How to Deal With a Break Up

                

 

How to deal with a break up? Ending a relationship is the hardest thing to do. You are looking for answers but you see none and you keep crying and getting depressed. You keep asking yourself how to deal with a break up and start to feel alone and dumped. Breaking up or getting dumped is the most painful thing you could experience in a relationship. A mutual attraction that bloomed into a joyful and lovely relationship is hard to end when one or both became uncomfortable due to a lot of reasons. It hurts and it’s hard to accept that the person you love is no longer with you now and you need to learn how to deal with a break up.

At this stage when the break up is new you have to learn how to deal with a break up. Cry if you have to, it’s alright. Allow yourself to grieve; it’s the first step of healing. For men, it’s okay to cry, you are a human being who is deeply hurt. Cry if you need too, but of course you have to be discreet and don’t just cry anywhere because people might think you are getting crazy. You are hurt but you still have the responsibility to keep your sanity and keep your self in tact.

Break ups doesn’t always mean its permanent, sometimes it does mean you and your partner need space to think things over. Getting back together after a break up needs time. Use the time and space you both have to think things over. You and your partner can think clearly and may realize the importance of getting back together.

While you have your space to find out how to deal with a break up, there are things you can do to feel better. One thing is talk to people close to you or share your feeling with someone. You will feel better if you talk about your feeling to people close to you and cry on the shoulder of a friend or a family member.

Discovering how to deal with a break up includes loving yourself more. Do not blame yourself if the relationship needs to end. It’s not your fault, relationships are complicated and most people go through rough times when it comes to relationships. If you start to blame yourself, you will get depressed and even lonelier. Think of the good qualities you have and be in the company of your friends who will always remind you of your good qualities. To know how to deal with a break up is to realize that you need to love yourself more. You need this to get through the loneliness of break ups. Take care of yourself and don’t appear too depressed and sad. To deal with a break up with positive attitude will attract positive things and you will feel better if you will only think of positive things.

While you figure out how to deal with a break up, this is also the time to enjoy and do things you want to do. If you enjoy going to the gym with your friends then do it. If you love to teach children or be involved in community work, now you have all the time to do it. You may discover new things or rediscover yourself. Give yourself time to heal and think things over. This is good for you and your partner and when you finally see each other again you may see things differently and with new perspective.

Did you know that there are couples who have worked things out and get back together for good? You can mend your broken heart and bring back your lover. If you seriously, seriously want to bring back the love of your life visit Love and Relationships.

Gerry Restrivera writes informative articles on various subjects including how to deal with a break up.

Break-up Advice for Men - Don't Leave Like a Louse!

                

 

BREAK-UP ETIQUETTE FOR THE “UNENLIGHTENED” MAN

Imagine this.

Imagine that you report to your job for what would appear to be a typical work day. From all previous indications, your employer has been very satisfied with your performance. You arrive early, get to your office door, and the key won’t fit. It appears that the lock has been changed. Even worse, you notice your nameplate has been removed from the door as well. There’s no one around to ask questions. But it‘s obvious that your worst fear has been realized; you’ve been fired! And with no warning, no explanation, and no recourse!

Imagine the confusion and the many unanswered questions this scenario would cause. Imagine the anger and disappointment. Multiply it by 100 times. That’s a fraction of what it feels like to a woman you’ve mysteriously dumped!

Let’s face it. Sometimes the need to sever ties from a former partner happens. “You’ve lost that lovin’ feeling” or an old flame resurfaces to light your fire. Or perhaps it’s just irreconcilable differences. And it makes no sense to stick around and stay miserable. Right? It happens. There’s really no totally pain free way to move on.

But that doesn’t mean you should have a callous attitude, or opt for the coward’s way out. Contrary to the popular song-- there aren’t “50 ways to leave your lover!” The way you leave a relationship speaks volumes about the type of “man” you are. It also shapes a woman’s future perceptions of herself and love in general. Bitter break-ups produce bitter women!

Here’s an online blog entry from a “woman scorned” that typifies many women’s experiences: “I’m feeling so rejected, hurt and confused lately. Not a peep from the jerk. How could I have misread him so? I really thought he was a stand-up guy. I just don’t understand why every guy I have fallen for in the past 4 years has pulled practically the same thing.”

Unfortunately, cycles perpetuate. Peter pays for the sins of Paul. According to John Gray, Ph.D. and author of Mars and Venus on a Date, “Good endings create good beginnings.” As someone who has been both the dumper and the dumpee in my relationships, I can attest, there is an art to ending an affair.

Here’s the “politically correct” way to pull it off!

¨ DON’T FALL FOR THE GRASS IS GREENER FALLACY--ASSESS. Before leaving one woman to run to the arms of another, make sure that what you are risking is worth the tradeoff! Many times guys find a new love interest enticing just because of the unexplored pleasures and possibilities. The novelty. After the passage of time and getting to know the person, they find that what they bargained for is really less than what they already had. And often too late to do anything to rectify the situation.

¨ BE SENSITIVE TO HER FEELINGS- Practice the Golden Rule. Don’t take the easy way out by sending her an E-mail or leaving a message on her answering machine. It’s really uncool and unkind. Unless she has a history of violence, do it in person. Or by a phone call, or a caring, compassionate letter.

