Did She Break Up With You Before The Relationship Even Started

                

 

Really this number should be closer to six months however as a general rule when a woman breaks up with you after less than three months of being together there was never really a relationship in the first place.

At least it is not a relationship that she is emotionally invested in enough to even consider giving you a second chance. More importantly, if she does come back it is almost guaranteed to be the type of relationship that is of the on again-off again variety. There are hundred and maybe even thousands of reasons why a woman will break up with you that early on in the relationship.

Yet, all you really need to know is that the attraction she had for you is weak or there are some serious unresolved issues that she hasn't dealt with from her past that is causing her to leave you. Either way, whatever you have imagined as the future the two of you have together isn't going to happen. The only things you can do are move on and improve yourself in ways that will make you even more attractive to the women of your future.

If she happens to come back you must make sure that her attraction level for you is much stronger than it was when the two of you first got into a relationship with each other. You can also ask if she has resolved the issues from her past that she hadn't dealt with before, although her attraction level for you might be so high now that she will say she has even if she hasn't. Ultimately you must decide if you really want to be with someone who will more than likely leave you every few months or if you already know that you deserve much more than being treated that way by any woman.

Teddy Shabba is a Dating Coach for Men who has a daily newsletter that provides you with a wealth of information on how to be more successful with women. You can sign up for the Teddy Shabba Dating Advice Newsletter for Men now.

Also with over 500 articles from a variety of dating experts just for men our Dating Advice and Seduction Article Database is the perfect place for any man.

To learn more about Getting Over A BreakUp visit our article section Breaking Up Today

Want To Know How To Get Your Ex To Break Up With New Girlfriend?

                

 

Is this what you're after? If so, chances are you're going down a messy path. Winning back your Ex? It's possible. Making your ex lose interest in someone else? That's highly unlikely. Here's why...

If someone tried to make you lose interest in your ex, what chances do they have? Will they have a magic potion they'll slip into your drink that kills all your emotions for them? No.

Your goal is to change someone else's mind. In other words, your goal is set inside someone else's boundaries.

If you want to win a marathon race you train really, really hard. If you want to run a successful business you stay dedicated to it and make the right decisions. All of these are within your control.

What someone else thinks is never in your control. If you try to make your ex break up with their new girlfriend by demeaning and making her look bad, chances are you're going to come out of it looking like a complete psycho. Trust me, you'll kill your chances.

However, let's look at it another way. Can you choose to stop liking your ex? No. What is it about him? Is it his attractive body? A killer sense of humour? Maybe you can't put your finger on it, but it's there. You didn't choose to like him.

The same applies for him. He might be going out with this new girl because he wants to get over you. He dated you at some point, didn't he? That's because he found you attractive.

If you can make yourself attractive to him once again, you can win him back. If you're lucky he might even break up with his new girlfriend just to be with you again.

Even if he doesn't, you're going to make yourself feel better. You'll feel more attractive and you might even find a new man. If you want him to break up with his new girlfriend because you want pay back, dating and moving on from him is the best revenge.

Going through all this effort just to either make him unhappy or to make him available again isn't going to work, and you'll just look like an ass. I assume you want to get back into his good books again, but trying to sabotage his future relationships is going to make him avoid you at all costs.

Start dating again and get him off your mind. Keep your life busy and make yourself more attractive by showing him that you don't need him. Send him an e-mail now and then just to ask how he's doing so that he won't forget about you, but don't go beyond that.

If you keep the e-mails casual and become friends with him again, chances are he'll want to start spending time with you. If you're lucky, he might even want more. Even if he doesn't, you'll still be dating other guys and you might find one that's even better.

If you don't put all your eggs in one basket you're going to find yourself happier. By dating other guys you're going to experience and learn about new people, and you'll also have the chance to win your ex back if you keep in contact.

You might want to do anything to get your ex back, but keep it to changing yourself only. Trying to interfere with other people's lives will come back to haunt you sooner or later.

Want to learn some amazing techniques that will almost certainly win your Ex back? Or do you simply want to take control of your love life for good?

Check Out Chase's blog for a free break-up e-book and simple secrets that can win him or her back into your arms.

Click Here for your FREE "Dumped - 50 Tips On Getting Over It" E-Book

Taking Responsibility for Your Part in the Break-up

                

 

We have talked about the many mistakes that people will make after a breakup; especially when they are have an intention of winning their lover back. If you have read my previous articles, it is now time to put what you have learned to good use, and stop laying blame. Blaming yourself for the break up is pointless. The past is the past, is cannot be changed no matter how much we would like it changed. Blaming yourself for the mistakes you made within your relationship is pointless too, as it is over and you cannot go back and change it, you can only learn from it. So take responsibility and learn, learn, learn.

