After The Break Up

                

 

Let me tell you about my major break-up and how I managed to move on from it.

My ex-husband and I tried just about our entire relationship to make it work as best we knew how. His version and mine on how to do this differed more than you might imagine - he thought cheating on me was a good idea, and I didn't. I wanted to keep the marriage going because I had my three kids with him and I didn't want them to experience a childhood without their dad as I had. Growing up without any involvement from my dad (his choice) always had me feeling I wasn't worth it.

I gave it several attempts to get past what he'd done, but I just couldn't do it. We'd split a few times only to get back together to see if this time we could make it. Not long after he would move back in, he'd go back to treating me the way he had before, and this last had to be the last time. The last time he moved out ended up being the best day of my life.

I had been in a major funk: I had no friends my that husband would allow me to see because they were guys. All but one of my best friends are men, always has been that way. No funny business ever, just friends. Anyway, I literally woke up one day thinking there had to be more to my life than feeling worthless and holding no value. My kids needed me and I needed them more. I knew I'd been slacking as a mom but I couldn't seem to help myself. The good news is that I woke up morning. There must have been something wicked in that coffee because I had a new focus: Finding me.

I went out and got my old job back and got off welfare. The kids' dad would take them on Friday's before my shift and I'd pick them up Sunday after my shift. I put in a full week of waiting tables from Friday 3 pm to Sunday 9 pm so I wouldn't have to pay a sitter. That left me Monday through Thursday to be nothing but mom.

Getting involved with someone new was not on my agenda, I was becoming known as the Freezer Queen at work. When I moved into a new place, it was a new beginning and I took full advantage of it. I made new friends and went out when the kids were at their dads. I needed to get back to me and even though my kids were my reason for the start back to life, without people my own age to converse with I was without another factor I had to have. People in your life are essential to living. You need them as much as they need you, whether you know it or not.

Your relationship may be over, but you are not. Find one thing about yourself that you can hold onto to help you pull yourself up and begin again. It can be the smallest thing but end up being your life saver

Overcoming A Break Up - Get Your Life Back

                

 

You have just split with your partner of many years. The dissolution of marriage is taking its toll—mentally, physically, financially, and emotionally. You are going through terrible moments of self-doubt, anger, and grief. You want to go back to your mother’s womb if only to get a respite from the agony of the separation. You cannot accept that your dreams have been cruelly extinguished. What’s more, you cannot hold your head up high because you blame yourself for the separation.

You may want a new look to erase the blot from your autobiography. The disintegration of a relationship has triggered a sense of adventure. You want to start all over again after learning a hard lesson or two from the experience. You want to do a lot of things like start a new diet to shed off those pounds. You want a new packaging of yourself.

But what if you cannot get over the separation? What if the separation has soured your outlook in life? What if you cannot separate the past from the present? What if you continue to wallow in grief? Would you like to watch your life go downhill because of a failed relationship? Of course not.

Everyday there is a breakup, a divorce, or other painful emotional disconnections from loved ones. Everyday many hearts are breaking. Many are losing sight of their purpose in life. They say just can’t help themselves.

There are several tips to get over a nasty breakup. Start by separating the past from the present. By doing this, you must know why you are hurting so bad. Is the hurt a familiar one? Are you smarting because of a piqued ego? Are you afraid to start all over again? Whatever, the breakup is truly devastating. People undergoing the pain of separation can get professional help.

They can go to licensed hypnotherapists for sessions or get mp3s on self-hypnosis. Clinical hypnotherapy has two techniques. The first is hypnosis, and done by the therapist; and the second can be done yourself. The second option can allow users to do self-therapy in privacy. The therapy re-programs the sub-conscious mind to react to the emotional problem positively.

The step-by-step hypnosis program will help you work towards a better frame of mind to start anew. For those who are undergoing the angst of parting, there is still life out there.

Pick up the pieces and get your life back by knowing the benefits you can get, visit this site: http://breakups.y54.com

About how to get over breakups with hypnosis. Make sure you give yourself a time limit to be upset. Using hypnosis for break-ups makes it possible to overcome a break up becomes smoother.

How to Handle a Break Up - Things You Should Do to Protect Yourself

                

 

Break ups are seldom easy and rarely happy occasions. In the beginning, it may seem very difficult to get over but you definitely will find the time and the reason. To help you handle a break up and lessen the pain and possible negative repercussions, here are some things you can do:

A good way to handle a break up is to keep things amicable. Break ups don’t have to be made up of nasty fights, harsh words and revenge plots. If you came into a relationship in a good way, you can try to get out of it nicely. Don’t rub salt into an already bad wound. Wouldn’t it be better to lose a lover and win a friend than lose everything?

