How to Break Up - Successfully

                

 

I remember my first break up, where I was the one doing the breaking up... it was tough, in fact, it took me a whole year of really figuring out what and how I was going to do it! I was young and the relationship was such that I was very dependant on my partner, and I found it very difficult to leave him.

In the end, it got to the point where enough was enough. By nature, I am a very strong person and to have been in a relationship for nearly 4 years where I was submissive had finally worn out its welcome!

It took me a week to get things organised. My partner was self employed and I did all his bookwork for him, so I arranged for someone to take over that and also informed his boss that I was going to be leaving him! Possibily not the smartest thing to do, but I was so worried about how he was going to take it, that I wanted to make sure that there was someone that would look out for him... as I still cared about him and didn't want to hurt him.

The day came and I had written a letter, because I knew, that at the tender age of 23 I would not be able to utter the words... I got home from work, handed him the letter and waited. We spent the next 2 hours crying and talking and I ended up packing a bag and heading to my parents.

It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but in the end it was the best. After a few weeks, I began to see just how destructive the relationship had been and how he just was not right for me. Within in 4 months, I had met someone new and was very happy.

Is there any right way to break up with someone? I don't believe there is, but there are definitely some wrong ways!! Avoid these when breaking up with someone:

1. Do not break up with someone via a text, it shows you have no respect for that person and that you placed no value on the relationship at all.

2. Do not break up with someone over the phone. This is just about as bad via text!

3. Keep it clean. If the reason you are breaking up is soley because of that person, then the best way to phrase it is to say something along the lines that you have grown and changed and that you just don't feel the same way about that person that you once did. Attacking someone is never an option.

4. Do not break up with someone in front of their family or friends! Can you imagine the embarrasment and humiliation they will feel? This can lead to the person dumped doing drastic things!

5. Do not have an affair while you are still with someone! This is one of the worst ways to break up with someone and it hurts the other person immensely. If you feel the pull to someone else and think you are going to act on it, then is it not fair to end the relationship you are in? Because if you are having feelings for someone else, you are already gone...

Breaking up is something that we all face at some point in our lives... there are a few lucky few that never have to experience this emotional rollarcoaster, like my parents! They have been together since they were 19 & 20, and it is a very long, distant memory of any of the break ups they suffered prior to then!

In the end, all you can do is look after yourself, be true to you and respect the other person enough to break up with them face to face.

Written by Lise Carter

Annelise Carter has been writing on and off for the past 10 years... mainly in her journal! It was about time that some of these entries were used to help others and that is just what she is doing. Annelise has been through a few break ups in her young life and because of this, has decided to use her experiences to help others.

Visit her blog here at http://www.handsomereturns.blogspot.com

Relationship Tune Up - 7 Key Points to Avoid a Break Up or Break Down

                

 

"Every three months or 3,000 miles."

That's how the sticker in the left upper corner of my windshield reads.

It's a matter of common knowledge that we are supposed to maintain, service, and tune up our cars if we want them to run well and last.

In my experience, it rarely occurs to us to do the same thing with our love relationships.

More and more of the couples I see are not in need of long term therapy, they are more in need of a short term relationship tune up.

7 Key Points

What first attracted you to each other? - This is the first question I ask most couples because it helps to be reminded that your partner has some great qualities that led you to want to be in this relationship.

What are some of the strengths of your relationship? - Instead of all the things that are wrong with your relationship, what I want to know is what are some of the strengths of the relationship upon which we can build in order to solve the problems with which they are struggling.

When have you been the closest? - One of the easiest ways to tune up your relationship is to do the things you were doing when you were the closest.

You may have noticed that the first 3 questions were all focused on positives in the relationship.

This is done on purpose. One of the dangers of traditional marriage counseling is a focus on what is wrong or defective with an individual or the relationship. One of the many benefits of relationship coaching is a focus on using the strengths in the relationship to build up the areas where the relationship is weak.

What are your partner's emotional needs and what are your own? - If you do not know, hear are the two crucial questions to ask:

1) In order to feel loved by me, what do you need to feel in our relationship?