¨ IF THERE IS SOMETHING THAT CAN BE WORKED UPON, TALK IT OUT FIRST. Communication is crucial to any successful, enduring relationship.

¨ DON’T BASH HER OR BLAME HER FOR EVERYTHING THAT WENT WRONG. It takes two to make or break a relationship. ¨ HAVE A HEART- If there’s something that you can share in the way of constructive criticism that might help in the future, then do so.

¨ DON’T OFFER FRIENDSHIP- At least not right away. It’s offensive, and feels like a demotion. Unless the two of you started out as friends initially.

¨ KEEP IN MIND A BASIC LAW OF THE UNIVERSE—What goes around comes around. Karma is a killer!

¨ DON’T KISS AND TELL—It’s in poor taste, and if it gets back to her, it would only serve to deepen her pain

¨ DON’T MAKE A MOVE ON HER BEST FRIEND! For reasons that I hope are obvious.

¨ GIVE HER AN EXPLANATION THAT’S FAIR AND REASONABLE—Please don’t use the line that you need to “find yourself” it’s getting old!

¨ DON’T BEOME M.I.A. (Missing in action)—Many immature and insensitive guys choose this exit strategy. They simply stop calling or coming around “cold-turkey”, concluding that a woman will eventually “figure it out”. The terrible thing about this way of operating, is that it is the worse of all. It never allows a lover to bring closure to the relationship and heal properly.

Keep in mind that these are general guidelines. Each situation should be evaluated on an individual basis. For example, if there is concern that a woman has the potential to become a “fatal attraction,” you may want to just change your address, go into seclusion for a while, and forget the above steps! Good luck with that.

HERE’S HOPING FOR SMOOTHER TRANSITIONS AND LASTING LOVE!

Jennifer Brown Banks is a veteran freelance writer, and writes a weekly relationship column for Online Dating Magazine. She is the author of "A Paradox in Pink."

Surviving the Stress of a Relationship Break-Up

                

 

We are all too familiar with this scenario: you have been dating him for quite a while, even though you both know it is not working. Or maybe you have just started dating this hunk and your physical attraction towards him is somehow blinding your ability to think rationally. Whatever situation you are in, the truth is that if something is not right, you need move on. Sometimes, the signs are too obvious for you to see them. They are all over in your partner?s behavior or in yours, in his actions, and in the way you feel about yourself and the relationship at the end of each day. Whatever it is, chances are if you don?t take immediate action, you will regret it.

1. Stop and think. Try to determine what doesn?t feel right and what is the best way to end the relationship. If you cannot find answers for yourself, ask for help. Perhaps a friend can give you a bit more perspective on your situation and help you decide on the best course of action. The key is to understand that you may be in danger at the very worst or, at the very least, that you deserve better.

2. Pay attention to the red flags. You can pretty much tell from the beginning of a relationship if someone is all talk and nothing more. Someone who is a bigot, a controlling freak or a chauvinist may try to hide some of the traits of his character at first, but sooner rather than later, these character traits will begin to surface. Beware, for example, of a man who wants to know your every move at every waking hour or who wants to tell you what to say, what to wear. At the beginning you may think it is cute and romantic that he is ?attentive,? but you may be misinterpreting this behavior. A controlling guy or one that does not understand boundaries is completely out of line and must be dumped at once.

3. Listen to your friends. So many of us have been part of the following scenario: your friend comes over and tells you that he/she is skeptical about your new boyfriend?s behavior. You know you should give your trusted friend the benefit of the doubt over some jerk you just met. Instead, though, you think they are jealous or simply do not know what is really going on. Don?t do this to yourself. If your friend points out some red flags, at least listen and beware. Chances are your loving and trusted friends have your own interests at heart, not your mate?s.

4. Use your female intuition. It is there but most of us never use it in the right context. If you are nervous around this individual, even if you cannot explain it, run. Even if your attraction is stronger than your common sense, get away from this person. Take some time to assess the situation. Perhaps it is only normal jitters because you are so excited about him, but if it still does not feel right after a date or two, get out. There will be others.

5. Once you have made up your mind and are certain you need to move on, make a plan and stick with it. If your mate does not want to end the relationship, most likely you will be put in this situation. You know your circumstances better than anybody else. If you have given this relationship all the chances it deserves and have come to the conclusion that it is best for you to end it, be true to yourself.

6. Stay safe ? both physically and emotionally. This applies to those in long-term relationships as well as those on the dating scene. Your body is your temple, and your spirit is the seed from which all growth stems. They are all you have and must be preserved as unique and precious. Experts agree that most young women that engage in some kind of risky behavior with a partner do it because of feelings of vulnerability or to ?fit in?.

7. Take time to recharge. Even those with the highest self-esteem could get involved in a nasty situation. This will invariably leave you feeling down and sorry for yourself. To help you regain your self-esteem and move on gracefully, refer to my sections on getting over a breakup and building your self-esteem. The advice is simple, sensitive, and very helpful.

Jovanka Ciares is a life coach, motivational speaker and author who teaches women the attitudes, behaviors and skills that they need in order to reach their fullest potential by using the unlimited power that lies within each of them. She participates in conferences and conferences all over the United States and Latin America. She?s the author of ?Don?t Blame Eve? and offers tons of free advice on her website at http://www.selfimprovementwoman.com.