Stopping A Break Up Before It Happens

                

 

Couples part ways for many reasons. Many other factors come into a relationship failing, but for the purpose of stopping the break up in its tracks, we won't focus on any one reason in particular. I will say however, that if you are in a relationship where there is any kind of abuse, or your partner is addicted to alcohol or drugs, you should not be there. I am speaking from experience here. Do not shatter your self esteem one second longer by remaining in a relationship like this, especially when nothing is changing and your partner will not get help. You know there is better for you out there.

Any other problem can be solved with hard work. If you still love your partner and you cannot imagine your life without them, I would encourage you to try and save your relationship. But, "hold on" you may say. "What about infidelity?" Relationships can survive this, it just depends on whether the couple want to be together.

Firstly, you must look at the reasons behind your not wanting to end the relationship. Is it because you would feel lonely? This is not a good enough reason. You are after a companion, not a lover. Your relationship is not built on love, which is unfair to your partner. So you must do the right thing and let them go.

Secondly; what are the reasons they are giving for wanting to end the relationship? Are they blaming you for everything? Remember that it takes two to have a relationship and break it up as well. So make sure you take responsibility for what you have contributed to the break up, and if your partner is not doing the same, it is possible you won't ever see eye to eye on things.

Lastly and most importantly, keep your dignity. Do not beg your lover to stay. Show them that you love them in every way possible however; remain dignified in your actions. Put in a consistent effort to improve the relationship, show them that you are serious about working on the relationship. And most importantly be accepting of his or her feelings.

If all else fails and they walk out the door, all is not lost. You will need to be prepared to be patient and work on yourself before approaching your ex and asking to get back together. It is harder once they have left the relationship to win them back however, it is still possible.

Janelle Coulton

To read more about Stopping Your Breakup, please visit Jel's Stop Your Break-up Page

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Janelle Coulton (aka Jel) is a professional writer of articles, essays and short stories. She is passionate about writing and helping people who have questions about human relationships or have relationship troubles. Her work can be provocative, controversial and funny, she loves to encourage her readers to look at the big picture. Jel also runs a relationship group at Yahoo! YOu can vist Jel's Yahoo! Group here: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/StopBreakup/

You will find more information, articles and relationship advice at Jel's websites:

http://www.freewebs.com/jel1/index.htm

Top 6 Reasons Couples Break Up

                

 

Each day, more relationships fall apart...it seems like the list of things that can end them is endless, but really most of the biggest killers are fairly simple. If your relationship is in danger or has already broken apart, I'm here to help you by listing off some of the main reasons people go their separate ways. Once you know what causes a breakup, you can usually fix it!

1) Unfaithfulness is a supreme destroyer of relationships...nothing really wounds a person so much as when his/her partner isn't happy enough at home that he/she decides to go looking for what's missing in other places. Cheating on your lover is probably the coldest, most hurtful thing you can do to a person and usually results in nigh-unfixable breakups...so the best way to deal with the problem is to never have it in the first place.

2) Neglecting your partner's feelings is another really hurtful thing that can cause a breakup, and in fact does a lot of the time. People have emotions, even the guys who like to act like they don't so much...and it really hurts when they're never considered by the person whom the love the most. Always listen to your partner, and be considerate of how he/she feels.

3) Fights happen in all relationships, it's almost natural, but when tempers really soar and people just can't cool off and take things with a level head it can really cause dissension. Nobody likes to be with a person who's always flying off the handle, and can't be reasoned with. Conflicts are going to happen, but how well they're dealt with separates the people who stay together from the couples that fragment and scatter.

4) Movies have made it seem like it's only ever girls who get too controlling, and in fact film has made it even seem funny, but the truth is that both guys and girls can become overly demanding and controlling of their partners...and it's no laughing matter, as anyone who's been in that kind of relationship can tell you. If you don't have trust, you don't have anything...and if you keep hounding your partner about what goes on every minute of every day, you won't have him or her either.

