After The Break Up Do You Know How Many Chances You Had To Maintain Attraction And The Relationship

                

 

For the most part by the time she breaks up with you, in her mind you have been given several if not hundreds of chances to get it right. She may or may not have given you good indicators of the "problems" you needed fix; yet if you recall the weeks and days before the break up you will notice the differences in her behavior and perhaps you can clearly see when and where the end started.

As for the "problems" that led to her breaking up with you unless they were problems created right then in the moment they more than likely have to do with a loss of attraction and not the problems that she is stating or reacting to. For instance, perhaps she suddenly has become frustrated with your lack of romance even though you never were romantic to begin with.

What she really is saying is "I am losing attraction for you and now the problems in the relationship are becoming too difficult to handle!" Whereas if you got a new job or had to start traveling more and she had a problem with that it may indeed have been the problem and might be able to be fixed (although highly unlikely). All you really need to know is that when she breaks up with you it wasn't a rash decision that she made overnight and it wont be fixed overnight either.

Move on and begin taking steps to improve yourself if she comes back ready to work on the relationship you must already know the reasons for the break up and the reasons for getting back together. Failure to do so could quite possibly mean repeating the break up again only next time she might not come back.

Teddy Shabba is a Dating Coach for Men who has a daily newsletter that provides you with a wealth of information on how to be more successful with women. You can sign up for the Teddy Shabba Dating Advice Newsletter for Men now.

Also with over 500 articles from a variety of dating experts just for men our Dating Advice and Seduction Article Database is the perfect place for any man.

To learn more about Getting Over A BreakUp visit our article section Breaking Up Today

Break-Up Fake-Out, or Move Out Without the Lout?

                

 

Dear Dr. Neder,

I was reading your article on 10 Signs Its Time to Break Up, so I decided to write. I just broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years (on and off) for various reasons. I broke up with him 2 weeks ago, and now I feel like I made a big mistake.

One of the reasons I broke up with him is because he would sometimes go for days without calling me because he was in one of his "moods". Even though I told him repeatedly how horrible this made me feel, he continued to do it. Another reason was that I always seemed to be giving and never receiving anything.

For instance, he just got a new apartment, so I furnished his bathroom, but a month down the road, he forgot my birthday and then when I reminded him, he still didn't get me anything. Other than that, we had a really good relationship and he said he realized I deserved better and was going to do better.

Do you think I should give him more time to "work on himself" or was breaking up the best for both of us? I would really appreciate your input. Thanks!!

Hello!

You have to answer two questions; one of them is simple and the other more complex.

The first question is this: did you break up with him to punish him? Many people (particularly women) will do this. It's both a threat and a reaction to anger. In other words, you may have just broken up with him to "get him back" for hurting your feelings. Obviously, this isn't a good idea. If you decide this is the case, then you should definitely rethink this action. If you decide it was a mistake, don't just go back and hook up again. You need to get this problem fixed inside of you. Relationships are fragile things. If you continue this type of behavior, you're liable to permanently damage it beyond repair.

The second question will take some time, and is simply this: does this man meet your goals? Of course, you actually have to have relationship goals and very few people do. When you set these goals, you need to really evaluate what you want in your life; how your life will be when you find it and consider every aspect. Be complete and specific, but understand that this may take you many hours. You also need to write this information down somewhere - don't waste your time and just ponder it. That won't get you anywhere. Also, don't focus on "who" at this point, just focus on the "what" and "why".

Once you're done with this project, simply compare this man to your goals. How does he fit and in the areas where he doesn't, are you willing to live with that? If you are, fine. If not, can these things be corrected?

After this exercise, you'll be much better able to determine whether you need to go back to him or not.

Finally, it's entirely reasonable to expect that he'll be involved with special events in your life just like you are with him. If he doesn't seem able to do this, you might want to ask yourself why this is so. Is he so self-centered as to not be able to get involved with anyone else or is he simply so forgetful that you need to get him a calendar?

Best regards...

Dr. Neder, known around the world as a tough, but fair relationship expert, deals with all sorts of dating, sex and relationship issues from a man's perspective. Having written 3 books ("Being a Man in a Woman's World?" series) and is working on others, hundreds of articles, been on hundreds of radio and TV shows, he is funny, direct and intuitive. Vist http://beingaman.com for more!