To not take responsibility and learn from your mistakes is another mistake we make after a break up. Make a promise to yourself from now on that you will take responsibility and not make any of the mistakes that I have been writing about in my articles. This is a huge opportunity to develop yourself into a healthier, more positive person. If you keep making the mistakes that have been outlined, then what do think will happen? Nothing, nothing will change until you decide that you are going to do something different, something that may work.

Take responsibility by thinking about what your role was in your relationship. Analyze how you think you may have contributed to the relationship ending and think about how you could fix these problems or behaviours. None of us are shrinking violets, we all have flaws. If we can learn from the mistakes in our relationships then we will know what to watch out for in our future relationships.

With everything in life, every decision we make. We make the choice. We need to take responsibility for the path we choose to follow. Many people will say that it was fate that broke up their last relationship, they will say that is wasn't meant to be. Is it possible that there might have been things they could have done to fix the problems in their relationship? I believe that fate has very little to do with how our life turns out. We make our own fate, we choose where our life goes. Yes, there are many things we cannot control, but we can for most part be in the driver's seat when it comes to where we want our life and relationship to end up.

A big plus here that I should mention is that the way we behave largely influences the people closest to us. Meaning if we are usually positive, happy and smiling when we are with people, they will respond in kind. If you wish your ex was a more loving person, my advice is to focus on being more loving yourself to your partner and everyone around you. Your ex may well do exactly what you want him or her to do.

Janelle Coulton (aka Jel) is a professional writer of articles, essays and short stories. She is passionate about writing and helping people who have questions about human relationships or have relationship troubles. Her work can be provocative, controversial and funny, she loves to encourage her readers to look at the big picture. Jel also runs a relationship group at Yahoo! You can go to the following link to check it out:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/StopBreakup/

There is more information available, articles and relationship advice and tips at Jel's websites:

http://www.freewebs.com/jelbaby/

http://www.freewebs.com/jel1/index.htm

You Break Relationship Up - You Break Up?

                

 

You know it’s over – maybe both of you do – but how do you find the courage to break a relationship up?

As well as the worry that you’ll hurt the other person, there’s also the fear that you won’t cope with the tidal wave of emotion you imagine you’ll feel too.

Here are some tips on how to avoid the “break relationship up” blues!

First – let’s face a stark fact. When a relationship breaks up people hurt. And relationships don’t break up on their own – someone has to do it! Very rarely is it by mutual agreement, and even if both of you do agree it’s time to go, chances are one of you will be more reluctant than the other.

The truth, however, is that keeping someone in a relationship that is no longer loving is hurting them anyway. And they probably know. They may bury their head in the proverbial sand, but it’s very rare that a lover doesn’t sense something’s wrong. The sooner you find a way to mention that maybe it’s time to break the relationship up, the sooner you put them out of that misery. Things start to add up in their head and you have the satisfaction of having been honest.

Secondly, act as quickly as you can. To minimize pain for both of you don’t hang on until it’s “convenient” for you to go, and don’t back pedal by having a conversation about patching things up. Make a clean break. If there’s ever going to be hope of starting again, don’t leave jagged edges! They’re sharp and dangerous and can hurt both of you for a lot longer than a clean break.

And what about you? Being the one to break the relationship up brings not only pain but added guilt. You did it – and you have to live with yourself.

Here’s how to think of it. First, you were already hurting because you wouldn’t have been moving on if things were working, would you? Would you give a faulty or broken tool to your best friend? Of course you wouldn’t! Inflicting your unhappy self on the person who’s been closest to you in this phase of your life is equivalent to forcing faulty or tacky goods on someone when you know it’s broken and you wouldn’t have it. Get your head around this and you’ll see that you’d have more guilt staying!

Secondly, just because you were the one to break the relationship up doesn’t mean you don’t hurt too. Let yourself grieve – you’re entitled to. (For a complete self help guide on healing from heartbreak go to my website – details later)

Finally, I will pass on a thought to you that I have found very helpful over the years. Unfortunately I can’t remember where I heard or read it, so if the author is reading – thank you!

Here’s the thought: Some people come into your life for a reason, some for a season and some for a lifetime.

You are not under obligation to stay together. You are under obligation to stay happy, and that includes doing the kindest thing for your partner too. He or she has the same entitlement.

If it’s time to break the relationship up, face it and …. break the relationship up!