5) Allowing a relationship to get boring and stale is perhaps one of the most tragic ways that one can end, as it's pretty much just a case of so little going on that a person doesn't really care anymore. Lack of spontanaeity and "spice" is a relationship's enemy, although you don't have to freak out if you aren't doing something new every hour. Spend time together, and do things that are fun for both of you! It's crazy to simply let a relationship "reach its expiration date."

6) Annoying habits in small numbers can be almost endearing, but when they start to take over it can be a serious problem. Usually just having a bad habit of biting your nails or tapping your foot won't end a relationship, but when these things are a blatant constant and in larger numbers than just two or three, they can add a lot of stress that can make normally minor problems impact your partner a lot more. Everyone has a few bad habits, but in the interest of peacekeeping it's a good idea to try to ease up on the things that really drive your partner crazy.

There are a lot of things that can contribute to the "demise" of a relationship, and these are really just a few of them...but by thinking this way you should have a good shot at identifying any of the things that are really hurting your relationship...and if you're in the middle of a breakup, then addressing problems like these could really help your chances of getting through it with your partner still by your side!

Just break up? Get instant relief from break up pain and a proven plan to get your ex back. Free articles and info at http://www.getyourexbacknow.com/just_break_up.html

The Best Way to Break Up

                

 

There are ways to go about breaking up that will give you the best chance for a smoother trip through one of life's most difficult passages. This is an exceedingly sensitive time when it doesn't take much to stir things up. Fortunately, because we go through this with other couples a few thousand times a year, we know exactly what you can do, and the kinds of things you must avoid, to make breaking up as smooth as possible.

Whether you are a married couple, or have been living together in a long-term committed relationship, breaking up is almost always painful, but the essential thing is to avoid unnecessary pain and cost, much of which can be avoided or minimized if you are careful. It is essential to avoid words and actions that escalate from hurt, fear, and anger to hostility, lawyers, courts, and huge expenses. That would be very hard on you, on your kids if you have any, and devastating to your pocketbook.

For couples who are not married, breaking up presents many of the same challenges. In this discussion, if you replace divorce with breakup and spouse with partner, it will work the same for you.

If you decide to separate, don't do one more thing or say one more word to your spouse until you understand the rest of this article, and have read the other articles listed at the end. The way you announce the decision, or respond to it, will make a huge difference in the way things unwind.

The most common cause of conflict in separation and divorce is lack of mutuality in the decision—in other words, both spouses haven't accepted the idea that you're breaking up. Ideally, the decision would be arrived at together, but in most cases one spouse decides alone after taking time to think about it, get advice from friends or professionals, process emotions and make plans.

Once the decision is made, it is presented to the other spouse as a done deal and the sooner the better. Opportunities to solve problems and possibly save the relationship have been lost. What's worse, a long, hard divorce is more likely because the first spouse is ready to break up right away while the other spouse is upset and still working through denial and resistance. This person hasn't had time to process the reality and will be in some kind of emotional upset, in no way ready to discuss details or work out accommodations.

This is not a good time to push along on the breakup, even though the first spouse is ready and highly motivated to do so. Moving along too quickly at this point is the root cause of a lot more trouble to follow. If you are the first to decide, you are in a unique and powerful position to affect the future tone of the divorce. By being abrupt and insensitive, you can almost guarantee a bitter, expensive divorce.

If you want to encourage a sane resolution of divorce issues, be patient, be sensitive, but most of all, slow down. Give your spouse time to process the changes. Stay positive and as close to your spouse as possible. You can express caring and concern while being firm in your decision. Work with your spouse until you can both accept the fact that going your separate ways is inevitable, and you can both focus on moving forward. This is the best way to break up, and will lead to the best result.