2) What are some ways I can meet those needs?

What is your partner's love language and what is yours? - Some folks need to hear it, some folks need to see it, and some folks need to feel it.

How do the two of you "do conflict?" - Conflict in a relationship is inevitable. Fighting is optional.

What is your vision for your relationship? - Without a vision, a relationship can perish. Here are a few questions most couples never take the time to even think about, much less ask:

1) If we could design our relationship any way we wanted, how would we like it to be?

2) What goals do we have for our relationship?

3) What do we want to give, and what do we want to get in our relationship?

For more immediately useable tips and tools for your relationship, visit relationship coach Jeff Herring's interactive website at SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

How To Stop Your Break-ups And Retrieve Your Lost Lover The Easy Way

                

 

I have often been asked by my friends whether one should keep emphasizing to their partners that he/she has been making small changes and improvements in their life as a result of learning relationship mastery, and whether this would speed up the process of them retrieving their lovers. In fact, some people have been trying so hard to make or even force their partners see the changes in themselves that more often than not, it only push their mates further and further away.

Here are some tips and a simple persuasion technique which you should consider:

1) People need to feel a sense of power. When you are attempting to save your relationship or marriage, make it clear to your partner that they have the ultimate power to decide and that you won't attempt to take that away from them. Forcing a person to make a choice or even to do things undesirable from his point of view will generate resistance.

Here is one simple persuasion technique as taught by Kevin Hogan and which I have been using for a long time without failure: "When someone asks you to do something and you perceive that person to have your best interests in mind, and you would like him to have your best interests in mind, you are strongly motivated to fulfill the request."

I often keep this in mind whenever I want my mate to do things my way. I will try to reflect whether the other person will perceive me to have his/her best interests in mind. More often than not, after using this, my mate would galdly comply my wishes.

2) Have you watched the movie "Fearless"? If not, catch the movie some day. It teaches a very important principle, your greatest enemy is not your mate, not the people around you, but yourself! In anything you do or any conversation you have had with your loved one, constantly reflect and ask yourself: Am I letting my ego take over? Why do I keep wanting to ask him (her) whether he (she) saw the changes I have been trying so hard to make in my life?"

Your mate may tell you that if he or she feels ready for a relationship it will, most likely, not be with you. Always remember that, when an individual announces a position on any issue or point of view, he or she will strongly tend to defend that belief regardless of its accuracy. You would face some resistance from your partner as what you have in mind would not be perceived in the same manner by the other person given his present state of mind or beliefs.

So, do you have to try so hard to show him/her that you have indeed make any changes in your life or on yourself?

Your purpose is not to care too much about showing your mate that you are different, or that you have done things differently now. In fact, you should keep improving yourself, developing yourself spiritually through self cultivation, re-building your confidence and keep enriching your life, for your own sake. You do not need anyone's approval to do this. In this way, your own light will naturally shine through.

3) One of my readers recently wrote me: "If I lose myself and my identity in the process of being with someone, then I have no marriage, no self." This is insightful.

If you are trying to save your relationship or even rebuilding your marriage, you do the best you can be and continue to improve yourself by learning relationship mastery from the resources we are providing you here. Whatever you do or say in your daily life, your approach should not be such that "hey, I want you to return to my side. Come and want me!"

Let me let you into one harsh reality in relationships and marriages, the more desparate you are in wanting to save your relationship, the more frustrated you get in your attempt to save your marriage, the harder you try, the quicker you want to push it to happen, the more you are going to push the one you are trying to retrieve further and further away.

In short, make your desire to retrieve your lover, looks less like wanting to retrieve your lover.

Cucan Pemo is the Best Selling Author for her unconventional Relationship Ebooks at http://www.RetrieveALover.com/home.htm Discover the best and most effective strategies to finding a true love, keeping a true love or even bringing back a lost lover or spouse! FREE MP3 training programs also available at one of her Best family site at http://www.FamilyAndRelationships.com