Relationship - Tips To Survive after Break-Up

                

 

Surviving after a love break-up is tough. Speaking about relationships, relationships connect us in this world with each other. We have many kinds of relationships-parental, sibling, friends, professional and love. We go through many phases in all these relationships. Ups and downs are part of our life and our relationships. Most of us can bear break down in most of the above relationships except those of love. Why? Who will survive a breakdown in romantic relationship and how? Let us find out.

I was speaking to somebody who will be breaking up soon. The statement went something like this- I did everything possible to save our relationship. I gave in a lot, but I could not save. We will be breaking-up soon. That has already broken my heart. This relationship was made brick by brick over so many years. What all we did not do to make it last? But alas, we are breaking -up. I asked the person- how to you propose to go on in life now? There was no answer except a blank stare. This happens to most of us.

The immediate effect of the break-up is pain. The pain goes away slowly over a number of years, but the initial impact is high. It is the initial period during which one has to gather all the energy and tolerate the pain.

The second effect is bitterness and blame. There is recap of all the arguments and fights and there is a large amount of self-talk about how one were ditched. That is not pleasant. Try the following to overcome this phase.

Spend quality time with friends, involving you in new activities, and keep yourself busy.

Refocus yourself to your career. Make some very exciting plans and meet some intelligent and successful people. Begin talking to them about what you should do to enhance your potential. Find out what can be done best by you and how will you reach the top. Write down all these goals and focus on them.

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You Break Relationship Up - You Break Up?

                

 

You know it’s over – maybe both of you do – but how do you find the courage to break a relationship up?

As well as the worry that you’ll hurt the other person, there’s also the fear that you won’t cope with the tidal wave of emotion you imagine you’ll feel too.

Here are some tips on how to avoid the “break relationship up” blues!

First – let’s face a stark fact. When a relationship breaks up people hurt. And relationships don’t break up on their own – someone has to do it! Very rarely is it by mutual agreement, and even if both of you do agree it’s time to go, chances are one of you will be more reluctant than the other.

The truth, however, is that keeping someone in a relationship that is no longer loving is hurting them anyway. And they probably know. They may bury their head in the proverbial sand, but it’s very rare that a lover doesn’t sense something’s wrong. The sooner you find a way to mention that maybe it’s time to break the relationship up, the sooner you put them out of that misery. Things start to add up in their head and you have the satisfaction of having been honest.

Secondly, act as quickly as you can. To minimize pain for both of you don’t hang on until it’s “convenient” for you to go, and don’t back pedal by having a conversation about patching things up. Make a clean break. If there’s ever going to be hope of starting again, don’t leave jagged edges! They’re sharp and dangerous and can hurt both of you for a lot longer than a clean break.

And what about you? Being the one to break the relationship up brings not only pain but added guilt. You did it – and you have to live with yourself.

Here’s how to think of it. First, you were already hurting because you wouldn’t have been moving on if things were working, would you? Would you give a faulty or broken tool to your best friend? Of course you wouldn’t! Inflicting your unhappy self on the person who’s been closest to you in this phase of your life is equivalent to forcing faulty or tacky goods on someone when you know it’s broken and you wouldn’t have it. Get your head around this and you’ll see that you’d have more guilt staying!

Secondly, just because you were the one to break the relationship up doesn’t mean you don’t hurt too. Let yourself grieve – you’re entitled to. (For a complete self help guide on healing from heartbreak go to my website – details later)

Finally, I will pass on a thought to you that I have found very helpful over the years. Unfortunately I can’t remember where I heard or read it, so if the author is reading – thank you!

Here’s the thought: Some people come into your life for a reason, some for a season and some for a lifetime.

You are not under obligation to stay together. You are under obligation to stay happy, and that includes doing the kindest thing for your partner too. He or she has the same entitlement.

If it’s time to break the relationship up, face it and …. break the relationship up!

Trevor Emdon is a self improvement author and workshop leader based in the UK. He was a senior mental health practitioner in Britain’s National Health Service for many years, and now devotes his time to writing and teaching personal development. To sign up for his free Positive Life newsletter, visit http://www.wizardofwisdom.com

The self help program "How To Love Again When Your Heart's Been Broken" can be found at http://www.in-love-again.com

Tips on Getting Back Together After Break Up

                

 

There are many reasons why people break up. There are many reasons why people stay broken up, just as there are many reasons why people get back together.

What are your reasons for getting back together after a break up?

If you are afraid to be lonely or that you won’t meet anyone else – stop and rethink your decision, because you are doing it for the wrong reasons. Sometimes our ex partner or our family tries to “manipulate” us into giving the relationship a second chance. I can tell you only one thing - if the love is over, pity or material advantages are not a strong base, where new relationship can be built.