To further prepare yourself before letting your spouse know you want to break up, read my other articles posted at this site:

What Divorce is Really About

Divorce--Obstacles to Agreement

Divorce--Overcoming Obstacles to Agreement

Divorce--Negotiating Agreement

Divorce--Ten Ways to Divide Property Without a Fight

Divorce--When the Date of Separation Matters

Divorce--How to Protect Your Children

Divorce--The Best and Worst Kinds of Help

Ed Sherman is a family law attorney, divorce expert, and founder of Nolo Press and Divorce Helpline. He started the self-help law movement in 1971 when he published the first edition of How to Do Your Own Divorce, and founded the paralegal industry in 1973. Ed has saved the public billions of dollars in legal fees while making divorce go more smoothly and easily for millions of readers. You can order his books from http://www.nolodivorce.com or by calling (800) 464-

Relationship Over? 7 Steps to Survive a Break-Up or Divorce

                

 

Are you struggling with letting go of a past love? We all know how painful it can be when walking away from a relationship. You may be dealing with feelings that can be overwhelming and at times you need a bit of guidance to help keep you on track. As difficult as it may be right now, keep in mind that your feelings are normal and simply part of a process that you will get beyond. Follow these 7 steps in healing a broken heart and you will begin the process of letting go and moving on.

1. ACCEPTANCE: Until you face reality, you won't begin to let go. Accepting that your relationship is over is the first step in putting the past behind you.

2. MAKE A CLEAN BREAK: None of this on-again-off-again stuff. You will only prolong the inevitable.

3. IT'S OKAY TO GRIEVE: Don't feel bad for feeling bad. You are going through a very normal process that you will get beyond. Just give yourself some time.

4. FOCUS ON YOURSELF: Indulge yourself. Pamper yourself. Do the things that make you feel good again. You are going through a tough time right now, so be good to yourself. Loving yourself is the best gift you can give yourself.

5. IMPROVE YOURSELF: This is an opportunity to begin a journey into self-discovery. Getting your self-esteem back on track is key to your recovery. Discover what you want from life and go after it.

6. LEARN TO FORGIVE: Forgiving frees you from the chains of the past and allows you to let go of anger and resentment. If you choose not to forgive the only person you hurt is yourself.

7. MOVE ON: The end is just the beginning! Learn from your mistakes and pick up the pieces so you can move on and go after the kind of life and relationship you deserve.

The sooner you take action and do what is good for you, the sooner you will be moving toward the kind of life and relationship you really want. Find the courage to pull yourself out of this funk. Take charge of your life and you will find that there actually is life after What's-His-Name! You just have to make the decision so you can move on.

Take little steps each day and you will be amazed that you are starting to feel better. Lean on your friends and remember, time really does heal all wounds.

Read more about it at: http://www.whystay.com

Susan Russo is the President of Pinnacle Thought Inc. Publisher for books and resources which provide inspiration, self-empowerment and the tools and strategies to help move you toward personal success and fulfillment. She is editor of "You've Got Power" ezine and author of "There Is Life After What's-His-Name.

How to Break Up with a Girlfriend in 5 Painless Steps

                

 

"Breaking up is hard to do!"

As that old song goes, breaking up with a girlfriend is something which can be quite challenging. You want to end the relationship, but you don't want to her hurt her feelings.

So how can you break up with a girlfriend without hurting her feelings?

Well you can't!

No matter what happens, break ups tend to cause at least SOME hurt feelings. However there is right AND wrong way to do it. If you know how to handle a break up with a girl, then you'll give her the least amount of pain.

Here is your 5 step plan for accomplishing this:

Step 1- Be prepared for a little drama

Nobody likes being told that they're "not good enough" for a relationship- especially women. When you break up with your girlfriend, you should expect a wide range of emotions. This can include tears, anger or even happiness.

This means you should be prepared to handle whatever reaction she has to the break up. Just remain calm and don't react to her different emotions.

Step 2- Let her be the first one to know

To save her feelings much as possible, she should be the first one to know about the breakup. Don't make the mistake of telling other people before you talk to her.

The reasoning behind is to save her future pain. If finds out later on that other people knew before she did, then she will be upset.

Step 3- Find a neutral and secluded spot

One of the worst places to break up with a woman is at a house or in a public place like a restaurant. As I've mentioned before, there might be a little drama during the break-up, so you want to select a place that is neutral and provides a bit of privacy.