Don’t play the blame game; this is not a good way to handle a break up. Blaming each other will create negative feelings and even make you regret a lot of things that you shouldn’t have in the first place. Take responsibility for the part you played on the relationship, both for its success and for its failure, but don’t be too harsh on yourself or on your soon-to-be ex. By keeping your self-esteem intact, you don’t leave room for bitterness and you will learn ho handle a break up nicely.

Another way to handle a break up is avoid seeing only the hole in the doughnut. Relationships end for many reasons and when yours does, don’t just focus only on the bad things. Remember the things that made your relationship great and be thankful you were once a part of it. Just don’t dwell on it, this way you can handle a break up more easily.

To handle a break up don’t do or say anything that you will regret later on. When emotions are high, it's a lot easier to let slip certain words or statements that may make you feel better about the break up. Unfortunately, this feeling doesn’t last long and you may realize later you shouldn’t have even bothered.

Handle a break up without any violence, verbal or physical. It may seem the most logical thing to do especially if you're angry but it's best to avoid these situations. It will not only make your pain worse, there is also a possibility you might find yourself at the receiving end of criminal charges.

The best way to handle a break up is move on. Mourn your relationship if you must – that's normal and expected of you. But don’t wallow in your grief so much that you forget you still have a life to live and there are still people who love you for what you are. By moving on, you acknowledge that the relationship has ended and that you are giving yourself a chance to find happiness again.

While you are trying to handle a break up, don’t allow yourself to be too vulnerable. As you move back to a single life, you might feel a little too exposed. Feeling vulnerable is normal – all of a sudden you are back to being on your own, doing things alone. Find support from your family and friends. They will not only help you get back on your feet again, they will also help you re-enter the social scene.

Don’t force a new relationship just to feel less lonely. It's not only fair to you; it's also unfair to the other person. In-between relationships may seem like a terrific stop-gap measure and may provide you with the kind of companionship you just lost, but they will not replace your other relationship. Each relationship is unique so don’t try to find your old flame's qualities in another person. You're bound to be disappointed and you might find yourself in a relationship break up all over again.

You're life is taking on a new turn. Enjoy it! Think of the end of a relationship as a way to toss out old things and an opportunity to welcome new ones. Depending on how you treat it, change can be a good thing and it's really up to you to take this new direction and turn it to your advantage. Handle a break up nicely, learn from your past relationship and take a step forward.

If you’ve tried to handle a break up nicely and still you want to win your ex back, you know you haven’t done anything that you will regret later. If you really, really want to win your ex back you have to put effort in it. Did you know that you can bring back a lost love no matter how hopeless your situation appears? Discover how you can easily bring back the love of your life visit Love, Dating and Weddings

Gerry Restrivera writes informative articles on various subjects including How to Handle a Break Up: Things You Should Do to Protect Yourself.

How to Break Up - Successfully

                

 

I remember my first break up, where I was the one doing the breaking up... it was tough, in fact, it took me a whole year of really figuring out what and how I was going to do it! I was young and the relationship was such that I was very dependant on my partner, and I found it very difficult to leave him.

In the end, it got to the point where enough was enough. By nature, I am a very strong person and to have been in a relationship for nearly 4 years where I was submissive had finally worn out its welcome!

It took me a week to get things organised. My partner was self employed and I did all his bookwork for him, so I arranged for someone to take over that and also informed his boss that I was going to be leaving him! Possibily not the smartest thing to do, but I was so worried about how he was going to take it, that I wanted to make sure that there was someone that would look out for him... as I still cared about him and didn't want to hurt him.

The day came and I had written a letter, because I knew, that at the tender age of 23 I would not be able to utter the words... I got home from work, handed him the letter and waited. We spent the next 2 hours crying and talking and I ended up packing a bag and heading to my parents.

It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but in the end it was the best. After a few weeks, I began to see just how destructive the relationship had been and how he just was not right for me. Within in 4 months, I had met someone new and was very happy.

Is there any right way to break up with someone? I don't believe there is, but there are definitely some wrong ways!! Avoid these when breaking up with someone:

1. Do not break up with someone via a text, it shows you have no respect for that person and that you placed no value on the relationship at all.