However, if you still love and care a lot about your ex boyfriend/girlfriend, it is absolutely normal to try to save this relationship.

You should start by apologizing for mistakes you have done in the past. Do not promise to change or never to repeat those mistakes again. It sounds unrealistic and unconvincing. Prove that you mean it by your actions! Make something unexpected to get your ex’s attention back. For example, you can surprise the person that you love with an original gift. If you have troubles coming up with any ideas for the gift, there is always Internet to help you.

Even if you are the one to blame for the breakup do not forget about your dignity. Do not humiliate yourself by begging, whining or threatening. This makes you look miserable and weak in the eyes of your ex. Weakness and misery are not appealing, on the contrary, they are repulsive.

Show your beloved one that you are trying to make yourself feel better by staying busy, doing sports, meeting friends or reading motivational books. Try to change things that your former boyfriend/girlfriend complained about. By doing that you will prove with your actions that you are willing to change and putting extra effort in saving this relationship already.

If you feel that a person you want to get back with wouldn’t mind to go out with you, call him/her and offer to drink a cup of coffee. Do not discuss any of the serious topics. Keep the conversation neutral. Make your ex feel comfortable and relaxed. Pay attention to his/her words and body language. Make sure that the person you want to win back is having fun in your company. If you will be able to achieve that, consider half work done. Everything else depends on your persistence and desire to get back together. Don’t screw it up!

For proven step-by-step system how to get back together with your ex visit: http://www.win-back-your-love.com

How to Break Up - Successfully

                

 

I remember my first break up, where I was the one doing the breaking up... it was tough, in fact, it took me a whole year of really figuring out what and how I was going to do it! I was young and the relationship was such that I was very dependant on my partner, and I found it very difficult to leave him.

In the end, it got to the point where enough was enough. By nature, I am a very strong person and to have been in a relationship for nearly 4 years where I was submissive had finally worn out its welcome!

It took me a week to get things organised. My partner was self employed and I did all his bookwork for him, so I arranged for someone to take over that and also informed his boss that I was going to be leaving him! Possibily not the smartest thing to do, but I was so worried about how he was going to take it, that I wanted to make sure that there was someone that would look out for him... as I still cared about him and didn't want to hurt him.

The day came and I had written a letter, because I knew, that at the tender age of 23 I would not be able to utter the words... I got home from work, handed him the letter and waited. We spent the next 2 hours crying and talking and I ended up packing a bag and heading to my parents.

It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but in the end it was the best. After a few weeks, I began to see just how destructive the relationship had been and how he just was not right for me. Within in 4 months, I had met someone new and was very happy.

Is there any right way to break up with someone? I don't believe there is, but there are definitely some wrong ways!! Avoid these when breaking up with someone:

1. Do not break up with someone via a text, it shows you have no respect for that person and that you placed no value on the relationship at all.

2. Do not break up with someone over the phone. This is just about as bad via text!

3. Keep it clean. If the reason you are breaking up is soley because of that person, then the best way to phrase it is to say something along the lines that you have grown and changed and that you just don't feel the same way about that person that you once did. Attacking someone is never an option.

4. Do not break up with someone in front of their family or friends! Can you imagine the embarrasment and humiliation they will feel? This can lead to the person dumped doing drastic things!

5. Do not have an affair while you are still with someone! This is one of the worst ways to break up with someone and it hurts the other person immensely. If you feel the pull to someone else and think you are going to act on it, then is it not fair to end the relationship you are in? Because if you are having feelings for someone else, you are already gone...

Breaking up is something that we all face at some point in our lives... there are a few lucky few that never have to experience this emotional rollarcoaster, like my parents! They have been together since they were 19 & 20, and it is a very long, distant memory of any of the break ups they suffered prior to then!

In the end, all you can do is look after yourself, be true to you and respect the other person enough to break up with them face to face.

Written by Lise Carter

Annelise Carter has been writing on and off for the past 10 years... mainly in her journal! It was about time that some of these entries were used to help others and that is just what she is doing. Annelise has been through a few break ups in her young life and because of this, has decided to use her experiences to help others.

Visit her blog here at http://www.handsomereturns.blogspot.com

Platonic Relationships: Why They Don't Work After a Break-Up

                

 

Relationships with the opposite sex can be extremely complicated, especially after a break-up. Can singles be “just friends” with someone they used to date? Here's why I say the answer to that question is "no."