Your best bet is to break up with her in a secluded spot like a park or a beach. By picking an area like this, you'll have time and privacy to ease the pain of the breakup.

Step 4- Keep it short and simple

When you break up with your girlfriend, don't give her a laundry list of everything that she does wrong. Just remember that she could make another guy really happy with her particular personality. So don't give her any "emotional baggage" by listing all her faults.

All you have to is let her know you're not happy with the relationship and that it's not going to work. Furthermore you should a show level of sadness about the end of the relationship.

Step 5- Be strong

As I mentioned before, you'll probably be faced with a wide range of emotions. It's human nature to try to comfort people when they're upset. This is especially true when you see a woman in pain.

But you have to remember there are concrete reasons why you're breaking up with this girl. So you have to remain strong and resolute in your decision to end things.

No matter what happens, you must stand by your decision.

As you know by now breaking up is hard to do. But if you follow this 5 step plan of action, you'll be able to do in the least painless manner. Then you both can move on with your lives and start dating other people.

Want to learn 50 different ways for meeting, approaching and attracting women? If so, take a look at Scott Patterson's Free eBook which provides 50 tips for instant dating success

Relationship Advice: 10 Ways to Prevent a Break Up

                

 

The question I am asked most often is: I think he/she is getting ready to leave me. What do I do? There isn't an easy answer for this or there wouldn’t be any break ups. Every situation is different and sometimes breakups are inevitable. However this is not always the case and there are things you can do before you reach the breaking point that will help.

Here are the 10 most important things:

1. Communicate. Communication is important. If you find that when you try to communicate your feelings to your partner it always leads to an argument, try writing your feelings down. Read through what you’ve written. If you find things that are just petty problems with no real validity, eliminate them. Try to find the sources behind your words. For example, jealousy, are you jealous because you know he/she is cheating, or does it go deeper? Did someone cheat on you in the past and now you don’t trust anyone? Is your partner giving you what you need to feel secure? Once you realize where the feelings are coming from, you can address fixing the problem.
2. Resist making accusations. Approach your partner calmly, without being defensive. Tell him/her the problem. Don’t be accusing or they will become defensive and yes, you will end up in an argument. If you find it’s easier to write it in a letter, then do so. Leave while they read it so you aren’t hovering over them, waiting for their reaction. Let them process what you have said. Again, do not be accusing. Tell them you want to make your relationship better. Have suggestions for BOTH of you, not just them. Be sure you know the core problem and aren’t just mentioning a symptom.
3. Refrain from insulting your partner during arguments. Fighting dirty can quickly become a habit and eventually someone will say something that the other person cannot forget, or worse, forgive.
4. Take time to tell your partner why you love him/her. Not once, but often. This can be something as small as a compliment on how they look. Your partner needs to know you appreciate them. Don’t just assume they know. Everyone likes to be reminded they are loved.
5. Be supportive and look for ways to give your partner the things they need the most. Even if they don’t tell you what they need, you can figure it out if you pay attention. Some people have a hard time telling you what they need but there are clues. If you’re not sure, ask.
6. Don’t neglect yourself. If your needs aren’t being met, find a way to let your partner know. If you are unhappy, you will eventually blame your partner. It’s much easier to let them know, in a positive way, the things you need.
7. Never try to solve a problem when you are angry. Take time to cool down. I know this can seem impossible at times but think about it. Is anything ever really solved when you are yelling at each other?
8. Set aside some time for just the two of you. If not once a week, then at least once a month. This should be quality, alone time, however you two choose to spend it. You might try arranging a specific day each week and take turns planning what you will do.
9. Discuss decisions that affect the both of you and try to find a solution that will keep you both happy. Never make an important decision that affects you both without talking to your partner.
10. Don’t Lie! Everyone lies occasionally. It’s in our nature. This isn’t an excuse to lie to your partner. Every time you are caught in a lie, a little more trust is taken away. A healthy relationship requires trust. Never ever lie about things important to the relationship. You’re better off facing the music if you’ve done something wrong then being caught in a lie.
11. This won’t keep you together but it is important to mention. Know when it’s time to leave and make the break. Don’t let anyone use you or abuse you. Most problems can be worked out if both people in the relationship make an effort to improve things. There are some exceptions. It’s time to leave if the relationship becomes abusive. Do not hope things will get better because he/she says they will change. Leave! If at some future time they actually do change, you can consider getting back together then. Another deal breaker is infidelity. If your partner cheats on you, there is a good chance that even if you do stay together, the trust that keeps a relationship alive will be gone. I’m not saying you can’t survive it, but it will take a great deal of effort from both people and your partner will have to stop. Never give them more than one chance to do so or you will be setting yourself up for a very destructive emotional roller coaster. If your partner sees that it’s possible to cheat and you will keep forgiving, why would they change?

