Why Do People Break Up And Divorce

                

 

We have been pressured through a wide range of channels to believe that being in a long-term, committed relationship and eventually marrying and having a family is the right thing to do in life. Our parents, teachers at school, friends, and co-workers seem to encourage us to follow the traditional path of family life, and we can't help but want to follow all the people around us who enter into serious, romantic relationships.

As we grow older, we feel that we need to give answers to the society why we are not quite where the world wants us to be - having all the "normal" things: a home, spouse and children.

However, there is one crucially important factor that we must not overlook as humans: we are all different! While our anatomy is very similar, we are very different in so many ways - our taste and preferences in every aspect of our professional, social and personal life vary radically from one another. From food, clothing, hairstyle, to choosing a profession, friends, an area to live, and hobbies - these are just a few ways in which we are so unique and so unlike others.

This means that different things make different people happy! This, in turn, suggests that there is no reason why we all should have similar goals when it comes to dating and forming romantic relationships. That is, it's very likely that the dating situation that makes one person happy might make another feel unhappy or even miserable.

I believe, therefore, that many people are not supposed to be in a committed relationship. That must simply not be in their nature and physiology. And it's likely that they can't or even shouldn't be doing anything about it. It must be the case that that's not where their life purpose is, and any effort to "push" them in the direction that the society dictates to them but against their very essence is doomed to failure.

Thus, it's crucially important that we take all the time necessary to be completely honest and open with ourselves and have the courage to truly admit to ourselves whether a committed relationship / marriage is the arrangement we really want before we take a step in that life-changing direction.

www.PracticalHappiness.com
Revolution in Dating & Relationships Advice

Relationship - Tips To Survive after Break-Up

                

 

Surviving after a love break-up is tough. Speaking about relationships, relationships connect us in this world with each other. We have many kinds of relationships-parental, sibling, friends, professional and love. We go through many phases in all these relationships. Ups and downs are part of our life and our relationships. Most of us can bear break down in most of the above relationships except those of love. Why? Who will survive a breakdown in romantic relationship and how? Let us find out.

I was speaking to somebody who will be breaking up soon. The statement went something like this- I did everything possible to save our relationship. I gave in a lot, but I could not save. We will be breaking-up soon. That has already broken my heart. This relationship was made brick by brick over so many years. What all we did not do to make it last? But alas, we are breaking -up. I asked the person- how to you propose to go on in life now? There was no answer except a blank stare. This happens to most of us.

The immediate effect of the break-up is pain. The pain goes away slowly over a number of years, but the initial impact is high. It is the initial period during which one has to gather all the energy and tolerate the pain.

The second effect is bitterness and blame. There is recap of all the arguments and fights and there is a large amount of self-talk about how one were ditched. That is not pleasant. Try the following to overcome this phase.

Spend quality time with friends, involving you in new activities, and keep yourself busy.

Refocus yourself to your career. Make some very exciting plans and meet some intelligent and successful people. Begin talking to them about what you should do to enhance your potential. Find out what can be done best by you and how will you reach the top. Write down all these goals and focus on them.

Yourromanceguide.com offers hundreds of articles and tips on relationships , dating and love. Myspace users, click for myspace comments such as compliments, cool comments, love, flirty, birthday, holidays, religion, funny, cute, etc. If you love trying Quizzes and tests, visit funquizcards.

You Break Relationship Up - You Break Up?

                

 

You know it’s over – maybe both of you do – but how do you find the courage to break a relationship up?

As well as the worry that you’ll hurt the other person, there’s also the fear that you won’t cope with the tidal wave of emotion you imagine you’ll feel too.

Here are some tips on how to avoid the “break relationship up” blues!

First – let’s face a stark fact. When a relationship breaks up people hurt. And relationships don’t break up on their own – someone has to do it! Very rarely is it by mutual agreement, and even if both of you do agree it’s time to go, chances are one of you will be more reluctant than the other.

The truth, however, is that keeping someone in a relationship that is no longer loving is hurting them anyway. And they probably know. They may bury their head in the proverbial sand, but it’s very rare that a lover doesn’t sense something’s wrong. The sooner you find a way to mention that maybe it’s time to break the relationship up, the sooner you put them out of that misery. Things start to add up in their head and you have the satisfaction of having been honest.

Secondly, act as quickly as you can. To minimize pain for both of you don’t hang on until it’s “convenient” for you to go, and don’t back pedal by having a conversation about patching things up. Make a clean break. If there’s ever going to be hope of starting again, don’t leave jagged edges! They’re sharp and dangerous and can hurt both of you for a lot longer than a clean break.

And what about you? Being the one to break the relationship up brings not only pain but added guilt. You did it – and you have to live with yourself.