Trevor Emdon is a self improvement author and workshop leader based in the UK. He was a senior mental health practitioner in Britain’s National Health Service for many years, and now devotes his time to writing and teaching personal development. To sign up for his free Positive Life newsletter, visit http://www.wizardofwisdom.com

The self help program "How To Love Again When Your Heart's Been Broken" can be found at http://www.in-love-again.com

To Break Up Or Not To Break Up? That Is The Question

                

 

It's weird how life works. How we allow people and situations to stand in the way of our dreams. Our body tells us when a relationship is not healthy but we do not always listen. Why is that? Our intuition is so loud sometimes, yet we turn down the volume. Below you will find some of the answers I get through surveys.

The question is "Why do you stay in a bad relationship"?

 

• I don't want to be lonely.
• I want to have someone in my life.
• I don't want to do things alone.
• I don't want to be alone forever.
• How will I pay the bills on my own?

 

My question to you is - "Is it worth it"? What is healthier, being in a bad relationship or being alone (lonely)? I want you to ponder that. If you are in a bad or unhealthy relationship right now, think about it. List the pros and the cons on a sheet of paper or on your computer. If the con side far outweighs the pros, figure out why you are staying. Shouldn't you be running as fast as you can? I know it's not always easy. Sometimes there are children involved or a lot of assets. Some of you may just not want to hurt the other person so you stay in the relationship and hurt yourself instead.

Getting out of a bad relationship is the same as setting other goals. First you must start with thinking about what you do want out of life. You must set the goal. Begin taking steps, big or small, and then take action.

You now have two choices. Do you want to make this relationship work (is it worth it?) or do you want to move on? Answering that question is the first step. You must make that decision. Once you make that decision it's time to set some serious goals.

I believe in focusing on the positive. However for this list, you need to first think of some negatives so that they could be changed into positives.

Begin putting a list together of all the things you do not like about your relationship. What drives you over the deep edge? What makes you unhappy or makes you cringe? What makes you know that this relationship is not healthy?

Once you complete the Negative list, it's time for a Positive list. What makes you happy in this relationship? What does he/she do that makes you happy? What good qualities does this person possess? What good times do you have together?

This is your Pros and Cons list aka Positives and Negatives list.

 

If you plan on Staying and making it work.

Go over your negatives (cons) list and really think about everything that is on that list. Does it really matter if there is toothpaste splatter all over the sink and mirror? Is the toilet seat being kept up really a major issue? Is the fact that she hangs her pantyhose all over the bathroom a real problem? When he shaves and there are little hairs on the sink top, is that really a reason for breakup? When she asks you to do the same thing over and over again, is that really nagging or have you just not done it yet? Go within and really give thought to the issues and see if they are issues that you could live with. No one will ever be perfect. This I will guarantee you. If he or she does not cause major life issues, and I'm talking about: Is he or she verbally abusive, mean, nasty, downright rude? Are there issues that are even worse? Is there infidelity in the marriage? Are you going for counseling? I always suggest counseling first because it does help some couples. It is usually the last ditch effort and who knows where it will take you if it is a relationship worth saving. If the other person is not willing to go for counseling, I'd consider changing your mind about staying unless you know there is definite chance for improvement without it. I am not telling you to leave your partner, all I am saying is, really, really think about your situation.

Now, if you have decided I'm definitely staying, then here are some steps I would suggest that you to take.

Start by making a list of all of the positive things about this person.

Why did you fall in love with him/her?

What does he/she do that makes you smile?

Is he/she funny?

Is he/she your best friend or at least one of your friends?

What attracted you to this person?

Start writing down all of the positive things from the past and start appreciating all of those things first. This will put you in a great frame of mind for the present. I always tell my clients not to think about the past. What I mean is the negative past, but I love the positive aspects of the past so by all means think about that for this exercise. Leave the negative past right where it is, in the past. That's the only way this is going to work. Start from this moment on. A relationship filled with grudges can never succeed. The grudges get bigger and bigger as the years go on. If you really want this to work let go of the Ego, let go of Pride. Start from this moment on. Everything that your partner told you that you do not do for them or with them should change NOW! It's not too late if you both want to make it work.

I had a partner that I told many times what I needed from him, and he would not do it. First, he said it was because he couldn't do it immediately after I asked him to because it wouldn't feel like it was coming from him. Then, when it didn't happen for three weeks and I commented again, he called this nagging, he said I needed to remind him and it was my fault. I'm here to tell you right now...if you want it to work, listen to the feedback you get from your partner. Have they told you in the past that you don't appreciate all that they do? Start telling them how much you appreciate them. Have they told you how they just need a little bit of touch every now and then or a hug? Start touching and hugging them. These little things could change your entire relationship. People want to be heard, they also want to be loved. Everyone has a different way of feeling and showing love. I will share that in another article.