Patricia Fason is a writer and poet whose main focus is relationships. For more articles on relationships visit her website dedicated to romance, Sites O Web Romances You. There you will find articles, poetry, romance tips, romantic gifts and much more.

You Don't Have to Break Down, When You Break Up!

                

 

Very few people would argue with the fact that creating successful relationships is often one of the biggest challenges we face as human beings. The strange thing is that life can become even more challenging when they end. But is it really necessary to break down when you break up?

Below are three simple ideas that will help guide you to re-build your life on your own.

1. Become firmly grounded in the present moment.

If you find yourself on the other side of a relationship, it is important that you have a deep awareness of what you are feeling in the present moment. Continually check in with yourself. Notice what is going on with you if you are experiencing emotional upset. Your body is always in the present, but where is your mind?

It may be very tempting for you to delve into your past replaying events over and over again in your head. The reality is, you can't change your past, so trying to do so is futile. Just accept everything as it is. Find peace around the thought that both of you were operating to the best of your ability, given the circumstances, at any moment in time.

Equally futile is casting your mind into the future, wondering what life could have, would have, should have been like had you stayed with your partner. The truth is that your future is going to look somewhat different to what you may have previously anticipated. Do your best to accept it.

If you manage to stay in the present moment, most of the pain you will experience will be growing pains. You are transforming from one state of being to another. It's not going to be easy. Whether your new state of being is a good one largely comes down to the choices you make. If you take responsibility for where you are right now you will slowly begin to see you life unfold as it should.

2. Breaking up with someone is a creative as well as a destructive process.

It was Pablo Picasso that stated that 'every act of creation is necessarily an act of destruction'.

Whether you like it or not, breaking up with girlfriend, boyfriend, husband or wife is a creative process as much as it is a destructive process. What you are in fact doing is deconstructing your life with your partner and re-creating your life where your partner takes on a different role to the one they had previously. In extreme cases, you may even decide that your partner will have no future role in your life.

This creative process can be turbulent and it can also be profoundly enjoyable and exciting. What you have is an opportunity to start over. If it feels right for you, completely immerse yourself into the creative process. Take the opportunity to try as many new things as you possibly can. You may well astound yourself with what you are capable of doing on your own.

3. Allow yourself to regenerate.

If you are going through a break up allow yourself plenty of time to regenerate. Focus on the things that you can control. Make sure that you exercise regularly, eat properly and get plenty of rest. Read, spend time with family and close friends and spend plenty of time in nature.

Take things slowly, look after yourself and create the time and space in your life necessary to allow yourself to start growing again.

Remember two things.

However you choose to adapt to this change process, it is of critical importance that you remember two things;

i) be kind to yourself and
ii) be kind to your ex-partner.

Whether your break-up was hard fought or amicable, extending compassion to your old friend will help you both immensely in the healing process. Remember that you are both beautifully human, doing the best you can to navigate through this world.

Damien Senn is a Life and Business Coach as well as a fully qualified Chartered Accountant. He helps people create compelling futures.

He is the author of the 'Senn-Sational Success Journal' and has developed his own coaching model called the 'Senn-Sational Success System'.

For your free download '101 things to do before you die' please click the following link:

http://www.senn-sational.com/freeresources.htm