Here’s how to think of it. First, you were already hurting because you wouldn’t have been moving on if things were working, would you? Would you give a faulty or broken tool to your best friend? Of course you wouldn’t! Inflicting your unhappy self on the person who’s been closest to you in this phase of your life is equivalent to forcing faulty or tacky goods on someone when you know it’s broken and you wouldn’t have it. Get your head around this and you’ll see that you’d have more guilt staying!

Secondly, just because you were the one to break the relationship up doesn’t mean you don’t hurt too. Let yourself grieve – you’re entitled to. (For a complete self help guide on healing from heartbreak go to my website – details later)

Finally, I will pass on a thought to you that I have found very helpful over the years. Unfortunately I can’t remember where I heard or read it, so if the author is reading – thank you!

Here’s the thought: Some people come into your life for a reason, some for a season and some for a lifetime.

You are not under obligation to stay together. You are under obligation to stay happy, and that includes doing the kindest thing for your partner too. He or she has the same entitlement.

If it’s time to break the relationship up, face it and …. break the relationship up!

Trevor Emdon is a self improvement author and workshop leader based in the UK. He was a senior mental health practitioner in Britain’s National Health Service for many years, and now devotes his time to writing and teaching personal development. To sign up for his free Positive Life newsletter, visit http://www.wizardofwisdom.com

The self help program "How To Love Again When Your Heart's Been Broken" can be found at http://www.in-love-again.com

How to Deal With a Break Up

                

 

How to deal with a break up? Ending a relationship is the hardest thing to do. You are looking for answers but you see none and you keep crying and getting depressed. You keep asking yourself how to deal with a break up and start to feel alone and dumped. Breaking up or getting dumped is the most painful thing you could experience in a relationship. A mutual attraction that bloomed into a joyful and lovely relationship is hard to end when one or both became uncomfortable due to a lot of reasons. It hurts and it’s hard to accept that the person you love is no longer with you now and you need to learn how to deal with a break up.

At this stage when the break up is new you have to learn how to deal with a break up. Cry if you have to, it’s alright. Allow yourself to grieve; it’s the first step of healing. For men, it’s okay to cry, you are a human being who is deeply hurt. Cry if you need too, but of course you have to be discreet and don’t just cry anywhere because people might think you are getting crazy. You are hurt but you still have the responsibility to keep your sanity and keep your self in tact.

Break ups doesn’t always mean its permanent, sometimes it does mean you and your partner need space to think things over. Getting back together after a break up needs time. Use the time and space you both have to think things over. You and your partner can think clearly and may realize the importance of getting back together.

While you have your space to find out how to deal with a break up, there are things you can do to feel better. One thing is talk to people close to you or share your feeling with someone. You will feel better if you talk about your feeling to people close to you and cry on the shoulder of a friend or a family member.

Discovering how to deal with a break up includes loving yourself more. Do not blame yourself if the relationship needs to end. It’s not your fault, relationships are complicated and most people go through rough times when it comes to relationships. If you start to blame yourself, you will get depressed and even lonelier. Think of the good qualities you have and be in the company of your friends who will always remind you of your good qualities. To know how to deal with a break up is to realize that you need to love yourself more. You need this to get through the loneliness of break ups. Take care of yourself and don’t appear too depressed and sad. To deal with a break up with positive attitude will attract positive things and you will feel better if you will only think of positive things.

While you figure out how to deal with a break up, this is also the time to enjoy and do things you want to do. If you enjoy going to the gym with your friends then do it. If you love to teach children or be involved in community work, now you have all the time to do it. You may discover new things or rediscover yourself. Give yourself time to heal and think things over. This is good for you and your partner and when you finally see each other again you may see things differently and with new perspective.

Did you know that there are couples who have worked things out and get back together for good? You can mend your broken heart and bring back your lover. If you seriously, seriously want to bring back the love of your life visit Love and Relationships.

Gerry Restrivera writes informative articles on various subjects including how to deal with a break up.

How to Break Up - Successfully

                

 

I remember my first break up, where I was the one doing the breaking up... it was tough, in fact, it took me a whole year of really figuring out what and how I was going to do it! I was young and the relationship was such that I was very dependant on my partner, and I found it very difficult to leave him.

In the end, it got to the point where enough was enough. By nature, I am a very strong person and to have been in a relationship for nearly 4 years where I was submissive had finally worn out its welcome!

It took me a week to get things organised. My partner was self employed and I did all his bookwork for him, so I arranged for someone to take over that and also informed his boss that I was going to be leaving him! Possibily not the smartest thing to do, but I was so worried about how he was going to take it, that I wanted to make sure that there was someone that would look out for him... as I still cared about him and didn't want to hurt him.

The day came and I had written a letter, because I knew, that at the tender age of 23 I would not be able to utter the words... I got home from work, handed him the letter and waited. We spent the next 2 hours crying and talking and I ended up packing a bag and heading to my parents.

It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but in the end it was the best. After a few weeks, I began to see just how destructive the relationship had been and how he just was not right for me. Within in 4 months, I had met someone new and was very happy.