2. Do not break up with someone over the phone. This is just about as bad via text!

3. Keep it clean. If the reason you are breaking up is soley because of that person, then the best way to phrase it is to say something along the lines that you have grown and changed and that you just don't feel the same way about that person that you once did. Attacking someone is never an option.

4. Do not break up with someone in front of their family or friends! Can you imagine the embarrasment and humiliation they will feel? This can lead to the person dumped doing drastic things!

5. Do not have an affair while you are still with someone! This is one of the worst ways to break up with someone and it hurts the other person immensely. If you feel the pull to someone else and think you are going to act on it, then is it not fair to end the relationship you are in? Because if you are having feelings for someone else, you are already gone...

Breaking up is something that we all face at some point in our lives... there are a few lucky few that never have to experience this emotional rollarcoaster, like my parents! They have been together since they were 19 & 20, and it is a very long, distant memory of any of the break ups they suffered prior to then!

In the end, all you can do is look after yourself, be true to you and respect the other person enough to break up with them face to face.

Written by Lise Carter

Annelise Carter has been writing on and off for the past 10 years... mainly in her journal! It was about time that some of these entries were used to help others and that is just what she is doing. Annelise has been through a few break ups in her young life and because of this, has decided to use her experiences to help others.

Visit her blog here at http://www.handsomereturns.blogspot.com

It's A Great Relationship, But Is It Time to Break Up?

                

 

You’ve found a new guy and the two of you have been dating for a few months now. He’s handsome, funny, and charming, and yet something about the relationship doesn’t feel quite right. You so much want this to work, as it has been some time since you’ve dated anyone this long with the prospect of a permanent commitment. But you still have some important unanswered questions.

1. Where does he go on the weekends? You’ve noticed from the beginning of your dating relationship that your guy doesn’t hang around on Saturday or Sunday. In fact, you don’t see him too often on Friday nights, either. You have to wonder if he has a family out there somewhere, or some kind of commitment elsewhere that is bound to interfere with yours at some point. In fact, it already is interfering. When you ask him why he can’t come around over the weekend, he stutters and stammers, but so far, no good excuses.

2. What about his family? After five months, you still haven’t met his parents, sister, or even his dog. He’s given you a dozen reasons why you can’t visit his apartment, none of them valid. You would love to meet his family—if he has one, that is. Moreover, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to be introduced to his coworkers, neighbors, or friends. But so far, none of that is happening. There was one buddy from college who was passing through town and took the two of you out for dinner, but that was it.

3. Does he really have a job? Even though he has vaguely mentioned having a job somewhere, he doesn’t say much about the work, the company, or his boss. You don’t actually know what he does or how much he makes. In fact, he’s often broke, which is why the two of you hang out at your place for pizza and television rather than go to the movies or dinner.

4. Will he ever get serious? This guy takes life pretty easy. He doesn’t seem to have any hassles or worries, and he’s not particularly interested in the future—with or without you. You’ve fallen into a fairly predictable and almost boring dating pattern, and you’re wondering if you could live this way the rest of your life even if things did get serious.

5. Does he meet your needs? When you need a shoulder to cry one, he withdraws a little, like he’s not very comfortable with emotion. At times when you want to dress up and go out, he’s ready to sack out on the sofa for a little snooze. He seldom shows much interest in your job, your family, or your hobbies. So what’s to love about him?

If any of these, especially in combinations of two or more, describe your relationship, maybe it’s time to move on. Unless you force a confrontation and insist on things changing, chances are they won’t. And who wants to force someone to pretend to like you, anyway? It could be time to give up and get going if your Romeo isn’t showing much enthusiasm.

For more information on today’s women’s issues and concerns, visit For a Better Her at http://www.betterher.com

Relationship Advice: 10 Ways to Prevent a Break Up

                

 

The question I am asked most often is: I think he/she is getting ready to leave me. What do I do? There isn't an easy answer for this or there wouldn’t be any break ups. Every situation is different and sometimes breakups are inevitable. However this is not always the case and there are things you can do before you reach the breaking point that will help.

