Taking Responsibility for Your Part in the Break-up

                

 

We have talked about the many mistakes that people will make after a breakup; especially when they are have an intention of winning their lover back. If you have read my previous articles, it is now time to put what you have learned to good use, and stop laying blame. Blaming yourself for the break up is pointless. The past is the past, is cannot be changed no matter how much we would like it changed. Blaming yourself for the mistakes you made within your relationship is pointless too, as it is over and you cannot go back and change it, you can only learn from it. So take responsibility and learn, learn, learn.

To not take responsibility and learn from your mistakes is another mistake we make after a break up. Make a promise to yourself from now on that you will take responsibility and not make any of the mistakes that I have been writing about in my articles. This is a huge opportunity to develop yourself into a healthier, more positive person. If you keep making the mistakes that have been outlined, then what do think will happen? Nothing, nothing will change until you decide that you are going to do something different, something that may work.

Take responsibility by thinking about what your role was in your relationship. Analyze how you think you may have contributed to the relationship ending and think about how you could fix these problems or behaviours. None of us are shrinking violets, we all have flaws. If we can learn from the mistakes in our relationships then we will know what to watch out for in our future relationships.

With everything in life, every decision we make. We make the choice. We need to take responsibility for the path we choose to follow. Many people will say that it was fate that broke up their last relationship, they will say that is wasn't meant to be. Is it possible that there might have been things they could have done to fix the problems in their relationship? I believe that fate has very little to do with how our life turns out. We make our own fate, we choose where our life goes. Yes, there are many things we cannot control, but we can for most part be in the driver's seat when it comes to where we want our life and relationship to end up.

A big plus here that I should mention is that the way we behave largely influences the people closest to us. Meaning if we are usually positive, happy and smiling when we are with people, they will respond in kind. If you wish your ex was a more loving person, my advice is to focus on being more loving yourself to your partner and everyone around you. Your ex may well do exactly what you want him or her to do.

Janelle Coulton (aka Jel) is a professional writer of articles, essays and short stories. She is passionate about writing and helping people who have questions about human relationships or have relationship troubles. Her work can be provocative, controversial and funny, she loves to encourage her readers to look at the big picture. Jel also runs a relationship group at Yahoo! You can go to the following link to check it out:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/StopBreakup/

There is more information available, articles and relationship advice and tips at Jel's websites:

http://www.freewebs.com/jelbaby/

http://www.freewebs.com/jel1/index.htm

You Don't Have to Break Down, When You Break Up!

                

 

Very few people would argue with the fact that creating successful relationships is often one of the biggest challenges we face as human beings. The strange thing is that life can become even more challenging when they end. But is it really necessary to break down when you break up?

Below are three simple ideas that will help guide you to re-build your life on your own.

1. Become firmly grounded in the present moment.

If you find yourself on the other side of a relationship, it is important that you have a deep awareness of what you are feeling in the present moment. Continually check in with yourself. Notice what is going on with you if you are experiencing emotional upset. Your body is always in the present, but where is your mind?

It may be very tempting for you to delve into your past replaying events over and over again in your head. The reality is, you can't change your past, so trying to do so is futile. Just accept everything as it is. Find peace around the thought that both of you were operating to the best of your ability, given the circumstances, at any moment in time.

Equally futile is casting your mind into the future, wondering what life could have, would have, should have been like had you stayed with your partner. The truth is that your future is going to look somewhat different to what you may have previously anticipated. Do your best to accept it.

If you manage to stay in the present moment, most of the pain you will experience will be growing pains. You are transforming from one state of being to another. It's not going to be easy. Whether your new state of being is a good one largely comes down to the choices you make. If you take responsibility for where you are right now you will slowly begin to see you life unfold as it should.

2. Breaking up with someone is a creative as well as a destructive process.

It was Pablo Picasso that stated that 'every act of creation is necessarily an act of destruction'.

Whether you like it or not, breaking up with girlfriend, boyfriend, husband or wife is a creative process as much as it is a destructive process. What you are in fact doing is deconstructing your life with your partner and re-creating your life where your partner takes on a different role to the one they had previously. In extreme cases, you may even decide that your partner will have no future role in your life.

This creative process can be turbulent and it can also be profoundly enjoyable and exciting. What you have is an opportunity to start over. If it feels right for you, completely immerse yourself into the creative process. Take the opportunity to try as many new things as you possibly can. You may well astound yourself with what you are capable of doing on your own.

3. Allow yourself to regenerate.

If you are going through a break up allow yourself plenty of time to regenerate. Focus on the things that you can control. Make sure that you exercise regularly, eat properly and get plenty of rest. Read, spend time with family and close friends and spend plenty of time in nature.

Take things slowly, look after yourself and create the time and space in your life necessary to allow yourself to start growing again.

Remember two things.

However you choose to adapt to this change process, it is of critical importance that you remember two things;

i) be kind to yourself and
ii) be kind to your ex-partner.

Whether your break-up was hard fought or amicable, extending compassion to your old friend will help you both immensely in the healing process. Remember that you are both beautifully human, doing the best you can to navigate through this world.

Damien Senn is a Life and Business Coach as well as a fully qualified Chartered Accountant. He helps people create compelling futures.

He is the author of the 'Senn-Sational Success Journal' and has developed his own coaching model called the 'Senn-Sational Success System'.

For your free download '101 things to do before you die' please click the following link:

http://www.senn-sational.com/freeresources.htm