Next step.

Make a list of all of the things that this person does now that you are grateful for. It could be as little as throwing out the garbage or washing the dishes. Or it could be as big as providing for the family and being a great father or mother, being the best housewife or partner. Really think about what you are grateful for. This is a very important step on your journey to happiness. Add what you are grateful for to the things that you loved about your partner from the beginning. I am grateful for ___________.

If you plan on leaving.

First make sure that you are positive that this is your decision. Don't jump to any rash decisions. Weigh out all of the options. Again, the pros and cons/positives and negatives list. Do what's right for you. Start this very moment thinking about YOU. Not your spouse, partner or the kids. I know that sounds harsh but you need to take a moment to focus on you. If you don't you will feel overwhelmed and like there is no way out.

If you have any doubt about leaving, this is an exercise that I would suggest you do.

Tony Robbins did something to this effect at a seminar. It definitely had a huge impact on many attendees. We all had our eyes closed and the room was dark. You will be alone so it will be even easier for you. I thought this was a very powerful tool to see a glimpse of the future. I would like you to do something similar. After you read all of this, close your eyes or look at yourself in a mirror and imagine yourself in this relationship 5 years from now. How do you feel? How does your body feel? How is your mind? Take some time to really put yourself there. Then picture yourself in 10 years from now, 15 and 20. How do you feel? I want you to really concentrate on each time frame for more than a few minutes. Really put yourself there. How do you feel? I know that when I did this exercise a while ago, I got a knot in my stomach. I almost felt nauseous and I was crying. I felt more and more unhealthy and unhappy as the years went on in my mind. That's okay. If that is the case- ask yourself - Is this where I am supposed to be? Is this where you want to be? Do you want to feel like that in 5, 10, 15 or 20 years? Don't waste your life away if you are not in the right situation. If you feel sick to your stomach, if you are crying, if you feel like this is so wrong then you need to reevaluate where you want to be in life. This doesn't sound like the person for you. You need to make a change.

If the answer is a surefire yes, that you are leaving, then here are some steps that you will need to take.

Start setting goals.

Find a good lawyer. Find one that will make it a peaceful transition and not cause more trouble within the already unhealthy relationship. You set the ground rules by being fully aware of what you wish to keep and not to keep ahead of time. Be fair, this isn't a battle. This will help you stand your ground though, incase anyone tries to sway you. You know what you want. You need for this divorce to go the way you want it to go. If that is smoothly that is great.

Do you have enough money to leave now? If not, start saving.

Do you have somewhere to go while in transition? If not, do you know where you want to go or could afford to live? In a furnished room, apartment, townhouse, condo, house, with a relative or friend? Will you stay in your home?

Who will be leaving?

These are all very important things to think about.

Do you have children? If so, how will you handle this situation? Will they be with you ½ the time and the other parent the other ½? Do you want sole custody with visitation rights?

Think about all of these things ahead of time so that when you present this to your lawyer and partner you are totally prepared and ready for any questions and comeback. Don't leave any room open for "ifs" and "buts" and negative feedback. Let the other person see that you really planned this out and you are serious. It may be a lot of work for you to do alone but it is worth it to have a calmer break up. You may decide to seek counseling or hire a Life Coach to get you through the transition. Some people think that break ups can't be calm. My belief is it is all in the way you present it. If you're ready to fight - the other person will put on their gloves. If you take a peaceful approach this will sometimes, and I emphasize sometimes, calm the other person down. If not, at least you will be in peace within yourself. Sometimes it just takes some time for the other person to see that you are right. Some will never understand why you are leaving and blame you but that should not stop you from leaving. You may have told them about this problem 100+ times and they still don't know why you are leaving. That's okay. They may never get it. As long as you do what you need to do to take care of you.

Before leaving I would also think about what part you play in this relationship. Do you need some counseling either alone or together? Do you have past issues that interfere with your current situation? Did you pick someone who was wrong for you or is he/she totally right for you and YOU need to change? It's not always the other person. Men and women have different ways of communicating. Please be sure to look within first. Sometimes, we are the cause of a bad relationship. It's hard to accept that but it is sometimes true. Please take that into consideration. What could you change that might ultimately change the relationship? Have you tried this yet or are you just running? There are so many things to take into consideration before ending a relationship.