Here are the 10 most important things:

1. Communicate. Communication is important. If you find that when you try to communicate your feelings to your partner it always leads to an argument, try writing your feelings down. Read through what you’ve written. If you find things that are just petty problems with no real validity, eliminate them. Try to find the sources behind your words. For example, jealousy, are you jealous because you know he/she is cheating, or does it go deeper? Did someone cheat on you in the past and now you don’t trust anyone? Is your partner giving you what you need to feel secure? Once you realize where the feelings are coming from, you can address fixing the problem.
2. Resist making accusations. Approach your partner calmly, without being defensive. Tell him/her the problem. Don’t be accusing or they will become defensive and yes, you will end up in an argument. If you find it’s easier to write it in a letter, then do so. Leave while they read it so you aren’t hovering over them, waiting for their reaction. Let them process what you have said. Again, do not be accusing. Tell them you want to make your relationship better. Have suggestions for BOTH of you, not just them. Be sure you know the core problem and aren’t just mentioning a symptom.
3. Refrain from insulting your partner during arguments. Fighting dirty can quickly become a habit and eventually someone will say something that the other person cannot forget, or worse, forgive.
4. Take time to tell your partner why you love him/her. Not once, but often. This can be something as small as a compliment on how they look. Your partner needs to know you appreciate them. Don’t just assume they know. Everyone likes to be reminded they are loved.
5. Be supportive and look for ways to give your partner the things they need the most. Even if they don’t tell you what they need, you can figure it out if you pay attention. Some people have a hard time telling you what they need but there are clues. If you’re not sure, ask.
6. Don’t neglect yourself. If your needs aren’t being met, find a way to let your partner know. If you are unhappy, you will eventually blame your partner. It’s much easier to let them know, in a positive way, the things you need.
7. Never try to solve a problem when you are angry. Take time to cool down. I know this can seem impossible at times but think about it. Is anything ever really solved when you are yelling at each other?
8. Set aside some time for just the two of you. If not once a week, then at least once a month. This should be quality, alone time, however you two choose to spend it. You might try arranging a specific day each week and take turns planning what you will do.
9. Discuss decisions that affect the both of you and try to find a solution that will keep you both happy. Never make an important decision that affects you both without talking to your partner.
10. Don’t Lie! Everyone lies occasionally. It’s in our nature. This isn’t an excuse to lie to your partner. Every time you are caught in a lie, a little more trust is taken away. A healthy relationship requires trust. Never ever lie about things important to the relationship. You’re better off facing the music if you’ve done something wrong then being caught in a lie.
11. This won’t keep you together but it is important to mention. Know when it’s time to leave and make the break. Don’t let anyone use you or abuse you. Most problems can be worked out if both people in the relationship make an effort to improve things. There are some exceptions. It’s time to leave if the relationship becomes abusive. Do not hope things will get better because he/she says they will change. Leave! If at some future time they actually do change, you can consider getting back together then. Another deal breaker is infidelity. If your partner cheats on you, there is a good chance that even if you do stay together, the trust that keeps a relationship alive will be gone. I’m not saying you can’t survive it, but it will take a great deal of effort from both people and your partner will have to stop. Never give them more than one chance to do so or you will be setting yourself up for a very destructive emotional roller coaster. If your partner sees that it’s possible to cheat and you will keep forgiving, why would they change?

Patricia Fason is a writer and poet whose main focus is relationships. For more articles on relationships visit her website dedicated to romance, Sites O Web Romances You. There you will find articles, poetry, romance tips, romantic gifts and much more.

Relationship Advice: 10 Ways to Survive a Break Up

                

 

Break ups are never easy. You are a bundle of jealous, hurt, angry, resentful emotions. Your mood can swing from depression to bitter anger. The only thing you seem to think about is what went wrong, can I get him/her back or I’ll show him/her. The main theme in your life is ‘How can I feel better right NOW?’ Here are some suggestions that I hope will help.

 

