors and skills that they need in order to reach their fullest potential by using the unlimited power that lies within each of them. She participates in conferences and conferences all over the United States and Latin America. She?s the author of ?Don?t Blame Eve? and offers tons of free advice on her website at http://www.selfimprovementwoman.com.