Is there any right way to break up with someone? I don't believe there is, but there are definitely some wrong ways!! Avoid these when breaking up with someone:

1. Do not break up with someone via a text, it shows you have no respect for that person and that you placed no value on the relationship at all.

2. Do not break up with someone over the phone. This is just about as bad via text!

3. Keep it clean. If the reason you are breaking up is soley because of that person, then the best way to phrase it is to say something along the lines that you have grown and changed and that you just don't feel the same way about that person that you once did. Attacking someone is never an option.

4. Do not break up with someone in front of their family or friends! Can you imagine the embarrasment and humiliation they will feel? This can lead to the person dumped doing drastic things!

5. Do not have an affair while you are still with someone! This is one of the worst ways to break up with someone and it hurts the other person immensely. If you feel the pull to someone else and think you are going to act on it, then is it not fair to end the relationship you are in? Because if you are having feelings for someone else, you are already gone...

Breaking up is something that we all face at some point in our lives... there are a few lucky few that never have to experience this emotional rollarcoaster, like my parents! They have been together since they were 19 & 20, and it is a very long, distant memory of any of the break ups they suffered prior to then!

In the end, all you can do is look after yourself, be true to you and respect the other person enough to break up with them face to face.

Written by Lise Carter

Annelise Carter has been writing on and off for the past 10 years... mainly in her journal! It was about time that some of these entries were used to help others and that is just what she is doing. Annelise has been through a few break ups in her young life and because of this, has decided to use her experiences to help others.

Visit her blog here at http://www.handsomereturns.blogspot.com

Relationship Tune Up - 7 Key Points to Avoid a Break Up or Break Down

                

 

"Every three months or 3,000 miles."

That's how the sticker in the left upper corner of my windshield reads.

It's a matter of common knowledge that we are supposed to maintain, service, and tune up our cars if we want them to run well and last.

In my experience, it rarely occurs to us to do the same thing with our love relationships.

More and more of the couples I see are not in need of long term therapy, they are more in need of a short term relationship tune up.

7 Key Points

What first attracted you to each other? - This is the first question I ask most couples because it helps to be reminded that your partner has some great qualities that led you to want to be in this relationship.

What are some of the strengths of your relationship? - Instead of all the things that are wrong with your relationship, what I want to know is what are some of the strengths of the relationship upon which we can build in order to solve the problems with which they are struggling.

When have you been the closest? - One of the easiest ways to tune up your relationship is to do the things you were doing when you were the closest.

You may have noticed that the first 3 questions were all focused on positives in the relationship.

This is done on purpose. One of the dangers of traditional marriage counseling is a focus on what is wrong or defective with an individual or the relationship. One of the many benefits of relationship coaching is a focus on using the strengths in the relationship to build up the areas where the relationship is weak.

What are your partner's emotional needs and what are your own? - If you do not know, hear are the two crucial questions to ask:

1) In order to feel loved by me, what do you need to feel in our relationship?

2) What are some ways I can meet those needs?

What is your partner's love language and what is yours? - Some folks need to hear it, some folks need to see it, and some folks need to feel it.

How do the two of you "do conflict?" - Conflict in a relationship is inevitable. Fighting is optional.

What is your vision for your relationship? - Without a vision, a relationship can perish. Here are a few questions most couples never take the time to even think about, much less ask:

1) If we could design our relationship any way we wanted, how would we like it to be?

2) What goals do we have for our relationship?

3) What do we want to give, and what do we want to get in our relationship?

For more immediately useable tips and tools for your relationship, visit relationship coach Jeff Herring's interactive website at SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

Break-Ups And Doubts

                

 

Shall I break-up? Am I right? Or my thinking is wrong somewhere? What if I hurt my partner with the break-up? What if I cannot live normally after break-up? Shall I recover from it? Should I break-up? I am having doubts about the reasons. I am doubtful about the consequences. I am confused. What shall I do?

After life reaches a stage where living together becomes very painful, one begins thinking of break-up. But the doubts can be overwhelming sometimes. They can mar the judgment. They confuse the thinking. This makes life further trouble some. What is the way out?

The first step should be giving your mind little rest. A tense mind tends to lose the way. Relax and let go of these thoughts for few days. Involve yourself in other activities. Relaxing your mind will give you some peace and help you think well. After you begin feeling peaceful, begin writing down your reasons for breaking up. Don't miss anything. Write down all the reasons clearly and write explanations wherever needed. This will give you further insight into why you want to break-up.

Pluses and Minuses - write down both pluses and minuses of the break-up. Read them carefully and weigh them. If necessary, consult a close friend. After you become sure that you must break-up and that will be in your interest and in the interest of your partner, go ahead.

The author, C.D.Mohatta writes for screen savers and desktop wallpapers and fun quizzes and fun tests. The author also writes articles, advice and ideas on break-ups.