1. Friends and Family. I know this may seem obvious but lean on your friends and family. Spend time doing things together, not just talking and thinking about the break up. If this isn’t enough, you may consider a support group or counseling.
2. Resist the urge to beg. You want them back but not at any price. At the time it may seem the right thing to do but think about it. In the long run they will lose respect for you. This doesn’t mean don’t try to work things out. If there is a chance you can work things out, go for it. However, if your partner has made it clear that in their eyes, the relationship is over, begging will not help and may hurt the situation.
3. Make a change in your life. Find a new way to spend your time. Take a class, join a gym, adopt a pet, or volunteer. Do anything that will make you feel good about yourself. Your ego is probably feeling bruised right now. Find a way to counteract that.
4. Understand your mistakes but also realize that you are not a failure. Don’t beat yourself up. If you made mistakes, then yes, learn from them but dwelling on what might have been won’t help. It takes two to make a relationship, it also takes two to end one. You weren’t the only one who made mistakes. It may not seem useful to you now, but a lot of times the things you learned from this experience will make your next relationship stronger, as long as you make the necessary changes.
5. Start Dating. You won’t feel like it at first, but don’t stay away from other people for an extended period of time. Going out with other people can help the healing process and boast your ego.
6. Don’t fall prey to others. There will be people trying to sell you this or that, guaranteed to win back your partner. Don’t let people take advantage of you while you are vulnerable. If you do buy something, understand that while there is a chance it could help, there is also a chance that it won’t.
7. Take up a hobby. Learn something new. There is probably something you’ve always wanted to try but never had the time. You have the time, do it.
8. Don’t rush into another relationship. While starting to date can help you feel better, it’s not a good idea to rush right into another relationship. Take time to heal before making any commitments or someone will probably end up getting hurt.
9. Avoid dwelling on it. I know it’s impossible not to think about it, but, if you find yourself doing so for an extended period of time, find a way to take your mind off of it. Call a friend; go to the gym, whatever comes to mind. If nothing seems to work, try this: Make a list of reasons why you are better off now. This could include I have time to do the things I want to do. I can date anyone I want to. I can find a partner who will appreciate me the way I am and stop wasting time on a doomed relationship. Think about the things they did that drove you crazy, because there are some. Don’t look back with rose colored glasses and only remember the good things. Don’t have the idea in your head that if only we were back together I would be happy. Wrong. Wouldn’t they have a lot to answer for if you did get back together? Leaving you was probably the biggest mistake they will ever make. Let them dwell on it, you move on!
10. Build your ego. I’ve touched on this already but it is very important. Find ways to feel better about yourself. This could be anything from getting a haircut to buying some new clothes. You could take a class on self improvement. If nothing else, you should do this: Make a list of things that make you a great person. Don’t sit there and tell me you can’t think of anything. I don’t buy it. Try again. Are you kind? Patient? Intelligent? Cook like a pro? Can fix anything? There are things that make you great. WRITE them down and whenever you feel low, read your list and add to it. You are you and you are great so don’t let anyone ever make you feel that you aren’t.

    Patricia Fason is a writer and poet whose main focus is relationships. For more articles on relationships visit her website dedicated to romance, Sites O Web Romances You. There you will find articles, poetry, romance tips, romantic gifts and much more.

Break-Ups Are Never Easy, But You Could Make Them Easier!

                

 

This issue is bigger than you think, with thousands every year having to struggle through all of the emotional as well as the practical quagmire. And the unfortunate news is that this type of devastation is on the increase both in Europe and the United States.

Not only the weak and dependent suffer extreme heartache and anxiety when break-ups and separations occur. For some people it can almost feel like the end of the world, and it may seem that no one understands or is able to heal the pain.

Not surprisingly Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy are very helpful in these situations, because they quickly deal with the negative emotions that seem to dwell in us at such traumatic times, such as anger, disappointment, resentment, low self-confidence, self-blame and many more. It then helps us to prepare for a strong and happy future, so that eventually we can return to feeling the way that we want to feel and get back to having some comfort and even enjoyment back in our lives.

You may feel that this is too big to get over and that nothing will take your pain away, however this is because you have issues and other things to resolve. These issues tend to look bigger than they actually are, especially with all of the associated negative emotions that you will currently be experiencing. During session of Hypnotherapy, you will be helped to deal with the emotions and the stress that you are feeling.

This will help you to be able to look into the future with clarity and even find you security. When this happens you will then work on putting your life back together and increasing your motivation to work on goals that you wish to achieve in the future as to ensure that you get out of life exactly what you want!

Hypnotherapy deals with the part of your mind that decides whether you feel sad or happy, it also deals with the part of you mind that creates you perceptions about things. This is why you will be amazed just how quickly you will see the benefits!

One day I was driving down a highway close to my home in Oxfordshire, when another car over took and nearly pushed me off the road. Instantly I felt rage and negative emotions beginning to build ? almost automatically, as though this was the normal thing to happen. This happened while I was on my way to the airport and if it were not for my friend who was with me, then I would have been in this rage until I rose off that tarmac at the Standstead Airport. My friend said something very wise to me that allowed me to instantly look at the scenario from a different perspective, which in turn allowed me to enjoy the rest of my journey. What she said was simple ? ?Maybe his wife has had an accident or his son or daughter is ill?. See what I mean? After looking at it in another way I felt completely different.

In therapy we call this ?re-framing? and even though it is a very small part of the process you can see just how effective it is.
Hypnotherapist, Richard MacKenzie has a page dedicated to using hypnotherapy for break-ups and also has some great Hypnosis Downloads