Q. I just broke up with a guy I had been dating for nine months. We got along well on many levels, but realized that we couldn’t be “life partners.” So much of the relationship was good, but the arguing made it bad. While I’m willing to give up the sex and the hope for a future together, I don’t want to give up our friendship. We enjoy many of the same things and I would miss sharing them with him. Can't we be “just friends” while I search for the guy who will be “Mr. Right?” Allyson

Allyson, Maintaining a platonic relationship with someone you used to date is frequently the source of confusion and frustration. So much of your energy had been invested in this person, which makes severing only some of it very tricky. But if you really want to create a life partner relationship with someone who meets all of your needs, then I suggest it is best NOT to be friends with your “ex.”

Trying to maintain a friendship with someone with whom you had been physically intimate is especially challenging. That’s because sex is like “superglue” – it’s easy to get stuck, but extremely difficult to get unstuck. Couples who had expressed their physical feelings with one another can easily succumb again to the emotional triggers that initially sparked the intimacy.

When a man and a woman, each considering the other as a potential life partner, spend a lot of time together, it’s natural that they would become emotionally attached. After a break-up, a person usually goes through a sort of grieving and mourning process. This is because when you’re dating someone, and doing so with the serious intention of seeing if s/he is going to be your life partner, you have hopes and dreams that it'll all work out. When reality tells you (and you’re actually willing to listen to reality!) that the two of you are not compatible, and should not continue being together, it can feel like a “death.” But it's not the death of the person that you have to adjust to, it’s the death of your hopes and dreams. And just like with the death of a person, the challenge before you is to re-orient yourself in the world without this person in your life, and get back into the game to find someone more suitable.

I suggest that you sever yourself from this failed relationship completely. Doing so will free up all of your energies – emotional, physical and intellectual – and allow you to explore a new relationship’s potential. Avoiding a “friendship” with your ex will prevent him (and your residual feelings for him) from distracting you from attaining your goal of attaining as gratifying relationship with the right person.

About Janice D. Bennett, Ph.D. Practicing as a psychologist for over 20 years, Janice has treated many singles looking to get married, but who had become depressed and demoralized by the dating process. She now uses her skills and experience to help healthy singles overcome the obstacles preventing them from attaining the relationships and lives they really want. Janice has been quoted in Cosmopolitan Magazine, gives dating advice on http://www.JMatch.com and other websites for singles, has a free e-newsletter and gives teleclasses, lectures and workshops. Check out her "Get Your Love Right!" blog, read other dating-related Q's&A's and articles, and sign up for a complimentary 40 minute telephone coaching session by visiting her website at http://www.DoctorLoveCoach.com

Ten Easy, yet Powerful ways to get in the spirit to date again after a break-up

                

 

Ten easy ways that can change your attitude and get you out of a rut and move int direction of dating again.
Divorce and relationship break-up are devastating to most people. Most have learned that jumping from the frying pan into the fire is not a good thing. However, we can get ourselves into a deep rut and have difficulty looking out again for a relationship. Here are some ways to get the energy moving and get un-stuck!

1. Smile at the world. Have fun. Look for positive in everyone you meet. Increase your awareness. Like attracts like. You never know who you meet when you smile.

2. Look at your physical environment . Are there negative leftovers from former relationship/s? Pictures, gifts? Remove what no longer is positive for you. Surround yourself with things that bring you joy. You may want to consider the feng shui of your environment.

3. Make changes to what you hear . What music puts you in a romantic mood? Spend some time each day listening to your special tunes. Avoid listening to news that is negative or anything that puts you in a negative mindset.

4. Consider your sniffer! Is it time to consider new cologne, aromatherapy? Again, explore what smells great to you. Burn some scented candles, place some scented oil at your desk, by your bed.

5. Look in the mirror! Wear clothing that makes you feel good about yourself. Time for a new hair style?

6. Thosewonderful taste buds! Eat food that is light and gives you uplifting energy!

7. Read singles ads in newspaper or on internet Start to consider the qualities that you would love to have in another person in your life.

8. Do the inner work. Clear the closets of your mind/emotions/ and spirit of negative ideas about dating and relationships. This is a big one and may take time and energy if you have not attended to this earlier on. 9. Consider how your spend your time: . Know that if finding a relationship is valuable to you, consider what time will you create for this new adventure.

10. When you are ready, Affirm to the Universe your worthiness and intention to date again. We have all heard the clich, you get what you ask for. We know that clarity about what we want increases exponentially the chances of receiving it.

Jennifer is teacher, author, public speaker, occupational therapist and international email and telephone personal and career coach. She co-creates, with great women over the age of 40,the vision and actualization of a life of choice, spirit, and integrity.