Good luck with your future. I hope that you either stay in a healthy relationship, make a not so good relationship good, or think about whether you want to stay or go if you are in a bad one. Just be sure to be sure! This is a big decision. Only speak to people who are going to encourage you to do the right thing and be supportive of your choices. Sometimes others will try to talk us into staying in a bad relationship. Sometimes they try to talk us out of a good one. You always want to take others advice into consideration but don't take it to heart. Review it and keep with you what resonates with you, the rest throw out.

I wish you luck on your journey!

Marion Licchiello is creator of Get Motivated with Marion, a company that helps to change people’s lives on a daily basis. She has helped numerous men and women transform their lives over the years through changing their focus, creating a new mindset, visualization, hypnosis, fitness counseling, nutrition counseling, 1-on-1 personal training, seminars, workshops, and 1-on-1 coaching. She coaches over the phone, IM or in person. She keeps in contact through emails also. Her mission in life is to help others through her own experiences. She is in the process of writing a book about self-improvement. She is interested in your stories of how you changed your negatives into positives. She practices and believes that "Whatever you focus on is what you get" whether it is good or bad. She changed her life through visualization and focus and she knows you can too!

Email Marion at getmotivatedwithmarion@yahoo.com to learn more about how you could change your life or help someone you love. Website: http://www.getmotivatedwithmarion.com

How To Stop Your Break-ups And Retrieve Your Lost Lover The Easy Way

                

 

I have often been asked by my friends whether one should keep emphasizing to their partners that he/she has been making small changes and improvements in their life as a result of learning relationship mastery, and whether this would speed up the process of them retrieving their lovers. In fact, some people have been trying so hard to make or even force their partners see the changes in themselves that more often than not, it only push their mates further and further away.

Here are some tips and a simple persuasion technique which you should consider:

1) People need to feel a sense of power. When you are attempting to save your relationship or marriage, make it clear to your partner that they have the ultimate power to decide and that you won't attempt to take that away from them. Forcing a person to make a choice or even to do things undesirable from his point of view will generate resistance.

Here is one simple persuasion technique as taught by Kevin Hogan and which I have been using for a long time without failure: "When someone asks you to do something and you perceive that person to have your best interests in mind, and you would like him to have your best interests in mind, you are strongly motivated to fulfill the request."

I often keep this in mind whenever I want my mate to do things my way. I will try to reflect whether the other person will perceive me to have his/her best interests in mind. More often than not, after using this, my mate would galdly comply my wishes.

2) Have you watched the movie "Fearless"? If not, catch the movie some day. It teaches a very important principle, your greatest enemy is not your mate, not the people around you, but yourself! In anything you do or any conversation you have had with your loved one, constantly reflect and ask yourself: Am I letting my ego take over? Why do I keep wanting to ask him (her) whether he (she) saw the changes I have been trying so hard to make in my life?"

Your mate may tell you that if he or she feels ready for a relationship it will, most likely, not be with you. Always remember that, when an individual announces a position on any issue or point of view, he or she will strongly tend to defend that belief regardless of its accuracy. You would face some resistance from your partner as what you have in mind would not be perceived in the same manner by the other person given his present state of mind or beliefs.

So, do you have to try so hard to show him/her that you have indeed make any changes in your life or on yourself?

Your purpose is not to care too much about showing your mate that you are different, or that you have done things differently now. In fact, you should keep improving yourself, developing yourself spiritually through self cultivation, re-building your confidence and keep enriching your life, for your own sake. You do not need anyone's approval to do this. In this way, your own light will naturally shine through.

3) One of my readers recently wrote me: "If I lose myself and my identity in the process of being with someone, then I have no marriage, no self." This is insightful.

If you are trying to save your relationship or even rebuilding your marriage, you do the best you can be and continue to improve yourself by learning relationship mastery from the resources we are providing you here. Whatever you do or say in your daily life, your approach should not be such that "hey, I want you to return to my side. Come and want me!"

Let me let you into one harsh reality in relationships and marriages, the more desparate you are in wanting to save your relationship, the more frustrated you get in your attempt to save your marriage, the harder you try, the quicker you want to push it to happen, the more you are going to push the one you are trying to retrieve further and further away.

In short, make your desire to retrieve your lover, looks less like wanting to retrieve your lover.

Cucan Pemo is the Best Selling Author for her unconventional Relationship Ebooks at http://www.RetrieveALover.com/home.htm Discover the best and most effective strategies to finding a true love, keeping a true love or even bringing back a lost lover or spouse! FREE MP3 training programs also available at one of her Best family site at http://www.FamilyAndRelationships.com